


Compromise

by Dantespilgrim



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Adventure, Compromise, Destiny, F/M, Family, Fluff and Smut, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Love, Motherhood, Moving On, Multi, Sex, Torture, Underage Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-21
Updated: 2018-09-22
Packaged: 2018-09-25 23:15:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 74
Words: 158,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9851201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dantespilgrim/pseuds/Dantespilgrim
Summary: Could an unexpected new responsibility, a visit from an old friend and a plot to destroy the known universe cause Captain Janeway to finally compromise on her unwavering commitment to put her crew's needs before her own?* An ongoing work in progress





	1. Dream a little dream of me

**Author's Note:**

> *Disclaimer:  
> Should you stumble upon this tale.. 
> 
> I hadn't intended to share this as I originally started writing the story while working on fixing my own broken heart. It's also my first (and maybe only) FanFic. Saying that, I have enjoyed writing it so much I decided to publish, in the hopes that it may provide some escapism for anyone still trying to believe in love. 
> 
> Admittedly, there are probably plenty of canon/timeline/lingo/character inaccuracies < apologies in advance :) >
> 
> Dante's Pilgrim xo

For the fifth night in a row, Kathryn ran through the dark forest. Sharp branches tore at her arms and legs as she barreled through the dense woodland, struggling to keep up with the man that led her on hurriedly into the night. He gripped her hand tightly, dragging her over tree roots and under low branches, urging her silently forward through the descending fog. Every so often, their way was lit up by torchlights cast from behind them; an illumination accompanied by barking dogs and orders shouted from the surrounding dark. The sound was growing louder and closer. Reaching a tree hollow that sat half hidden amongst the foliage, her guide stopped suddenly. For some reason, she knew better than to speak. The dark figure looked back at the nearing torchlights which cast an eerie glow against the night sky. He turned to her and ushered her into the hollow opening. 

"I want to stay with you." Kathryn protested, the words feeling foreign in her mouth but the sentiment felt real enough. The figure pulled her into his arms and whispered with a sound of desperation into her ear.   
"I'll lose them in the woods. Stay hidden, I will be back for you." He kissed the crown of her head and pushed her gently into hiding. Who was this man? Kathryn felt she knew but, like a forgotten word, it lay just out of reach in her mind. Nether the less, she knew she trusted him. Before Kathryn could look back, her guide was gone. A few minutes later, the approaching crowd followed and soon enough all she could hear was the noise of the surrounding forest and her beating heart. She waited, huddled on the damp mossy floor of the tree. Time passed strangely in the dark and she was no longer sure if she had been sitting for minutes or hours. Suddenly, a snap of a broken branch rang out. Kathryn held her breath. Her heart hammered so loud in her chest that she feared it would give her away. Another branch snapped. Someone was heading for her hiding place. She stared out into the impenetrable dark, straining her eyes to discover friend or foe, her mind somehow trying to reach out and sense who was approaching.

Out of nowhere, a great unseen force yanked her out into the open. She landed with a thud face down in the dirt and rolled through the rough undergrowth. Hands seemed to grab at her from every direction as she crawled away, half blinded by the mud in her eyes. She felt a grip on her ankle and instinctively kicked out with her free leg. There was a crunch followed by a cry of pain. The sound gave her courage. She pulled away and was momentarily up on her feet before a painful thud to the back of her head brought her down to her knees. Before she even had a chance to register that the blow had temporarily blinded her, a rough sack was pulled over her head. Thrown to the ground, she felt her hands being bound tightly behind her back. The sack was thick and hot, and stunk of dirt and blood. Kathryn couldn't breath. She couldn't see. She couldn't think. She tried to struggle but she couldn't move. All she should could hear was her racing heartbeat and soon enough, she heard nothing at all... 

*** 

Kathryn shot out of bed and was half way across the bedroom floor before she truly awoke and realised where she was. Her heart was beating so fast; it took her a few moments to catch her breath. She glanced at herself in the mirror, an almost subconscious check that she was who she thought she was. The same old reflection stared back, wide eyed and tired looking; skin soaked in sweat that glistened in the starlight from the window.   
"Computer, lights." she ordered wearily before wincing as the room was flooded with what felt like an overly bright electronic glow. Kathryn collected her robe from the back of her dresser chair and stumbled into the living area. Bravely, she glanced at the clock before instantly regretting it. The green glow of time told her mockingly that she'd only been asleep for an hour. She should not be surprised; it had been the same for the four nights prior. She ran her hands through her hair and screwed up her face in frustration. 

Already knowing there was no point in trying to go back to sleep, she replicated a coffee and slumped tiredly on the sofa. She had already considered seeing the doctor for a sedative, but the questions he would ask and the tests he would want to run talked her out of it. She was too tired for that. Besides, the Captain having night terrors wasn't exactly something she wanted to get out. Tonight would be the fifth night that these dreams had kept her from slumber, as well as occupying much of her thoughts during the day. She knew it was dangerous to be operating on such limited sleep. Every day she had promised herself a trip to sickbay if it happened again and yet each night she had done what she was going to do now. After taking a moment to savour the last of her coffee, she quickly showered, dressed and headed to the bridge. 

Ensign Kim was only half way through the night shift when the Captain arrived on deck.   
"At ease Ensign." she said with a nod and made an immediate be-line for the sanctity of her ready room. She noted Kim's furrowed brow as she walked by, the same look of concern he had given her yesterday. Anxious to avoid any probing, she shot him a reassuring smile and made her exit as quickly as she had arrived. She was not in the mood for questions, she mused grumpily as the doors whooshed closed behind her. If she had been, she would have gone to sickbay. 

A few hours later, she had muddled her way through a number of charts and personnel reports on the back of two more coffees and was trying to summon the energy to walk the the replicator to make a third when door buzzed. Kathryn looked at the time. The morning shift had just started so Kathryn knew who it would be.   
"Come in." She called, stifling a yawn whist trying to remember if she'd actually read the section on Lt Paris's crew performance report that she'd just signed off on. The door slid open. "What can I do for you Commander?" she said, without looking up from her pad. There was a silence, causing Kathryn to look up. Chakotay had a mix of surprise and concern on his face. "Well?" she asked impatiently.   
"Ensign Kim said you kept him company for graveyard shift last night." he said finally, clasping his hands behind his back.  
"Well if by keeping him company, he means occupy the same level of the ship then yes. But I'm sure that definition encompasses lots of the crew." Kathryn replied testily. Seemingly ignoring her, Chakotay continued.   
"A privilege he has enjoyed for at least the last three nights?" He raised an eyebrow. For a moment he looked like Tuvok. Kathryn slowly stood. Chakotay's habit of saying things that required one to read between the lines, while usually spiritually endearing, were rather more grating when operating on minimal sleep.  
"If you have a point Commander, I would appreciate you getting to it." She said walking over to the replicator.   
"My point," Chakotay stated stiffly, "is that you do not appear to have slept for a number of days."   
Kathryn did not answer, instead replicating a coffee. Over her shoulder, she saw him approach her cautiously; his hand suddenly resting on her arm.   
"Captain."   
She turned and up looked at him.   
"You look tired." He said softly, his expression now awash with worry. Kathryn studied his face for a moment, one that was once hers to behold but not anymore. She pulled away and gave him a superficial grin.  
"It's a Captain's prerogative to look tired Chakotay but nice of you to point it out."   
She walked back to her desk and placed the mug down. Her hand trembled slightly as she did so. Chakotay noticed despite her quick recoil to hide it.    
"Kathryn.. please," he said almost pleadingly and placed in hands on her forearms. "I'm worried about you. You have shut yourself away in here for days. I haven't seen you rest or having anything other than coffee. Whatever it is that is going on, let me help you."   
Kathryn felt so tired, she was sure that Chakotay was supporting her weight. She found herself focusing on the pips on his uniform. If she could just lay her head on his shoulder, she would close her eyes and sleep the longest sleep of her life...

 

Chakotay's grip suddenly became uncomfortably tight. She began to struggle but it was no use, she couldn't move.  
Gasping for air, she closed her eyes. When she opened then again it was dark, the only light peeking through pinholes in the material that covered her face.   
"She is awake." A voice sang out from beyond the fabric. The hood was pulled from her head causing Kathryn to cry out as bright lights blinded her.   
"Baby Bird." the voice said, its owner coming so close that his breath tickled her skin. "What a pleasure it is to see you again. Did you miss me?"   
The voice struck fear in Kathryn's chest. She swallowed, her mouth dry with the taste of blood, but said nothing. Through a haze of fuzzy spots, her sight returned. A handsome man with a cruel mouth grinned back at her. Without hesitation, Kathryn spat in his face. One of the guards went to strike her but her captor held up his hand. The man seemed more amused that perturbed by this act, taking a handkerchief from his gentleman's jacket and wiping his cheek.  
"I see your manners haven't improved much." He chuckled and ran the outside of his finger down her cheek. "I always did like your spirit." Kathryn grimaced at his touch. He suddenly looked forlorn. "It's a shame I'll have to break it before my Master gets here." Kathryn's eyes widened. "Can't have you playing up in front of the boss." The man continued, removing his gloves as he straightened up to stand before her. He then flashed her a knowing smirk. "You know how he is about that."  
Kathryn opened her mouth to respond but the hood was shoved over her head before she could go any further, immersing her world in darkness.


	2. No rest for the wicked

When Kathryn opened her eyes, a bright light caused her to recoil uncomfortably. The voices that murmured around her in concerned sounding tones fell silent. As her sight became accustomed to her new surroundings, she realized that she was lying on her back and that there were two familiar worried faces staring down at her.   
"Captain, thank goodness." Chakotay breathed a visible sigh of relief. The other face belonged to the Doctor who was scanning her with a tri-quarter.   
Kathryn shut her eyes and took a breath. When she opened them, she was relieved to see that the room remained and she was indeed back on board her ship. Never before had she been so glad to see sick bay. Chakotay helped her sit up, his hand clasping hers tightly.   
"What happened?" She asked hoarsely, rubbing her forehead in an attempt to soothe the throbbing headache amassing behind her eyes.   
“We were hoping you could tell us?” The doctor responded with a look of concern on his features. He looked over at Chakotay who continued.  
"One minute we were talking and the next, your eyes… they changed and then you collapsed." Her first officer added.   
"I must be more tired than I thought.” Kathryn managed a weak smile of reassurance as she tried to get down off the bed. “I haven't been getting much rest of late. I just need a good night’s sleep, that's all."  
Chakotay barred her path.   
"Captain, you weren't asleep. That was something else." He glanced at the Doctor, who looked up from the tri quarter with a frown.   
"Captain, when was the last time you slept?"   
"I thought that was what I was doing in my ready room." She quipped but seeing the doctor would only be satisfied with a serious answer, she sighed and absent mindedly massaged her temples. "Oh I don't know, maybe four or five nights ago?"  
"Four or five nights? Why did you not come and see me?" Now it was the doctor's turn to look concerned.   
"I was going to." Kathryn protested. "I just thought it would pass."   
"Captain, you could have made yourself seriously ill. People die from sleep deprivation." The doctor continued in a lecturing tone. Kathryn bit her tongue, half considering if death would be a welcome release from how terrible she felt.  
"I did get a bit of sleep." She said after a pause. "But then I had… well, these dreams, and they would wake me up after about an hour. After that, I couldn't sleep much."   
"What kind of dreams?" Chakotay asked.   
"Like nothing I have ever experienced." She replied with a sigh. Reluctantly, she began to explain what she had seen over the last few nights.   
"But in the last one, that is.. the one in the ready room. It wasn’t like the others… it was different.” Kathryn paused, remembering the feel of her captor's breath of her cheek. She shuddered and then shook it off. “It was also the first I have had awake before."   
A silence descended in the room as the two men processed what their captain had told them. Kathryn saw the unease on their faces. "Look, they are just dreams." She added trying again to get down from the bed. "Doctor, give me a sedative and let me go back to my quarters."   
"I think you should stay here for the time being Captain." The doctor responded gravely barring her path. "I am detecting low level traces what could be the remains of a psionic field.”  
"Are you staying these dreams are being implanted telepathically?" Chakotay asked.   
"It is possible. I'll need to run more tests." The Doctor turned back to his involuntary patient. “Until then, you are confined to sickbay until we have a diagnosis.”

***

It took a lecture from the Doctor about the length of time a human could operate without sleep and a substantial amount of cajoling from Chakotay before Kathryn agreed to stay in sickbay.  
"Besides, you've clocked up enough bridge time of late to spend the whole week in here." Her First Officer grinned. Kathryn shot him an unimpressed look as he bade her farewell with a squeeze of the arm and left.   
"Lie down." The doctor commanded.   
"Doctor, I really am.."  
"Captain. In matters of medical care, I outrank you so there really is no point protesting." He glared at her.  
"Don't even try to pull rank on me Doctor." The Captain raised an eyebrow and folded her arms. "When have you ever known me to take notice of that?"  
"Never." He replied with a bemused smirk. "Which is why I'm the one carrying the hypospray. Lie down."  
Kathryn granted him a begrudging sardonic raise of the eye brow before lying back down on the bed.   
"It's just a sedative. It'll help you stay asleep even if you dream." The doctor explained as he gave her a sleeping spray. The Captain hated to show fear in any situation but she bit her bottom nervously as he administered it. "I'm right here if anything happens." He added reassuringly and patted her arm. Kathryn nodded and closed her eyes, giving in to the sanctity of sleep. 

***

"Are you still with us?" A voice mocked out of the dark. Kathryn lifted her head. The man known only as her captor stood leaning against the cell wall, his arms folded and a smirk on his face. She was seated in the chair again but this time her hands and feet were chained to its frame. "Ah good!" He exclaimed and sat down on a metal seat in front of her. Opening a small box from the inside pocket of his jacket, he took out a cigar and lit it, before taking a long drag.   
"Fine Corocian cigars," He mused after savouring the puff. "There really isn't anything like them. Your father smoked Cubans if I remember correctly." He inhaled again and then leaned in close to her, blowing the smoke in her face. "I would imagine that smell reminds you of him." He grinned. "Or maybe it reminds you of how I burned out his eyes with them. You remember don't you?"   
Kathryn's heart was pounding, her fist clenched, eyes brimmed with tears.   
"Oh don't get upset. I did you a favour you know. He did say he never want to look at you again. He only got what he asked for." The man sat back with a pleased expression.    
"You're a sick son of a bitch you know that Fernand?" She spat back. She thought it would feel good to hear her own voice after so much time in the dark but it sounded strange in her ears. Not her own.   
"Ooh do you kiss your mother with that mouth?" Her captor cooed before breaking into a vicious grin. "No, silly me, of course you don't; I killed her too didn't I?" He dragged his chair so close to hers that she could feel the heat from the end of the cigar in his mouth on her cheek.  
"Poor Baby Bird. No family left in the world to call your own. Hmm.. I still see some hope in your eyes? You think your continuum guard dog will save you. Let me teach you a little lesson in inevitability."


	3. I dream of jeanie

The doctor called Chakotay and Tuvok to the sickbay urgently. On arrival, they found him desperately trying to hold a struggling Captain down on the bed.   
"Restrain her." he commanded. The two senior officers rushed to his aid while the doctor went for the hypospray, attempting to secure the captain without hurting her. Kathryn's eyes were open, but there were no pupils or irises visible; tears however were streaming down onto the medical bed.   
"Please... stop.." she cried out, struggling against their restriction. "Don't."  
"What happened?" Chakotay demanded, holding down her arms against the pillow.   
"Her neural readings spiked and she became very unsettled. I was about to administer another sedative but she started convulsing before I had the chance. With the amount she's had, she should be out cold." The doctor replied hurrying back to the bed.   
"Wake her doctor." Chakotay cut in.   
"But she still needs rest Commander."  
"I said wake her."  
The doctor frowned but then nodded and administered a second hypospray.   
Kathryn immediately settled and after a few seconds opened her eyes. She looked up at her three officers but said nothing.   
"Captain.." Chakotay said softly as he relinquished the grip on her arms. "Are you ok?"  
No. She wasn't ok. She was far from it but she wasn't about to let her crew see that.  
"I'm fine." She said and sat up slowly, wiping her wet cheeks with her hands.   
"You had another nightmare?" The doctor asked scanning her with the triquarter. Kathryn nodded and, pulling up her jacket sleeves; looked down at her arms where the captor had branded his lit cigar end. The skin below was bare and unblemished. Just a dream, she reminded herself.   
"You were shouting for someone to stop. Stop what?" Chakotay asked hoarsely as he watched his captain inspect her invisible injuries. Kathryn met his gaze and pulled down her sleeves.  
"The man, his name is... Fernand.. he was there. He.. hurt us." She murmured in a daze. Her response sounded almost like a child.   
"Us?" Chakotay took her arm; "Captain.." His touch caused her to instinctively recoil; which made him back off and exchange a concerned look with Tuvok.   
"What do you mean 'us' captain." The Vulcan asked. Her own choice in words had surprised her too. She felt like she was on the edge of knowing a great truth, of having all the pieces of the puzzle for a grand reveal but she couldn't quite fit it together. A hidden life whispered out of a darkness hidden behind the veil of sleep. It was exhaustedly frustrating. There was one thing she did know was true.  
"They are not dreams"   
"What are they then?" The Doctor asked, opening his tri-quarter.   
"What do you mean Captain?" Chakotay asked placing a hand lightly on her shoulder.   
She looked up at her concerned looking senior officers who were trying their best to be patient.   
"It's hard to explain but I think I am living someone else's experience. In the dreams, I thought I was me, but I was actually someone else. It's like it's a vision.. they are sharing it with me. I see.. I feel.. What they feel." She touched her arm absent mindedly.  
"Do you know who this other person is?" Tuvok asked. "And why they are sharing these dreams?"  
Kathryn shook her head.   
"I don't know. I only heard the name Fernand and..." Kathryn stopped suddenly. There was one thing her captor had said. Her eyes widened. "Q.."  
"Q?" Chakotay looked startled. "What has he got to do with this."   
"The man from the cell. He asked if I thought my continuum guard dog was going to save me." Kathryn cried almost excitedly and lifted her head to command the presence of the omnipotent being. "Q!"  
"That could mean anything captain. That doesn't necessarily mean Q is involved." Chakotay continued, his features stiffening.  
"Maybe. I don't know. It might not be our Q but maybe he knows something." She replied, running a hand through her hair. Her head was pounding but something inside was telling her she was right.   
"He's hardly our Q." Chakotay muttered.  
Kathryn ignored her first officer and tried again. "Q, I know you can hear me."  
"We dont know where he is right now. He may not been able to hear you Captain." Tuvok interjected.   
"Of course I can hear you, the Continuum hears all." A voice declared from behind them. Kathryn turned to see Q stood with his arms crossed, dressed as usual in his Captain's uniform. What was unusual however was the lack of gloating grin he so frequently wore during his visits; if anything, he looked incredibly displeased.


	4. Blood in the stone

"Great..." Chakotay muttered through gritted teeth.   
"I'm not exactly thrilled to see you either Chuckles," Q spat with a scowl. "In fact, the only thing standing in the way of me wiping this floating barge of bipeds from existence is my affections for its dear captain." He turned his attentions to Kathryn, who clung to the bed to steady herself.   
"Dearest Kathy, this is really not a good time." Q pushed passed Chakotay and swept the captain up in his arms. Kathryn was too tired to fight him so she allowed the omnipotent being to support her weight. Q, perhaps unused to her permitting his embrace, suddenly looked concerned.   
"What is it my love?"  
Out the corner of her eye, Kathryn saw Chakotay roll his eyes.   
She steadied herself and looked him square in the eyes.   
"Who is Fernand?"  
It must have been uncommon sight to see surprise on a Q's face. He looked at her with such confusion that she thought she had been looking at a human. After a second, he recovered and with an angry expression gripped her tightly.   
"How do you know that name?" He demanded.  
"I thought the Continuum knew all?" Chakotay responded somewhat petulantly, crossing his arms. Q ignored him, focusing only on the Captain.  
"Tell me!" He growled. His embrace tightened. Kathryn found it hard to breathe.  
"Q, you're hurting her." The Doctor cried. Q looked down at his hands and his face softened. He loosened his arms and placed a gentle hold around her instead. Kathryn could feel her eyelids growing heavy. Being in his arms was disorientating, her nightmares and reality blending into one.   
"A dream." She whispered. "Of running in the woods, of being captured, or torture." Q's eyes widened. Was that fear she saw? Kathryn swore she could feel his heart hammering through the uniform. Was that even possible? "Except it wasn't me, it was like I was someone else." She continued and looked up at the omnipotent being who locked her gaze with a searching look. He held her so protectively, it felt like.. like..  
"It was you, wasn't it? In the wood. You led us to the hollow. You drew the others away. It was you." She'd recognised the voice as familiar but couldn't place it. The tone of desperation seeming so far removed from the countenance she'd come to expect from Q and yet now she was certain. She remembered his hand in hers as he urged her through the forest, the press of his mouth against her hair, the fear in his voice as he urged her to stay hidden. Images.. sounds.. feelings.. They all swirled in her mind. Q broke her from her thoughts.   
"Yes. It was me." He said hoarsely.   
"So you are responsible for her nightmares." Tuvok cut in. Q glanced with disdain at the senior officers before turning back to the Captain.  
"Kathy, please." He implored gently. "What else did you see. Did you see where they took her?"  
"Her?" Kathryn frowned, swaying a little on her feet.   
"Q, the captain has had enough for one day. She's tired." Chakotay stated in a clipped tone.   
"I wouldn't expect a primordial lunk-head like yourself to understand, but this is a matter of cosmic significance so be quiet or i will make you." Q spat dangerously.   
Kathryn was unsure if Chakotay had decided it was wiser not to provoke Q further or if their visitor had taken it upon himself to remove the option.   
"Q..." She warned.   
Q put a finger to her lips to silence her and then placed a hand on her forehead. There was a flash and suddenly she relived was back in the woods reliving the dreams that had plagued her over the last four days. This time however the perspective was different. Instead of the vantage point being first person, Kathryn found herself looking down on a young girl. She would have been no more than fifteen, with jet black hair and green eyes that were wide and fear filled. She watched as Q, with the tenderness of a parent, deposited her in the hollow and ran into the woods. She saw her capture, the rough treatment as they threw her into a hovercraft and the great pleasure the man from the prison cell took in his interrogation. There was another flash and she was suddenly back in sickbay looking up at Q. Her eyes brimmed with tears.  
"That can't be." She whispered at the realisation that everything she'd endured had been dealt out to a child. Q said nothing and looked at the space between them, a expression on his face that seemed to indicate he was having issues digesting what he had just witnessed.   
"Captain?" Tuvok broke the silence.   
"The person in my dreams.. she's a child."  
"Jade" Q interjected, finally meeting her gaze. "Her name is Jade."   
"Jade." Kathryn whispered. The name sounded so familiar, like she had known it all along.  
"That doesn't explain why the Captain is having this 'Jade's' dreams and who this Fernand person is and why you are involved Q." Chakotay snapped, bringing the moment back to reality. Kathryn shot a reassuring look at her first officer and broke away from Q's embrace.   
"He's right Q."   
Q gave a frustrated sigh and crossed his arms.   
"I really don't have time for this."  
Kathryn gave him a warning glare.  
"Make time."   
"Oh alright." He pouted dramatically. "The girl is a ward of the continuum. She possesses certain abilities that the Q are entrusted to protect. These qualities make her desirable to certain... undesirable people." His face suddenly darkened. "Fernand is the bounty hunter of our greatest foe, who refers to himself as the Master. The Continuum ensures that Jade does not fall into his treacherous hands."  
Kathryn gave him a glare to suggest she wasn't satisfied with the information provided. Q, in turn, rolled his eyes.  
"What?" He sneered. "I do my best to put it into a format your primitive minds can understand." .  
"Well the continuum hasn't done a very good job in their mission." Chakotay smirked. "Since the girl has obviously been taken from you."  
Q's gaze narrowed.   
"Don't test me Commander." Q hissed. "My tolerance for you only goes so far."  
"Enough." Kathryn snapped.  
Q was silent for a moment and then he gave a deflated sigh.   
"Yes, I lost her. It's my fault."  
Kathryn looked up with surprise. An admission of guilt from Q? He looked so upset that she could barely believe it was the same omnipotent, morally devoid, powder keg she had come to know these past years.   
"We were down on a planet in the Catarin system. 24th Century." He added, as if it obvious that it could have been any other timeline. "Someone betrayed us. They were carrying Q weapons. I thought I could hide her and lure them away, I was wrong." Q hung his head. "I should never have left her alone."  
The room was silent for a moment.   
"Q" Kathryn prompted gently. The omnipotent being raised his head and continued.   
"We have been searching for her since she was taken, but The Master is able to shield her from the Continuum."  
"How is that even possible?" Chakotay asked. Q went to answer and then stopped himself.   
"He has his methods." He finally responded cryptically. "Jade has some telepathic power. I suspect she is reaching out to try and tell us where she is. She is showing what is happening in the hope we can get to her." He added.   
Something didn't make sense and Kathryn intended to get to the bottom of it.   
"Why did she share with me? Why not you or the Continuum?"  
"We suspect The Master's cloak blocks her ability to communicate with us." Q answered quickly as if he'd prefer to avoid the topic.  
"Why me Q." Kathryn asked with a dangerous tone to her voice.   
Q suddenly looked awkward and fell silent for a moment.    
"I have no idea." He finally replied avoiding her glare in a manner that suggested he knew otherwise.   
"Q.." Kathryn was not letting him get away with it so easily; not after what she had endured over the five nights prior.  
"Must you focus on the insignificant?" The Omnipotent being snapped impatiently. "We have already wasted too much time. The important thing is that she has made contact. The Continuum will be able to establish Jade's whereabouts from the memories she gave you." He raised his hand to click his fingers.  
"I'm not going to the continuum." Kathryn growled, immediately seeing what he was planning to do. Q reached forward and, with a hand around her waist, pulled her from the support of the medical bed into his arms.   
"Apologies, madame Captain" he whispered somewhat ruefully. "We don't have a choice."  
He clicked his fingers and before Kathryn could protest, the room flooded with blue light and they were gone. 


	5. The road so far

When Kathryn opened her eyes, she found herself in an enormous grand hall with columns that ran as far as the eye could see and white walls that seemed to emanate an ethereal glow. Having twice visited the Continuum now, she was aware that Q allowed her to perceive this higher state of existence in a manner in which he felt she could comprehend so she did not question the unknown setting. Despite her annoyance at being removed from Voyager, she couldn't help but be in awe of her new surroundings. Q stood beside her; his arm loosely around her waist supporting her weight. Kathryn felt like she should break away, but being in the Continuum was always disorientating and unexpected, so she allowed the contact. The light of the grand hall was soon interrupted by shadows that loomed out of the mist. Before she could react, three Q dressed in white appeared before them, seated in large resplendent golden chairs. She grabbed Q's arm and took a step back.  
"Do not be alarmed Kathy, these are members of the Continuum Council." Q whispered.  
"Last time I was here, these people tried to execute me." Kathryn muttered irritability.  
Q opened his mouth to reply but then hesitated. He placed a hand on the Captain's back, and turned back to the Q members before him. 

"Jade has made contact. She has communicated through Captain Janeway." He called out, his voice echoing through the endless hall.  
"We know." The Continuum Council replied in unison.  
"What would you have me do?" Q asked  
"Retrieve her."   
The Q in the centre chair, a female, leaned forward and cast Q a stern glare.  
"We have identified the planet were the child is being held from the information in this mortal's memory." She stated glancing momentarily at the captain.   
"You must go there before he arrives. You cannot let her fall into his hands Q."  
"I won't." He responded.  
"You also cannot let sentiment get in the way either." The female Q continued.  
Q didn't respond. Kathryn raised an eyebrow in surprise. Q? Sentiment? Despite her pounding headache, she listened on with renewed interest.    
"We selected you as the girl's guardian due to your experience with children and the humans but you have let your head be clouded with emotion for the child. Remember what your duty is and hers. You are a Q. She is the vessel. She cannot under any circumstances fall into the traitor's control."  
Kathryn felt Q's body tense and his grip tighten.   
"I'm aware of my responsibilities." He said through gritted teeth.  
"Good." the female Q responded. "The continuum cannot go with you nor can your powers, the traitor's shield weaponary has seen to that. Once you reach the quadrant, you must continue on as a mortal. Bring down the shield and we shall do the rest."  
"It will be done." Q nodded.  
"Then go. We shall deposit you in a ship on the outer border of the system and wait to hear of your success."  
"Wait.." Kathryn interrupted. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Q looked at her in surprise. The council, on the other hand, looked at her like they'd just found a talking cockroach. "You can't send Q alone.. as a mortal!"  
"Oh Captain, I never knew you cared so much." Q muttered with a smirk. Ignoring him, she pulled away from his support and looked up at the female Q.  
"Q could barely manage mortality on the Enterprise." Kathryn glanced back at the omnipotent being in time to see the grin fade into a petulant pout. She turned back to the council. "I've seen what awaits him down on that planet. You can't send him alone."   
The leader of the council was silent for a moment, seemingly perplexed by the outburst of the insignificant being before her, before a thin smile flickered over her lips.   
"Agreed. This mortal will accompany Q."   
"What?" Kathryn spat, her eyes widening. "No, that's not what I meant."   
Q took hold her arm.  
"We believe there are members of the Continuum aiding the Master." He interjected, his features suddenly grave. "We no longer know which Q can be trusted so sending another is not an option."  
"The child has reached out to you Captain, she may do so again." The female Q cut in. "It's logically sound that you stay with Q."  
"This is your concern, not mine." Kathryn responded angrily. "Take me back to my ship Q!" As she turned back to Q, the room started spinning. Her heart was beating so loud in her chest that it seemed to vibrate in her skull. Visions of her nightmares danced in her head, the screams of the child she'd never met filled her ears.   
"Kathy." Hands clasped her cheeks gently, a physical embrace that allowed her to focus and steady herself. She opened her eyes to find a surprisingly concerned looking Q inches from her face. He would never manage alone, she knew that.   
"Ok.." she whispered defeated. "I'll do it."  
Q's expression was unreadable and yet for a moment, she could have sworn she saw a look of relief cross his features. He helped her stand and face the council, an arm under hers to help support her weight before addressing the council.   
"You must allow me to return to my ship and brief my crew." Kathryn continued, regaining her composure.  
"If you must." The leader replied testily. "I don't need to tell you the outcome of failure Q."  
"It's not an option." Q replied and clicked his fingers. 

There was a bright flash before Kathryn found herself in her quarters with Q sat on the couch next to her. He let out a long sigh which broke into a relieved chuckle. The joviality soon faded however when he saw Kathryn's furious glare.  
"Yes i know, you have questions." He held up his hands in defence.  
"Start explaining Q." She snapped.  
Q gave a dramatic sigh.   
"Okay okay."  
He stood up and paced backwards and forwards a few times across the floor. Kathryn rolled her eyes and rubbed her temples.  
"Q!"  
"Kathy, you are asking me to explain something way beyond your comprehension..."  
Kathryn's eyes narrowed and Q gulped before sitting down on the couch again.  
"Alright!" He replied in an exasperated tone and then sighed. "Before the new age, the Continuum was not as 'enlightened' as it is today; there were countless wars, mass atrocities and endless struggles for power."  
"What happened?" Kathryn asked.  
"The Q, in all their majesty and omnipotence, are not the only species to have mastered immortality. One such species, long since ascended to another level of existence, we called 'The Before'. They brought Q out of the old age and taught us our role as the guardians of universe. Before they ascended, they entrusted their greatest secrets and treasures to the Q before they passed on."  
Q paused to see if she was still following. Kathryn had a headache and this was not helping but she nodded for him to continue anyway.  
"One of these treasures was an ancient power that allowed the bearer to create."  
"Create what?" she queried.  
"Anything; dimensions, species, whole universes, things yet to be brought into being that we could not yet imagine." Q replied. "The Q manipulate what is already in existence, their creation abilities are limited..." he paused, pulling a face as if the word was unpleasant to him, "within the pre-existing building blocks of the universe. Mastery of the ancient gift would provide unprecedented power. This ancient power, or 'spark' as it's more commonly called, is bound to a vessel. Only a vessel of the spark's choosing can wield it's gifts correctly. An attempt by anyone else could lead to the annihilation of the known universe. The Continuum began to search for the vessel; it was merely pre-cautionary at this stage you must understand. Unless the spark was activated, the vessel was not required. Ancient knowledge left by the Before identified the vessel's home-world as Earth.  
"Earth? Wait.." Kathryn's eyes widened. "Is this girl.. Jade, is she human?"  
"Yes. Once we had established the whereabouts of the vessel's world, we kept a watchful eye on the planet's progression and set trials to determine it's overall suitability as a host planet for the vessel to be raised and protected." Q said before breaking into a grin. "Which gave me countless more opportunities to annoy Jean-Luc."  
His glee then faded.  
"There was a Q, highly regarded among us all, a warrior in the old age. He disagreed with the Continuum's decision to keep the spark dormant; he felt that they Q were strong enough to wield the power themselves and bring about a new age of Q majesty. We knew that it was too dangerous for a being of already unlimited power, like the Q, to take on such puissance. Too much power for one Q could tip the scale in the Continuum and bring about chaos, perhaps even having deadly ramifications across the known universe."  
"The Master?" Kathryn asked. Q nodded.  
"He believed that the Continuum had divine right to decide what species should be allowed to exist, and by taking the spark's power he could lead the Continuum to assert active dominance in the universe; ridding it of lesser beings. With a small band of supporters, he activated the spark and tried to absorb it's power. Using the combined might of the Continuum, we thwarted his attempted and tried to make him mortal as punishment, but he he had already absorbed some of the spark's energy and we were unable to strip him of his powers completely. In the battle that ensued, he managed to escape. Once the spark was activated and without a host to contain it, it began to destabilise and would have wiped out the all life as we know it. None of the Q could take it with out fear of the power driving us insane. We could not risk it. Instead, we brought it to Earth and it immediately joined with it's vessel."  
"Jade." Kathryn responded. "What happened next?"  
"We are not exactly sure." Q admitted sheepishly. "As soon as the spark joined with her, it shut down. We were... surprised; an unsettling experience for the Continuum as I'm sure you could imagine. I think perhaps due to her age, the spark sensed her body was not mature enough to handle it's power and since she was the true vessel, it returned to it's dormant state."  
"How old was she?" Kathryn asked.  
"She was ten." Q replied. "With the spark within her, she was now vulnerable. Should the Master get his hands on her, he could still activate it again using Jade as the weapon. We could no longer afford to leave on Earth and so the Continuum took over her guardianship and entrusted her protection to me. The Master is the most dangerous adversary we have faced. We may have been able to strip him of most of his Q abilities, but he has developed shields from the energy he retained from the spark that can block the powers of the Continuum, hence how he has managed to evade us for so long. He no longer has the power to travel through time and space but he has numerous agents who act on his behalf. I believe you already know Fernand? The Master has made numerous attempts through his agents over the last five years to reclaim his prize. We have managed to avoid every one." He raised his hands as if Kathryn should give him a round of applause for his efforts.  
"Until now." She raised an eyebrow. Q's face clouded and he crossed his arms.  
"Wait a minute," The Captain's head was reeling. "I've seen you in the last five years and there was no human child in tow."  
Q rolled his eyes.   
"You humans, not everything exists around your pathetic little timeline. Jade isn't even from the 24th century. In my existence, decades can pass between the times I get to see you." He suddenly adopted a devilish grin. "Which is why I am always so very glad when I do." He slid closer to her and placed a hand on her knee. Now it was Kathryn's turn to roll her eyes. He reached out to her, and brushed his hand against her cheek. Kathryn drew a breath sharply, her skin tingling at his touch. Before she could pull away, there was a flash and suddenly her headache was gone and she instantly felt rested like she had slept for days.  
"Better?" He gave her a cheeky grin.   
"Yes, thank you." She responded with a reluctant smile of appreciation.  
The moment was interrupted by a page on the comm system from Tom Paris.   
"Captain, a ship of unknown origin has just materialised of our port bow. It appears to be unmanned."  
Kathryn looked over at Q.  
"Courtesy of the Continuum." He replied. "A human ship might be a little obvious?"  
Kathryn tapped her Comm badge.   
"It's ok Mr Paris, I am aware. Please stand by."  
"Acknowledged Captain." The voice replied.  
"Our chariot awaits madame captain" Q stood and held out his hand to her. She took it without thinking and regretted it as he helped her up and pressed it to his lips.   
"Q..." She began warningly, silently worrying how she was going to deal with her tormentor on his voyage.   
"An expression of thanks." He cut in quickly sensing her annoyance. "For your assistance." He paused and a curious expression crept over his face.   
"Why are you helping me?"   
Kathryn thought for a moment. She was not really even sure herself, she knew in her gut that it was the right thing to do.   
"The girl." She said finally. "I saw where she is.. I felt what she felt... I can't leave her there."  
Once again, Kathryn saw that unfamiliar expression on Q's face; if she didn't know better she would say it was a somewhere between anger and fear.  
She presses her comm-badge again. "This is the Captain to all command crew. Please report to the briefing room immediately."


	6. The road to hell is paved with good intentions

"Captain, are you sure about this?" Tom Paris asked hesitantly, breaking the silence of the briefing room. Kathryn had spent the last five minutes relaying her intentions and Q's story to her command officers and an additional thirty seconds anxiously waiting for them to respond.   
"It's not that we don't think..." B'Elanna began and then hesitated, looking for help from Tom. "It's just.. it's Q."   
"I know Q has never given us reason to trust him." Kathryn replied with a sigh. "Hell, this could be another 'lesson for humanity' for all I know, but if there is the slightest chance that there is a human girl out there going through what I have seen, I need to try." She paused and made eye contact with Chakotay who had been silently glaring at her across the table. "And I believe him, so I have agreed to help."  
"Captain, I think we would just feel better if we could accompany you." Harry added. "What happens if you get into trouble?"   
"This is my mission, Ensign. I need you all on Voyager. Besides, I have the Continuum..."   
"But you don't." Chakotay suddenly stated, rising to his feet. "You already said that Q's powers won't work within the boundary of this 'Master's' shield."   
"Commander.." Kathryn met his gaze and offered a reassuring smile, to which the first officer did not reciprocate.   
"Captain, you are putting yourself at a terrible risk." He interrupted. "and the only person who will be there to protect you is an entity responsible for almost killing this crew on numerous occasions."  
Kathryn leaned back in her chair and gave Chakotay a steely glare. Most of the bridge crew looked tensely back and forwards between their commanding officers, uneasy in the atmosphere that had descended in the room. Seven of Nine and Tuvok, not as sensitive to the emotive undertones as their human counterparts, waited patiently for the Captain to speak.   
"May I remind you Commander that the possible outcome of not aiding the Continuum is the annihilation of the entire universe. I think that alone is worth the risk." Kathryn stated in a manner that made it clear that she had made her decision and to disagree would be disobeying an order. Chakotay slowly sat down in his chair. She held his glare for a few more seconds before turning to her security officer.   
"Mr Tuvok, if you could prepare any data we have on the destination and Lieutenant, please beam the alien craft to cargo bay two."   
"Yes ma'am." Tom replied.   
"Yes Captain." Tuvok added.   
"Dismissed."   
Kathryn watched as her crew filled out of the room. Chakotay hesitated before he got to the door; Kathryn thought he would stop to discuss her decision further but he left without saying a word. Fantastic, she mused as she got up to leave. She knew her crew did not trust Q or the continuum, and for good reason so she allowed them their skepticism. Chakotay's attitude on the other hand... it had been a long time since he had challenged her like that in front of the officers. She would need to speak to him about that but after she returned. 

***

Kathryn entered the cargo bay and found that Tom had beamed the vessel inside as requested. It was larger than the flyer and much older; Kathryn did not recognise what species it belonged to. Behind her the doors opened and in walked Tuvok, closely followed by Chakotay. She was surprised to see her commander after his outburst at the briefing.   
"I have prepared data on the planet and suspected location that you believe the girl is being held." Tuvok said handing over a padd. Kathryn took it with a grateful smile. "Reports from the area indicate there appears to be a heavy military presence amassing in the same district. I have concerns..." He added shifting uncomfortably.   
"I will be fine Tuvok, thank you for this." She patted his arm reassuringly. She looked over at Chakotay who was avoiding her gaze.   
"Take care of my ship while I'm away please Commander."  
Chakotay screwed up his face.  
"Captain.. Kathryn.. Please, you need to let us go with you." He uttered with an expression of frustration.  
"I've made my decision Commander." Kathryn responded laying her hands on his arms. "I need you to trust me okay?"   
"I do trust you." Chakotay replied meeting her gaze. "You're not the one I don't trust."  
"Q will be on his best behaviour. Besides, he has other matters to worry about."   
"That's if this is all true and you haven't been duped into another of Q's attempts to seduce you." Chakotay muttered in reply. Kathryn raised an eyebrow, shocked at his comment, especially in front of their security officer. That was unfair. She pulled her hands away from him and stepped back, her glare hardening.   
"Well that's considerate of you to be concerned about my naivety but please rest assured I am quite capable of controlling myself around Q."   
"Kathryn.. I.." Chakotay went to respond but was cut off by a flash that Kathryn had come to know signalled Q's arrival. While usually unwelcome, for once she was grateful for his timing. That was until he opened his mouth.   
"If I were you Kathy, I'd be grateful that he left you for that Borg drone if 'this' is his idea of a seductive weekend away." Q had appeared to her left side. Kathryn glared at him furiously.  
"What did you just say?" Chakotay spat, his cheeks turning red.   
"Firstly, I very much doubt my darling Kathy could ever be duped by anyone for any reason." He shot a decided look at the Commander before continuing. "And secondly, if I was going to seduce her, and trust me Chuckles I have given it lots of thought as to how I might, she would not be escorting my mortal self in a barely operational rust bucket into certain peril. Unlike you, i recognise that these are not conditions that would entice any woman, never mind one of your Captain's caliber." Kathryn looked at the ceiling, turning red and unsure if this was due to anger or embarrassment at his compliment.   
"Are you ready to go?" She asked through gritted teeth.   
"Of course." Q replied and then paused; the smile fading from his face. "Oh there is one more thing." He looked up at the ceiling, signed and then nodded reluctantly. After a moment, he met her gaze again and gave her a wink.   
"Ok now we can go."  
"What just happened?" Kathryn asked. "Did the continuum just make you mortal?" She looked him up and down.  
Q patted his body as if to check and then broke into a bemused grin. He reached forward and grabbed her wrists, pulling her body flush against his and wrapping his arms around her.   
"So many.. feelings. Such an over whelming urge to get involved in things that don't concern me and whine incessantly about my mediocre existence. Oh can't you feel the humanity captain! I'm practically a member of your crew." He cried dramatically, pushing his cheek against hers.   
Kathryn maintained a rigid stance to demonstrate how unimpressed she was. To her horror, she couldn't help note what a delicious scent his skin had, how it felt against her own. She pursed her lips tightly to fend off an involuntary sigh into the curve of his neck. Over his shoulder she saw Chakotay's unimpressed glare which startled her back into action. Angling her hands between them, she pushed herself away from his embrace.   
"A simple yes would have sufficed Q." She replied curtly.   
Q smirked and held his hand out in the direction of the ships open door.   
"Let's get going." He said and shot a accusatory glance at Chakotay. "we've wasted enough time mollycoddling your crew."   
Ignoring Q's jibes, Kathryn looked back at her two senior officers with a reassuring smile.   
"The continuum will keep you informed of our progress."  
"Take care Captain." Tuvok replied. Chakotay nodded, his eyes seeming to say the same. Kathryn gave a nod back and followed Q's direction into the ship. 


	7. Abandon all hope ye who enter

"Are you going to fuss over me the whole time? I could fly this primitive vessel with my eyes closed." Q scoffed, tapping irritably at the controls. Kathryn took a breath and stared at the ceiling, mentally counting to five as she controlled her temper. The continuum had deposited them several thousand light years away from Voyager and they had been flying through unknown space for almost an hour.  
"Fine, I'll leave you too it." She snapped and stood up to head to the back of the ship. As she passed him, Q looped an arm around her waist and pulled her somewhat inelegantly onto his lap.   
"I can even multitask." He grinned, waggling his eyebrows provocatively at her as he moved the hand to her outer thigh.   
"And yet you can't pilot and respect boundaries at the same time." Kathryn shot back in an equally irritable tone, and made to stand up. As she did, Q pulled her back down again, this time in a way that enabled her body to be closer to his.   
"Oh I have the upmost respect your boundaries." He purred and pulled her closer to him to the point that Kathryn had to place her forearm against his shoulder to stop herself falling onto his chest. Q leaned his head to his left and kissed the bare skin exposed at her wrist. The contact made her shiver despite herself. "I know every line... every curve..." He grinned; slowly running his hand up her thigh. Kathryn rolled her eyes and pushed herself off his notably warm body, walking quickly to the back storage chamber of the ship; thankful that the now powerless Q was not aware of how her cheeks were burning red.  
"We'll be arriving soon. I suggest you get changed." Q called out playfully as she walked away. "Let me know if you need a hand." 

She could hear him chuckling as she closed the door behind her. For the thousandth time that day, Kathryn regretted her decision to join him on their wretched quest. What was she doing here? More importantly, why had she not let her crew accompany her? She grabbed the pants and tunic that Q had left on the bench for her and started to get changed. She knew that any of her command crew would have signed up for the mission without hesitation and she liked to think that it was for their safety that she had refused their accompaniment, but perhaps the real reason was more complicated than that. For one thing, she mused, having to play referee between her officers and the omnipotent being was an additional distraction that situation just didn't need. Kathryn slipped the tunic over her shoulders and began attending to the complicated toggle fasteners that tied the fabric together. As she did so, she caught her own reflection in a dirty mirror on the wall. If she was honest with herself, she was more worried about how they would judge her interaction with Q than the other way round. Like it or not, they had formed an unusual comradeship over the years. Kathryn wasn't even sure how it happened; after all, it was one forged in arguments, gross invasions of personal space and several near death experiences. Be that as it may, after everything they had been through together, they had somehow created a weird, unique, frustrating yet not totally unwelcome dynamic... and she trusted him. That was predominantly why she had agreed to help. Through the rusted ill-fitting door she could her him singing something that sounded like a Romulan love sonnet. Kathryn rolled her eyes but found herself smirking at her own reflection. Maybe she should get her head examined when she got back to her ship, she wondered as she stowed her uniform in a draw and headed back out to her new crew mate. 

***

"Ah good, you're back." Q exclaimed as she walked back to the front of the ship. Kathryn's stomach suddenly dropped as she saw he had somehow changed from his Captain's uniform to a tunic and pants similar to hers. Had she been deceived after all? Did he still have his powers? Q span back around to the console and only then did she see the uniform thrown haphazardly over the back of his chair. As she sat down next to him she also noticed that he had not fastened the toggles on his tunic correctly. She let out a relieved sigh, partly as it reaffirmed her trust in the once omnipotent being but also that her moment of self reflection in the storage room had stopped her from walking in on him undressed.  
"Did you just change..." She started and then hesitated. "Wait, never mind, I don't want to know." She shook her head and started a scanning sweep on the open space ahead.  
"We were almost there and you had the only available changing room." Q retorted. "I was 'respecting your boundaries'." He then added sarcastically.  
"Why thank you Q." Kathryn quipped in a similar tone.  
"I had forgotten how frustrating mortal clothes could be." He eyed the toggles on his tunic ruefully and then shot an angry glare at the ceiling. "I wouldn't be surprised if the Continuum picked this species on purpose."  
"You can pilot this primitive vessel and yet you are thwarted by haberdashery." Kathryn smirked. Q shot her a cool glare. Before he could respond, the ship console beeped indicating that they were approaching the destination planet Iogia. Looming before them was a rapidly expanding circle of misty green that almost looked like it was wearing a black combat belt. Kathryn squinted at the view screen. As they got closer, she realised it was actually a chorus line of satellites connected by a force field.  
"Is that the shield technology keeping the Continuum out?" She asked.  
"Those?" Q raised an eyebrow. "That's Iogian technology. It's a primitive gatekeeper system to ensure only registered ships from their trade federation can enter and exit. Nothing of consequence to the Continuum, nor for us in this ship. The Master's shield on the other hand..." He paused and suddenly looked hesitantly at the planet. "That's a whole other story." As they approached what appeared to be a large gated opening to the force field, Q punched a code into a keypad on the console. They waited in silence for a moment before the console beeped at them again and the field covering the gate was dropped.  
"What did I tell you." Q grinned as he piloted the ship forward and down towards the planet.  
"Let's not get too cocky just yet." Kathryn replied, as she continued her scans. "We still have to find the girl, bring down the super shield, get..."  
"Yes, yes, alright, you've made your point." He snapped. "Look, there. If the Continuum is right, Fernand is holding Jade in one of the inner buildings of that fortress compound." He pointed to a large complex set in the centre of the sprawling grey city below them. "We'll hide the ship in the outskirts and make our way in on foot." Kathryn nodded and took over the controls to steer the ship away towards the industrialised area in the north side of the city.  
"Q. How do you know the Master isn't already here? That he hasn't already got Jade?" she asked as she landed the craft skillfully behind an old abandoned warehouse. Q looked at her without an ounce of humour in his eyes.  
"Simple. We are all still here."


	8. The sweetness in the pie

So how are we going to bring down this shield?" Kathryn asked as they made their way through the grey city streets towards the giant complex looming ahead.  
"We're not." Q replied.  
"What do you mean 'we're not'?" When he didn't answer, she grabbed his arm and stopped abruptly. "Q!"  
Q pulled his arm away and half dragged her from the street by her elbow to a doorway covered in shadow.  
"Lower your voice." He hissed as he pushed her against the door, looking over his shoulder at the indifferent crowds milling passed behind them. "Fernand will have spies everywhere. They may expect us."  
Kathryn pursed her lips and said nothing. Q looked back down at her, his irritated expression softening.  
"The Master's energy shield exists in a higher realm of existence to this universe which means that we in our present mortal state cannot see or interfere with it." He explained. "Now if I was a fully functioning Q, that wouldn't be a problem but then I wouldn't actually be able to get through the field to destroy the source."  
Q still had his hand on her waist where he'd pushed her to the door and was leaning in close so he speak to her in a hushed tone. Kathryn tried not to focus on his proximity of his body to hers.  
"So.. what do we do?"  
"We free Jade." He replied. "She has the same energy that created the shield flowing through her veins. She can see it, touch it, she can destroy it. She's our primary mission."  
"I can get on board with that." She nodded.  
Q grinned and then, as if suddenly noting his closeness to her, adopted an overly-suggestive expression, allowing his gaze to drift lower down her body. Kathryn rolled her eyes.  
"Come on." She said with a smirk. Grabbing his tunic, she pulled him back into the street and onwards towards the fortress.

***

The sun had started to descend by the time they reached their destination, casting long shadows along the cobbled road below their feet. The fortress itself cut a formidable dark silhouette against the husky pink sky. A twelve foot wall complete with movement sensors surrounded it's perimeter, broken only by a front entrance gate that was guarded by three armed men dressed in black. Despite the menacing appearance, the fortress was nestled within what appeared to be some sort local shopping district. Families bustled in and out of retail stores and eateries, apparently unaware or unaffected by the threat on their very doorstep. Kathryn and Q had already done a lap of the complex's perimeter and determined that their only viable point of entry was the gate. The tricky part now was to work out how to get passed the guards. They were stood watching the armed mens guard changing patterns from the shadow of the nearest shop doorway. It was some sort of bakery and the smell emanating from inside made Kathryn's stomach rumble. She saw Q rub his stomach and pull a face, and guessed he was experiencing the same effect. It was a strange experience being around the newly human Q. On the one hand, he acted with the same egotistical bravado as always so she kept forgetting that he no longer had the omnipotent prowess to back up the attitude. Saying that, rescue missions and mortal danger were really more her world than his, and she had to admit she was impressed with this seemingly newfound commitment he displayed to someone other than himself. He seemed to be coping fine with his new mortality but she knew if he wasn't already whining about something, he was probably too proud to admit it.  
"Here, give me your bag." She said holding out her hand.  
Q gave her a quizzical look and handed her the satchel he had brought from the shuttle. Inside were two phasers that Kathryn had insisted on bringing, despite the omnipotent being making comments about the use of primitive technology when she handed them over, a tri-quarter and Iogian currency that the continuum had manifested with their uniforms.  
She took out some of the money and went into the store. The smell of freshly baked goods greeted her like an old friend and Kathryn couldn't help but grin as she surveyed the pastries.  
"What can I get you?" A large friendly looking gentleman in a green apron said cheerily from behind the counter. Kathryn hesitated, her eyes flicking between the baked goods like a child in a candy store. The man chuckled. "You look like sheracotton icing kind of girl if you don't mind me saying." He pointed a tong to a what looked like a bright pink cinnamon bun at the front. Kathryn nodded. It looked delicious.  
"And how about your surly looking friend out the front?" The man continued motioning to the doorway. A silhouette of a man with his arms folded was visible through the window and every so often his shoulders would sink in what appeared to be a huff. Kathryn broke into a grin.  
"Give him a pink one too." She giggled.  
"That will be ten parsons please." He handed over the brown bag. Kathryn looked down at her money and noticed the coloured chips had symbols not numbers. Damn, she should have checked that with Q. She picked two of the largest blue chips and handed them over to the shop keeper with a blank expression, instantly knowing she had done the wrong thing when his eyes widened.  
"You are obviously not from around here." He stammered.  
Kathryn felt her stomach drop. She had blown their cover and any minute this shopkeeper was going to go running for the armed guards outside. She opened her mouth to reply but before she could the shopkeeper broke into a smile.  
"You're from Arbos 5 right?" he chuckled and put the two blue chips down on the counter in front of her. Kathryn didn't trust her words so just nodded. The shop keeper continued. "I thought I recognised your uniform. It's been a while since we've seen Arbosian's through this way. My cousin had a fantastic trip to your Etal moon colony last cycle for his joining ceremony."  
"Oh right.." Kathryn replied, breathing a sigh of relief. "yes, it's my first time here. If you wouldn't mind.." She held out her hand with the coins. The shop keeper selected a green one and gave her a smaller yellow one from the till. "That's a fair bit of change you have there miss." He added. "Be careful who you are showing that too. No local would cheat you, Iogians are not like that, but there are a lot of strangers around for the party; would hate to see pretty young thing like yourself get taken advantage of."  
"Strangers?" Kathryn frowned. "What party?"  
"Oh begging your pardon, I just assumed that's why you were here." He replied. "That big ugly looking building outside used to be our parliament house. It's been loaned out to some out-of-towner, I don't know who but I know he's not from around here. Got a look at him the other day; some fancy fella in clothes the likes I've never seen. They are throwing a ball tonight. Invite only. Not sure what the celebration is for but all the who's who of Iogia are going."  
"How interesting. Well thank you for the pastries and the help," Kathryn smiled. The shop keeper nodded and waved her off as she headed out the door, warm bag in hand. 

"What were you doing in there, telling him your life story?" Q grumbled as she reappeared out of the shop. Kathryn shot him a deathly glare and shoved the brown bag into his chest.  
"If you must know, I found our way into the fortress." She replied testily.  
"Oh good, I'm starving." He grinned and opened the bag, pulling out the pastry.  
"It's pink." He then declared frowning.  
"Yes. The shop keeper thought it would improve your surly attitude. Apparently not." Kathryn took the other bun out and took a bite. The shop keeper had made a wise choice, it was delicious.  
"Surly?" Q looked insulted. "I've been called many things but never surly."  
"You've been called a lot worse Q, get over it." She quipped between hungry bites. "Anyway, did you hear what I said?"  
"Yes, you devised a master plan with the portly baker to get us through the guarded gate." he replied sarcastically. As hard as she tried Kathryn couldn't be mad. Q, despite initially turning his nose up at the bun, had devoured it hungrily in three bites, leaving him a moustache of pink icing sugar. Giggling, she took the napkin in the brown bag and wiped his mouth. Q raised his eyebrows at the surprising personal action from the Captain but seemed pleased. Kathryn blushed and withdrew her hand.  
"So what's the idea?" 

She relayed to Q what the baker had told her.  
"A party?" Q replied with a frown.  
"Do you think it's Fernand?" Kathryn asked.  
"Oh absolutely. Fernand is a sadistic, egotistical exhibitionist. He will want to enjoy his moment of triumph before the Master gets here.  
He used to be a collector of sorts before he came into the Master's commission. He'd stop at nothing to get his hands on Jade. If he had his way, she would be added to his living collection." Q's expression darkened.  
"Do you think it's a trap?"  
"Probably." Q shrugged. "But it's our best.. actually our only option. We better go procure ourselves an invite to this event."  
"If we are going to blend in with the 'who's who' of Iogia, we will probably need a change of clothes as well." Kathryn added, eying their green toggled uniforms.  
Q nodded. He then smiled and offered her his arm.  
"Sweet Captain, would you do me the honour of accompanying me to a ball?"


	9. The dressmaker

They hurried back through the streets in search of an appropriate clothing shop, conscious that the crowds were becoming sparser and the shops appeared to be closing up for the day. After a few false starts, they came upon a place with evening-wear in the window. The shop owner, a short slight gentleman in a velvet green pant suit and small round spectacles, greeted them testily at first having already began to ring up his register until Q mentioned they were attending the evening's celebration and had been told his store was the place to go for suitably worthy attire.  
"Well of course," the shop keeper, who had introduced himself as Arnad, replied in a matter of fact tone as he shooed them from the front door into the shop, "there really isn't anyone else who can compare in all of Iogia." When he spoke, his hands danced in the air in a manner than resembled a conductor. Kathryn stifled a giggle as they followed him through the maze of clothing racks.  
"For you Sir, oh yes. I think this, and this.." he began, thrusting coat hangers holding pants and shirts into Q's hands. Kathryn ran her fingers along a rack of silks that stood beside her and selected a black dress from the end.  
"Goodness no," Arnan exclaimed, snatching the garment from her hands. "When you wear Arnad's clothes you are representing Arnad!" He span on his heels and disappeared into the back of the store.  
"I'm amazed" Kathryn commented once he had left them alone.  
"About what?" Q muttered, struggling under the weight of the clothing under his arms.  
"That there is someone else in this universe more in love with themselves than you." She replied with a grin. Q shot her a withering glare. Before he could reply, Arnad burst out of the curtained exit carrying a garment bag. He saw Q standing there with the clothes and frowned.  
"What are you waiting for?" He pointed at a changing cubicle. Q rolled his eyes and manoeuvred his way in, snapping the curtain shut behind him.  
"Come along." Arnad snapped as he led her to a cubicle across from the one that Q had entered. Kathryn raised an eyebrow but did as she was told. From behind the other screen she could here grunts of frustration and wondered if Q was having better luck than with the toggled uniform.  
"Your joined-one will be just fine." Arnan replied as he opened the curtain before her.  
"My what?" She asked, finding herself face to face with a large mirror.  
"Oh, your life partner or whatever you call it on your home world." He handed her the dress bag.  
"Oh he's not.. I mean we're not.."  
"Kathy darling, do hurry up." Q interrupted, calling from his cubicle. Kathryn gritted her teeth. Arnad raised his eyebrows and then closed the curtain. 

All alone, Kathryn enjoyed a rare moment to close her eyes and take a breath. She then turned her attentions to the bag hanging on the wall. Tentatively, she opened the zip and was greeted with the most sumptuous emerald green silk she had ever seen. She pulled the dress out of it's protective casing and caught her breath as she held it against her body and looked in the mirror. Arnad had not been wrong, she doubted if there were many dressmakers who could have compared; it was exquisite. Despite the reason behind the purchase, she undressed eagerly and slid the garment over her head and down her torso until it cascaded to the floor. 'Slid' was an accurate description, as the silk glided over her body as if it were an ice cube sliding over warm skin, skimming her curves in the most seductive fashion. On the front of the dress, the straps were spun silver that gave way to drapery that seemed both intricate and simple at the same time. She turned and saw over her shoulder that the other side hung dangerously low, her bare back displayed all the way down to the base.  
Suddenly the curtain snapped open. Kathryn jumped and covered herself even though she was dressed.  
"Let me see." Arnad commanded and physically turned her around so he could inspect his garment. "Hmm.. if you don't mind." He said and, whether she did mind or not appeared to be of little consequence, as Arnan reached to her hair and removed the clip. Her copper tresses tumbled down over her shoulders. He scooped it back so it curled loose and long down her exposed back and then looked at her again in the mirror.  
"Now you are perfect." He stated, stepping back with a look of satisfaction. Kathryn gazed at her reflection in the mirror, a reflection that she had not seen the likes of in a long time, one that she had forgotten she could have. Arnad appeared to notice her pleasure at the sight before her and stepped forward again almost hesitantly.  
"This was worth keeping the shop open for." He finally said granting her what she imagined was a rare smile. Kathryn's reflection blushed back at her.  
Q finally came out of his cubicle and visibly started in his tracks, his jaw dropping as his eyes roamed over her body. She saw the reaction in the mirror and turned almost shyly to meet him. Arnad walked back to the register which Q took as his cue to collect her in his arms. He was wearing a black fitted tunic and pant adorned with silver thread that clung appealingly to his frame. Kathryn held her breath as they made contact.  
"Kathy, you look..." he began, but then his eyes widened and he shifted awkwardly, letting her go.  
"Can you settle this?" he mumbled and shot out the front door before she could question what was wrong. She paid Arnad and thanked him for his help. He nodded and waved her off, clearly pleased to finally be rid of them.  
Leaving the shop, Kathryn saw Q stood under the shop awning, agitatedly stepping from one foot to the other. She had to admit he looked handsome in the clothes Arnad had chosen for him; it was a welcome change from his Captain's uniform. With a smile she walked over.  
"Are you ok?" she asked placing a hand on his bicep. As if lightning had struck him, he shot away from her and turned his back. "Q?"  
"If you must know, I'm not yet 'in control' of all the functions of this mortal body yet." He muttered before looking back her. "And you! Dressed like..." he waved at her dress frantically ".. that! Well it isn't helping."  
Kathryn frowned for a moment and then it dawned on her what he meant. Her eyes drifted southward down his body.  
"Oh..."  
If anyone else had indicated that her outfit had physical aroused them, she would have been mortified. Then again, she couldn't imagine anyone one else would have ever dared to say that out loud that but Q. She was even more horrified to admit that Q's reaction was a strangely erotic notion. She never considered herself particularly, for want of a better word, sexy. Maybe when she had been younger, when she had less responsibilities and more freedom to follow her desires. The Captain's uniform after all was meant to strip that side of a person away, especially for a woman. But now, in this dress, she felt like she could be the object of someone's wanton inclinations, and that was both liberating and daunting at the same time. She'd often wondered, back in the earlier days when Chakotay and she had toyed at the idea of becoming more than just friends, what he thought when he looked at her. He'd speak to her late at night of loyalty, trust, belonging, even love, but never of desire or sex. Perhaps he respected her too much to ever want her like that, to ever think he could have her like that. Q on the other hand had spent his visits on voyager running his eyes, and sometimes even hands, over her body like it was his for the taking at any moment. She saw desire in his eyes whenever he looked at her, however genuine it was. Talk about two extremes, she mused, unsure of which one was worse.  
"Try thinking pure thoughts." She finally said, unsure if she she was telling Q or herself. Q made a scoffing sound. "Ok then," she added with a smirk "maybe think of something you really don't like."  
Q was silent for a minute and then finally turned around with a grin on his face.  
"Wow, perhaps your first officer is good for something after all."  
Kathryn crossed her arms and shot him an unimpressed look.  
"Just kidding." He raised his hands and then offered her his arm. Unsure of how she would navigate the cobbles in her heels, she took it and together they continued to walk back along towards the complex.


	10. Be our guest

Kathryn took up a surveillance post from doorway of the now closed bakery while Q went to pilfer invitations from two unsuspecting guests. By the time he reappeared, a long line of well dressed people had formed at the entry gate.  
"Took you long enough didn't it?" She frowned as he jogged over to her and leaned against the wall to catch his breath.  
"Flattery and theft is an art form my dear Captain. You can't rush perfection." He replied shirtily and held up the two electronic tags. Kathryn granted him a reluctant approving smile and together they joined the back of the growing queue. 

As they waited, Kathryn watched each guest ahead of them approach a guard and have their tags scanned before they were allowed to pass through the gate. For so much security around the complex, the process seemed surprisingly basic. It should have been an encouraging sight and yet it made her feel uneasy. If Fernand had expected the Continuum to make a rescue attempt, surely he would have had more thorough measures in place to protect the Master's prize. The existence of the ball alone was enough to make her think they were walking into a trap. Then again, there was bound to be much more security within the complex itself and then there was the matter of the Continuum blocking energy shield. Could Fernand truly think that imposing a state of mortality on Q was enough to render him no longer a threat? She remembered with a shudder her, or should she say Jade's, time alone with him in the cell. He seemed pretty self-assured during his torture of them. Perhaps that confidence would be his undoing? Maybe this rescue was possible after all?  
"Kathy?"  
"Yes Q?" Drawn from her thoughts, she looked up and found Q standing closely to her right side looking down at her; his eyes wandering across the bare skin between her neck and shoulder. She'd never noticed before but there were an amber hue to his eye colour that was both warm and compelling.  
"Incase I forget to tell you, what with the imminent mortal danger and impossible odds we are facing... you look incredibly beautiful tonight."  
Kathryn's cheeks blushed pink and she immediately turned her attentions back to the gate.  
"Don't get distracted Q." She replied, trying to hide a smirk. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see him grinning at her. He placed his hand on the small of her back and left it there as they moved ahead in the queue and were finally summoned by one of the guards. 

"Invitation please."  
Q handed their invitation tags over and waited as the guard scanned them against his computer. He seemed to scrutinise the screen for a good minute before finally returning them to Q and ushering them through the gate. As they entered the complex, Kathryn looked over her shoulder and saw the guard talking into his communication device. Don't panic just yet, she thought to herself, it doesn't mean anything. Even still, she patted her bag containing her phaser for reassurance. The fortress complex was just as intimidating as the outer walls. Amid the strolling excited crowds, Q stopped and looked up at the looming building before them, a hesitant frown on his face. Kathryn had known him long enough now to see his jokes and flirtations as deflections but that was usually from the mundane and the serious; not because he was afraid. After all, the Continuum wasn't afraid of anything; what did a Q have to fear? But Q was afraid and she could see it etched in his features. Somehow she knew it wasn't because of his new mortality or the threat of impeding peril as one might expect, instead he feared what they might find inside the cell she had seen in her nightmares. Instinctively, she slipped her hand into his and gave it a squeeze. Q looked down at her with a slightly startled expression, one that quickly gave way to a grateful smile. Squeezing her hand back in what felt like an acknowledgement of the courage she wished to share with him, he then wrapped her arm around his and without a word led her inside the fortress door behind the other guests. 

Inside the building, the mood was distinctively more welcoming. A band in the corner played soft music as guests mingled throughout the large ballroom, laughing and drinking. Kathryn felt Q relax a little, but his eyes were still serious as they darted from person to person.  
"We need to find a way further into the complex; find that cell you saw." He said. They immediately set about scoping out the hall, walking a large circuit through the throngs of people to determine viable points of entry. It occurred to Kathryn that Q, having remained in his usual form when they set off on this quest, might be recognised by Fernand should they find him before Jade and blow any chance of surprise they had. She therefore took the lead through the crowds, with Q following closely behind her.  
"Why do you always appear in the same form?" She asked over her shoulder as they navigated around what appeared to be the mayor of the town, dressed in his golden finery and engaged in deep conversation with a large group of people. Q went to reply but then hesitated.  
"Do you not approve of this body Captain?" He then said, a tinge of amusement in his tone.  
"Do you ever answer a question seriously Q?" She sighed.  
"Not if I can help it." Q retorted from behind her. "Speaking of appearances, I do like your hair down like that." He then added as they began another circle around the hall. "It reminds me of the first night I visited you in your quarters."  
"Don't you mean the first night I had to banish you from my quarters?" Kathryn quipped; her eyes roaming the sea of faces for any sign of Fernand.  
"Yes, you were frightfully unfair. But don't worry kathy I forgive you."  
Kathryn glared back at him momentarily and raised an eyebrow, but before she could comment Q continued. "Even more so when you wear you hair like that. It's so 'un-starfleet' of you." He gave her a cheeky wink and then nodded in the direction of two security guards walking passed them. Kathryn followed his gaze and watched as the guards exited via a side door that was hidden behind some sort of screen. She gave Q an affirmative nod and followed in their direction. The door was marked 'no entry' and she thought it was locked at first, but with a frustrated yet discrete shove, she realised it was just extremely heavy. She opened it enough to check the coast was clear while Q kept watch behind her. Through the gap, she saw a long dimly lit corridor but no sign of the guards.  
"You're right, it is un-starfleet." She whispered as she pushed the the door open further to allow Q to enter. "Which is why I only wear it out for bed."  
Q scooted passed her and held the weight so she could follow.  
"Maybe that's why I like it so much." He grinned as the door closed behind him. 

The corridor zig zagged repeatedly, sloping downward until the feeling of closeness in the air that one gets when deep underground was all around them. They'd followed the sound of the guards for a while but soon enough the noise had trailed off in the distance and all that could be heard was their own footsteps against the granite floor. It had become eerily quiet and Kathryn was worried that they hadn't run into anyone else since entering the corridor.  
"Q, I really don't like this..." She started and reached for her purse to pull out her phaser. Q looked down at her but didn't say anything, in fact he looked as concerned as she did. She was about to suggest that they turn back and try another entry when a door caught her eye. It was large and metal, and set to the side of an adjoining corridor that seemed to be cut deeper into the bare rock. She couldn't put her finger on it but something about the way the metal was warped struck her as familiar.  
"What is it?" Q asked following her over when he'd noticed she'd stopped.  
"I don't know," She replied. Her eyes rested on a strange looking panel attached to the wall by the side of the door. Compared to the relatively older condition of the door and corridor, the technology stood out as alien. Q saw what she was staring out and broke into a smile.  
"That's a bio-cellular reader." He exclaimed in a hushed tone as they hurried over to the door. "It can identify a species even if they are in a different form. There is no way that is Iogian technology."  
"Can you bypass it?" Kathryn asked.  
"No," Q frowned. "The encryption is impenetrable which is why it's a favourite of bounty hunters protecting their supply." His eyes wandered from the panel to Kathryn's phaser and he broke into a grin. "The door on the other hand..."  
Kathryn saw what he was thinking and nodded, raising her phaser to begin cutting through the metal, but was interrupted before she could begin by a voice from behind them.

"This is a guest-only party and I don't remember sending you an invitation." Kathryn and Q span around to find the man she now knew as Fernand stood in the corridor they'd just left, accompanied by four guards armed with blasters. Fernand was wearing a dinner suit, similar to one that might be found on Earth back in the twentieth century and and a satisfied smirk. In one hand, he held a weapon, the other a cigar. Kathryn winced when she saw the lit end, the memories of her nightmares still fresh in her mind.  
"Oh what am I saying," he took a long satisfied drag and threw the cigar on the floor. "We threw this party especially for you Q! We knew you would come for the girl." His attention suddenly turned to Kathryn. "And you brought a friend?" His eyes ran down her dress wantonly. "Oh I'll look forward to getting to know you."  
Kathryn raised her phaser at him angrily in response. A sickening smirk crept over Fernand's face.  
"Ooh I like her Q, all your girls are so... resilient. Speaking of which.." He walked over to the cell. "Can't start the party without the guest of honour can we?" Placing his palm against the keypad, the door swung open revealing a dark damp room no bigger than a storage cupboard. Sat inside on the floor was a girl of no more than fifteen, her legs crossed with cuffed hands in her lap. Her long tangled hair hung loose over her shoulders and her legs and feet were bare and blemished with bruises. On her arms, Kathryn recognised the burn marks she had seen on her own skin during her nightmares. The girl's face was tear streaked and she sported a cut on her lip and a nasty black eye. She was looking at the floor, seemingly unaware of the people before her, a expression of defeat in her eyes. In that split second, Kathryn felt her heart break in a way she had never experienced before. A look of horror and rage flashed simultaneously Q's features.   
"Jade.."  
The girl looked up with a frown, as if awoken from a trance. She saw Q and Kathryn stood before her and her eyes widened.  
"Q?" Springing from the cell floor, she tried to go to him but Fernand grabbed her as she exited the doorway. Q made a menacing start towards him but was halted when Fernand placed a gun to her temple.  
"Ah ah, not so fast baby bird." He added pulling her in front of him as a shield so he could point the weapon back at Q. "Not so impressive without your powers are you." He sneered at Q.  
"Neither are you when you don't have The Master perched on your shoulder." Q spat back.   
"Oh he'll get here soon enough, and until he does, I'll be more than happy to keep young Jade here company." He ran his hand through her hair and across her collarbone much to Jade's obvious disgust. "Sorry Q, it's been fun old sport but The Master has commanded I put you down." He leaned in to Jade. "Say goodbye to your guard dog sweetie."  
Kathryn looked around anxiously for an exit, a distraction, anything. She was holding the only one holding a weapon and had it pointed at Fernand which had maintained the stalemate between the guards and them, well that was until he had used Jade as a human shield. Now she had no direct line of fire or leverage, nor any plan of escape. Suddenly, as clear as if it had been shouted, Kathryn heard Jade's voice in her head.   
"Captain."   
She glanced down to the young girl who had a determined look on her face, her forehead tensed and her eyes serious. She raised her eyebrows at her as if to convey a silent message, and then in her mind her heard the words.  
"Run. Now."   
Before she could react, the young girl ducked and drove her elbow into her captors crotch. The gun in his hand fired and thankfully missed the top of Q's head by a few inches, instead blasting a hole in an old electrical panel attached to the rock wall near Kathryn. Whatever it had hit exploded in a fiery ball of heat and shrapnel and sent her colliding into Q, who wrapped his arms around her to try and protect her from the blast. The distraction allowed them to move to cover behind a large cabinet in the corridor but it broke the stalemate and soon enough the guard began firing. They had no choice but to move deeper down the corridor; Kathryn's solitary phaser no match for a fire fight with four military blasters. She stole a look back at Jade as they retreated. The girl stood stoically amongst the carnage, Fernand holding her by the arm, watching them go with almost relieved look on her face. Multiple shots hit the wall next to them, pushing further away. Kathryn saw Q wince as he felt the heat burn against his face from their proximity, an obviously unfamiliar sensation. Momentarily blinded by the smoke filling the corridor, he reached for her and grabbed her hand. Together they ran as fast as they could, Kathryn pausing so often to fire at the dark shapes outlined in the encroaching smoke, until they reached the door that led down to some stairs even deeper into the building. Left and right, left, left, right again; Kathryn lost track of where they were going. The constant turns were making her feel dizzy but she shook it off and continued on after Q. They burst through a door and suddenly they were in a long narrow unlit brick tunnel with a dirt floor. They made their way along in the dark until they reached a ladder set into the wall that seemed to reach above them almost fifty feet.  
"Come on." Q exclaimed and motioned for her to go first. Kathryn shook her head as she recovered her breath, still feeling nauseous from the smoke.  
"You go first." she replied and pointed to what looked like a man-hole cover high up in the distance. If it was as heavy as the door had been, she may not have the strength to lift it, she explained. Q nodded and began his assent. Peering down the dark tunnel, it appeared they had left their pursuers back in the smokey corridor. Satisfied they were temporarily alone, she put her phaser back in her bag and stepped up onto the first rung. A piercing pain shot through her right leg that caused her to cry out.  
"Are you okay?" Q called down from above her.  
"I'm fine." She replied taking a breath. It was too dark to see what she had done so she bit her bottom lip to mask the pain and continued up the ladder after him.


	11. Under Milk Wood

With a great deal of effort, Q was able to push the manhole cover blocking their exit out of the way. As he did, Kathryn felt water dripping down onto her head and realised with relief that it was rain and that they'd at least made it outside. Below her in the dark, she heard voices signalling their pursuers had reached the ladder. Q quickly clambered out and then after assisting Kathryn, replaced the cover over the hole. They were outside the fortress walls and back in the street, but this part of town seemed long abandoned; the buildings boarded up and derelict. Q took Kathryn's hand and together they ran breathlessly in the pouring rain through the cobbled street.

"Q wait." she gasped after a few minutes, and clasped his arm. "Please."   
"Come on, we need to get out of sight" Q hissed, he slowed and wiped the rain from his face. Kathryn raised her hand signalling for him to wait, and looked a little wobbly on her feet. Q leaned in to steady her and saw the blood dripping down her palm. Her eyes rolled back and she fell into his arms. He felt the hot blood patch on her thigh staining through her rain sodden dress. Shaking her awake, they stumbled to a bordered up door way. Q kicked it in and helped her inside. They climbed a dank cobwebbed stairwell and found themselves in a small dark bare room. He left Kathryn alone whilst he secured the door. When he came back, he found her leaning against a the fireplace attempting to raise enough dry wood to make a fire. A small smile escaped his lips. She was soaked to the bone, injured and yet still so determined to be self sufficient. Even in this state, she was beautiful. He took the wood from her hands and stacked it in the fireplace. She handed him her phaser and he light the fire. He then dragged the old mattress from the broken iron bed and lay it on the floor.   
"Wait here," he hissed conscious of his own voice in the quiet.   
"I'm coming with you" Kathryn went to walk and winced on her injured leg.  
"Stay here." He sat her down on the end of the mattress with a commanding look. By now she was shivering, his fingers tingled against her goose bumped skin. "I'm just going to get supplies. I'll be right back." 

He returned fifteen minutes later with some old blankets, a large brown bottle and some white rags.   
"It's crawling with guards outside." He said breathlessly. "Most of these places seem to have been abandoned a long time ago. This is all I could find."   
Kathryn gave a nod but said nothing; it was obvious she was in a great deal of pain.   
"I need to have a look at that wound." He said glancing at the growing stain of red sweeping across her leg.  
She hesitated, but then nodded knowing she was hurt more than she could fake her way through. Q slid the dress up to where the blood ended. After all his man-handling of her in the past, she was surprised to see his hands tremble as he felt the smooth curve of her calf under the silk. Perhaps it was just the cold she mused. She could already see that the electrical explosion had given her a nasty burn but as Q tried to inspect the would itself, it became clear that it had also fused the dress fibres to her skin making it difficult to get a proper look at.  
"You need to take this off." Q stated with a frustrated tone. She stared at him incredulously.   
"Q this is not the time for.."  
"Kathy my sweet, you are at risk of infection if I don't cover this wound. and that's if you don't get hypothermia first." He lectured, at the same time remembering he was also wet through and starting to shiver. She glared at him silently for a few seconds before snatching one of the brown blankets from him and standing up with difficulty, ignoring his offer of assistance.  
"Turn around." She said raising an eyebrow. Q flashed a mischievous grin at her and faced the other wall, stripping off his wet clothes and wrapping the blanket over his shoulders. It was scratchy with a musty smell but it was at least warm and dry. Q could hear some grunts of frustration and then a big sigh.   
"Q" a defeated voice said. Kathryn looked over at him reluctantly. The rain had saturated the silk which made it cling heavily to her skin. Her strength was fading and she couldn't lift it off. "I can't"  
"Let me." The words asked for permission but the tone was authoritative.  
He crossed the room to her and gave her the blanket that she'd thrown over the broken bed end. She turned to face away and scooped her hair over her shoulder, holding the blanket against her chest. He gently undid the silver straps and peeled the silk from her body. Kathryn held her breath, every part of the captain in her internally fought against what was happening, but there was a tiny little secret part of her deep down that tingled in forbidden anticipation. He then took hold of the material from above and below the wound to try and seperate the silk from her leg.  
"This may sting a little." He exclaimed.  
Kathryn braced herself and cried out in pain as he tore away the fabric, falling back into him. His hands clasped around her bare waist to steady her. The skin on skin contact caused her to freeze, sending tiny unexpected vibrations across her whole body. She heard Q catch his breath before wrapping the rest of the blanket around her protectively. She stepped out of the dress, now lying on the floor away and turned, granting him an appreciative smile. He led her to the mattress and sat her down so he could check her leg. A piece of shrapnel was buried in the centre of a nasty burn etched with green silk fibres. Q glanced apologetically at her.   
"I know," she grimaced. "It' s going to sting."   
"Here." Q grinned passing her the brown bottle. "It's not Romulan but it will do the job." Kathryn raised an eye brow and with a bemused look from Q, pulled the cork with her teeth and took a big swig. It tasted like battery acid but the warm heavy feeling in her chest and head after had the desired effect. She passed the bottle back to Q who also had a drink, pulling a face at the taste. He counted to three but pulled the metal out on two. Kathryn cried out in pain twice as the shrapnel was freed and Q poured the alcohol over to sterilise the wound. He then bound her leg with the white rags.   
"Thankyou" she murmured pulling the blanket tighter around her chest self consciously. Q's was thrown around his shoulders, the rain dripping from his hair. He was naked to the waist, his briefs had been mercilessly saved from the rain by the thick dress pants. He wasn't as chiselled as she had expected. He was muscular with a little rough chest hair but it was so much more normal and pleasing than she had thought. She caught herself... Not that she had thought about what Q wore under the faux captain's uniform he usually adorned.   
Q caught her looking and flashed her a grin. Kathryn blushed and turned to stoke the fire.   
"Get some sleep." He said positioning himself awkwardly against the wall. "I'll keep watch." This was finished with a stifled yawn. Kathryn yawned herself. It would be dawn soon enough and the cold has sapped their energy; sleep beckoning them from the warm comfort of the fire.  
"You need to sleep yourself Q. You're no good to either of us without rest." She said using her sternest captain's voice. Q shifted nervously.  
"The sleep thing." He cried sulkily. "The most detestable part of humanity. I hate it."  
There was a time when Kathryn would have taken great pleasure in seeing Q live the struggles of a 'biped' but their friendship had come a long way since then. Throughout the fights, the distractions, the disruptions he had caused, they had formed a relationship unique to themselves; one that no one else could understand. She knew that he loved to get under her skin but she also knew that he did care about her and wouldn't let anything happen to her so she had to be the same to him. She readjusted her blanket and beckoned him over. He crawled over with a questioning look and following her unspoken commands, lay down next to her on the mattress. She thought he would make some tawdry remark but he stayed uncharacteristically quiet.   
 "Close your eyes." Kathryn whispered. She positioned herself above his head and told him to relax. First warming her hands on the fire, she began to run her fingers in circles on his temples. At the contact, Q shivered; a smile creeping across his lips. Her traced her fingers down passed his ear lobes and along his jaw. Her hands stretched along his chest, rising and falling as he let out a content sigh. She took the pressure back up to his scalp, and soon enough she heard soft snoozing sounds. Kathryn smiled despite herself as she wrapped his blanket back over his chest. She imagined it was a rare if not unseen moment, watching over the sleeping Q. She crawled back down the mattress and curled up next to him in front of the fire. She took extra care to ensure there was a professional distance between their sleeping bodies yet she did not feel particularly uncomfortable about him being so close. Perhaps it was because he had invaded her personal space, her bed and bath to name a few, that she was just getting used to him being so personal with her. Not many people got to break that exterior, she knew she could be hard to warm. That was just the nature of the job. Q's dogged persistence had made surprising cracks, maybe because he wasn't part of the crew and didn't have to do what she said. As much as it often frustrated her, it was also liberating. If she had been stranded with Tom, Harry or Tuvok, there was no way she would have let them help her undress. Even Chakotay... She could never let them cross that line and they would never insisted that they should. Not like Q, he had taken charge of her and for once it felt good. Not that she would ever admit it to him. She was surprised she even admitted it to herself. The fire cracked in the dark and she began to feel warm again. The bound wound on her leg was throbbing but it was not enough to keep her from the clutches of the night and soon enough she was asleep. 


	12. Something wicked this way comes

When Kathryn woke, dawn was creeping through through the boarded up window of their tiny sanctuary. Although the fire had died a few hours before, she felt the tickling heat of a fever creeping over her body. She rubbed her eyes and looked down feeling an unfamiliar pressure. Her eyes widened as she saw a bare arm was slung over her waist. Q had rolled in his sleep and now had a arm curling protectively around her body. She could hear him breathing softly behind her, his breath tickling the back of her neck, sending a tingling sensation across her skin.   
"Are you awake?" She whispered as she tried to lift away his hand that had crept dangerously close to the inside of her blanket. Q's embrace felt surprisingly warm and safe, and she wasn't as abhorred as she thought she would have been, and yet the Captain in her was anxious to remove herself from such a compromising position. Q mumbled something incoherent in reply and wriggled closer into her, his hand curling around her own. She had missed the sensation of a man pressed against her more than she had realised, and Q had managed to ensure as much of him was flush against her as possible. Like many mortal men who wake up in close proximity to something desirable, his body had reacted accordingly and she could feel a hard pressure pushing against the base of her backside. Perhaps it was the fever but a strange flutter seemed to quiver over her body and her fingers involuntarily dug into his hand a little tighter. In a seemingly subconscious reaction, Q pressed his erection harder against her, his arm clasping more tightly around her waist, forehead now laying in the curve of her neck. Kathryn chewed on the bottom of her lip and contemplated the tantalising possibilities that awaited two people in such a compromising position. If Chakotay had accompanied her here, had undressed her, had curled himself up around her, if she had felt him push against her like Q was now, would she let him roll her over and have her right there? Right on that mattress far away from the rules and regulations of Voyager? The thought sent a throbbing ache between her legs that felt definitely different to the one that was currently aggravating her thigh wound. But Chakotay wouldn't have done those things and it wasn't him lying behind her, it was Q. Kathryn was perturbed to find that didn't seem to bother her as much as it should. She must be more affected by the blast that she realised. It was making her crazy. What was she thinking lying here with Q having thoughts like that? Imagine if the crew had become worried and sent a rescue party, what would they think if they had burst in on their half naked captain wrapped up the arms of their one time foe? She shifted uncomfortably at the thought. 

"What a joy it is to wake up to the scent of your skin" Q murmured into the back of her bare shoulder, "I shall never grow tired of it. Mmm.. Frangipani, is it not? I shall have to procure you a particular lotion they make on..."   
Kathryn rolled away onto her stomach and shot him an angry glare.   
"Ah" he continued teasingly, propping his head higher on his left hand and tracing a line over her bare shoulder with a finger on the other. "The Captain returns."   
"Enough of your games Q." Kathryn growled, angry at herself for even considering her wake up with the omnipotent being as potentially erotic. She fixed her blanket tightly around herself and attempted to stand. Seeing her wobble, Q jumped to his feet and offered her a helping hand which she refused much to his amusement.  
"Games, moi?" He grinned playfully. "I wasn't the one enticing people onto mattresses with an impromptu massage." Standing in only his pants, he grabbed the blanket from the mattress and went to wrap it around his waist. Before he did, he glanced down at himself in his morning state and raised an eyebrow before giving her a wicked look.  
"It was apparently very effective."   
Kathryn's legs trembled, partly because of the pain of standing, but mostly because of the way Q was looking at her; like a lion eying up his prey, like she was his to have any moment. He often looked at her like that during his visits, seemingly enjoying the way she would deny him. Without the protective barrier of her uniform, she was less sure if she could.   
"We're here for the safety of the girl, or have you forgotten that." She spat. It was a low blow but it got the desired result. Q's expression immediately changed and he stepped back stiffly.   
"Don't ever question my commitment to my ward again." He said quietly, in a tone that Kathryn had not heard before. They stared each other out for a few seconds but Kathryn relented with a small nod, silently acknowledging she had perhaps gone too far. Q broke into a slightly patronising chuckle and offered the captain his hand again.   
"Get back into bed," he said softly, "you need to keep your strength."   
"Where are you going?" She replied unmoved from the fireplace.  
"Back to the ship, we need supplies and more weapons." he paused as she began to reply before cutting her off. "And no, you cannot come. Your wound is bad and you have a fever. You will stay here and rest." This time he took of her hand and ushered her back down on to the mattress. "Besides, as much as I love seeing you so scantily dressed, and don't get me wrong if I had my way, you would always in this attire, you may draw attention to us out in the street." He gave her a salacious wink which Kathryn couldn't help but reluctantly smile at. He then grabbed the trousers and shirt from the broken bed frame, both of which were almost dry and hastily got dressed. Kathryn lay back onto the bed, her head propped up on her hand and watched as he covered up.  "I do believe your attentions are making me blush captain." Q said as he zipped up his pants. Kathryn rolled her eyes.   
"I can't imagine this is the first time a woman has seen you get dressed Q."   
"No," He paused, and suddenly was crouched down next to her, his face inches from hers. "But you are no ordinary woman." He moved to kiss her but she pulled back in time, her eyes narrowing. Apparently undeterred, Q grinned. "I'd much rather you see me undress." He continued, his eyes burrowing into hers.  
"I already did that last night." She replied with a smirk.  
"Something I hope to repeat again under better circumstances." His lips were almost touching hers.  
Kathryn didn't respond at first, not trusting her own voice.   
"You try that on voyager, I will have you thrown in my brig." She finally retorted, attempting to regain her captainly countenance.  
"And would you visit me and hold my hand my sweet captain, I dare say we could pass the time in all manner of ways that even your savage of a commander couldn't think up."   
He ran his gaze over her body, as if he was contemplating where to start and then before she could react, leaned in a steal a kiss. The contact lasted only a few seconds and yet the sensation of his lips against hers sent little shockwaves across her body. She pulled away quickly and attempted to give him a disapproving look that was obviously unconvincing based on Q's face.  
"Go find the ship." She ordered finally, shooing him off her.  
"Yes ma'am." He gave her a cheeky salute and headed out the door.   
Kathryn lay back on the mattress, and touched her mouth absent-mindedly. She hated when he did that, kissed her. She also hated the way her body reacted when he did. She rolled over, careful to avoid putting pressure on her leg which was aching behind Q's bandages. He had been right, she was still so tired. A secret part of her wished Q had still been there for her to curl up and sleep against. Stop it Kathryn, she thought as she closed her eyes; when you wake up, only rational thoughts okay? It was time to start thinking like a Captain again. With that deal made, she instantly fell asleep.


	13. The memory keeper

Kathryn lost time of how long Q had been gone as she slipped in and out of consciousness. When she finally awoke properly, her face felt like it was burning but her body was chilled to bone. She reached for his blanket for extra warmth and snuggled down under it. The fabric smelled like him which was oddly arousing in her semi sleepy state. It was a subtle yet masculine scent that she'd never noticed when he had his powers. From the small gap in the window, it seemed to be fairly light outside which indicated Q had been gone for some time. She hoped he was ok.   
"He's fine." A voice said next to her. Kathryn looked up with a start. A young green eyed girl of no more than fifteen sat crossed legged next to her. She was wearing a Captain's starfleet uniform.  
"Jade..." Kathryn gasped and sat up quickly. Remembering she was in a state of undress, she instantly grabbed her blanket before realising she was also back in her own uniform as well. She shot a questioning look at the girl before her who grinned.  
"I thought you would appreciate a break from your fever... and some clothes for a while." she said with a giggle.  
"I'm.. dreaming?" Kathryn asked, internally grateful for her new attire. It felt good to be back in familiar clothes again. In fact, it felt good to be dressed in anything.  
Jade pulled a face.  
“Yes.. well, kind of..." She then looked around nervously, as if checking for a hidden foe that Kathryn couldn't see.  
"But this is different from before," She gently prompted the child. "Before I could only witness what was happening to you? How are we communicating?"  
'Fernand has been keeping me sedated to limit my telepathic abilities. I was only able to share memories with you before; snippets of what was happening on a loop. It took all my strength to send what I did before the drugs did their work.” Jade replied and then smiled. "I was relying on you to put it together and you did! Q was right, you are brilliant."  
Kathryn blushed at the compliment and shifted on the end of the mattress awkwardly. Jade suddenly looked anxiously at a spot on the wall and was silent for a moment. When she turned her attentions back to the Captain, she spoke in a whisper.  
"I don't have much time. Your visit last night has prompted Fernand to contact the Master. He is making his way to Iogia as we speak. Fernand has reduced the meds so I am alert enough for his arrival which is how we are talking now.” She explained.  
"How much time do we have?" Kathryn asked.  
"I'm not sure. It takes the Master time to generate enough energy to take physical form within this universe; longer to travel between time dimensions since the Continuum removed his powers but he could appear at any time.” Jade replied.  
Kathryn frowned; something was bugging her.  
"Why did Fernand only contacted him now? Why risk allowing the Continuum to attempt a rescue? He knew they would try." She asked. Jade hesitated, a peculiar expression flushing over her face.  
"He.. well... let's just say that the Master is not the only one with an agenda." She finally said, avoiding Kathryn's gaze.  
"Jade…” She tried to probe further but was silenced by the young girl.  
"Look, it's not important. The main thing is to get you off this planet now."  
“Yes. After we come and get you." Kathryn replied.  
"No. It's too dangerous." Jade cut in, placing her hands on Kathryn's arms. "Captain, you are badly injured. If you don't get back to Voyager soon.."  
"I feel fine.."  
"You only feel fine because I am maintaining this environment. When you wake up it will feel very different I assure you."  
"Jade, we're not leaving you here, Q won't leave you." Kathryn stated in reply.  
"I will be fine for now. The Continuum will try again; and I can resist the Master. I won’t give him my power.”  
“I don’t care about your powers Jade, I care about you.” The sincerity of the words surprised her as they came out of her mouth. After all, she barely knew the girl and yet she somehow she felt a connection to her she couldn’t explain. Jade looked equally as surprised, her cheeks turning pink.  
“Really?” She asked, fidgeting with the charm that hung from the long piece of string around her neck.  
“Of course.” Kathryn took her hands. “Q and I both do, and we are all getting out of this hell hole together. That’s non-negotiable, understood?” She added in her Captain’s voice. Jade pulled a face but finally nodded. Kathryn continued.  
“So here is the new plan. We need a distraction. Enough to get us inside to the complex and free you. You bring down the shield, the Continuum will do the rest.”  
“Your ship has been taken.” Jade protested. “Fernand has his men out searching for it last night. They brought it in this morning. There is no way you can free me and get the ship at the same time.” She sighed.  
Kathryn’s heart fell. She had been hoping to use the vessel’s basic phasers to cause enough of a stir to break up the guards and give them a fighting chance. Maybe they could steal another ship? That still would leave only one of them to free Jade. They needed more help. She fell silent for a moment as Jade watched her anxiously. There had to be a way…  
“How advanced is the Iogian scanning technology once ships pass through the gate?” She suddenly asked.  
“Hang on.” Jade frowned and stared into space for a moment. “Um.. it’s only external as far as I can tell.” She then said, meeting Kathryn’s gaze. “They rely heavily on the entry gate as their main security. That scans the inside of the vessel for passengers and authenticates the entry code. Once the ship passes through, that is it. ”  
“Okay.. okay..” Kathryn broke into a grin, a plan forming in her mind.  
“Q and I can’t do this alone.” She stated. “You need to contact my Commanding Officer Chakotay on Voyager and get him to assemble a team to fly another Continuum shuttle to the planet. After entering the shield, they will set the ship on an impact trajectory with the far side of the fortress and beam to the planet before it hits. The blast should distract most of the guards enough to clear us an entry path. When they are down on the ground, their mission will be to keep the guards busy and try to reacquire our original vessel should the continuum not pick us up in time. Q and I will wait for the explosion and then come for you.”  
“That’s not going to work.” Jade cut in. “I mean, you are here and Voyager is so far. I don’t know Commander Chakotay. I don’t think…” She paused and looked a little flustered.  
“You didn’t know me and you were able to establish contact even when you were sedated.” Kathryn replied gently.  
“That’s cause I had a memory foundation.” Jade looked a little embarrassed and glanced at the far wall.  
When she realised that Kathryn was unmoved until she got an answer, she reluctantly continued. “Oh this is so lame… Okay... When I was younger and the Continuum first took me from Earth, Q would tell me stories about the universe and the species he had met when I couldn’t sleep. He would talk about you especially; about your ship and the adventures you had.”  
“Me?” Kathryn asked, shocked that the omnipotent being deigned their few interactions as noteworthy enough to relay to his young ward.  
“Yeah, I think at first he thought it was comforting for me to hear about other humans out there in the universe. He would tell me all about you; how you were leading your ship through uncharted space, how passionate, brilliant and beautiful you were.”  
“No, what? I..” Kathryn felt her face turn red as she listened to Q’s surprisingly complimentary description of her. She wasn’t sure what to say so she just looked down at her hands.  
“Those stories were my favourite. I always wanted to be like you when I was older.” Jade grinned sheepishly. Kathryn was touched and she smiled back warmly at the girl, grabbing her hand to squeeze it. “So when I needed to make a memory connection with someone, you were the first person i thought of. I already knew enough about you to build a bridge to your subconscious that I could transfer to without hurting you and, from what Q had told me, I also knew you would work out what the dreams meant. I don’t know if I could connect in the same way with any of the others, especially with so little time.”  
Kathryn thought for a moment.  
“What about Tuvok?” She then said. “He is Vulcan; they have telepathic abilities. He may be able to pick up your message more than the others, even if it’s only fragments.”  
“I don’t know…” Jade looked unconvinced. “Implanting my memories is one thing. Relaying a message is something else entirely."  
"Try Jade." Kathryn shot her an authoritative look.  
Jade considered it for a moment. "For a quick implantation, I’d need you as a guide; and since I’m already in your head at the moment, that’s second level… it’s going to leave me pretty out of it.” She replied reluctantly. Kathryn took her hands.  
“We are going to come for you Jade."  
“Okay," The girl sighed and then nodded. "but we need to make this quick.”  
She raised her palms to either side of the Captain’s temples and closed her eyes.  
What happened next could only be described as a feeling similar to falling asleep. Kathryn felt the darkness fizzling around her and soon she was falling and falling; endlessly into the dark.


	14. Midway through the journey of our lives

When she opened her eyes, to her surprise, she found herself back in her own quarters on Voyager.   
“It worked!” She cried with delight and looked down at her travelling companion. Jade clung unsteadily to her elbow, her face as white as a sheet.   
“Are you okay?” Kathryn asked, taking her arm with a look of concern.   
“I’m fine.” Jade smiled weakly. “We have to hurry though.” She frowned for a moment and then a determined look crossed her features. “Tuvok is on your bridge.”   
“Okay, let’s go.”  
As Kathryn led her towards the exit, Jade raised her free hand and the doors opened.   
“I only know certain areas of Voyager.” She added. “I used Q’s memories to navigate and he doesn’t exactly walk around. I can adapt the environment as we move but I need you to show me the way.”   
Kathryn nodded and together they hurried out into the corridor. 

They travelled in silence through the ship heading for the bridge. As they walked, crew members passed them by without paying them the slightest heed.   
“They can't see you.” Jade explained. “We aren’t really here and neither are they. This is a projection of what Tuvok’s subconscious believes is happening on the rest of the ship.”  
They reached the bridge and Jade opened the doors. Kathryn felt a warm happiness in her chest as she saw her crew going about their business. Chakotay was stood by the Captain’s chair staring pensively at the open space in the view finder ahead. She had only been gone for a little over twenty-four hours so there was no reason to panic about her yet, but still she could see a tense determination in his face. Kathryn approached him and reached to place a comforting hand on his shoulder.  
“Captain, don’t.” Jade exclaimed, startling her. “We are poking around in Tuvok’s subconscious. It’s a very delicate space. Best not to touch anything.” She explained.   
Kathryn nodded and withdrew her hand.   
They walked to the security desk behind which the ever stoic security commander stood. Kathryn couldn’t help but smile when she saw he was trying to find more information on Iogia. His face gave no indication he was aware of their presence.   
Jade looked uncomfortable suddenly.  
"If we're doing this, we have to do it now." She hissed, looking around nervously at a threat Kathryn could not see. “Place your hand on my shoulder, I don’t want to lose you in here.” She said as she raised her hands to Tuvok’s head. Kathryn did as she was told and watched as Jade closed her eyes.   
“Here goes nothing!” 

There was whoosh of wind and then a dizzying array of images. Q and Jade in the woods, her capture, the explosion at the fortress, Kathryn getting hurt, her lying on the floor. Then Kathryn saw herself sitting on the end of the mattress in her Captain’s uniform. She heard her conversation with Jade about their plan for her rescue. She saw her embarrassment at Q’s compliments. Then suddenly, she became aware of a presence next to her, someone just out of sight yet equally as close. It didn’t make sense. There was a hot damp feel in the air, and she could feel sweat sliding over smarting lacerations. Then were hands. And breath. And fear. A bright electric light from an open door blinded her eyes.   
"Something tells me you were somewhere you were not supposed to be." A cruel voice sounded behind the black and white spots dancing across her vision. ”Why don't you tell me about that."   
A blood curdling scream rang in her ears and Kathryn could no longer tell if it was hers or Jade's. She closed her eyes tight and when she reopened them, she found herself in Q's arms. She was back in her blanket as before and feeling terrible. Q was sitting behind her taking her weight with his chest, one arm cradling her for support and then other hand dabbing her forehead with a damp cloth. She murmured something incoherent as her new reality became apparent and tried to sit up.   
"Easy." Q whispered sounding concerned and she fell back against him breathing heavily. "I came back and you were having some kind of... reaction. I.. didn't know what to do.. If I had my powers.." Q sounded frustrated and upset at the same time. Kathryn, now lying back against his chest again, patted his arm gently.   
"You did fine Q."   
He didn't respond but she felt him pull her in a little tighter.   
“The ship..” He then started to say before Kathryn cut him off.   
“Yes i know, Fernand has it.” She added with a sigh.   
“How did you know?” Q asked surprised.   
She pulled herself up and turned to look at him. The blanket covering her shifted awkwardly as she moved so he, with a small yet cheeky smile, helped her wrap it around.  
"I saw Jade."  
Q’s expression immediately changed. Kathryn briefly explained what had happened up until giving the images to Tuvok.  
After she had finished, he sat back and thought for a minute.   
“It could work.” He said nodding. “The guards were definitely Iogian as Fernand always works alone. Their primary duty will be to protect the building and an explosion of that magnitude could cause enough chaos for us to sneak in undetected.”  
“And if the Iogian’s think it is an accident, we won’t have to worry about any additional armed response.” Kathryn added.   
Q broke into a grin, clearly happy for some good news.  
“Did the Vulcan look like he understood the message?” He then queried. Kathryn bit her bottom lip, an expression of concern crossing her face. She wasn’t sure if telling Q what she had seen would make the situation worse.   
"What is it?" Q asked raising an eyebrow. "Kathy, tell me please." His eyes met hers searchingly.  
"Jade did great. She showed Tuvok everything he needed. I’m sure Voyager is contacting the Continuum as we speak.”   
“But?”   
“But.. we were interrupted.. and..” Kathryn gripped his arm tightly. “Q, we have to get her out of there.”

*** 

When Tuvok awoke, he found himself in sickbay. The Doctor and Commander were stood by his side discussing his readings.   
"And you say it's the same as the Captain's?" Chakotay queried sounding concerned.   
"It was the same experience too." Tuvok responded sitting up slowly. His head was pounding and there was the taste of blood on his top lip indicating his nose had bled.   
"You reacted a lot more severely. It took three crew members to restrain you.” Chakotay replied.   
“Did you dream like she did?” The doctor asked.  
“Yes and no.” Tuvok said, rubbing his head; the pain was intense when he tried to remember. “I saw images and.. I think the Captain was here on Voyager, with the girl. Not here in reality but I think subconsciously they were trying to communicate a message."  
"What message?" Chakotay asked.   
“A rescue request. Captain Janeway appears to be hurt badly." He responded, an expression that could almost be described as concern crossing the usually un-emotive Vulcan's face. "There was an explosion, and then I saw her lying on the ground. I think the girl wants us to come for the Captain as she is in trouble.” Chakotay and the Doctor exchanged a worried glance as he continued. “They want us to contact the Continuum and fly a ship to the planet.” He relayed the rest of the conversation between Jade and the Captain that he had seen.   
“How do we contact the other Q?” The Doctor asked as they helped Tuvok to his feet.   
“I don’t know.” Chakotay replied with a sigh. He hated dealing with the Continuum. “We know where Iogia is but we’d never reach it in time; nor do we know if they are even in the same time period as us.”   
“Commander.” Tom Paris’s voice sounded over the Comm system.   
“Yes Lieutenant.”   
“Another unmanned ship has appeared ahead. It appears to be identical to the one the Captain departed in.”   
Chakotay looked at Tuvok and the Doctor with surprise.   
“Apparently the Continuum does hear all.” The Doctor quipped, raising an eyebrow.   
“Acknowledged Tom, please bring it aboard to cargo bay two and meet me there.”   
“Aye Commander.”  
Chakotay turned to his subordinate.   
“Are you fit for an away mission Mr Tuvok?” He asked. The Chief of Security straightened his uniform and nodded.   
“Yes Commander.”   
“Right. Doctor, prepare to receive the Captain when we return. Tuvok, you’re with me.”   
“Good luck.” The Doctor replied as they hastily left the sickbay. 

*** 

"Here" Q dragged over bag he'd brought back with him. He had been eerily quiet after she had told him about what she had felt and heard during Jade’s memory implant with Tuvok. A look had come over his face she hadn't seen before. With his powers suspended, she suspected he was having difficulty processing how to react so he had stayed quiet, an look similar to a wounded animal in his eyes. Kathryn's heart ached seeing it and she wondered how he had become so human in his expression since his previous visits. She doubted it was the removal of his powers; that fear took time to learn. It took a real care for someone, a real love. Something Kathryn had previously thought Q did not have the capacity to feel. She had sat with him quietly, being a silent comfort which he seemed to appreciate, leaning a little closer in at her touch. Breaking the silence, he pulled out some water which Kathryn gratefully accepted.  
“When I realised the ship had been taken, I thought I better find more supplies.” He stated and then passed her what looked like a hyper spray, albeit a little more primitive. "It’s adrenaline.” He said when she gave him a questioning look. “I found in the medical cabinet of an old abandoned engine store of some sort. It was all that was left unfortunately but it should keep you on your feet until my Qness returns. I also got you this.” He reached into the bag again and pulled out a green engineers jump suit. Kathryn's eyes lit up. Q continued. "Not that I don't enjoy your current state of attire, it just might make a low key get away a bit tricky and I would prefer it for my eyes only." He gave her a playful wink to which she broke into a reluctant smile at as he helped her up shakily onto her feet. Cautiously, she unwrapped her blanket and Q held it up as a barrier between them, protecting her modesty so she could dress. As her skin was exposed to the air, goosebumps tingled over her body in a way that felt dangerous in being so underdressed next to Q. She gingerly held on to his hand for balance as she stepped into the jumpsuit, angling both legs in and pulling it up; wincing as it grazed against her bound leg. The bandage was soaked in old blood and she could see an ominous purple tinge to the skin surrounding it. She was about to tuck her free arm in when she felt Q's body move flush against her back; the barrier of the blanket the only thing between them. His breath tickled the curve of her neck as his forehead leant into her hair. She froze, holding her breath in anticipation and fear. Q was supporting her weight and, with the jumpsuit only up to her waist, there was nowhere she could run even if she wanted to. What terrified her most was she wasn't entirely sure that she did. He took a deep inhale and breathed her in. Kathryn shivered as his lips grazed her shoulder.   
"I know you will never let me be this close to you again Kathy…” He whispered in her ear. "once you get your Captain's uniform back on. I just wanted to remember your scent, what this felt like..." He brushed his mouth down the other side of her neck. "this time you actually trusted me.”   
“You gave me a reason to trust you Q.” She whispered, her heart pounding in her chest.   
“And if I do again?”   
She was silent for a moment; the intent of the question hanging in the air like a physical force.   
“You can actually start now by letting me get dressed.” She uttered finally.   
Q chuckled and placed a light kiss on the back of her neck.   
“If you insist sweet Captain.”   
He helped her pull the jump suit over her shoulders so she could zip it up. It was oily, far too big and smelt a little musty but she was greatly appreciative for the coverage; finally she felt some control. Separating herself from the support of the omnipotent being, she tore thread from the blanket and used it to secure the end of her long hair braid; Q watching on with bemusement as she tidied her appearance. She still felt like shit; her cheeks were flushed, her skin hot to the touch, the pain in her leg was aching so much when she stepped on it, it took every ounce of strength not to cry out. But the plan provided purpose which in turn gave her the energy to keep moving. Sensing she was ready, Q offered her his arm. He had gathered their few belongings in the bag, which he had thrown over his shoulder. Without hesitation, she took it and together they descended the stairs and out in the direction of the fortress.


	15. Where the wild things are

Kathryn and Q cautiously retraced their steps back to where they had exited the fortress and to their dismay found it was now guarded.  
"Come on." Kathryn hissed, placing a hand on Q's arm. She nodded at the boarded up building next to them which had an overhang windowed balcony that gave a clear view of the manhole and fortress. "We can hide out up there. We'll have a clean line of fire when we see the explosion."  
Q nodded and helped her through the doorway. There was a small room with a long since used kitchenette and bed inside. Behind, a winding staircase led up to another room attached to the balcony.  
"Go and lie down for a bit." Q said, motioning to the mattress. "I'll keep watch upstairs and let you know when your crew arrives. You need to keep your strength up." He added. Kathryn gave a reluctant nod and left Q to head up the stairs. She limped over to the bed and carefully lay down. It felt good to take the pressure of her leg and soon enough she found herself dozing in the darkness of the tiny room. Just a few minutes and then I'll get up, she thought, as she closed her eyes. 

When she opened them again, it took her a few moments to realise where she was. She strained her eyes in the dark and made out the small sink and table.  
Ah yes, she thought. The fortress. I know this. Above her, a constant creek of someone pacing across floorboards could be heard. Q must be getting restless. She wondered how long she had been asleep. Heaving herself a little unsteadily out of bed, she headed up the stairs to where Q was keeping watch. Entering the doorway, she could see the formally omnipotent being leaning against the overlook. From the light of the window, she noted his brow furrowed in thought, foot tapping impatiently against the rotten wood floor. She crossed the room and leaned against the table next to him so she could take the pressure of her leg.  
"You should be resting." He muttered, maintaining his focus on the fortress ahead.  
"I'm fine. Are you okay?" She asked, placing a hand on his shoulder.  
"Of course, why wouldn't I be?" Q snapped. Kathryn took a breath irritably and withdrew the hand.  
"Patience is not exactly one of your virtues Q."  
Q went to reply but then looked down at his restless foot, pulling a face that seemed to indicate some agreement.  
"The Q don't usually have to be patient." He replied shirtily and then met her gaze, raising his eyebrows with a relenting smirk. "Although looking after Jade has required its fair share of moments."  
Kathryn was glad to see him smile. Q was wound so tight it could be dangerous when they eventually took on Fernand, she hoped a distraction would force him to relax a little.  
"Tell me about her?"  
Q's expression brightened a little and he leaned back against the wall with a sigh.  
"Oh, she's brilliant. Wild. Curious. So unbelievably empathetic and always wanting to see the good in people, despite everything that's happened to her. I'd always be telling her she'd have to be more careful, but as soon as my back was turned, she'd be off asking questions, making friends. She's a handful but she really is everything to me... What?" He raised an eyebrow. Kathryn had been grinning at him, a peculiar expression on her face.  
"Nothing.. it's just nice." She replied, "to see you speak about a human with such deference."  
"Hah, only certain humans," Q laughed. "But I'm always very complimentary about you."  
"So I've heard." Kathryn quipped.  
Q frowned and then a look of realisation crossed over that face and his cheeks turned a little pink to her surprise.  
"Of course. Oh, she loves to meddle." He grinned. "Remind me to have words with her later?"  
He turned back to the window and then sighed.  
"It wasn't always like this. I'll be frank with you Captain. In the beginning, I didn't want the responsibility. She felt like a burden, a punishment from the Continuum. A human child who needed to actively protected from the worst the universe had to offer? At least with Junior, he had his powers to protect him. I only had to guide him and keep him out of trouble until he could make his own way. Jade was so fragile. So... mortal. The energy spark within her makes her difficult for the Continuum to track so she needed to be watched at all times. Jade was even less thrilled as you can imagine. She had to leave Earth, everyone she knew, to go on the run with a man... an alien she had never met. Yes the first years were definitely the hardest."  
"Where were her family in all of this?" Kathryn asked. Q hesitated, a darker expression clouding over his face.  
"Dead" He then replied. "Murdered by Fernand."  
Kathryn suddenly remembered what the bounty hunter had said back in the cell during her dreams. They had never wanted to see her again so he had burned out their eyes. She had hoped for the girl's sake that it was simply a figure of speech but she had known deep down from witnessing Fernand's sadistic nature, it was probably not.  
"When the spark joined with it's vessel, we revealed ourselves to Jade's parents." Q continued. "The Continuum thought it could provide sanctity for the whole family; they would raise Jade, we would protect them. But they did not react as we had anticipated, they were afraid of us, afraid of Jade. Fernand convinced them that she was some sort of religious aberration that needed to be cast out and so they handed her over to the Master."  
"What?" Kathryn's eyes widened.  
"You have to understand Captain that we are talking about the cusp of the 21st Century." He explained somewhat sadly. "There had been no first contact; people were fearful of what they didn't understand. Fernand knew that world, he knew how to manipulate their beliefs. When the deal was done, he tortured them in front of Jade and then butchered the whole family. Jade had a younger brother and sister. He killed them all."  
Kathryn felt her eyes water, her chest heavy and restricted. She wanted nothing more than to gather this child, this girl she had never met, up into her arms and tell her everything was going to be okay. The memory imprint had left so many emotions swirling around in her head, she was no longer sure which were hers and which were Jade's. It was an unsettling feeling to feel such a connection to someone who she had only met in her own subconscious. She looked up at Q who maintained his focus on the world outside, as if it was the only thing protecting him from giving in to the expression of rage on his face.  
"She didn't speak for a long time after that and then, when she finally did, it was only to blame the Continuum; blame them for not protecting her family.  
We fought all the time and where ever the Continuum interfered it just made it worse. And then, this one day, I will never forget." A softer expression crossed Q's face. "She tried to run away. I searched for her everywhere, I was frantic. It's a new experience for a Q not to know where every mortal is at any given moment. I kept thinking, what if they have her, what could they be doing to her? Every possible scenario, however ridiculous, was running through my head."  
'Spoken like a true parent Q." Kathryn interjected with a smile.  
"I found her later. I remember her sitting on a wall looking out at the ocean. She had been crying. I asked her what was wrong and she asked me if she was a good person. I didn't really understand the question so I sat down next to her and said 'you're ten, everyone is a good person when you are ten'. I think she laughed but there was something bothering her. She then told me it was a year to the day for her that Fernand had killed her family. I hadn't realised, time moves differently for the Q. Jade said she hated her parents for selling her to Fernand, but she missed them too and she blamed herself for not protecting her siblings; and now everyone she had ever known was gone and she felt selfish for feeling so alone."  
Kathryn felt her eyes water and her breath quicken.  
"I didn't know what to say to her. I felt so... under qualified. So i gathered her up in my arms and just held her. I don't know why, I guess it just felt like the right thing to do. To my surprise, she didn't resist and then she began to cry. So I continued to hold her and we stayed like that for hours until she had no more tears left. During that time, I made myself a promise that she could put her trust in me no matter what. That she would always know she came first to at least one person. That I would never leave her alone. It took some time but she knows that now. I make sure of it."  
Kathryn reached forward and took his hand. Q looked down surprised and then met her gaze in time to see a tear creep down her cheek.  
"I'm proud of you." She whispered. Q stepped close to her, an unreadable look on his face. Kathryn looked up into his eyes and held her breath at the proximity.  
"You know, I like to think if we'd had a child together, it would have been something like Jade. I don't know how it happened, but the traits I see in her... she really is the best of the both of us." Q whispered as he placed his palm against her cheek and used his thumb to wipe away her tear. "Whatever happens now, it feels right that we are here together. I'm glad you are with me Kathy."  
They looked at each other silently for a moment, studying each other's features in the dimming light from the window. Unspoken words passed between them; the need for comfort, to find a sanctuary from their emotions in each other. They grieved for the child in a way that no-one else could understand. Kathryn didn't really understand it herself. Despite their own muddied relationship as combatants and her newly cemented connection to the child, they had somehow developed a shared commitment to her guardianship that united them. And in her incarceration, their worry bonded them in a way that they could only find reprieve in each other. They found one another urgently and without hesitation. Q's embrace was strong, his mouth firm against her own, his hands reaching behind her back and into her hair to pull her closer to him. Kathryn looped her arms around his neck and pressed her body against his, relishing the feel of him, the taste of him, the delicious rhythm of their connection that seemed to come so explicably natural to them. She moaned into his kiss as she ran her hands through his hair, the sound an output of finally giving in against the restraint she had clung so desperately to. Q's whole body seemed to twitch at the noise, and as her back arched in his arms, she felt him harden against her. She threw her head back and let him run his mouth ferverently down along her jaw and down her throat. All Starlet protocols, all prior reservations, all sensible notions were at this moment lost; all that existed was this... this feeling of such desperate desire that Kathryn almost couldn't stand it. She couldn't feel like this. She shouldn't feel like this. And yet, as Q pushed back the table so he could press her against the wall, she felt every cell in her body drawn wantonly to him in a way that made her tremble. As he crushed himself against her in the most intimate way possible, she found the sensation both overwhelmingly erotic and yet dizzyingly painful on her leg. The room began to spin and she knew she should stop but the sensation was just too good. Q somehow sensed she was going to fall before she did and separated his mouth from hers quick enough to collect her in his arms. Kathryn stumbled but was able to steady herself against his embrace, allowing her head to rest against his shoulder as she caught her breath.  
"Falling at my feet dear Captain. I'm not sure if I should take that as a compliment." He chuckled breathlessly, wrapping his arms around her. They stayed like that for a moment, Kathryn listening to Q's heartbeat return to it's normal rhythm whilst silently contemplating the implications of the line she had just crossed. Somehow she didn't regret what had just happened but she needed Q to understand that it would be the only time it would. She lifted her head.  
"Q..."  
Before she could go any further, an almighty explosion shattered the window and shook them from their feet.


	16. Better out than in

Kathryn sat up wearily, her ears still ringing from the blast. Shards of broken glass fell from her hair as she shook her vision back into focus. This new trend of being in close proximity to explosions was wearing a little thin, she thought as she looked around for Q. He had been closer than her to the window and had landed on his side when the glass had exploded. He pulled himself up slowly to a seated position with his back to her, rubbing his left ribs, his manner seeming a little dazed.  
"Are you okay?" She asked, shaking him slightly to get his attention. He looked around and his eyes refocused.  
"Yes.. I think so."  
Kathryn carefully clambered to her feet and approached the now open balcony window.  
"Look, the blast knocked out the guards." She hissed, peering down at the two men now lying unconscious in the street below. Q got up slowly and joined her. A grin crept over his face.  
"Great. Let's get down there."  
Kathryn looked up at him to show her agreeance and only then did she realise that the shattered glass had sliced two long lines over his left eyebrow.  
"Q, you're bleeding." She gasped grabbing his arm. Q reached his fingers up to the wound and seemed surprised to see blood when he looked at his hand.  
"Uhh.. I hate being mortal" He grimaced, wincing uncomfortably.  
He glanced back at Kathryn and, apparently realising that she was genuinely worried about him, broke into a smile before placing his other hand against her cheek and lightly kissing her forehead. "I'm fine, sweet Captain."  
Kathryn felt her face flush at the intimate contact but she was glad he was okay.  
"Come on, before the guards wake up." She muttered, breaking away from his embrace. Q nodded and took her arm in his, leading her out into the street. 

The guards were still out cold when they got to their previous exit place. Q set about lifting the man hole cover while Kathryn relieved the men of their weapons. She eyed the long ladder down into the dark warily. She could feel beads of sweat running down her neck and back, and her skin tingled in a manner similar to bad sunburn. The wound behind the bandages served as a dull throbbing reminder that she would not be as quick or steady on her feet as she was normally.  
"Are you going to be okay?" Q asked as he began to lower himself into the hole. Kathryn went to respond and then remembered the adrenaline he had gotten for her. She fished it out of her bag and self administered. A rush of energy surged through her body as the epinephrine did its work instantaneously. Suddenly she felt ready. She looked back at Q and nodded.  
"Let's go."

They climbed down for what felt like an eternity; certainly it seemed a lot longer than it had on their way up. When they eventually reached the ground, they navigated their way through the dark tunnel and towards the fortress. This time, Fernand had not been so careless with his security. Q had seen the auto-sentry before Kathryn had and had thankfully stopped her at the last second from walking into a spray of bullets. He pulled her body back against him, away from the line of fire; his arms wrapping protectively around her waist.  
"Thanks." She gasped as she realised the fatal error she had almost made.  
"No, thank you." She felt him chuckle into the curve of her neck, his body pressed tightly against her own. She grinned and patted his arm, signalling she was fine for him to let her go. He did, somewhat reluctantly and they continued on through the twisting turns of the underground passage.

Finding their way back to the door of the main complex, they were met by two more guards who Kathryn put down skilfully with her phaser. Creeping through the entrance, she could see people scurrying around in a panic trying to put out fires. It was the perfect distraction as everybody seemed too preoccupied with the billowing smoke and caved in ceiling to notice them discreetly hurrying by. They turned another corner and almost collided with a party rushing in the opposite direction.  
"Captain!" Chakotay cried with a start. He was accompanied by Tuvok, both dressed in the Arbos uniforms and carrying phasers. He seemed very relieved to locate her.  
"Am I glad to see you." Kathryn quipped as she caught her breath, placing a hand on his shoulder. "How did you get into the main complex?"  
"Part of the wall came down in the explosion." The Commander replied. "Paris has gone to find the other ship. We thought you could use a hand."  
"Are you alright Captain?" Tuvok asked as he scanned the surroundings with his tri-quarter. "The girl warned us you were injured."  
"Yes, I'm fine." Kathryn nodded.  
"No you're not..." Q cut in pointing to her leg with his blaster.  
"What happened?" Chakotay asked, glancing almost accusingly at Q.  
"It's nothing that won't keep until we get back to Voyager." She interrupted quickly, waving him off in a bid to deter them from starting their bickering again.  
Q gave a her a cool look.  
"I said I'm fine." She said again, a more serious tone in her voice. "Look, the quicker we get Jade, the sooner we will get back to Voyager." She turned to her Commander. "Chakotay, go check in with Tom and make sure that ship is secured. We may need if it the Continuum doesn't come through. Tuvok, Q, you're with me."  
Chakotay hesitated for a second eyeing Q uneasily but then, as he always did when she issued an order, gave her an affirmative nod and headed off as requested. As he left, Q opened his mouth to make a comment.  
"Don't say a word." Kathryn said sternly. He closed his mouth again and silently they continued on their journey to find Jade. 

They located the cell easily enough but, to their dismay, found the door wide open and the inside bare.  
"She was here..." Kathryn began as Tuvok scanned the room. Q looked around at the empty space, a worried expression clouding his features. Kathryn took his arm. “They’ve just moved her.” She said gently, ushering him back into the corridor. “Come on, we have to keep looking.”  
They continued on and after few more turns, they heard a commotion coming from down an adjoining corridor. Kathryn peered around the corner to see Fernand coming towards them with two guards. She grabbed Q and Tuvok and pulled them into a hidden alcove out of sight.  
“I don’t care what it takes, I want this place locked down.” She heard Fernand snap at one of the guards as he stormed passed them. “My Master approaches and you do not want to be the one responsible if he arrives while this building is still on fire.”  
Out of the corner of her eye, Kathryn saw Q make a move towards their antagonist, a wrathful expression on his face. She curled her hand around his arm, a silent request to stay put. Q glared at her at first, to which Kathryn responded with a softer pleading look to stay put. ‘I know, we will get him but the priority is Jade’, the look said silently. Q seemed to understand and his features relaxed, his eyes seemingly communicating back that he was okay. It gave Kathryn a shiver how, for someone who spent so much time on her ship ignoring her commands, when he looked at her like that, he seemed to read her so easily. She let go of his arm and nodded in the direction of the corridor. Tuvok exited first and fired at the guard who stood unaware of their presence in front of a door. The man dropped without even a yelp. Kathryn and Q followed and the three of them hurried towards his body. The door he had been guarding had a bio-cellular lock panel attached to the wall. Tuvok and Q pulled the unconscious guard up towards the panel and pressed his palm against the door. To their relief, the key code buzzed and the door swung open.  
That relief only lasted seconds as they saw the medical bed in the centre of a small room before them. Jade lay on top it, her arms and ankles strapped tightly to the metal frame. Kathryn looked up at Q who surveyed the scene before him with a mixture of horror and rage on his features. They both approached the bed almost hesitantly at first. The girl’s eyes remained closed but her chest moved up and down much to Kathryn's relief. Q’s and her eyes met across their ward’s almost lifeless body for a moment before they began hurriedly undoing the straps.  
"Jade.." Q clasped his hands around the young girls face gently as Kathryn removed the final restraints. "Jade, can you hear me?"  
The girl did not stir. He tried again a little more forcefully but still nothing.  
"Captain, I would suggest we leave now." Tuvok stated as he ran his triquarter over a computer panel set into the wall. "The Iogians are detecting a large and unusual energy build up in the upper atmosphere."  
"Origin?"  
"Unknown. The readings are unlike anything they, or I for that matter, have ever seen."  
"The Master?" Kathryn glanced at Q who nodded. He looked down at the child for a moment before meeting the Captain's gaze.  
"I can't bring down the Master's shield while she is in this state and we can't wait. We need to go now."  
Kathryn let out a long exhale and then gave a nod.  
"Okay, Plan B it is then."  
She looked over at Tuvok.  
"Tell Tom and Chakotay we will meet them at the first ship. It looks like we might have to fight our way out the mortal way after all."  
Q leant forward towards the bed to collect the unconscious Jade in his arms.  
"I've got you kiddo." Kathryn heard him whisper as he picked her up before carrying her out the room behind them.


	17. The great escape

Kathryn could feel the last of the adrenaline stimulant leaving her system, the energy that had been coarsing through her body dissipating as quickly as it had arrived. She could see the hanger ahead, Tuvok leading the way towards it with his phaser outstretched. As she ran, she took a moment to look back to Q carrying Jade in his arms behind her. Her eyes were still closed, her head leaning against his shoulder. Kathryn quickly turned back to the direction they were heading and felt the corridor before her spin. She slowed her pace to a stop and and steadied herself against the wall.  
“Kathy?” She heard Q behind her, a tone of concern in his voice.  
“I’m fine…” She whispered, shaking her vision back into focus, and pulled away from the wall. They reached the hanger and found four unconscious guards lying bound on the floor and their original ship waiting for them with the ramp open. Chakotay was stood at the vessel's entrance and as he saw them arrive, his face lit up with a relieved expression. Before he could speak, a loud siren began to wail from the speakers on the wall. Fernand must have gone back for Jade, Kathryn thought, and the ship will be the first place he will check. There would be guards on them any minute.  
"Come on!" Chakotay cried, waving them over. He ran down the ramp and took up a defensive position to cover their approach. Behind her, Kathryn heard a commotion and over her shoulder she saw Fernand storming up the corridor followed by a number of armed guards. She span on her heels and raised her stolen blaster. Q, who had been following close behind, slowed as he saw her turn, his eyes widening.  
"Run Q! Get Jade to the ship!" She cried, firing over his shoulder at Fernand. The first shot missed and by the time she got off the second, he had erected some kind of personal force field which deflected the blast. The guards however were not as well protected, the first in the advancing crowd dropping to the floor from her third shot. Tuvok appeared at her side, providing cover for Q to hurridly carry Jade across the hanger and to the vessel. The Captain and her Security Chief backed away towards the ship, keeping the guards at bay with their phasers.  
“Go Captain!” He shouted over the din, signalling for Kathryn to go ahead of him. She turned and Chakotay took the cue to provide cover fire from his spot at the top of the ramp so she could make a run for it. Summoning her last reserves of energy, she sprinted across the hanger floor and hit the ramp. As soon as she stepped up onto it, she felt a unbearably sharp pain shoot through her injured leg. It gave way beneath her before she could stop herself and she tumbled clumsily to the ground.  
“Kathy!” Q cried from the ship’s entrance, a conflicted expression crossing his features as he looked hesitantly back from her to the girl in his arms. Chakotay broke from his defensive position as he saw her fall, darting over to her. Kathryn closed her eyes and stretched her hands out on the floor as if holding on in a bid to stop the room from spinning.  
“Come on Captain,” He slipped his hands under her arms and ushered her to her feet. “We have to go.” Pulling her arm around his shoulders, he slipped his own around her waist and half dragged her up the ramp, weapons fire exploding around them. Tuvok had also now reached the ship and followed them up closely, firing his phaser in quick succession to cover their retreat as the ramp closed between their attackers and them.  
"We're all aboard Tom, time to go!" Chakotay shouted as they stumbled inside. "Are you alright?" He asked the Captain as she broke from his hold and leaned back against the wall catching her breath.  
"I'm fine Chakotay thank you." She nodded, and then glanced over to the view screen window as Tom prepared to engage for flight.  
"They've jammed the communication with the hanger computer. I can't open the hanger door." He said frustratedly punching a number of keys in without success. Kathryn made her way over to him and saw from the sensors that someone had deliberately terminated their connection. Fernand stood in front of the ship, a bemused smirk on his face. He made eye contact with the Captain and an eyebrow arched provocatively. Kathryn's eyes narrowed.  
"Ram it." She said, not breaking contact with Fernand for a moment.  
"Captain?"  
"You heard me Lieutenant." She snapped. "We can't wait. If we don't go now, we're all dead. Now Tom."  
"Yes ma'am." Tom prepared the ship for forward thrust.  
"Hold on everyone!" He uttered. Q clasped Jade close to him, Chakotay jumped into the second seat while Tuvok and the Captain braced for impact. The ship lurched forward suddenly, causing Fernand and the guards to leap out of the way, before it smashed into the metal doors with an almighty crash. The hanger door bent almost in two but not enough for the ship to escape through.  
“Again.” Kathryn cried, clambering up from where she had fallen on the impact. Tom rammed the door again and this time it gave way with a loud groan. He punched through the hole and after a narrow miss with the top of the perimeter wall, they were away.  
"We.. are.. outta here!" Tom cried as the ship sailed into the sky.  
“Good work Tom." Kathryn sighed breathlessly, laying a hand on her Lieutenant's shoulder. "Get us back to Voyager." He nodded and set a course for the Iogian gate. She met Chakotay's gaze and gave a small nod that communicated a lot more than it appeared; thanks, appreciation, maybe an apology. Chakotay gave her a small smile that appeared to do the same. 

Once they were airborne, Q carried Jade into the back room and lay her down on a blanket on the floor. After a few moments, Kathryn appeared in the doorway to check on him. She glanced down at the sleeping girl with an anxious expression. Q met her gaze and stood up to greet her. After casting a last look at Jade, he crossed the room and took her in his arms.  
“Are you okay?” He placed his hands around her cheeks and then moved one to her forehead frowning. “Kathy, you’re burning up.”  
She looked up at him with a soft gaze. He looked so concerned about her; it was still taking some getting used to.  
“I…”  
“Captain?” Chakotay came around the corner and stopped abruptly. His eyebrows raised and he stiffened. Kathryn stepped away from Q quickly.  
“Yes, Commander?  
"We're almost at the Iogian security barrier. A squadron of Iogian fighter ships has assembled near the gate. It looks like they intend to bar our exit.”  
Kathryn looked at Q.  
“Any ideas?”  
Before he could answer, they heard Tom shouting for their attention from the command.  
"Will you look at that.” Kathryn heard him exclaim as they joined him in the front of the ship. She looked up at the view screen ahead and her mouth opened. The security gate was clearly visible ahead of them but there was also an enormous entity that appeared to occupy the same space. It was strange, Kathryn could see it’s vast outline and yet it almost seemed like it wasn’t really there, like a mirage in the desert.  
“Is that… a ship?” Chakotay asked, jumping into the secondary pilot eat.  
“It can’t be, it’s huge.” Tom replied, slowing their vessel’s approach.  
“Whatever it is, it is destroying the Iogian’s security entrance.”  
They watched as the enormous ship phased into their reality, the security gate in it's path seemingly warping from existence. The fighter ships that had been protecting the shield hastily scarpered, leaving Kathryn’s little ship alone. She looked up at Q who was stood next to her, glaring furiously at the sight before him.  
“Q, what manner of ship is that?” She asked, although she already knew the answer.  
Q glanced down at her, his eyes ablaze.  
“I will not let him take her.” He whispered in reply.  
“Captain, that… thing has broken the shield connection, we can get through the Iogian’s gate.” Tom said as he began to steer their vessel underneath the emerging new enemy ship.  
“The Master would only appear within the protection of his own shields.” Q exclaimed suddenly. “Once he has completely phased with this universe, he will be able to go wherever he pleases within the shield boundary by merely willing it; we will not be able to stop him. The perimeter of that boundary must lie beyond the bow of the ship; the range is not that great. If we can get through before this vessel completely materialises, the Continuum will be able to get us out of his reach and we should be safe.”  
“Should be…” Chakotay looked unconvinced.  
Tom looked up at the Captain.  
“You want me to get by that thing?”  
Kathryn met his gaze.  
“Do it.”  
With a nod, he shifted their vessel into it’s maximum forward drive and suddenly they were skimming the translucent belly of the beast. As they sped beneath it, they saw the ship above becoming clearer and clearer in their view screen. Empty space was visible ahead, getting closer with every second. It's going to come down to what appears first... the Master or his energy shield, Kathryn thought. She could see Tom's fingers turning white on the thrust stick as he pushed as hard as he could. The whole crew were silent, anxiously urging him faster. They had no way to know how far they needed to go, no way to know where the safety line was but there was a target and Kathryn couldn't take her eyes from it. The end of ship was so close, and yet it was now almost solid in their window.  
"Come ooooon!" Tom cried as the ship punched out from underneath the Master's at a wicked speed. Kathryn had been holding her breath for the last few seconds and wanted to release it but they weren't out of danger yet. The sensors showed the Master's vessel was now whole and they were still in Iogian space, possibly still within the energy shield. He could be here at any moment. She had to protect Jade. She turned to rush back to the room where Q had left her, but the room started to spin again and her vision dissolved away into darkness. In the last moments, a bright light burst in her eyes and then she saw nothing at all. 

 


	18. Room for one more

The darkness lasted merely seconds and when Kathryn's sight returned, she realised she had stumbled down onto what appeared to be a sick bay medical bed.  
"Captain!" A familiar voice cried. The Doctor rushed to her side and helped her stand. She looked around and saw that Chakotay, Tuvok and Tom were stood next to her looking almost as dazed as she was. The Continuum, she thought, they must have crossed the Master's energy shield and the Continuum had snatched them back. She turned and saw Q lifting Jade onto one of the medical beds opposite her. She was surprised, having assumed that he would have already returned his ward to the other Q. As he lay the girl down, her eyelids fluttered at the contact but she did not open them.  
"Q! What are you still doing here?" She asked, manoeuvring her way around the sickbay bed.  
"I do not know." He growled angrily. "I am still mortal."  
"Captain, you need to let me attend to your leg." The doctor implored, steading his wobbling patient.  
"Jade first." She commanded and shrugged him off. Chakotay took his place in supporting the Captain who anxiously refused to lie down. Something wasn't right, she knew it. If the Continuum had returned them to Voyager, why not take Jade back into their protection? Why not reinstate Q's powers? The Doctor approached Q cautiously.  
"May I?" He asked gesturing to the girl. On receiving a affirmative nod from formally omnipotent being, he scanned Jade with his triquarter. A frown came over his face and he gently rolled her onto her side, opening the back of her gown. His face said it all. He met Kathryn's gaze and gave a small shake of the head before picking up his medical instruments and beginning his work. Q's face darkened.  
"What is taking them so long." He shouted jumping to his feet and pacing like a cage animal backwards and forwards in front of the bed. As her crew stepped back to avoid any output of Q's anger, Kathryn pulled away from Chakotay's grip and cautiously made her way over to him.  
"Q.." She whispered, placing a hand on his arm. Q flinched at the contact and met her gaze. "She'll be ok."  
He gave her a weak but grateful smile and cupped her face with his hand. The smile quickly faded as he felt the temperature of her skin was even hotter than before.  
"Doctor, please see to my darling Kathy now." He gave her a reassuring nod and released her back to the Doctor. Not taking her eyes from Jade for a second. she allowed the EMH to help her up onto the other medical bed. Using the laser cutter, he sliced through the engineers suit to reveal a black stained bandage. Kathryn winced at the pain and started to feel dizzy again. She heard Chakotay say her name but it sounded so far away. She lay her heavy head down and with one last look at the child in the other bed, she closed her eyes and let the sickbay fade into the black. 

***

When Kathryn awoke, she found herself dressed in her Captain's uniform and feeling entirely herself again, if not a little disorientated. The doctor, seeing she was awake, appeared at her side to help her sit up.   
"Easy now."   
"How long was I out?" She asked noting that Chakotay and Tuvok were no longer there.   
"Not long" the doctor replied looking somewhat relieved. "Our guest finally had his powers reinstated so he was able to fix all the... physical ailments. You are in good health Captain."   
Kathryn looked over at her fellow escapees. Q was back in his Captain's uniform and stood fussing over his ward, who was awake and sat legs dangling over the end of the sick bay bed. An almost overwhelming sense of relief swept over her and she broke into a grin. Suddenly, something the doctor said struck her.   
"What else apart from physical ailments? What are you saying?"  
The doctor sighed and followed her gaze over to the child.   
"Physically, the girl is fine but I saw those wounds..." He trailed off and for a moment, a look of sadness flickered over his features. "She went through a lot. I'm not sure Q can fix that so easily."  
Kathryn winced internally, it was as she had feared. She patted his arm and climbed down off the bed. Q, seeing that she was awake, broke into a broad smile. He offered her his hand and led her over to the girl who was watching her from the other bunk.    
"Oh! My girls finally together! Physical introductions are required I assume?" He gushed. "Jade, this is Captain Kathryn Janeway. Kathy, this is my Jade."   
"Hi" the girl responded shyly.   
"It's a pleasure to finally meet in person." Kathryn replied with a warm smile.  
"You ladies have the honour of being both the most beautiful and yet singularly frustrating women I know." Q continued putting an arm around each of them. Kathryn and Jade both rolled their eyes at the same time.   
"Is he like this with you all the time?" Kathryn quipped. Jade gave a sly grin.   
"Oh this is nothing. Just wait until you get him talking about himself."   
Kathryn laughed. She knew she liked this girl. Q feigned a dramatic offended expression before breaking into a grin, clearly pleased they were getting on.   
"So what happened with the Continuum?" Kathryn asked, removing herself from Q's grip. "It was them that pulled us out?"  
"Yes." Q replied, his mirth fading. "A small band of Q whose minds had been turned by the Master rose up against the Continuum in a bid to distract the others from retrieving us. They hoped to buy enough time for the Master to materialise and take Jade. The Continuum pulled us out in time but were engaged in conflict with the remaining Q and felt it was best to leave us here until they surrendered."  
"Did they... surrender?" Kathryn asked. Q dropped his head.  
"No, they did not." He paused and placed an affectionate hand on Jade's cheek, he then turned back to the Captain.  
"Kathy, the Continuum is not safe for Jade. I need to know where the threats are, who we can still trust, but I can't risk taking her back there. I know I have asked so much of you already..."  
"She can stay here." Kathryn cut in. Q's eyes widened a little in surprise.  
"I would cloak your ship," he continued, "and you would have the protection of myself and the Continuum Council."  
"Q, I said she could stay." She replied and then turned to Jade. "If you are happy to stay that is?"  
Jade looked at Q hesitantly.  
"You can't come with me Jade, it's too dangerous." He said to her questioning look.  
"But who will watch your back." she cried. "We said we would stick together."  
Q pulled her into his arms and held her tightly against him, his face indicating that he was clearly conflicted about the decision he was making.  
"And we will be back together soon, and until then the Captain will take good care of you." He pulled away from her and placed his hands around her cheeks. "You do understand don't you?"  
"I guess so." She mumbled and looked over at the Captain, who gave her a reassuring smile.  
"We'll take good care of you." Kathryn smiled, placing a hand on her shoulder. Jade nodded and gave her a hesitant but genuine smile back.  
"I won't be gone long." Q continued and gave her a kiss on the crown of her head.  
"Be good for the Captain okay?"  
Jade raised an eyebrow to which he responded with a parental warning look, causing her to relent and offer a nod back.  
"See you real soon." She added and gave him one last hug. Q returned it equally as warmly and when he broke from it, turned to Kathryn.  
"Take care of my girl." He whispered and planted a kiss on the corner of her mouth.    
With one final look over at Jade, who waved a small goodbye, he clicked his fingers and disappeared.   
Jade didn't say anything for a moment, staring at the space where her protector had stood. Kathryn, suddenly unsure of what to do, looked back at the Doctor who nodded in the child's direction. She approached Jade and cleared her throat.   
"Are you okay?" It was a stupid question and Kathryn immediately rebuked herself for it. Jade, perhaps sensing the awkward nature of the moment, looked up at her with big green eyes and smiled.   
"I'm fine."  
"Why don't I take you to your quarters and then, if you are up to it, we can something to eat." Kathryn stated putting a hand on her shoulder. "I don't know about you but I am famished."  
Jade broke into a grin. "I am pretty hungry."  
She jumped down off the bed.  
"I have to warn you, I am a lousy cook, but I do a pretty good replicated pasta I'm told."   
"That sounds good to me." Jade replied.  
She turned to the doctor.   
"Are we cleared to discharge Doctor?"   
The doctor gave a reluctant smile.  
"Yes, but I want both of you back here tomorrow for a check up; no 'buts'!" He added as Kathryn opened her mouth to protest. She closed it again and nodded, shooting a look of thanks to her EMH.    
She lead Jade to the guest quarters and to her relief, she seemed pleased with the set up. They had been on the road a long time, the girl explained, it was nice to have a bedroom for a few days. This comment made Kathryn sad but Jade didn't seem worried so she just gave her shoulders a squeeze instead. There was a bag on the bed already - Q had left some belongings for her.   
"I'd really like to get a shower if you don't mind" Jade stated eyeing the bathroom. "Will you wait?"   
"Of course?" Kathryn smiled and took a seat on the sofa.   
Jade nodded and headed off into the other room with her bag. She was gone a little while so Kathryn replicated a cup of coffee. Curling back up on the sofa, she looked out the window at the vastness of space and mused on the events of the few three days. How had they stumbled into this intergalactic war of the cosmos? Did they have any business being involved? Should she have said no to the girl staying? What would her crew think when she told them? A million questions and doubts raced through her head. She felt a connection to the child and she could not explain it. And then there was Q, their kiss on the planet, the line she had crossed. She felt a connection to him too, if she was honest with herself, but she didn't want to explain that.   
The door chirped and broke her from her thoughts.   
"Come in"   
The door slid open and Chakotay stood there. He looked relieved and in that moment she realised she had forgotten to tell him she was awake. The doctor must have informed him.   
"Glad to see you are back on your feet." He said coming through the door. Kathryn felt a little sheepish and stayed quiet. "I hear we have a new guest?" Chakotay added in that manner she hated when she knew he was disagreeing with her on something.  
"It's just for a few days."  
"Do you think that is wise?" He asked; again a rhetorical question as he had clearly decided that it wasn't.   
Kathryn ran a hand through her hair, suddenly feeling very tired.  
"Honestly, I have no idea Chakotay, but I couldn't abandon her."   
"She" he said this word as if he was referring to an inanimate object. "Is not your responsibility. She is Q's. Where is he in all of this."  
Kathryn didn't appreciate the tone nor the overfamiliarity.   
"In the Continuum." She replied bluntly. "And until he returns, we keep Jade safe. Q has cloaked our ship and we have the full protection of the continuum while she is here."   
"That didn't seem to do her much good last time." Chakotay muttered.   
"The girl was tortured for days. She's 14 years old and she's human. What would you have me do Commander?"  
Kathryn snapped. Chakotay didn't respond. Kathryn was unsure if it was because he did not have the answer either or if he knew she would not like it. He sighed and looked at her in a way that used to make her weak at the knees.   
"It's good to have you back Captain." He then said and, leaning in to give her hand a squeeze, he left without another word.  
Kathryn sat back in the sofa and rubbed her temples. Great, that was all she needed. It suddenly occurred to her that Jade had been gone for a really long time. She heaved up out of the chair and went to the bathroom door. She listened but she couldn't hear the shower running and so she knocked.   
"Jade, are you okay?"   
No answer. She knocked again, a nervous churn began in her stomach. Still no answer.   
"Jade! I'm coming in okay?"  
The door suddenly opened and Jade appeared. She had changed into jeans and a sweater, her hair tied back in a loose ponytail. Her face was flushed and the skin around her eyes was red like she'd been crying.   
"Jade, honey.. are you...?"  
"I'm fine." Jade cut in, offering up a smile. Kathryn returned it with a worried look.   
"Honestly Captain!" The girl added, and this time managing a more reassuring grin. "I am starving though. Can we go eat?"  
"Okay.." Kathryn replied reluctantly letting her concerns go and followed her new ward out of the guest quarters with a watchful worried eye. 


	19. Homecoming

They arrived at Kathryn's quarters and went inside. Jade halted as they entered, her eyes roaming around the room with bated breath.  
"It must feel strange to be here in person." Kathryn commented, placing a hand on her shoulder. Jade blushed.  
"Sorry." She grinned bashfully. "It's bigger than I thought but Q remembered it well."  
"Well he's spent enough time in here." Kathryn muttered as she walked over the replicator. She caught herself as she heard Jade giggle.  
"You know what I mean." She smirked, handing over the cutlery and pointing at the table with a parental look.  
The girl gave her a grin and started setting their places.  
"What else has Q told you?" Kathryn asked as she watched the pasta appear in the replicator. Surely Q wouldn't have told her about his offer to mate with her… would he?  
"Oh a bit." Jade said with a less than innocent tone to her voice.  
"Define a bit."  
"Well.." She sat down at the table as Kathryn brought over the bowls. "Thanks, this looks delicious."  
The Captain held her gaze and arched an eyebrow.  
"What?" Jade protested and then giggled. "Oh I don't know, how you became Captain, your adventures in the Delta Quadrant, what you are up to.” She curled her fork around the spaghetti and stuffed it hungrily into her mouth. "He looks in on you quite regularly you know." She grinned between bites. Kathryn gave her a long look, trying to fight the urge to laugh at her cheeky demeanour.  
"What do you mean 'looks in on me'?" She replied, returning to the replicator as she sensed she was going to need some wine to go with this conversation.  
"You know." Jade clicked her fingers in the same manner as Q when he popped in and out.  
"Looking for reasons to meddle I'm sure." Kathryn retorted as the replicator generated her glass. She immediately took a large gulp from it.  
"More like... checking you are okay." She heard Jade behind her say. She felt her cheeks blush red at the idea of Q taking the time to look in on her. Must be the wine, she mused, and turned back to the table.  
"Can I have some wine?” The girl asked with a grin.  
"Nope, you are too young." Kathryn replied sitting down with her and picking up her fork.  
"Don't you want to know why Q checks if you are okay?” Jade asked, her eyes twinkling mischeviously.  
“No I don’t.” Kathryn twirled the pasta around her fork and took a bite.  
The girl flashed her a sly grin.  
“Liar.” She quipped and sat back in the chair. “I’ll tell you if you let me have some wine?”  
Kathryn held her stare for a moment and then slowly slid the wine glass over to her.  
"A sip." She uttered with a smirk. "This is bribery you know."  
"I know." Jade giggled, reaching for the glass.  
Kathryn laughed and crossed her arms. She was more like Q than she realised.  
“Chakotay to Janeway.” A voice called over the comms.  
“Ah! I said a sip.” She scolded Jade who was helping herself to half the glass, “Sorry, yes go ahead Commander.”  
“We’ve picked up a Vidiian vessel on long range sensors. We should be appearing on their scans but they haven’t moved to intercept as yet.”  
“Q did say he had cloaked the ship.” Kathryn replied, “but move us out of range just in case.”  
“Yes Captain.”  
“Thank you Commander, keep me posted.” 

“Trouble?” Jade asked over the rim of the wine glass. Kathryn reached over and took it out of her hand with grin.  
“Yes, I’m looking at her.”  
Jade pouted and then broke into a giggle.  
"Come on, eat your dinner." The Captain replied and together they got back to tucking into their pasta; the topic of Q's reasonings forgotten. Once dinner was finished, they stretched out lazily on the couch and chatted way into the night about Jade’s life with the omnipotent being, Voyager’s adventures, Earth in both their times. The topics were various but light, Kathryn sensing she wasn’t ready to talk about what had happened down on the planet. It was only when Jade stifled a yawn did the Captain realise the lateness of the hour.  
"You should get to bed." She smiled and brushed some hair gently from the sleepy girl's eyes. "I dare say that we both deserve a good sleep after the last few days."  
Jade rubbed her eyes and nodded. "I'll take you back to your quarters." She added as they stood.   
"I can find my way. You get some sleep." Jade replied walking to the door.   
"Breakfast tomorrow? 0700?"  
It would be nice to not eat alone.  
"Sounds great."  
Something about her countenance struck Kathryn and she went up to the girl and placed her hands on her shoulders.  
"If you need me, call okay?"   
Jade nodded.  
"Okay."  
She pressed the door release and went through into the corridor.   
"Hey, kathryn?"  
Kathryn turned around with a questioning look. "Thanks.. for everything." Jade added, her cheeks flushing pink. Without waiting for a response, she hurried off down towards the turbo lift. Kathryn broke into a grin as the doors closed behind her. Rather than go to bed, she rather recklessly found herself replicating another glass of wine and sitting back on the couch. She looked at the seat where Jade had sat and smiled, her chest feeling a warm sensation. It had been nice to let her guard down tonight and relax; she sensed they'd both needed it after the time of the planet. Kathryn was surprised about how much she was looking forward to spending time with the girl tomorrow. Perhaps that was why she had been so quick to offer sanctuary to her. It could be a lonely business being captain. The quietness she now felt in her quarters only amplified that sensation. What it would be to share her cabin with someone. A partner? A child? She envied the crew members who went home to someone at the end of their shifts. As strange as it was, she felt a connection to the girl that was almost motherly; a natural ease to being in her company, to listen to, to talk and laugh with. It was hard not to feel that way when she'd been in her head for the last week. Finishing her wine with a last gulp, she clambered up and stretch. It was finally time to sleep, one she knew was a long time coming.


	20. In coffee we trust

Kathryn woke the next morning feeling surprisingly refreshed. She'd fallen asleep as soon as her head had hit the pillow and stayed that way until her alarm woke her; the first night of undisturbed sleep all week and the most consistent one in a lot longer if she was honest. Granted she felt she could have had kept sleeping another ten hours given half the chance, but she would take the solid six happily. She jumped out of bed and replicated a coffee, taking the mug into the bathroom so she could chug it down somewhere between the sonic shower and doing her hair. She was on her last mouthful and fixing her chignon into place, when the doorbell rang.   
"Come." Kathryn called from the bathroom. Sticking her head through the doorway, she saw Jade waiting in the entrance. "Come in!" she grinned and waved her into the quarters. Jade smiled somewhat shyly and stepped inside.   
"I'll be out in a moment" she added heading back into her bathroom to finish getting ready. "you want to replicate some tea or juice?"   
"Coffee if that's ok," came the reply. Kathryn smirked at her own reflection in the mirror. She knew she liked this girl. A few minutes later, she came back out to rejoin her guest and found her sitting on the sofa with a large mug in her hand, and another on the table.   
"Ahhh perfect." The captain sighed happily as she picked up the coffee and inhaled.    
"It's not half bad." Jade grinned as she took a sip.   
"Liar." Kathryn chuckled after a large swig from her own cup. "But it does the job. Got me through the last few years." She knocked back the remaining precious liquid and, to her amusement, Jade did the same. "I thought we would go swing by sickbay first, appease the doctor," she continued with a wry smile. The young girl giggled.  "And get some breakfast in the mess hall and then I can take you on a tour of the ship. I'll have to get the bridge after..."  
"Don't worry, I'll entertain myself." Jade interjected. "Did you want to have dinner after your shift?"   
Kathryn broke into a warm smile.   
"Absolutely." 

The stop at sick bay was fairly brief despite the doctor's best efforts. Kathryn counted five repetitions of the word 'fascinating' as the EHM took multiple readings of their newest crew member. Jade obliged his attentions with a bemused grin as she sat happily crossed legged on the sickbay bed while the doctor ran his tests. She caught Kathryn's eye and giggled as he ran backwards and forwards between consoles.   
"Doctor, please." Kathryn exclaimed dramatically, trying to hide her smirk. "We're getting hungry. Can we go?"   
"Yes yes, of course Captain." The doctor replied testily. "But if I could just.."   
"I'll come see you later Doc." Jade cut in as she hopped off the bed, which seemed to perk the EHM up at the prospect of running tests uninterrupted by the captain's rumbling stomach.   
"You'll regret saying that." Kathryn hissed teasingly as they walked out into the corridor.   
"I think he will before I do." Jade replied with a mischievous grin.   
They entered the mess hall and were promptly greeted by Neelix, who came hurrying over to the Captain will a mug and a fresh pot of coffee.   
"Now who do we have here?" He boomed cheerfully.  
"Neelix, I'd like you to meet Jade. She will be staying with us for a while." Kathryn placed a hand on the young girl's shoulder.   
"Oh how wonderful!" Neelix cried. He seemed to try and shake her hand until he remembered his own were full. "Oh well, you must let me cook for you while you're here." He continued. "I have a number of specials..."  
"Mr Neelix..." Kathryn cut in, eying the coffee pot in his hand.   
"Oh, yes... sorry Captain." He added with a nervous chuckle and, after pouring the coffee, handed her a mug. "Take a seat and I'll bring you some breakfast over. Can I get you something to drink Miss Jade?"   
"Coffee as well please." She replied shyly. Neelix looked up at the Captain with a surprised smile before tottering back to the kitchen.   
Kathryn glanced around the room around and saw Tom and Harry sitting by the window.   
"Come on," She said, putting her arm around the girl, "there's someone who will very interested to meet you."

Tom Paris and Harry Kim were deep in the middle of a debate about modifications to their latest shared holodeck program when their Captain approached the table.   
"At ease gentlemen," Kathryn smiled as they made to scramble from their seats.   
"Tom, Harry, I would like you to meet Jade."  
Both men looked up hesitantly, and Harry a little suspiciously, at the newcomer.   
"You're Q's..." He trailed off with a shrug, unsure of the correct term.   
"He's my guardian." Jade replied in a matter of fact tone. "Is that a problem?" Kathryn felt the girl's shoulders stiffen under her hands, a frown flickering over her face. Tom looked from the girl to the Captain and back, before breaking into a grin.  
"It's nice to meet you with your eyes open." He quipped, clearly bemused by the girl's attitude.   
Jade glanced up at Kathryn with a questioning look.   
"You won't remember Tom," Kathryn explained, "but he flew the ship that got you off the planet."   
"Oh..." The frown faded and she granted a small begrudging smile back at the Lieutenant. "Thanks."  
"You're welcome," He replied and exchanged a glance with Harry who sat quietly eyeballing Jade from across the table.   
"Jade will be staying with for a while and, as you know, she is from Earth; twentieth century to be exact" Kathryn continued quickly. "So I thought you may have some interests in common."   
Tom's face lit up.   
"You don't say." He elbowed Harry in the ribs. "As it happens, we could use your expertise on a new holodeck program we've been working on, couldn't we Harry?"  
"Sure." Harry replied, a little less convincingly than his counterpart.   
"Do you have any free time later?"  
"Sure... I guess?" Jade said with a hesitant smile, her shoulders relaxing from their tension. "That would be... great."  
"Captain?" Neelix called over to her advising the breakfast was ready.   
"I'll find you later." Tom grinned as they turned to leave. Kathryn met his gaze with a grateful nod before steering her ward back to their table. As they manoeuvred around the chairs, Kathryn saw Chakotay walking in to the mess hall with Seven. As much as she hated herself for it, every time she saw them together, it bothered her. She wasn't even sure if she was missing the intimacy she used to share with Chakotay, or if it was just the fact that they had moved on and she was still alone. Whatever the motivations behind the feeling, it left a fresh wound in her chest every time no matter how hard she tried to bury it. Chakotay caught her eye as he walked passed and gave her a friendly smile. His gaze then narrowed to a frown as it rested on Jade. Kathryn quickly shuffled her passed him and showed Jade to her seat. As they sat, Neelix hurried back over with Jade's coffee and two plates of breakfast.  
"Thankyou." Jade said as she took the cup. The Talaxian nodded happily and scurried off to assist a group of ensigns who had just entered the hall.  
"You don't need to be so defensive you know, not here." Kathryn said as she took a sip from her mug.  
"I'm not defensive..." Jade began, and then on seeing the Captain's raised eyebrow, broke into a grin.  
"Sorry." She relented sheepishly. "I guess I'm a little out of practise making friends. But you have to understand, Q is my family and I trust him with my life. It bothers me when people don't give him a chance."  
"Jade," Kathryn placed her hand on the girl's. "You also have to understand that Q has put this ship in danger multiple times, he has almost killed my crew on more than one occasion. They have good reason not to trust him. It will take time for people to see him the way you do." The way I almost wish I didn't, she thought ruefully.   
"So I guess until then they'll think I can't be trusted either." Jade withdrew her hand and poked at her meal with her fork sulkily.   
"Nobody thinks that Jade." Kathryn sighed.   
"Harry does. Your Commander does especially."  
"Now why would you say that?"   
Jade met her questioning gaze with a steely look before turning to face Chakotay who was taking a seat in the far corner.   
"He thinks you made the wrong choice to let me stay, that I have an agenda." She said, her head tilted to the side, a curious expression on her face. The Commander, who suddenly became aware of her attentions and looked up to meet her glare with an expression of surprise. "He thinks I cloud your judgement."   
Confusion gave way to a sense of realisation in the Captain. She closed her eyes and took a breath before opening them again.  
"Please tell me you are not reading his mind." She hissed. Jade looked back at Kathryn with an semi innocent smile but said nothing. "I'm going to say this only once Jade. No telepathy while you are on Voyager, is that understood?" The Captain continued sternly. "You can't go poking around in people's heads."   
"I don't." Jade replied glancing back at the Commander. "Unless they give me reason to. Call it force of habit. When everyone is trying to kill you, you can't help but 'poke around' when you sense some negativity."  
"Well no one is trying to kill you here so please don't do it." Kathryn cut in. "I mean it Jade."  
The girl flashed her a cheeky grin and held up her hands in mock defence.   
"Okay, I promise."   
Kathryn tried to look cross but a reluctant smirk crept across her features. The girl had a mischievous quality that she just couldn't stay mad at, rather like her guardian in fact. She sighed wearily and indicated that she should eat before her food got cold. Jade giggled and picked up her fork.  
"Hey Kathryn,"   
"Yes Jade?"   
"What is this anyway?" She poked at the mystery meat with a frown.  
"That..." Kathryn hesitated as she inspected the plate before her. "Is a... Neelix special."' She finally added. Jade grinned.   
"Got it."   
They were silent for a moment before something dawned on Kathryn that made her nervous, considering the thoughts that had been preoccupying her head that morning.   
"Jade?"   
"Huh?" The girl looked up with a confused expression and a mouthful of food.   
"You don't read my mind do you?"   
Jade swallowed and grinned. Kathryn gave her a sharp look to which Jade visibly relented at before frowning with a more serious expression.  
"I never would."  
"Good." Kathryn returned her grin, secretly relieved. 


	21. Do no harm

Over the next couple of days, Jade settled in to life on Voyager. The Captain and she had breakfast every morning together before Kathryn’s shift, and would meet again later each night for dinner. They would stay up late talking about all manner of things; their lives, favourite books, history, music, their hopes and fears to name a few. Kathryn found herself telling the girl things she would never readily admit to anyone, and Jade was an eager audience, asking her questions and advice about life, love and growing up. She was surprised how eagerly she looked forward to their time together. It was a welcome change from camping out in her ready room and dinners alone in her quarters. It was a time when she could really relax and be herself. Jade wasn’t a crew member, she didn’t have to worry about rank, and she felt a closeness to the girl that allowed the Captain to let her guard down and, possibly for the first time since they had been stranded in the Delta Quadrant, really let someone in. Plus she was really funny, often making Kathryn crack up in stitches with her anecdotes and points of view on things. She was a little bundle of attitude, mischief and raucous energy, much like her guardian in fact. 

The crew at first were a little suspicious of Jade’s presence but before long even they were spending time with her. It had been difficult to deny her after all. Finally let loose on the ship she had revered for so long, Jade used the time that Kathryn was on the bridge harassing various members of the command crew into showing her how things worked. Eventually, just to shut her up, one by one they gave in and were surprised to find themselves quickly dropping their guard, unable to deny there was something very likeable about the girl. Nelix had let her act as sous chef while he made her Talaxian stew. Harry finally realised she wasn’t a Continuum agent sent to plot their doom and let her help him on the holodeck program Tom and he were working on. B’Elanna had nominated her engineer in training after Jade had nagged her way into assisting her with the warp engine realignment and shown some promise. She had even convinced Seven to show her how to play hoverball. The Borg had won of course but had gladly agreed to a rematch later in the week. With Tom and the Doctor however she had formed the firmest friendships. Tom and she bonded immediately over his love of all things twentieth century. They watched movies, listened to music and were seen all over the ship pulling pranks on unsuspecting crew members.  
“She’s kind of like the little sister I never had.” He’d later say to Kathryn after the pair had copped a severe scolding from Tuvok for their latest stunt. The friendship with the Doctor on the other hand would eventuate from something entirely unexpected and it started quite without Kathryn knowing about it. 

"Please state the nature of the medical emergency?" The doctors chirped curtly, perturbed to be interrupted in the midst of an experiment. It was 0200 and, with the shipped cloaked by the Continuum and therefore relatively quiet medically, he was surprised to see anyone at all.  
"No emergency." Jade shrugged and pushed her hands into her pockets. "I just thought I'd see what you were up to?"  
"Up to?" The doctor looked puzzled by the question.   
"Well you don't sleep do you so..." She paused.  
"Neither do you apparently" he responded with a raised eyebrow.  
"Yeah not so much." Jade looked around the medical suite with a look of mild curiosity.   
"Can I give you something to help you sleep Jade"   
"No" she replied hastily, "I'm okay thank you." She walked past him into the lab where he had been working. A set of apparatus sat on the bench next to a conical glass containing bubbling blue liquid.  
"Can I watch?"   
The doctor paused, at first irritated by the interruption, but he had learned enough about human interactions to read between the lines and sensed the girl was in need of distraction.  
"I could use some help if you've got the time." He said with a smile.  
Jade’s face lit up and she nodded. He doctor gave her a tri-quarter, explaining the nature of his experiment and what he wanted her to do. He was surprised when the she displayed an abnormally high level of skill.  
"Your knowledge is impressive miss Jade and you have made a worthy apprentice.” The doctor concluded with a smile, remembering fondly how nice it was to tutor someone like he had with seven or kes.  
Jade grinned at the compliment and asked what else she could help with, stifling a yawn in the process.   
"But might I ask why you are trying to stay awake so badly?" He continued with an almost fatherly look.   
"I'm not tired." She responded fiddling with the tri-quarter, avoiding his gaze.   
"Even someone who is not as medically gifted as myself could tell you are in desperate need of rest. You are part of this crew now Jade.."  
This made her smile   
"So as the chief physician of this crew.."   
The smile faded.  
"It is my duty to ensure you are taken care of."   
Jade was silent for a moment. She then looked up at him and the Doctor saw fear in her eyes, a look of dread way beyond her young years.  
“Please Doc,” Her eyes glistened with the promise of tears. “Don't make me go to sleep."  
The doctor stared back at her conflicted but then sighed.  
"I have been meaning to catalogue the soil samples we collected from the Antira system last month and I would need a lab parter if you are interested?" He said gently. Jade gave a short nod, the look of appreciation on her face saying more than words could. With the topic put aside for the moment, the pair began the next experiment. As the doctor had suspected, finding soil cataloging the least favourite of his experimental work, twenty minutes later Jade lay head down on the desk fast asleep. He picked her up and carried her over to the medical bed. Her body lay heavy in his arms; limbs like lead, head lolled back, lips fallen open, in the way a exhausted person falls when they can travel no further. When he lay her down, the same fear he had witnessed earlier flashed over face.  
"Please.. Stop.." She whispered through gritted teeth. "Stop.."   
The doctor reached over to the medical tray, picked up a hypo spray and administered it causing Jade to relax physically into sleep. He contemplated calling Janeway but it was almost 04:00 and what Jade really needed was uninterrupted rest. It was also a good opportunity to go back over the scans he took from the girl when she was brought on board. Something had been playing on his mind and he wanted to be sure before he brought it up with the Captain; he sincerely hoped he wouldn't have to. With that in mind, he gave her another spray and lay a medi-blanket over her. She was a good girl, the doctor mused as he brushed stray hair from her eyes and tucked her in. Her father, well Q... what ever he was to her, was a menace that was true, but the girl seemed like she had a kind heart. He could see why his Captain had become so attached to her and as a champion of Janeway doing anything outside of 16 hours of bridge shifts seven days a week, he planned on saying as much the next time they spoke. Sleep, he urged Jade silently as he went back to his lab, sleep and don't dream. 


	22. Once more with feeling

At 07:30 the sickbay doors opened and the Captain rushed through, almost running into the EMH.  
"What happened? Is she okay?” She demanded grabbing his arms. It was Jade’s fourth morning on Voyager and when she hadn’t arrived for their usual breakfast date, Kathryn had checked the computer for the girl’s location.  
"She's fine." The doctor put his hands up to calm her. "I was just about to call you."  
“When she didn’t show for breakfast, I got worried. The computer said she was here..." She peered over his shoulder and saw Jade lying on one of the medical bed.   
"She's just sleeping. Come," he placed a reassuring hand on her arm and gently ushered her into his lab. “Let her rest. I would say it's been a few days since she had any."   
Kathryn let out a long sigh and placed her hands on her hips, clearly relieved Jade was okay but also still worried about her nonetheless. She followed the Doctor into the other room.  
"She seems to be having some fears about going to sleep." The doctor said glancing in the direction of sleeping girl with a look of concern. "I think she just wanted some company." He continued. "She refused to take any sedatives but within a couple of hours she had crashed out on the bench anyway. I took a few neural readings, I don't think she has slept since she came on board."   
"Is she okay?” Kathryn asked hugging her arms over her chest.  
"Physically yes, from what I can tell. Psychologically…” He trailed off and shrugged. "If it's data you want I've none to give you. Her readings are unlike anything I've ever seen. But having spent time with her. She is afraid of something. Genuinely afraid to go to sleep." He placed a hand on her arm. "She wouldn't tell me, but I think she would open up to you."   
The Captain looked conflicted. She was often expected to give advice and reassurance to the crew and did so confidently but to Jade? Would she even know what to say?  
“Maybe we should wait until Q…”  
“Captain.” The Doctor interjected awkwardly. “I wasn’t sure if I should tell you this. It’s really hard to say without Jade confirming it herself as, well, the bruises could be caused by anything…”  
Kathryn raised an eyebrow and waited for him to continue.  
“It’s just that some of the injuries she received on the planet…” He paused and looked uncomfortable. “Could be considered conducive with that received during a sexual assault.”  
Kathryn took a step back and frowned.  
“What are you saying Doctor.”  
“I’m not saying anything yet, it could just be the result of the physical abuse she received but I don’t think this conversation can wait, and i also don’t think Q is the right one to have it. She is a mortal fourteen year old girl, she needs a woman’s… a mother’s guidance.” The Doctor replied. Kathryn was still revealing from the Doctor’s revelation, her mind going blank as she tried to think what she would say to the teenager, how she would ask her.  
"I'm not sure I know how." She replied quietly, her eyes stinging with the promise of tears.  
The doctor took her arm and gently ushered her out the lab door.   
"Yes you do. When she wakes, you'll be there and you'll listen, and you'll tell her everything will be okay.”  
Kathryn stopped and looked over shoulder at her trusted physician with an appreciative smile.  
"You should counsel me more often doctor."  
"You should let me." He retorted with a smirk.  
Kathryn headed over to the medical bed. Jade lay unmoving, eyes closed, her face fixed in a frown.  
"I gave her a sedative." The doctor continued. "She'll be out for a while."  
 Kathryn gently swept a loose strand of hair out of the girl’s eyes. If the Doctor was right… oh her heart would break. She was reluctant to leave and the EMH could see the conflict on her face. He placed a hand gently on her shoulder.   
"I'll watch over her and let you know when she wakes."  
Kathryn nodded and patted his shoulder before leaving to anxiously pace the bridge and wait. 

The call came thirty minutes before her shift finished; a simple 'Jade is awake and asking for you'. She excused herself and headed into the turbo lift to make her way to sickbay. Before the doors closed, Tom darted over to meet her.  
“Captain?”  
“Yes Lieutenant?'  
“Tell Jade… uh, tell her if she thinks that this is an excuse for not helping me on the holodeck, she’s got another thing coming.” He said with a small smile.  
“I will Tom, but you can tell her yourself later.” Kathryn grinned as she realised her pilot was just as relieved as she was to hear the call. She gave him a nod as the doors closed between them. Her own feelings of relief finally lifted the nauseous concern that had dominated her day. She also felt happy, a type of happiness that surprised her. She broke into a smile realising how good it felt to have someone ask for her, to depend on her as a person not as a captain. It made her feel like a human being not just a rank. She wondered if this was what it felt like to be a mother. As the turbo lifts door opened, she suddenly remembered the conversation ahead of her and the smile faded. With legs like lead, she allowed the lift to close behind her and slowly tread the path to sickbay. 

The sickbay doors opened and the Captain was immediately greeted by the Doctor.  
"How is she?" she asked him anxiously.    
"Awake and sassing me already." The doctor smirked. "Jade?" He called. “You have a visitor.“  
Jade was sat on the end of the bed, her long dark hair hanging loose down her shoulders. On seeing her guest, she broke into a grin and hopped off the bed. She still looked tired and was a little unsteady on her feet from the sedative but otherwise seemed to be a lot more rested.   
"Good to see you up and about." Kathryn said with a smile, "You had us worried there for a while."  
Jade didn’t respond at first. She met Kathryn's anxious gaze with a searching look, a silence passing between them, and then without a word she walked up to the Captain and hugged her. Kathryn’s eyes widened with surprise and it took her a second to respond. She then wrapped her arms around the girl protectively. The doctor gave her a knowing smile and walked back into his lab.  
"You're going to be okay. I'll take care of you.” Kathryn whispered into her ear. Jade raised her head to meet Kathryn's gaze.   
"I know." She replied with a small sleepy smile.   
“Come on, lets go. I want to take you somewhere.” The Captain then said putting her arm over the girl’s shoulders. The Doctor was right, they needed to talk and she knew just the place that would maybe get Jade to open up to her. Jade nodded and before they could leave, she stopped and headed into the medical lab.  
“Hey Doc,” She said to the EMH who was bent over his laboratory equipment. He looked up at her with surprise. She approached him hesitantly and then leaned up on tiptoe to give him a kiss on the cheek.  
“Thanks… you know, for everything.” She said with a shy shrug. The doctor did not reply but simply bowed his head, clearly touched by the gesture. Without another word, Jade rejoined the Captain and together they left the sickbay.


	23. I made my own house be my gallows

Kathryn and Jade walked silently to the holodeck and, after the Captain selected a program, they entered through the doors.   
She had chosen a beach setting, similar to the one she remembered from happy family holidays on Earth as a child. A long stretch of golden sand awaited them, reaching down to the gentle continuous lapping of ocean waves. Kathryn aways found that a long walk and some sea air did wonders for facilitating difficult conversations. Whenever she had needed advice or to hash things out in her head, her father and she had taken long walks together; sometimes to talk, sometimes not. Either way, it had always helped her clear her head. Jade’s face lit up at the sight before her and she immediately kicked off her shoes, allowing her toes to scrunch into the warm sand below. Kathryn laughed and did the same. They walked down towards the waters edge and began to slowly meander arm in arm along the beach. They were silent for a while as Kathryn built up the nerve to ask the question she knew she needed to. She didn’t know why it was so hard. As a Captain, she thrived on difficult conversations but for some reason, the idea of asking Jade what Fernand had done to her seemed so terrifying. Maybe it wasn’t really about Jade. Maybe it was what knowing would do to herself.  
“Jade,” she then said after they had been walking for a while, “we’ve talked a lot, you and I, since you have been here…” She stopped and gave a short laugh. “I think I’ve been more open with you than I have been with anyone else in a long time.”  
“Really?” Jade looked pleased.  
“Yes, and I hope that you trust me enough to be the same.”  
“Of course.”   
“You know you can tell me anything right?”  
“Yes i know. I really do, and I’m glad.” She paused and a sad expression flickered over her face.   
“My mother… was never the easiest person to talk to. I could never have spoken to her the way I do with you.” She looked up at her with big green eyes. “I’m happy I got to come here. To meet you.”   
Kathryn looked at her surprised, partly for the compliment but also because Jade had not talked about her family much at all. Anytime the topic had come up, the teenager had made some unrelated joke as it to reassert her tough persona and then changed the subject. She put her arm around the girl’s shoulders.   
“Me too honey, me too.”  
The right moment seemed to present itself and she sighed, stopping in her tracks.  
“Jade, we need to talk about what happened on the planet. What Fernand did to you.”  
“You saw.”  
“But did I see everything?”  
She gave her a questioning look to which Jade responding by crossing her arms over her chest and looking away.   
“Jade.” Kathryn prompted. After a moment, she looked back at the Captain, a fierce glare in her eyes.   
“Are you asking if he raped me?” She then asked.  
The Captain caught her breath, surprised at the frankness of her statement. She opened her mouth to respond but there were no words. Jade’s face gave nothing away but her expression was cold, chin jutted in defiance; a far cry from her usual mischievous joviality. She suddenly seemed a lot older than her fourteen years. Kathryn felt sick. She was somewhere between wanting to hug Jade and rip Fernand apart when Jade indicated they should keep walking. Kathryn wasn’t sure if she could move her legs at first but she managed to keep pace with her.   
“The Master is only interested in the spark, the mortal vessel that holds it is no interest to him.” She continued, wrapping the long black cardigan she was wearing tighter around herself as her black hair was cast high into the increasing sea breeze. “He had promised me to Fernand as part of his reward once he absorbs my power, but the process of ripping the spark from me would destroy my physical form. I found that out eavesdropping on the Continuum Council a few years ago. Surprise, hey.” She said sarcastically, her jaw tightening. “I told Fernand this when he captured me. He was gloating about all the ‘fun’ we were going to have together when the Master has his prize. Boy you should have seen his face.”   
“That’s why he kept you for so long, before alerting the Master that he had you.” Kathryn said quietly. Jade nodded.  
“Oh yes, Fernand may be on the Master’s payroll but he is still a power driven psychopath. He specialises in pain inflicted information probing. He is hired across the galaxy to find people and torture them into submission. He has honed his skills by collecting and experimenting on ‘special’ individuals. People who can handle more pain than most, or have regenerative powers. If gives him pleasure to tear someone apart and see how much they can endure, develop new ways to hurt us.” She stopped and a peculiar expression came over her face.   
“With me, he liked that I was so young. A blank slate, he called me. Fresh for someone to leave their mark. He told me that when he murdered my family, it gave him pleasure to know he had left a scar on my innocence that would change me for ever. So when he realised I would not be handed to him after all, I think it excited him to know he could take something from me before the Master did.”  
Her face screwed up as she said this and she turned to face the ocean. Kathryn felt a strange pressure in her chest that almost threatened to choke her and she closed her eyes to try and stop the tears that were welling up in eyes. She placed a trembling hand on the girl’s shoulder.   
“I’ll be fifteen next week you know.” Jade then said quietly. “It’s funny really, I already feel so much older. My father always did use to tell me i was an old soul, you know… before. I guess that’s what happens when part of it is a billion year old ancient weapon. I’ll be fifteen and I have already spent a third of my life on the run. Every day I watch and wait for someone to kill me. Every night…” A large fat tear crept down her cheek and she stammered a little as she continued. “I hear the Master whispering to me in the dark, and whenever I close my eyes… I see I can see Fernand’s face; I can feel his hands, his breath.” She closed her eyes with a grimace and then looked back at the Capain with a wild expression, her tone escalating. “I never asked for this Kathryn, I just want to be a kid; to worry about acne, and school, and boys, and my parents grounding me. But these men. These fucking men that think they control my destiny. They took everything. Fernand, The Master, my father who gave me to them, even the Continuum. They all want something from me. I won’t let them take it… I won’t let them. I won’t…”   
The tears came in an overwhelming release of emotion, her chest heaving as she desperately tried to suck in the air. Her legs bucked beneath her as she sank into the sand. Kathryn went to her immediately, instinct taking over as she saw her collapse both physically and emotionally. She dropped to her knees and pulled the girl to her chest and held her as she sobbed uncontrollably into her uniform.   
“I don’t want to feel like this. I don’t… want to feel… anything.” Jade cried out between desperate tears.   
“Shhhh it’s okay. I’m here.” Kathryn hushed her gently and kissed the crown of her head.   
“I don’t want to do this any more.”  
“I know baby, I know.”   
For the second time in her life, Jade found herself wrapped up in the arms and seeking solace from an adult who was not her biological parent yet cared about her just as fiercely. Kathryn wondered whether Q had felt this way when he had held her for hours by the water the year after her parents death. It had been the start of their new relationship as guardian and ward; as father and daughter. Sure their connection wasn’t bound in blood, but when Q made that silent promise to himself to always be there for her, and Jade allowed herself to put her trust in him to do so, it became just as real as any other such relationship. As Kathryn rocked the girl in her arms and let her cry out her anguish, she found herself making the same silent promise. She couldn’t change what had been done to her, as much as she wished she could, but she’d be damned if she ever let anyone hurt her again. They stayed like that for a long time until Jade had given everything she had and her sobs have turned into sniffling and then into silence. Then they just sat quietly and watched the sun slowly slide down to the horizon, staining the sky in a dusky pink sky.   
“Hey Kathryn?”  
“Yes honey?” She looked down at girl who seemed finally ready to speak and gently swept the hair out of her red swollen eyes.  
“Please don’t tell Q.” Jade whispered.   
“Jade…”   
“Please,” Her green eyes met the Captain’s pleadingly. “We’re shielded here, he won’t know unless you tell him, and you know what he will do if he finds out. I’ll be okay, I promise.”   
“Jade I can’t keep that from him.” Kathryn replied with a frown.   
“Please Kathryn, it’s for his own good.”  
The Captain hesitated for a moment but then nodded. Jade would need both of her guardians to focus on her rather than Fernand if she was going to get through this. The last thing she needed was Q blinded by rage and out on a revenge hunt.   
“Okay, whatever you say.”  
Jade gave her an appreciative small smile and put her head back on her shoulder. There was silence for a moment while they continued to watch the incoming tide until she spoke again.   
“Hey Kathryn.”  
“Yes, Jade.”  
“Thanks for… you know, listening and stuff.”  
“Anytime, you know I am here for you always.” She replied, squeezing the girl tightly around the shoulders.   
“I know.”   
Jade paused and then broke into a grin. Finally Kathryn saw the girl she knew.  
“Hey Kathryn.”  
The Captain chuckled.  
“Yes Jade?” She said with a smile.   
Jade giggled and sat up, rubbing her face with her sleeve.   
“Can we go get something to eat? All these ‘feelings’ are making me hungry.”   
Kathryn grinned and gave a nod, ruffling her hair affectionately.  
“Me too kid, me too.”


	24. The longest road to nowhere

Back at her quarters, Jade had perked up immensely and seemed like her old self again; almost like a great weight had been lifted from her shoulders. The Captain was under no illusion that a single conversation was enough to fix what had been done to her. The young girl had been through more than what most people had in a lifetime; she had been ripped from her home, bestowed with a cosmic destiny she didn’t want, she had watched her family be tortured and murdered before her eyes, as well as being tortured and worse herself. Through it all she had handled herself with admirable strength despite her young years, but that did not mean she was impervious to the long term effects an assault like the one Fernand had committed could evoke. It broke Kathryn’s heart to think about it; she only hoped that knowing she could talk to her openly and honestly about what she was feeling would lighten the girl’s load. They spent the evening in their pyjamas on the couch, stuffing their faces with popcorn and talking about nothing in particular. The conversation was kept light and in good humour, and despite the earlier events at the beach, it was a nice relaxing evening. Kathryn had gotten up to recycle their hot chocolate mugs and when she came back, she found Jade crashed out on her stomach with the woollen throw over her. All that was visible out of the blanket was a mop of jet black hair, an arm hanging down the side of the couch and two pink fluffy socks poking out the end. Not wanting to disturb her from her rare slumber, she collected a spare blanket and pillow from the linen cupboard. Gently, she stroked her hair back out of her face and lifted her head, resting it down on the pillow before pulling the blankets over the teenager. Jade murmured at the contact but did not stir. Kathryn stood up and as she turned, almost jumped out her skin finding someone else in the room.

Q was leaning back against the entry to her bedroom with a half smile on his face. Kathryn tried to look cross but in fact she was relieved and pleased to see him, not that she would let him know it. She rolled her eyes and turning her back walked over to the dining room. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Q follow but stop first, kneeling down next to his sleeping ward. He stroked her hair back much like she had and watched her sleep for a moment, his hand resting on her back as the blanket rose up and down. Finally, he planted a light kiss on the top of her head and followed Kathryn out of the room.   
"How have my favourite girls been doing?"   
"I am not one of your girls Q.” she retorted. “Jade is…” She cast a glance in the sleeping girls direction, a dark silhouette under the starlight of the window. The emotions of the afternoon were still running fresh in her brain and for a second she thought of revealing their conversation from the beach. But Jade was right. It would do anyone any favours, not Q and especially not Jade. “Jade is fine. She has fit in well on Voyager.” She added.  
When she looked back, she caught Q running his eyes down her silk night dress and cleared her throat to get his attention. Q shrugged at her with feigned innocence as she raised an eyebrow and walked over to the dining chair where her robe was thrown over. "What happened in the Continuum?” She asked behind her and she started to put it on.  
Q crossed the space between them and helped her slide the silk cover over her shoulders.  
"I remember the last time I helped you dress." He murmured into her hair.  
Ignoring his assistance, Kathryn tied the belt and turned, immediately finding her self in an uncomfortable close proximity to Q's face.   
“Don't change the subject." She replied in her best Captain’s tone.  
He held her stare for a moment and then, on realising she was not backing down, sighed deeply and placed his hands on her arms. He went to speak but the sigh seemed to deflate him and he gently rested his forehead on her shoulder. His action startled her, so much so that she actually felt concerned for him. Behind the jokes and the innuendo, it was not difficult to see the last few days hadn’t been easy for him and for a Q to be tired, Kathryn couldn't even think what that would take.  
"Funny that I should be so relieved to be back on this floating barge of primordial bipeds." He murmured into her gown. Kathryn overlooked the insult and ushered him gently back up to stand.  
"It can wait." She said softly. “We can talk tomorrow. Rest Q, you look tired."  
“And you, my sweet wild kathy, look radiant as ever." He brushed a loose strand of copper hair behind her ear, the other hand reaching to the small of her back. The starlight from the window washed over her face, lighting up the sapphire blue in her eyes. Q’s own met them with a longing look. "I've missed you." He whispered as he tilted her chin up and leaned in to kiss her. With a sharp intake of breath, Kathryn closed her eyes and moved herself to receive him. All thoughts of protocol, concerns of irrationality momentarily dissipated into the starlit heavens leaving only the need for her lips to touch his. She danced on a line she’s sworn she’d never cross again but for some reason at this point in time she did not seem to care. Perhaps all the stress, all the worry of the day had wound her so tight only he could release her. Only he could understand. She felt his lips graze gently against her own; warm, soft and irresistibly delicious. He kissed her lightly again and again, and before long they were exchange small hot silent kisses in the darkness of the dining area. Q ran his hand through her hair to pull her closer to him, murmuring as their bodies pressed against one another. He was in no hurry, seeming quite content with the pace and happy to savour each lingering kiss as he began exploring across her jaw and down her neck with his mouth. Part of her, an overwhelmingly large part of her, wanted to stay in that moment and continue to enjoy the extremely pleasurable sensations he was causing on her skin but the Captain’s part of her brain whispered to her in the dark and she couldn’t quite ignore it even if she tried.  
“Q, wait.” She hissed breaking their contact quickly. In the dim light of the window, she saw a look of disappointment momentarily flicker over Q’s face. She folded her arms over her chest and gave him a small relenting smile. “It’s late, I need to get to bed… and no, that is not an invitation.” She quickly added as Q started to respond with a hopeful expression. He then closed his mouth with a pout to which Kathryn couldn’t help but smirk at. Suddenly something crossed her mind that she hadn’t though of.  
“You are not here to take Jade are you? I mean, we were going to have breakfast tomorrow and then Jade had plans with Tom I think, some movie night.”  
Q gave her a peculiar look for a moment which was promptly followed by a warm smile  
“No Captain, the Continuum feels that she is safe where she is for now. There is a plan underway to apprehend the Master. With your permission, we would prefer that she remains under your care until he has been secured.”  
Kathryn broke into a relieved grin.  
“Permission granted.”  
Q returned her grin with one of his own.  
“I’ll take her back to her room.” He then said and went to click his fingers before a mischievous look spread across his face.    
"Am I invited to this breakfast? I’m not sure if you know but I do an excellent breakfast in bed." He added raising an eyebrow suggestively. Kathryn tried to suppress a smirk.   
"07:00; the dining room" She emphasised the last part causing Q to dramatically roll his eyes. "Don't be late."  
"Bon nuit madame captain." The omnipotent being replied softly and taking her cheeks in his hands, gave her one last lingering kiss. Kathryn felt her face flush at the contact. “Thanks for taking care of my girl.” He whispered and, with a click of his fingers, both Jade disappeared.

Now alone, Kathryn was suddenly no longer tired. She caught her reflection in the window and silently scolded herself for being already so far down a road she shouldn't be taking. Part of her wondered if there would be any harm. She could no longer deny that she was attracted to Q, that now was fairly obvious, and it wouldn't be long until the Continuum caught up with Fernand and the Master then Q and Jade would be on their way. Maybe she could allow herself to think of Q as more than just a friendly combatant just for a short while. Kathryn loved her command and she loved her crew; she knew she was lucky in that sense. But they had adjusted to their life travelling through the delta quadrant, building friendships, some even finding love. Kathryn would never, could never, have that. Her responsibility was to their welfare, to getting them home, and her starfleet values would never let them get further than comradeship. Chakotay had come close once but she had driven him away too and knowing she would never let him truly through her professional shell, he had moved on. Was it those same vaunted ideals that were forcing her to keep Q at arms length? After all, having Jade in her life felt strangely like she had regained a piece of herself that she had desperately missed without even realising it. But maybe that was part of the problem. She had let the teenager get too close and now the idea of losing her tore her apart. She and Q would eventually leave, and where did that leave her when they did? Kathryn let out a sigh similar to Q's earlier and shuffled into the bedroom, unable to continue looking at herself. The emotions of the day swirled around in her head and she suddenly felt very tired. Clambering under the sheets, she pulled the covers over her head, curled up in a ball and did something she’d very rarely done since arriving in the Delta Quadrant all those years ago; she cried.


	25. The Breakfast Club

Before Kathryn knew it, it was 0645 and she wondered if she had barely slept at all. Coffee. Coffee was the priority. Even though she was running late, coffee would see her right. It always did. Within a couple of minutes she was on her feet already nursing half a drunk cup of rocket fuel and musing over the previous night's events, most specifically her interaction with Q.   
'Pull yourself together Kathryn' she scolded herself, deciding she had over indulged her own emotions long enough and it was time to start being a Captain again. She drained the last of the cup and walked into the bathroom, stripped off and jumped in the sonic shower. The hot water washed away the last of the cobwebs left from the night's tossing and turning. She had spent another good five or ten minutes letting the steam soothe her tired muscles before turning off the stream. 

“Oh good, you’ve been in there for hours.” A voice called merrily from behind the frosted glass door. Kathryn froze as she heard Q chuckle. She took a breath and tried to regain her composure.   
“Can you please hand me a towel?” She hissed, painfully aware that he had no intentions of moving and there wasn’t anything she could do in her present state to compel him. The door opened a fraction and a hand appeared holding a face cloth.   
“Q!” She growled and folded her arms. The hand retreated and she heard him laughing. It appeared again, this time with her bath towel.   
"Come out or I'm coming in." He said playfully, and shook it at her. She rolled her eyes and snatched it out of his hand, wrapping it around herself.   
"I said ‘dining room’ not ‘shower’ Q. Must you continuously invade my personal space?" She opened the door fully to reveal Q leaning against the doorway, a smirk on his face.   
"Oh if only you'd let me." He growled with a devilish look. She ignored his seductive grin as well as the offer of his hand as she climbed out of the shower and walked into the bedroom. Q made to follow her when the doorbell rang.   
"Get the door." Kathryn said shooing him out so she could change. Undeterred, Q made a move forward to put his hands on her waist and kiss her but was stopped abruptly by an outstretched hand.   
"Door." She ordered, using the best authoritative voice she could muster considering she was wearing nothing but a towel.  
"Aye aye Captain." Q winked and with one last look over her informal attire, he left the room. Kathryn let out a sign of relief and made a mental note to have more coffee before having to fend of Q's advances in the future. As she changed, she heard the cabin doors open and a delighted Jade greet her protector.   
“You’re back!” She exclaimed giving him a excited hug. Q wrapped her up in his arms for a big bear hug.  
"I think you got taller." He said standing her up properly to get a proper look.   
“Dude, you were gone less than a week.” She shot him an incredulous look.   
"Maybe you're just getting shorter Q? Old age perhaps?" Kathryn quipped coming out of the bedroom in her uniform. She wrapped an arm around Jade and gave her a squeeze to say good morning.   
"Nonsense! I am exactly the same age and height that I have always been." Q looked perturbed by the comment and straightened his own uniform.   
"It's the grey isn't it." He declared dramatically, peering at his hair in the mirror. "I always thought it made me look distinguished."   
"I think it makes you look handsome, don't you Kathryn?" Jade met Kathryn's glare with an semi-innocent smile as she began to set the table to which the Captain replied with a warning look.   
"I think his insistence on wearing that uniform is more concerning than a few greys." She replied, anxious to change the subject. Q turned from admiring his reflection and stopped immediately behind her.   
"I'll take it off if you prefer." He purred in her ear.   
Kathryn shot away from him towards the replicator.   
“So what does everyone feel like." She said fumbling with the keypanel.  
"Kathy my sweet." Q replied almost mockingly. "You are dining with an omnipotent being, we won't be using your prehistoric tools." He clicked his fingers and the table filled full of delicious looking breakfast; everything she loved to eat, every good breakfast she remembered as a child was there for her to tuck in to.   
Jade sat down and began to load up her plate. Q sidled over to Kathryn and with another click, a steaming hot mug of coffee appeared in his hands.  
She eyed the cup suspiciously. Q raised an eyebrow.   
"Don't worry, its not poison." He chuckled.  
Slowly, Kathryn raised it to her lips and inhaled. A smooth rich aroma wafted from the cup. It smelt delicious. She took a sip of dark creamy beverage. It tasted just as good as it smelt. Ignoring the fact that Q’s gaze had drifted to her mouth as she licked her lips, she shot him a thankful smile.  
“You're welcome." he grinned and showed her to her seat. 

Kathryn had to be admit the food did look good. She filled her plate and soon found it tasted as good as too. As they dug in,  
Jade filled Q in on the last few days, minus her trip to sickbay and her conversation with Kathryn at the beach. Q, who thanks to the Continuum shield which appeared to block Voyager from any omniscient radar seemed none the wiser to either, was a happy audience to his ward’s adventures. Kathryn was even able to overlook his not so subtle jibes of her crew as Jade corrected him for her, anxious that Q should "be nice" to her new friends. Q was on fine form as normal, causing Kathryn at one point to almost choke on her pancakes for laughing. In comparison to events of the previous night, it was an easy happy start to the day and she couldn't remember a morning in which she felt so content. Q made no mention of their exchange and seemed more interested in trying to make her eat and laugh at the same time. She thought Q's presence might cause her to be on her guard but, as they all told stories, made light fun of each other and giggled at one another's jokes over their pancakes, she felt more comfortable than she had in a long time. It one didn't know better, they could have been a normal family enjoying a normal breakfast. But this was far from normal, she told herself ruefully. Come on Kathryn, she thought sitting back in her chair, what kind of normal family consisted of a responsible head strong captain lost light years from home, an omnipotent megalomaniac with a penchant for breaking rules, and a weaponised human teenager on run from a sadist and a cosmic tyrant? It was definitely not a typical family scenario... so why did it feel so normal? She watched with a half smile as Q dropped what Jade referred to as a 'really terrible dad joke' to which the young girl groaned and glared at her protector with a roll of the eyes. Q looked over at Kathryn for support. "Honestly, kids today." He said with a grin. He seemed to read that her mind was elsewhere and, placing his hand gently on her arm, tilted his head slightly with a questioning smile as if to ask if she was ok. Kathryn locked with his gaze and saw warmth in his eyes. How could he go from being so frustrating to undeniably enigmatic. The contact caused her to blush, which in turn made Q break into a grin.   
"God why don't you just kiss her already." Jade stated with a faux-bored yawn poking around the plate with her fork. Her protectors both gave her a warning look to which she held up her hands with a mischievous grin. "Just trying to be helpful."   
"Why don't you go be helpful in sickbay." Kathryn commanded through a reluctant smirk. "The doctor said he needed a hand today."  
"Yes ma'am." Jade replied with cheeky salute. She jumped up from the chair and made for the exit. The doors opened to reveal Chakotay stood in the entrance, one hand clasping pads, the other stretched out to the door panel.   
"Uh.. Kathryn, you have company." Jade called back to the room. At that moment, Q was leaning over to her, his arm over the back of her chair, having just purred in her ear that Jade did intact have a point and he should just kiss her. The timing was was probably not the best. Kathryn visibly stiffened as she saw her commanding office view the domestic scene with suspicion.   
"If it isn't Commander Chuckles, what a wonderful ray of sunshine you are first thing in the moment." Q grinned.   
"Q." Kathryn snapped. She stood and came to the door, placing a hand on Jade's shoulders.   
"We were just having some breakfast." She explained without really knowing why she felt she needed to. "Would you like to join us?"  
"No thank you, I ate with seven earlier. I was on my way to the bridge." Chakotay replied stiffly. He handed the pad to her, one that Kathryn noted could have waited until she got the bridge herself. He glared over at Q.   
“I see you’re back?”  
"As usual your powers of observation are second to none commander." Q smirked, sitting back in the chair and putting his hands behind his head.   
"I wouldn't get too comfortable Q, I imagine you'll be moving on soon." Chakotay snapped back.   
"I appreciate your concern, but I am very comfortable right here thank you."  
“Well you don't want to overstay your welcome."  
"Gentleman," Kathryn snapped, rubbing her temples. "Enough. Please." It was far too early for overt displays of bravado.  
"Got time for a coffee before your shift?" Jade suddenly asked, breaking the awkward silence that fell between the two men, neither of whom gave any indication of leaving as they glared at each other across the room. Kathryn looked down at her ward with a relieved smile.   
"Yes, that would be lovely." She put an arm around her shoulders. "I'm sure you can all find your way out." She added casting an unimpressed glare of her own back at the omnipotent being and her commander as she left the quarters and let the door close behind them. 


	26. Through the looking glass

They'd walked half way to the mess hall in silence before Kathryn spoke.   
"Thank you."  
"Don't thank me." Jade replied. "I just wanted to save you the pain of listening to Chakotay go on and on while you walked to bridge." She broke into a grin. Kathryn smiled back but her heart wasn't in it. Jade frowned.   
"Do you want us to go?" She asked.   
Kathryn stopped and looked at the teenager with a surprised expression. “Not at all, no.”   
"I don't want to make things difficult for you. I know these last few days haven’t been… easy.”  Jade said quietly.   
"You don't." Kathryn replied in earnest.  
"But Q does." Jade finished her sentence.   
Kathryn put an arm over shoulders.  
“It’s just complicated.” She sighed as they continued to walk to the mess hall.  
"He doesn't mean to upset you." Jade continued folding her arms. "He really cares about you."  
"I know." Kathryn replied. "I care.." She almost said 'about him too' without thinking but stopped herself. "I.." She ran a hand through her hair and sighed. "I need another coffee." 

They arrived at the mess hall and sat at table in the back corner away from everybody else.   
"Can I ask you something?" Jade said once Neelix have brought the coffees.   
"Of course." Kathryn said taking a sip from her mug.   
Jade opened her mouth and then hesitated.   
"Don't get mad" she then said, a conflicted expression on her face.   
"You can ask me anything, you know that.”  
“Okay” She shifted in her seat as if preparing herself to make a grand statement. “So were Commander Chakotay and you, like, lovers?"   
Kathryn nearly choked on her coffee.  
“What?"  
Jade looked sheepish and shrugged.  
”I just see the way he looks at you sometimes and he really seems to hate Q so I just thought..."  
Kathryn took a breath. If she'd known this was were the conversation was going, she may have chosen the turbo lift with her disgruntled commander. She looked around to check no one was in earshot.   
"No we were not lovers,” she hissed, her cheeks turning red, “and Chakotay doesn't look at me like anything. If he is looking at Q in a certain way, it's because Q has almost killed us on more than one occasion. Q is lucky I don't look at him in the same way."  
"Why don't you." Jade asked, curling her legs up on the seat, clearly enraptured by the conversation. Kathryn sighed.  
"This is the last time I let you have more than one coffee before 0800."  
Jade pouted but didn't respond, clearly waiting for an answer. Kathryn rolled her eyes and tried not to smirk at the absurdity of the topic.  
"Because... well, we have been through a lot and... he's wonderful with you... and I guess, I know he wouldn't intentionally let anything happen to us."  
"Because he loves you." Jade chimed in with a grin.    
“What? No! Because he is a friend and a good man... most of the time." Kathryn countered quickly.   
"Why does the idea that Q could be madly in love with you seem so crazy?" Jade gave her a curious look.  
"Because.. He isn't. End of story. Can we change the subject?" She rubbed her temples.   
"Sure." Jade said a little too quickly for Kathryn's liking. "so you and Chakotay.."   
Kathryn groaned. "Jade, please." The girl put up her hands in defence.   
"Just trying to help." She grinned.  
“I know what you’re trying to do.” Kathryn warned crossing her arms.  
“I don’t know what you are talking about.”  
“Hah!” The Captain scoffed. “Q was right. You do meddle, but it’s not going to work.”  
Jade gave her a less than innocent smile and took another drink of her beverage, watching her with seemingly idle curiosity over the rim of her mug. Kathryn managed to hold her disapproving gaze with the teenager for a few moments before she broke into a reluctant grin.  
“Just drink your coffee.” 

Kathryn escorted Jade to sickbay before she headed to the bridge, predominantly to ensure she didn’t get any more trouble unattended.  
“Remember Tom and I are going to try and program the theatre on the holodeck after his shift so I’ll see you in the morning for brekky.” Jade said as they arrived at the doors.  
“That’s fine, you both have fun. I could use an early night.” Kathryn smiled.  
“Q might be free.” Jade replied with a cheeky grin. “You know, if you are at a loose end.”  
Kathryn raised an eyebrow and responded by pointing at the sickbay.  
“I’m going, I’m going.’ Jade giggled and quickly took off to escape any further wrath from the Captain.

With the ship still cloaked by the Continuum Council and her First Officer offering nothing more than one word responses and shirty nods, the Captain’s shift on the Bridge went slowly. She had managed to sit next to the brooding Commander for the morning before she could stand the sulking no more and retired to her ready room to spend the afternoon catching up on her sensor reports. After a few hours of solitude and a couple of rejuvenating trips to the replicator, she had managed to get a fair bit of work done and yet she didn’t feel satisfied. She knew she was distracted; it had taken her a lot longer to sign off on the data that would do normally. Noticing the pile of security logs that Tuvok had left for her to look at on the far side of her desk, she tossed the pad she was reading in front of her and leaned back in her chair. Closing her eyes and letting out a long sigh, she wondered how she had gone from feeling so content to entirely tense within a day. The answer of course was Q, both the positive and the negative side of the question. She wondered for a moment what he was doing that night and then immediately rebuked herself for it. The only thing she should be thinking about doing was camping out in her ready room and finishing her work. It was frustrating how often the omnipotent being seemed to be dominating her thoughts.

“Long day?” A voice asked behind her. Kathryn jumped nearly a foot in the air.   
"Don't do that." She hissed, turning around in her chair to look up at her antagonist. Q responded with a withering look and physically turned her body to face away from him again. Before Kathryn could protest the omnipotent being being so cavalier with her person, two strong hands proceeded to rub her shoulders. As much as she knew she should, she didn't protest, instead closing her eyes and giving in to the blissful sensation that he was now creating on her stiff muscles.   
"Yes it's been a long day." She sighed finally as Q worked his magic on the knots, mentally silencing the captain part of her brain that was protesting his touch. “Not that you didn’t have anything to do with it.”  
“Moi?” He responded playfully behind her.  
“Yes, you. Between Chakotay and your bickering, and Jade’s meddling, I tell you…”  
“Why, what’s she up to now?” Q chuckled, as she tilted her head for him to get a better angle.  
“Oh..” She paused, deciding that telling Q that his ward was trying to set them up was probably a bad idea. When she didn't finish the sentence, Q stopped his massage and span her chair around to face him again. Kathryn tried to ignore the fact that her skin missed his hands on it. Taking hold of her wrists he pulled her up to stand in front of him.   
"Come on."   
"What?" Kathryn rose as requested but stayed rooted to the spot, a suspicious look on her face.   
"I want to take you somewhere."   
"No Q, I'm far too busy.." she pulled her hands away and walked around the desk to escape his clutches. Q followed her with a jovial stride, perching on the corner.  
"We both know you plan on hiding in here for the rest of the night.” He teased, watching her stack the sensor pads in an effort to avoid eye contact.   
"I have work to do Q." She snapped, finally looking with a steely glare whilst waving a pad at him to emphasise her point.   
"Bah." He took it from her hand and chucked in on the desk. "Tedious carbon conversions can wait. It's not like the Delta quadrant is going anywhere." Seeing Kathryn's frown, he gave an exasperated sigh and tried another tactic. "You said you wanted to talk?"   
"We are talking now."  
"Why do you have to make everything so difficult." Q scowled, jumping to his feet with the manner of a child.   
"Why do you have to interrupt my life so much." Kathryn retorted, getting up in his face with an authoritative stance. The pair stared eachother down for a moment before Q broke into a patronising chuckle.   
"I was right." He grinned. "you are angry when you're beautiful." His smirk dissipated into a warm affectionate appraisal and he leaned in to kiss her. Despite her anger, Kathryn felt her body react to his attentions and her gaze lingered on his lips. She almost allowed him to make contact but stopped his advancement at the last moment with a hand on his chest.  
"What about Jade?"    
“As you mentioned last night when you were so outrageously seducing me, she is spending evening with that bone headed fly boy of yours so I do believe your calendar is free sweet Captain.” Q grinned as Kathryn shot him a dirty scowl. "I promise I'll have you back before you know it.” He quickly soothed before she had a chance to respond, offering his arm to her.   
She did want to talk to him about what had happened in the Continuum she told herself; what difference was talking here or somewhere else? Lots of difference, her Starfleet brain told her.  
"Okay fine. But just to talk." She relented. Q broke into a mischievous grin that made Kathryn instantly know she was going to regret the decision she had just made.   
"I know the perfect place." He said and clicked his fingers. Before Kathryn had a chance to change her mind, they were gone.


	27. In the night kitchen

When Kathryn opened her eyes, she found herself alone in the living area of a softly lit cosy cabin and out of her Captain’s uniform. She was barefoot, dressed in a white knitted sweater and caramel coloured soft pants; her hair hanging down her back in a long plait. She looked around for Q but couldn’t see him.   
“Q?”   
The omnipotent being popped his head around the doorway that led into what looked some sort of cooking space. He was wearing a green apron covering a black sweater and pants, and on his head he had a ridiculously large chef’s hat.  
“I’ll be out in a minute. I just want to get to dinner on.” He said cheerfully as she approached him.   
Kathryn broke into a grin.   
“Are you… cooking? Like, really cooking?” She asked with surprise and tried to see over his shoulder at the kitchen behind him. With a chuckle, he took her wrists to stop her from getting passed.   
“Yes, I am lowering myself to the menial tasks of a mortal just for you.” He grinned. “Now go make yourself useful and pour us some wine.” He turned her around and gently ushered her in the direction of a bar cabinet set against the far wall. Kathryn did as she was told, but turned back in time to see that Q was watching her backside as she walked. Seeing that he had been caught out and copped a severe eyebrow raise from the Captain, he gave her a salacious wink and headed back into the kitchen.   
Kathryn selected a bottle of wine from the rack and found some glasses in the cabinet.   
“Where are we anyway?” She called as she poured them a drink each.   
“Just a little place I know.” She heard Q say from the other room.   
“But where? What galaxy? What time?”   
He appeared in the doorway and walked over to her with a smirk.   
“Always questions with you.” He said teasingly as he took his glass from her hands. “Can you not just enjoy the moment?”   
“I’m a scientist, asking questions is what we do.” She retorted taking a sip of her wine.   
“You’re insufferable.” Q grinned, pulling her body towards his own, “but luckily you’re also incredibly kissable. What is a Q to do?” He added with a shake of his head as he leaned in to kiss her.  
“Oh I don’t know, maybe he should take the pan off the stove before he burns the cabin down?” Kathryn retorted just before his lips almost touched hers. She saw Q’s eyes widened as he registered the burning smell and then he quickly scarpered off to kitchen much to her bemusement.   
“See how you distract me temptress!” Q called over the sound of frantic stirring.   
“I did no such thing.” Kathryn grinned and sat down on the sofa. “Are you sure you don’t need any help?”   
“I have it all under control!” 

By time Q reappeared, Kathryn was already well into her second glass of wine and feeling more relaxed. Seeing the plates in his hand, she jumped to her feet and broke into applause. Q grinned at her and gave a bow. He sat the dinner down on the small dining table and watched almost nervously as she approached to see what he had made for her.   
“This looks delicious.” She gasped, clasping his arm.  
“Uh… it’s the first time I have… well, you know.” He muttered and showed her to her seat.   
“It’s great Q.” She replied with a reassuring smile.   
Q looked pleased and sat down. As he did, Kathryn gave him a curious look.   
“Why did you cook, why not…” She clicked her fingers.   
Q grinned at the impersonation of himself as he slid over a knife and fork over to her.   
“Because I wanted you to see I can do things the mortal way.” he replied with a small smile.   
“You don’t need to prove that to me.” Kathryn frowned taking the cutlery from him. Q allowed his fingers to brush against her own as she did so.   
“Yes I do.” He held her gaze for a moment, a serious expression flickering over his features, and then he chuckled. “Besides, if we’re ever going to teach Jade how to make anything that other than that heinous concoction she calls ‘instant ramen’, one of us needs to.”   
“I cook.” Kathryn cut in, raising an eyebrow.   
“You replicate.” Q retorted with a smirk.   
He then picked up his wine glass and raised it to her.   
"I guess I should propose a toast. To...?"   
"To Jade." Kathryn replied quickly and raised her wine to meet his. Q nodded and gave her a sultry smile as their glasses clinked together.   
"To Jade." 

It had been a long time since Kathryn had been on a dinner date with a man. She often had dinner in her quarters with Chakotay or Tuvok, but that was... just dinner. There was often laughter yes, well with Chakotay at least, but none of it stemmed from outrageous innuendo and flirtatious banter. Nor did Chakotay or Tuvok ever deliberatly overpour her drinks like Q seemed to take great pleasure in doing. To be fair to the omnipotent being, he had been for the most part   
a perfect gentleman, and in turn she had relaxed significantly in his company. Her stomach muscles actually ached from laughing and it was nice to see how he loved to amuse her. Kathryn was also surprised how attentive to her he was; topping up her wine, checking if she needed anything, the whole time his foot stroking up against hers under the table. This meal with Q felt like a date; granted a very strange surreal date that was kind of forced upon her, but a surprisingly enjoyable date nonetheless. Sure the steak was a little over and the mash slightly burned but it still tasted fine, although Q acted like it was the end of the known universe.   
"It was delicious Q, really." She assured him for the tenth time that night as they cleared the plates.   
"Hmmph... as long as you enjoyed it." He sulked. His mood greatly increased however when he realised he could corner her in the kitchen and run his lips along the curve of her neck while she was washing up.   
"Go pour more wine Q." She stifled a laugh and tried to wriggle out from under his grasp.   
"Ah ah." He turned her back around so her hands were against the basin and pressed his body behind her in an overly suggestive manner. In a bid to distract herself from the throbbing sensation the pressure of him against her had caused between her legs, she tried to turn again and instead he pushed her back against the wooden cabinet, in a bid to steal a kiss.   
Before he could make contact, she flicked dish detergent bubbles at him, giggling as he pulled a face.   
"Wine." She then commanded, watching with satisfaction as Q sauntered off in the direction of the living room. 

A few minutes later she reappeared. Q was on the couch, stretched out in a manner that suggested he was both full and comfortable. He patted the seat next to him and passed her another glass of wine as she sat down. It was a large plush comfy sofa, the type you could sink right into, and Kathryn couldn't help but tuck up her feet and curl into it. She took a sip of her wine and sighed contently, her own head pleasantly fuzzy after a night of laughter, food and a little too much wine.   
"It's so good to see you like this." Q said breaking the comfortable silence that had fallen between them.   
"Like what?" She answered from behind the rim of her glass.   
"Relaxed. You never usually let your guard down around me." He leaned over with a smile and brushed a strand of hair behind her ear in what felt like a very intimate gesture.   
"That's because you are usually trying to sleep with me." She replied, trying to ignore the tingling sensation that his skin against hers was causing.   
"Who says I'm not now?" Q raised an eyebrow suggestively. Kathryn tried not to grin.   
"You promised we would just talk." She lectured, in half teasing tone.  
"True." Q shifted a little closer to her so he could trace a finger along her arm. "I didn't say what we’d talk about.”   
Kathryn eyed him with a semi impressed smirk as she sipped her wine.  
"You're a menace, you know that?"   
Q seemed pleased.  
"Indeed I am sweet Captain. Whatever will you do with me." 


	28. Blues in the night

As they talked and laughed and drank some more, Kathryn became aware that her efforts to steer the conversation back into less dangerous territory seemed to diminish and she was actually enjoying the playful banter with Q. She felt relaxed around him, flirtatious even. It was a side to herself she hadn't seen in a long time and it felt good to know she could still play the game.  
Q, while still his usual overly suggestive self, seemed happy to respect the boundary which she had defined and follow her lead on the tempo of its progression; perhaps anxious not to damage the new dynamic she was finally exploring with him.   
As Kathryn finished the last of her wine, she noticed her feet felt cold, so she slid them under Q's leg without thinking. Q grinned at the contact and ran his hand along her calf.   
"You have very shapely legs you know." He mused pulling her feet back out and laying them over his lap. Clicking his fingers, she suddenly found herself wearing soft warm woollen socks.   
"Q.." Kathryn warned with a reluctant grin, wiggling her toes. It was a bit unfair to protest, she had started it after all.   
"What?" He smirked seductively and running his hand down her ankles, began to gently massage her feet.   
"Your legs are one of my favourite attributes. It would be unfair not to pay compliment to them." He teased. The pressure from his hands sent tingling sensations along her skin, causing Kathryn to rub her legs together subconsciously. Q gave a little sigh, increasing the pressure as he bit his bottom lip with what appeared to be an expression of desire. Kathryn suddenly imagined herself sat astride his lap on the sofa, biting that lip herself; and she blushed at the realisation of how turned on the contact had made her.  
"Let me guess, honed from years of ballet as a child?" Q continued, unaware of her mental dialogue, his hand sliding back along her shin and over her knee.  
"Hardly." Kathryn retorted with a roll of the eyes. "More like decades of climbing thorough Jeffries tubes. I'm a terrible dancer."   
"I very much doubt that." He scoffed in reply. Kathryn placed her hand on his, stopping his wayward journey at the top of her thigh, earning a pout from the omnipotent being.   
"Trust me." She grinned. Q met her gaze with a mischievous twinkle in his eye.   
"Oh this I need to see."   
He launched up from the couch, and spinning on his heels offered her a hand. Clicking his fingers, music began to play in the background.   
"No Q!" Kathryn giggled. "I need a lot more wine before I dance."  
Q rolled his eyes with an exasperated sigh and then granted her an indulgent smile. "In that case, another glass coming right up!" He pulled her out of the chair and kissed her hand as she rose, giving her a look that suggested he was imagining other types of physical activity.  She felt her cheeks flush, probably from both the wine and the new feelings surging through her body, as she watched the handsome Q busy himself at the drinks cabinet. There was a glass double door that led out onto some sort of balcony, so she took the opportunity to get some air. Stepping through the veranda door, she was greeted by a cool but welcome evening breeze. Their cabin appeared to be set into a steep hill side and the balcony looked out onto a beautiful moonlit ocean. Feeling reckless, she undid her braid and allowed the wind to carry her long red hair from her shoulders and towards the direction of the bay. Taking a deep breath, she leaned out as far as she could, taking in the sea air and the scent of the surrounding forest as she stared out at the small boat silhouettes on the harbour. She had wondered if she would feel strange being so far removed from her captaincy, her uniform, her ship, but it almost felt like this was a whole other part her, seperate from the rules and responsibilities of voyager. A secret part where she could be herself... no, wait not herself, she mused, that was a disservice to her usual life.. she loved her life on voyager, she loved her crew.. no, this was an additional part of her, another layer.. one that she thought would be hidden away until they returned to Earth. What surprised her most was that it was Q, Q above all others, that had coaxed her enough to set it free.   
"Your wine madam." A voice broke her from her thoughts. She turned and found the omnipotent being stood in the doorway with two glasses of wine in his hand. She blushed as she realised Q had been watching her experience her little moment of freedom with a curious expression. Self consciously, she combed her hair over her shoulder and folded her arms. A funny look came over Q's. face as he passed her his glass.  
"What?" Kathryn asked nervously.  
“Nothing,” Q said and took a sip of his own drink as he leaned backwards against the doorframe. “I just never tire of being surprised by how beautiful you are.”  
“Q…” Kathryn flushed pink and turned away from him, resting her hands on the balcony rail. She felt Q behind her and closed her eyes.  
“I told you the first night I came to your quarters that I couldn’t get you out of my head, and I haven’t been able to since then.” He murmured into the curve of her neck, his hands running up her arms.  
“You also promised me a ticker tape parade down Sri-Lanka Boulevard.” She retorted as he began planting soft light kisses across her skin.  
“Which you flatly rejected.” He chuckled, “You missed an offer of a lifetime there by the way.”  
“So you’ve told me.”  
He gently turned her around and took the glass from her hand, putting them both down on the balcony edge.  
"Now I do believe you owe me a dance sweet Captain." He said with a smirk, taking her into his arms. Kathryn pulled a face. "Enough stalling." He added.  
He clicked his fingers and soft background music began to drift through the door from inside. She broke into a giggle and, realising he was unmoved until she complied, took his hand and allowed him to waltz her around the balcony.  
"See, you are doing fine," He whispered, pulling her body closer to his as they danced. "You just need the right partner, that's all."  
"Is that so." Kathryn grinned and then lay her head on him as they danced. She heard him hold his breath at the contact, the hold around her constricting a little tighter. She closed her eyes and breathed him in, that same delicious scent that had aroused her so much down on the planet apparently had not lost any of its vigour. Q was humming along to the music, the vibrations of his voice emanating through his chest and tickling her cheek. She lifted her head and looked up at the omnipotent being; for the first time being close enough to appreciate the deep colour of his eyes, the sultry curve of his lips, the strength of his jaw. Q glanced down and realised she was looking at him. He met her gaze with a questioning look.  
"Kathy?"  
Before he could say any more, Kathryn leaned up on tiptoe and kissed him. It caught Q by surprise, taking him a second to react to the unexpectedly reckless move by the Captain, but he quickly recovered and wrapped her up in his arms with relish. Never one to be outdone, he pushed her back against the balcony ledge and pressed his lips to hers without an almost desperate moan. Kathryn let out a gasp as she felt a fervent course of sexual energy flooding her body, an overwhelming urge to feel him inside her that both excited and frightened her. Q ran his hands over every inch of her; her hair, neck, breasts, torso, all now his to explore. His fingers slipped under her sweater and she felt him grin into their kiss at the skin on skin contact as he traced a line down her back with his fingers to her backside. Suddenly breaking contact, he span her around and pressed her back into him. Kathryn could feel how hard he was against her and closed her eyes as her head leaned back, biting her bottom lip longingly. Q wrapped one arm around her body, the other hand running up her thigh.  
"Oh Kathy." She heard him whisper into her ear.  
"Whatever am I going to do with you." His hand came to rest between her legs causing Kathryn's lips to part as she felt herself ache in excitement. Q worked his way down her neck with his mouth, his hand still exploring the thin trouser material that barred him from feeling how wet she was. As he located the button, she quickly turned and leaned back against the balcony again, pulling Q towards her and raising her leg so she could press herself against him in the most intimate way. Q moaned and kissed her again hard, moving his hips into her with the delicious rhythm that came so naturally to them. Kathryn gripped the back of his jumper as he rubbed himself against her, gasping into their kiss and biting his bottom lip teasingly. He lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around him, their kiss not breaking for a second. He was going to take her to bed and, with the Captain's part of her brain well and truly silenced by the lust and a significant amount of wine coursing though her veins, she was going to let him. That was of course until, in true Q tradition, he opened his mouth.  
“Oh Kathy." He uttered between hot tantalising kisses as he carried her back into the cabin. "I love you.”  
"Ha ha." She giggled and went to kiss him again.  
"I do. I love you." Q protested with a grin.  
Kathryn pulled away, her smile faded.  
"You don't need to say that Q." She frowned as he tried to kiss her again.  
"Why not, it's true."  
When she didn't reciprocate, he put her down and gave her a questioning look.  
Kathryn sighed. Why did he had to ruin it?  
“Q, don't say that. Please.."  
A funny look came over Q's face and then his expression darkened.  
"I don't understand you humans." He retorted irritably. "You are always going on and on about good it is to be in love, but as soon as someone expresses it to you, you run for the hills."  
"We were having fun Q, that's all." Kathryn replied, her gaze narrowing.  
"Is that all you want Kathy? Just some fun?"  
"I don't know what I want." She snapped and turned away from him, folding her arms. "I wasn't expecting to be doing this with..”  
“What? With me?” Q growled. ”You were quite happy to do it with Commander Chakotay."  
Kathryn span back around and gave him a cool glare.  
"What is it with you two?” She shook her head in disbelief. “Considering you profess to hate each other so much, you both have so much in common.”  
“I can't think of a single thing I would have in common with that knuckle headed bore.” Q sneered petulantly.  
"Well you both presume to know what I am feeling and thinking, and you both couldn’t be more wrong.” Kathryn replied in a similar tone.  
She then stopped and sighed at the absurdity of the argument. Q said nothing, his angry glare a strong countenance from the expression of desire he had worn only moments earlier.  
“Look Q, this was nice, I had a great time but it isn’t going to work.”  
“It would if you gave it a chance.”  
“I don’t have that luxury. I have responsibilities.” She put her hands on her hips with a frown.  
“Ah yes, the intrepid starship Voyager and it’s vapid crew.” Q scoffed. “What about Jade? She looks to you as a mother/ We could be a family. That’s what she wants, it’s what I want.”  
Kathryn stepped up close to him, a dark expression clouding her features.  
“Don’t you ever use my affection for her as leverage Q. Don’t you dare.” She said in a quiet yet dangerous voice.  
Q paused and then nodded.  
“You’re right, I’m sorry.” He placed his hands on her arms and gave her a sincere look.  
"Truly, I am."  
Kathryn in turn felt her gaze soften, the anger disperse from her as quickly as it had come.  
“It’s late, I should be getting to bed, maybe you should take me back.”  
Q looked momentarily disappointed and then his expression hardened again.  
“That’s fine, I have things to do anyway." He said in a nonchalant manner, looking out towards the balcony.  
“Of course.” Kathryn nodded, and with a click of his fingers, they disappeared without another word.


	29. Sinner's Prayer

Q deposited Kathryn back in her quarters alone. She looked around at the empty space and felt the sobering effects that of the deafening silence that greeted her. Q had actually also taken the liberty of removing the alcohol from her blood system which made dealing with the feelings she had experienced over the last few hours even more depressing. It has been the best and worst night she'd had in a long time, which was always the way with Q; spending time with him was always so polarising emotionally. On the way hand, he'd made her so frustrated and angry, and yet she had loved spending time with him too. Then there was the matter of their growing attraction; how good he had made her feel on the balcony, how much he wanted to take her to bed, how much she had wanted him to. There was no longer any way she could deny that he knew how to turn her on and that was a dangerous position to be in. She just had to be clear with him that they couldn't fool around like that any more. She couldn't allow herself to become emotionally compromised by Q, however good he made her feel. It would only give him further encouragement and, in her experience of dealing with the omnipotent being, he generally didn't need much anyway. Kathryn changed into her night dress, and had a light snack and a cup of coffee. After pottering around restlessly in her quarters for an hour or so, she eventually decided to go to bed. She tossed and turned for a while, before giving up on sleeping and instead grabbed the book she had started a little while ago to try and quell the thoughts that were running around in her head. Unable to concentrate, she had been trying to read unsuccessfully for about twenty minutes, until an unexpected visitor distracted her from her internal dialogue. 

“She falls in love with him in the end you know.”  
Kathryn nearly jumped a foot in the air.  
“Q!”  
The omnipotent being had appeared next to her in the bed, dressed in a ridiculous night shirt and sleeping cap. “Do you mind!” She cried breathlessly, her heart pounding in her chest.  
“Not particularly.” He quipped with a smirk. Kathryn gave him a cool glare before turning her attention back to her novel. Q looked surprised, a bemused grin creeping over his features.  
“What’s the matter Captain, not going to scamper away and protect yourself from all my unwanted affection?" He said in a mocking tone.  
“It’s my bed, you leave.” She retorted, still focused on her page.  
Q shifted himself closer and put an arm around her shoulders, appearing to read over her shoulder. Realising he had no intention of obeying her command, she sighed irritably.  
"I thought you said you had things to do."  
"I thought you said you were tired." Q replied with a knowing smirk. Kathryn rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to her book. “I think you like me being here.” He continued, tracing his fingers down her bare arm.  
“I would much prefer you somewhere else.” She turned the page, trying to ignore the humming sensation in her body that his proximity seemed to generate; the feelings he had caused only an hour earlier still fresh in her mind.  
“Oh do tell Captain. I’ll happily go…” his eyes drifted down to the opening of her nightdress, “where ever you tell me to.”  
“How about the brig.”  
Q rolled his eyes and took the book from her hands, throwing it on the floor.  
“Q I was reading that.”  
“It's been too long since I've kissed you." He said ignoring her exasperated cry.  
"It was an hour ago Q."  
"Exactly." He grinned. "Can i kiss you again please?"  
“No.” She met his longing gaze with a raised eyebrow.  
“Look, I’m sorry about what I said before." He added with an appeasing smile.  
“Fine.” Kathryn looked past him at the wall ahead, the same nonchalent expression on her face as he had given her earlier.  
“I said I was sorry" Q added with a frown.  
“I know”  
“Aren’t we supposed to kiss and make up now?”  
He moved to kiss her but was promptly thwarted as she quickly swung herself out from the covers to avoid him. As she rose from the mattress, Q took her arm and pulled her back towards the bed. Kathryn lost her balance and as she fell backwards, Q pulled her onto his lap and wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her closely to his body.  
“Let me go Q.” She growled, struggling against his grasp.  
“Why, so you can run away again?” He chuckled.  
“Exactly.”  
“I don’t think so.” He planted a searing kiss on the back of her neck. “Now I think what you need…” He started, murmuring into her skin.  
“You don’t know what I need Q.” Kathryn snapped irritably.  
“Oh I dont do I?”  
One strong arm pinned her own to her body while the other hand came to rest on her inner thigh. The Captain sat rigid in protest and yet a strange quivering sensation began to vibrate within her at the contact. With its owner planting small kisses into the curve of her neck, the hand began a teasing trail towards the hem of her nightgown. You need to stop it Kathryn, you're just encouraging him, you can’t… oh… Her heart began to race, breath quickening, as her body reacted to his touch. Her back arched slightly as his fingers reached the first forbidden boundary and inched the silk dress higher so it could continue on its journey. Reaching her underwear he traced a tantalising line across the seam that separated silk from skin, and then there was a pause. Kathryn held her breath. He was giving her opportunity to stop him and Kathryn knew she should. She was back on Voyager now, her vaunted Star-Fleet ideals should be most applicable here than anywhere else so why was she still silent? When she didn’t try to resist, Q took an audible breath and slipped his hand inside her pants. She was already wet and she heard him murmur with pleasure at the contact. A small gasp escaped from her mouth, and she allowed her knees to raise and open, her head to leaning back against Q’s shoulder, fingers gripping tightly into his arm. Q began to circle his fingers in a delicious rhythm that made Kathryn ache desperately with desire. His hold on her relaxed so she slipped her arms out of under his. One hand reached up into his hair, knocking off the sleeping cap, the other gripped the covers beneath her tightly. Q seemed to know exactly how to touch her, and with the quickening movement of his fingers, she felt the space between her legs grow hotter and wetter; her hips grinding against his hand urging him on.  
“Oh.. god… Q…” She gasped closing her eyes, her whole body tensing in preparation for what was about to happen. She couldn’t see his expression but for some reason she knew he was grinning; enjoying watching her face as she gave into the pleasure he was causing. She was going to release and it was going to be Q who would make her. Every fibre of her being wanted it so badly that in that moment she suddenly no longer knew why she had resisted. With a final few expert strokes of his fingers, Kathryn felt the vibration that had been building within her erupt and with a cry, she came harder than she thought possible. Q used his free arm to hold her body close to his as she rode out the overwhelmingly wonderful sensation of ecstasy she was experiencing.  
“Okay,” She whispered breathlessly when the feeling eventually subsided. “Maybe I needed that.”  
Q chuckled as he removed his hand. There was a flash and Kathryn, still in a semi dazed state, fell backwards as he appeared standing in front of her. He appraised her for a moment and, clearly satisfied with what he saw, leaned in with a seductive smile.  
“If you don’t want me to love you Kathy, don’t let me touch you like that.” He grinned and before she could react, took her cheeks in his hands and kissed her into submission. Kathryn’s body reacted immediately and she doubted she could have stopped him even if she had wanted to. He finally broke away and with a cheeky wink, straightened up and took a step back. “Until tomorrow my love.” Without waiting for a reply, he clicked his fingers and disappeared.

Kathryn sat on the end of the bed and thought about what she had just done, what she had allowed Q to do to her. Kissing him was one thing and yes she had let things get out of hand in the cabin but she could rationalise that as being swept up in the moment and having too much to drink. To let Q touch her so intimately like that here on Voyager however was something else entirely. She put her head in her hands, her long copper coloured hair framing her face like a curtain, as if hiding her embarrassment. The last person who had done that to her had been Mark and she had loved him, she was going to marry him. Q, on the other hand… He said he loved her but was Q even capable of that? Kathryn didn’t know how she felt about him but she was certain it wasn’t love. Most of the time he drove her completely crazy. You couldn’t love someone like that, could you? Kathryn let out an audible sigh. She hadn't just crossed the line, she had jumped it, and there was now no turning back. Q would come for her again and she could no longer hide from him behind rules and regulations. What terrified her the most was that she wasn't sure if she even wanted to.


	30. The game is afoot

Kathryn had given Jade the code to her quarters so she could enter while the Captain was still getting ready. She’d gotten up late that morning, having spent the majority of the night tossing and turning as she tortured herself over her encounter with Q.   
When she eventually came out of the bedroom, Jade was already at the table with a coffee; in front of her a spread of food that usually indicated her omnipotent guardian was about. Kathryn could feel her face turning red at the thought of having to face him. Pull yourself together, she told herself irritably. It means nothing. He means nothing.   
Jade looked up as she entered and gave her a cheerful smile.  
“Morning!”   
Kathryn saw her face and immediately rebuked herself for allowing her own entanglements with Q to distract her from making sure Jade was coping alright. As usual, the teenager gave no indication that anything was wrong but there were dark circles under her eyes that betrayed her assurance that she was getting enough sleep. Kathryn made a mental note to talk with her later and responded with a warm smile.   
“Morning honey.”  
Before she could walk any further, Q appeared with a flash. He was dressed in his Captain's uniform, hands clasped behind his back.   
"Good morning." He grinned and leaned in to kiss her. Kathryn ducked to avoid him with a scowl and quickly made her way to the replicator to make a coffee.  
"My my, so grumpy this morning." Q continued as he walked over to Jade. "It appears our Kathy had a restless night." He gave his ward a kiss on the crown of her head before his gaze wandered back to the Captain. "Whatever could have kept you awake?" He smirked mischievously. Kathryn looked over her shoulder and shot him an angry glare, much to his obvious amusement.  
"Don't be mean to her Q, she hasn't had her coffee yet." Jade tutted at her guardian. Q looked down at the teenager with a raised eyebrow while Kathryn gave her a thankful smile.   
“Ah I see how it is.” He grinned and ruffled Jade’s hair. He then clicked his fingers and a cup of coffee appeared in the Captain’s hands. Kathryn looked up in surprise and a reluctant smirk crept over her lips as she met his gaze. Q was staring at her with such an open expression of want that it made her heart race in her chest. The memories of his hands on her flashed in her mind and she felt her cheeks grow warm. Q grinned, clearly enjoying the effect his attentions were having on her. Jade looked at backwards and forwards between the pair but said nothing, stifling a giggle as she poured herself some cereal. 

Kathryn sat down and helped herself to a couple of pieces of toast while Q loaded his plate with pancakes. When he was satisfied with the mountain he had created, he took a seat next to her and began to dig into them enthusiastically. Soon enough, they relaxed back into their comfortable morning dynamic, chatting and laughing with their young ward about what she had been up to the previous night.   
"Tom and I have been working on a theatre program on the holodeck and we wanted to do a movie night for the crew.” Jade said between spoonfuls of cereal. “With the ship cloaked, we figured that everyone could come. It could be fun… with your permission of course.”   
Kathryn grinned. The crew seemed to be enjoying the temporary relief from the constant danger of the Delta Quadrant, spending late nights in the mess hall and hours in the open holodeck programs, so she suspected that an opportunity to get everyone together for something new would be welcomed.   
“Sure, permission granted.”   
Jade broke into a smile and jumped to her feet.   
“Great! I’ll go tell Tom.”   
“Is that all you’re going to eat?” The Captain asked eyeing the half eaten bowl of cereal in her hand, at the same time mindful that her disappearance would leave her alone with Q.   
“Jade.” Q gave her a warning look. Jade rolled her eyes and grabbed a piece of toast from the plate.   
“Now can I go?” She sighed. Her guardians glanced at eachother before Q nodded.   
“Yes, you are relieved.” Kathryn replied with a grin. Jade stuck the toast between her teeth and, running around the table, gave each of them a one armed hug.   
“Love you guys.” She giggled through the bread in her mouth and then took off out of the door. 

Kathryn’s eyes had stung unexpectedly at the teenagers proclamation of her affections. She already knew how much she was going to miss her when she eventually left and it made her heart hurt just to think about it. Q had told her at the cabin that, after their escape from the planet, the Master’s ship had disappeared and Fernand had escaped, along with several renegade Q who were aiding the Master’s plan. The Continuum council had sent a number of trusted Q after them and, until their location was discovered, Jade would remain on Voyager and under the care of her guardian and the Captain. Q had said the Continuum hoped they would be apprehended soon and then her ship would finally be free to return to its usual business. Kathryn knew that it was for the best but it didn’t make her feel any better.   
When she turned back to Q, she found his face inches from her own.   
“Alone at last.” He grinned and waggled his eyebrows at her provocatively.   
“I have to go to the bridge Q.” She retorted, trying her best to maintain a disapproving glare. Q was having none of it and immediately pressed his mouth against hers in a desperate fashion. The contact was delicious and Kathryn couldn’t help but emit a satisfied sigh into his kiss.   
“I’ve been waiting to do that all morning.” He murmured as he broke away from their embrace. Kathryn shook herself from the blissful haze the contact had caused and gave him a steely look.   
“If you are going to be here Q, you need to abide by the rules of this ship. You can’t just pop in and throw yourself on me whenever it suits you.”   
“Why not?” Q sat back and folded his arms.   
“Because I can’t do my job when you are distracting me.” She folded her arms in a manner mirroring the omnipotent being.   
“How am I distracting you?”   
Kathryn let out a laugh.   
“Your unwarranted declarations of love and devotion for one.”   
“Dearest Kathy,” Q began in the manner of an adult telling off a child, “surely you know me well enough by now to realise that there is nothing you can do to stop me expressing my affections for you.” He leaned in closer, a mischievous grin flickering over his features. “So you better let me love you or else.”   
“Or else what?” Kathryn’s gaze narrowed. Q was now inches away from her face, his eyes boring into her own.   
“Or else... I’ll make you love me back.”   
She held his stare silently for a moment, desperately fighting the overwhelming urge to kiss him. Q was studying her features intently, a seductive smile on his face, as he waited for her to respond.   
“That’s very presumptuous to think you could.” She then quipped, raising an eyebrow. Q moved in like he was going to kiss her but instead leaned to her left at the last second to whisper in her ear.   
“Oh I think I’m half way there already.” He let his lips graze down her neck as Kathryn closed her eyes, biting her bottom lip while he planted kisses along her throat. “And with a little.. persuasion, I think you could be well on your way to finding yourself madly enamoured with me.” He sighed happily as she tilted her head back to allow him better access to her skin.   
“Is that so?”   
Q murmured a sound of confirmation, too distracted by the task at hand to manage verbal communication.   
With a stifled giggle, Kathryn stood up abruptly causing Q to stumble forward, his hands grabbing her waist for support. He looked up at her with a confused expression. Kathryn bent forward, her face almost touching his.   
“If you want me to love you Q, you are going to have to work a lot harder than that.” She grinned and with an authoritative air of defiance, pulled away from him and headed towards the door. She pressed the button to exit and gave him one last look over her shoulder. Q was sitting back in his chair, watching her leave with a wolfish grin. She had set him a challenge and he had accepted it with relish. Oddly enough, that didn’t seem to bother her at all. Let’s see if you are as good as you think you are Q, she thought as she left him in her quarters. Let the games begin.


	31. Much ado about nothing

Kathryn had stopped by Astrometrics, Engineering and the Mess hall before heading to the bridge, and somewhere in between had received the ship wide communication that Jade and Tom were hosting a movie night on holodeck one that evening. By the time she had reached the Mess, everyone seemed to already be aware and excited about the event. She did however have to explain to Seven what a 'movie night' was and why it would be an enjoyable occasion to attend, and then listen to B'Elannah moaning about how she was already sick to death of hearing about it from her husband but how she had agreed to support the night on the promise that Jade would lend her a hand scrubbing energy panels during the next warp core maintenance service.  
"I wonder who will be preparing the catering?" She heard Neelix ask Harry as she made her way covertly, before he could make a bee-line for her, through the bustling throngs of crew mates queuing for breakfast and chatting excitedly about the evening's plans. More coffee would definitely be in order the next time Jade and Tom decided to organise something, she mused as she headed for her command.

When Kathryn arrived on the bridge, she found mastermind of the night herself sat at Tom's station with the Lieutenant leaning over to show her the flight controls. Chakotay was already in his seat, eyeing the pair with a frown as they giggled between themselves.  
"You are on duty are you not Mr Paris?" Kathryn said as she came down the stairs, alerting the bridge crew to her presence. Tom immediately jumped to attention and span around to meet her.  
"Uh yes Captain, sorry I was just showing Jade.. well, you know." He looked down at the teenager who gave her a grin.  
"Sorry Captain." She giggled and clambered out of Tom's chair.  
Kathryn flashed them both a smirk indicating that she was, at least partially, joking.  
"I'd be careful if I were you Tom," she continued as she sat down in her seat and gave her ward a knowing look. "At the rate she is going, she'll be flying this ship next."  
"I don't doubt it." He grinned and bade a quick goodbye to Jade before hurriedly returning to his post. 

"Good morning." Chakotay said as she sat, giving her a smile; one that seemed friendlier that any he had offered her since Jade had arrived on board.  
"Morning." She returned it with a warm one of her own, somewhat relieved at the slight change in his demeanor. He even leaned in towards her in his usual familiar way as he gave her a brief update on the ship reports and asked about her evening. Out of the corner of her eye, Kathryn could see Jade watching them with a frown, clearly unimpressed at the proximity of the Commander to her person.  
"My evening was fine, thank you." She replied a little hastily, anxious not to give any indication that she had spent it on a semi-sordid date with their omnipotent antagonist. "Yourself?"  
"Oh yes, it was good." Chakotay replied, "Seven and I finally had the chance to get some time on the holodeck. It's been booked solid since we were cloaked by the Continuum."  
Kathryn managed to maintain a blank expression but inside she felt like she had been punched in the gut. She was amazed how easily he mentioned his personal relationship with the Borg in front of her; after all it wasn't such a long time ago that he would have been doing those things with her instead. How rapidly he had forgotten their own intimacy, how soon he had been able to move on from it, how quickly he had jumped to judge her when she tried to do the same. Suddenly she wasn't so enthused by his newly rediscovered friendliness.  
"Good, well.." She began, sitting back in her chair, suddenly anxious to change the subject as she realised how flustered her internal dialogue had made her. "Are you coming to the movie night this evening?"  
This time it was Chakotay's turn to look uncomfortable.  
"We already have plans." He replied curtly, quickly turning his attention back to his pad.  
We.. of course 'we' do. As much as she hated to admit it, the words still hurt her.  
"That's a shame." She replied with a forced nonchalant shrug. "Most of the crew will be coming."  
"And Q I assume."  
Ahh there it is. The real reason for the change in his countenance. Since Seven hadn't indicated that she wouldn't be attending, she wondered if Chakotay's plans were made as recently as the last few seconds.  
"I would imagine so." She continued carefully and then gave him a small grin. "Apparently the movie is a 20th century classic."  
"Is there such a thing?" He retorted with a scoff, still typing on his pad.  
Kathryn didn't respond at first. She was frankly in two minds about trying to appease him, unsure if he entirely deserved it. But in the end, he was her first officer and her friend, and she knew it was better that they were on good terms. If that meant she had to stroke his ego then fine.  
"Chakotay." She placed a hand on his forearm which caused him to stop typing. He sighed and met her gaze.   
"It would be nice if you could pop by?" She gave him an encouraging smile. After a pause, Chakotay granted her a begrudging one back.   
"I'll try."   
"Thank you." She smiled and patted the arm gently. 

Right, she sighed internally, that's one crisis adverted for the moment, now what next...  
She looked around to see if Jade had left and, to her surprise, found her in a quiet yet serious looking whispered conversation with Tuvok. The usually stoic Vulcan looked surprisingly pensive as he listened to the young girl explaining something to him with an animated expression. The pair suddenly realised they were being watched and turned to meet Kathryn's questioning look. Jade shot her a grin which seemed to indicate all was well, but her cheeks had turned a crimson pink. She waved and, before the Captain could probe any further, hurried into the turbo lift and left the bridge. Tuvok quickly returned to his station and absorbed himself in the security console, either unaware of or unwilling to meet Kathryn's worried gaze. She sighed and, deciding it was a conversation she was too tired to have now anyway, retired to the sanctity of her ready room for some quiet time with her own thoughts. As the doors opened, she was immediately greeted by the fragrant smell of fresh flowers. On her desk lay a huge bouquet of red roses, their exquisite uniqueness an indication they had been left by someone more omnipotent that a member of Voyager. She rolled her eyes, Q wasn't wasting any time in wooing her. They were beautiful however, she thought as she picked them up and inhaled their scent with a grin. Behind the bouquet was a steaming hot mug. Coffee. Her eyes lit up. Now that was a way to her heart, she grinned as she put down the flowers and picked up the mug. She eagerly took a few moments to savour the delicious beverage and then replicated a vase to put her flowers in. She had been in the process of arranging them on the coffee table when her door buzzed.  
"Come in."  
The doors opened and Tuvok entered.  
"Good morning," She smiled warmly and waved him in as she drained the last of her coffee and put them mug down on the table. "Do you want anything to drink?"  
"I'm fine Captain," He replied, and remained standing despite her encouragement that he should sit. "Your flowers are very pleasant." He then added after an awkward pause.  
"What's going on Tuvok?" She cut in with a matter of fact tone, placing her hands on her hips. She had known him long enough to know that the expression he had on his face, although devoid of emotion, usually suggested he was about to tell her something she was not going to like. When he did not immediately respond, she sighed and sat down on the sofa, crossing her legs and placing her hands on her lap in Captain-like manner that clearly indicated she would be unmoved until she got an answer. The Security Chief raised an eyebrow in a look that almost reflected surprise before nodding.  
"I was conversing with Jade about how she is coping." He finally said, clasping his hands behind his back and looking out at the stars beyond the ready room window.  
"Coping?"  
"The day that Jade and you entered my mind to relay your whereabouts, you were interrupted."  
"That's right." Kathryn had to stop herself from shuddering as she remembered Jade's screams.  
"I was not disconnected. Not at first. I saw..." He paused and met the Captain's gaze. It took her a moment but then Kathryn realised what he was referring to; her eyes widened and she stood slowly.  
"You saw Fernand? What he did to her?"  
"Yes. Some of it."  
"And Jade knows you saw?" She asked.  
Tuvok nodded.  
"The Doctor mentioned she has been having concerns about going to sleep. I thought I could offer my assistance, since she is telepathic I had suggested that some of the Vulcan meditation rituals may enable her to gain some control over her dreams." He continued. "But so far she has been... resistant to the idea."  
"Don't take it personally Tuvok, she has been just as resistant with me too." Kathryn sighed. "But I think it might help her, especially since you know everything now; there is no need for her to worry about revealing anything to you. Let me speak to her and I'll see what I can do." She placed a hand on his shoulder with an appreciative smile. Tuvok bowed his head and turned to leave. He was about exit when Kathryn called his name.  
"Tuvok? Thank you." She added as he turned to face her. "For trying to help her."  
"I know she is important to you Captain, and so I will do what I can." Tuvok gave her a nod and then exited through the doorway, leaving the Captain alone with a full spectrum of emotions to contemplate and an empty coffee mug to mull them over with. With a sigh, she took one last look at the beautiful flowers on the table and heaved herself over to the replicator.  
"Coffee. Black."


	32. Blackbird

The remainder of the Captain's shift went without incident and soon enough, her time on the bridge was up and she was able to sit back and admire the signed off report pads neatly piled in front of her. A further reminder had been issued ship wide a few minutes earlier about the Movie Night and Kathryn had pulled a face when she read the communication. 'Casual Dress Mandatory' it had said in big bold letters. She hated being in her civilian clothes around the crew; she wasn't really sure why. Perhaps the notion of rank had been drummed into her so much at the Academy that she couldn't quite let it go, despite their distance from Star-fleet. Rank was a safety net, a comfort blanket, one that she applied to so many areas of her life, not just her uniform. It helped her keep going when no-one else could. Well, that and coffee obviously. At that thought, she contemplated replicating one more cup for the road but it was already after 1800 and her mind was drifting towards a beverage of the more 'evening' variety. Tom had mentioned pizza and beer to accompany the film but she wondered if Q could sneak her in a nice glass of Chardonnay once the lights went down. She was sure he would take great pleasure in doing so; after all, plying her with drink seemed to be one of his favourite past times. She checked with the computer and found that Jade was in sickbay. Heaving herself up from her chair, she stretched, stiff after a solid six hours of sitting at her desk. As much as the Continuum's cloak was working wonders for staff recreational enjoyment, it was doing nothing for her by they way of exercise. Between that and the vast amount of delicious food she had enjoyed since Q had returned, she was going to have to put in some serious time in the gym, she mused unhappily as she left her ready room. She hated actively working out and avoided it if she could help it, preferring a game of hover ball in addition to the usually physical demand of the Captain's role to keep her in shape. But the way Q seemed to take delight in feeding her, she suspected this was not going to be enough to maintain her trim physique while he remained on board. Suddenly, a forbidden and yet equally delicious thought entered her head and she grinned to herself as she headed to sickbay; there were, after all, other forms of exercise she could explore and some were definitely more fun than the holo-gym.

When Kathryn arrived at Sickbay, she heard the doctor's singing before the doors even opened; his alto tones floating through the corridor. She entered and found Jade sat crossed legged on the medical bed with a grin on her face; an avid audience to the maestro. Kathryn waited politely while the Doctor finished, before Jade and she gave him a round of applause.  
"Thank you, thank you." The EMH gave a bow, and looked pleased. He then noticed the Captain standing behind Jade and he cleared his throat.  
"Oh Captain, sorry! I didn't see you there."  
"That's quite alright Doctor, I am always very happy to hear you sing."  
She placed her hands on the girl's shoulders.  
"I'm just here to relieve you of young trouble here." She smiled down at her. "Are you free?"  
Jade looked up and grinned.  
"Sure." She jumped off the bed and turned to the Doctor.  
"I gotta bounce Doc, I'll see you tonight."  
She raised her fist towards him and paused expectantly, although Kathryn was unsure what she was waiting for. The Doctor glanced at the Captain and then glared at the teenager, before sighing irritably.  
"Word." He then uttered and momentarily connected his own fist to hers, before rolling his eyes and heading back into his lab. Jade giggled, clearly pleased with herself and then linked the Captain's arm as they walked towards the door.  
"You thought that twentieth century vernacular would be a good addition to his program?" Kathryn quipped with a chuckle, glancing back at the EHM before they exited. As the doors closed behind them, Jade shot her a mischevious grin.  
"I told him it would help me fit in and that was good for my psychological recovery. Besides, nineties slang is a good addition to anyones program." 

 

They walked back to Kathryn's quarters, chatting the whole way about their day and the night ahead.  
"Do I have to change?" Kathryn sighed as they entered through the doors.  
"Yes!" Jade gave an exasperated laugh and put her hands on her hips, in a manner similar to the Captain's own usual unimpressed stance.  
“Come on, you better help me find something then.” Kathryn grinned reluctantly and waved her into the bedroom.  
While she was pulling items of clothing from her wardrobe, Jade sat down at the dressing table and watched as Kathryn hunted for something to wear. The first few items she selected were met with a wrinkled nose.  
"Casual means non Star-fleet Kathryn." Jade giggled as she shook her head at the black shirt that had been presented to her.  
"The Captain of a Starship does not usually have to attend events that warrant such a strict dress code. " Kathryn retorted with a smirk and threw an long black light jumper at her playfully. Jade inspected it and then gave her a thumbs up before placing it on the bed while Kathryn looked for a pair of pants that would meet her ward's requirements. When she turned back around, she found Jade peering at herself in the dressing table mirror with a frown. She then pulled out her hair tie from her head to release long wild dark tresses from their usual messy ponytail.  
"I saw you talking to Tuvok earlier." Kathryn began, deciding to take the girl's moment of self-reflection as an opportunity to bring up the conversation with the chief security officer.  
"Oh yeah, he was just lecturing me about some stuff Tom, Harry and I were doing on the holodeck yesterday. You know Tuvok." Jade replied quickly and picked up Kathryn's brush. "Do you mind?" She then asked with a questioning smile. Kathryn shook her head to indicate she didn't and then hesitantly made her way over to her.  
"Here, let me." She said gently, standing behind her in the chair. Jade's cheeks turned a little pink and she handed the brush over to her shoulder to the Captain, shifting in her seat to cross her legs underneath her as she did so. Turning back to the mirror, she stared at her own reflection with large emerald eyes that seemed much older than their fourteen years. The Captain appraised the young girl's face reflected back at her with a small smile and a heavy heart before beginning to run the brush through her hair.  
"Jade."  
"Yes Kathryn?"  
"Why did you turn down Tuvok's offer to assist you with your nightmares?”  
Jade said nothing at first, her expression unreadable as she continued to hold her own gaze in the mirror. Finally she sighed and looked up at the Captain's reflection before her.  
”He said I have to confront my fear, that I have to see it again.” A defiant expression flickered over her face. “I don't want to."  
“Jade, I know how you are feeling…”  
"No, you don't know." The teenager interjected with a frown. Kathryn stopped brushing her hair for a moment and gave her a relenting look.  
"Okay, so I don’t.” She offered her a smile. “but I want to, and so does Tuvok and the Doctor, and Q if you will let him. We are all here to help you Jade. You are not on your own and we will face this with you together.”  
“I know that, really I do.” Jade said quietly, “It’s just, I don’t.. want you, or Q, to see me… see that.” She looked away at the wall, her face flushing red.  
“I understand, but trust in Tuvok.” Kathryn urged. “He has seen all he needs to help you, and he isn’t governed by emotions. He is a safe counsel to release your fears to.”  
Jade appeared to consider this for a moment before she looked up at her again.  
“Do you trust him?"  
"With my life." Kathryn replied earnestly as she continued to brush her ward’s hair. Once satisfied that her dark tresses were as smooth as possible, she put the brush down and began a french plait. It felt odd doing it on someone else rather than herself, but at the same time it felt like an overwhelmingly protective act, despite the fact that it was just hair. Kathryn couldn't really explain it. Jade sat quietly, a soft smile on her face as she watched the Captain at work. On reaching the end of the braid, which reached midway down the girl’s back, Kathryn took the hair-tie from the dressing table and secured it. Jade moved her head left and right, inspecting the result in the mirror.  
“Thank you.” She met Kathryn’s questioning gaze with an apprehensive expression. “Tuvok’s offer… can I think about it?”  
“Of course honey, take all the time you need.” Kathryn paused and checked the time on her bedroom clock. "Speaking of time, we should probably make our way to the holodeck or we will be late for the start of the film."   
Jade gasped, jumping up from the chair, the serious moment between them quickly forgotten.   
"Oh God, Tom's going to kill me. I was supposed to meet him there to set up."  
"Go, I'll catch up with you." The Captain nodded in the direction of the door. Jade made to leave but stopped before she left the bedroom.  
“I will think about it, I promise” She said with a shy nod, before the cheeky expression that Captain so missed during their more sombre exchanges crept back over her features. “Oh and Kathryn? Remember the dress code, no uniforms." She wagged her finger at her jokingly. Kathryn pulled a face.  
“Yeah yeah.” She grumbled causing Jade to break into a grin.   
"Good. See you there."  
Kathryn watched her leave with a relieved smile, happy that the teenager at least seemed receptive to letting Tuvok help her. She walked over to her chest and found a pair of light chinos to go with the sweater Jade had approved, before quickly changing. Sitting down at the chair her ward had only just inhabited, she appraised her own reflection. She considered for a moment what Q might see in her, what he professed to love about her. All she saw staring back was a tired reflection; a tired but happy one. Kathryn was okay with that, so often it was just tiredness staring back. Whatever the omnipotent being saw was anyones' guess and Kathryn did not have the time nor the mental strength to wonder about that right now. She took her hair down from her captain's chignon and looked at herself in the mirror. Too casual she thought, scooping it back into a ponytail. She applied a fresh coat of lipstick and attached her comm badge to her chest. Appraising the final look, she bit her lip nervously. For Gods sake Kathryn, she thought, this is your ship, why are you so afraid to walk around in it without your captain's uniform on. She didn't have time to change again so it was this or nothing. For some reason she knew what Q would suggest. The thought made her grin and with that in mind, Kathryn left her quarters eagerly and headed in the direction of Holodeck One. 


	33. A New Hope

The doors to the holodeck opened and Kathryn found her crew congregated in what appeared to be an ornate entrance area. She was relieved to see that they had gone for an even more casual look than she had, although Tuvok, as she had expected, was still in uniform and standing to attention at the other end of the room. There was an excited buzz in the air and people stood in groups chatting over drinks while Neelix weaved between the throngs, handing out slices of pizza from a large circular tray. Behind the crowd, on the far side of the room, a set of double doors opened and Kathryn saw Jade slip out carrying a large metal disk in her hands. She saw the Captain enter the holodeck and waved excitedly, before heading off to harass Harry in what looked to be a projector room. Kathryn surveyed the rest of the room with a smile as she felt the relaxed atmosphere amongst her people. Everybody seemed to have made the effort to attend, everyone except Chakotay and Seven. She scanned the crowd for her First Officer but did not find him which was disappointing, she mused, yet not entirely unexpected.  
"My dear Captain, I do believe you are at your most alluring when out of uniform."  
Kathryn broke into a grin as she recognised the voice purring in her ear. She turned to find herself face to face with Q. He was dressed in a long sleeved olive green shirt and and black pants. He looked delicious, she thought as she clasped her hands behind her back to stop herself from running them over his chest.   
"Kiss me." Q continued with a mischievous smirk, leaning in closer to her.   
"No." She hissed, trying not to laugh. He gave a dramatic pout which caused her to giggle. "Maybe later." She then relented. Q's eyebrows shot up in surprise and he licked his lips eagerly. With a devilish grin, he looked like he was about to pounce on her when Jade intervened in the nick of time.   
"The film will start in a few minutes, if you want to grab a drink and then find a seat?" She called over the din of the crowd, opening the double doors at the end of the room. Q placed his hand on the Captain's lower back and gently guided her through the crowd into the theatre. 

The next room was a large grand space, with sumptuous purple drapes that adorned golden tiles on the walls. At the far end of the room was a stage that sat below a huge projector screen, and facing towards it were rows of plush berry coloured seats.  
"Simply stunning." She heard Q comment as she looked around the room, her face lighting up at the beautiful ornate decor of the old twentieth century style theatre.  
"Yes, Jade has done an amazing job for her first holo-program." She replied, not taking her eyes from the huge glittering chandelier hanging above them.  
"Oh... quite," Q chuckled as he guided her down towards the seating. "The theatre is also very beautiful too."  
Kathryn blushed, realising his compliment was directed at her and looked up at the omnipotent being with a grin. He returned her gaze with a sultry smile and indicated they should take a couple of seats on the end at the back. Around them, the crew began to find their places mostly towards the front stage and when Kathryn looked down her own row, she saw only Tuvok and the Doctor a couple of seats further down, she supposed preferring an option that provided a speedier exit if required.  
"Everyone got drinks?" Jade asked once the crew had been seated. A cheer went up around the room which seemed to indicate that everyone had. "Great! Tom?" She looked over at Lieutenant Paris who jumped up on the stage to take over speaking.   
"Now as you all know, early twentieth century culture is a hobby of mine and therefore I was eager to show our new shipmate, who hails from this great era, my favourite movies from her time period. Unfortunately for me, she was less than impressed, telling me to... what was it again?" he glanced at Jade, "wake up and smell the nineties?" Jade nodded with a grin as laughter rumbled around the room. "We have therefore compromised and are pleased to present classic from the year 1977, along with some pizza and beer which I am told is the quintessential supplement to any twentieth century movie night." He paused and looked over at Q then back at at Jade with a grin. "For those old enough to be partaking obviously." Jade rolled her eyes whilst the adults in the room laughed. "We thank you for abiding by our dress code and we hope you have a relaxing and enjoyable evening." He motioned to Jade who turned off the lights and activated the projector. Music blasted from the screen which depicted space emblazoned with yellow writing.   
"Star Wars?" Kathryn read out loud, looking at Q who had a bemused look on his face. "It is a classic, you'll love it." He replied motioning at the screen for her to watch. As she turned back, she felt Q's arm around her. She stiffened at first but realising how dark it was and that the crew seemed transfixed with the screen, she relaxed and snuggled closer to him. For the first hour of the movie, she forgot all about any concerns she'd had as she became engrossed in the action before her. Q kept his arm around her the whole time, his hand tracing an invisible line up and down along the exposed skin between her ear and collarbone. Kathryn, in turn, left her hand recklessly on his thigh, a silent acknowledgement that she was comfortable in his warm embrace. At one point she, like most of the crew, had jumped at a particular scene and had buried her face in his shoulder. When she looked up, Q reached over with his free hand and gently swept a loose strand of hair from her eyes. His fingers traced a gentle trail down her cheek and along her jawline, tilting her head up to meet his. Her gaze immediately drifted to his mouth as she realised how close it was to her own, how easy it would be to steal a kiss. The theatre was so dark, everyone so absorbed in the movie, it felt deliciously dangerous. Q seemed to follow her train of thought and she saw him bite his bottom lip as an expression of desire flushed over his face. As he held her in his gaze, her own hand slid slowly up his thigh. It took all her composure to not to grin but she managed to maintain an innocent expression as her fingers brushed against the now hard bulge into his pants. Q's eyes widened and then closed, as he took a slow breath; clearly in two minds about how to react. It was empowering, and incredibly erotic to watch the effect she was having on the omnipotent being as he tried to hold in an excited moan while she allowed her hand to explore in the safety of the dark. He finally opened his eyes and glared at her, half out of annoyance that he couldn't have her there in the seat and half lustful in the knowledge he may yet have her later. There was such a red hot sexual energy radiating through the gap between them, she was surprised it wasn't physically visible to the rest of the room. Q finally placed his hand over her wayward one and lifted it back onto his thigh, his fingers intertwining with her own. Before she had a chance to pout, he leaned in and kissed her; a gentle, quiet, longing kiss, secretly stolen in the dark. Tiny vibrations of pleasure infiltrated her body and she gripped her free hand against the arm rest to stop herself from trying to take it further. The flash from a lightsaber on the screen suddenly lit up the room and the pair broke from their embrace quickly. Q placed his arm back around her shoulders and pulled the Captain in against his body as her attention was diverted back to the screen. What she did not see was that Q watched her for the remainder of the movie, seemingly more captivated in her expressions than the action being played out before them. 

The film eventually finished much to the frustration of the crew who wanted to know who the mysterious Vader was and whether sky walker took revenge against his father's killer.  
"You'll have to wait until Empire Strikes Back." Jade exclaimed, raising her hands in defence.   
"Perhaps we can arrange the sequel later this week?" Tom added looking over in the Captain's direction. Kathryn had already removed herself from Q's warm embrace when the lights were raised and was now stood up at the back of the room.  
"I think that can be arranged Mr Paris." She called back with a smile. A cheer went up around the room and Jade and Tom gave each other a high five.   
Kathryn turned to look back at Q who was still seated next to her. He sat back in a relaxed fashion, watching his ward converse with the crew with a doting smile. The sight made her break into a grin of her own. It was strange; seeing Q's affection for Jade made hers grow for him so much more. His new found humanity in his relationship with the teenager made him so much more compelling. He loved the girl so completely and in such a human way that it broken down many of the barriers that had stood in the way of Kathryn's and his prior physical attraction. It also helped that he was rather nice to look at, she thought, appraising him from head to toe. How had she never noticed that before? Well, to be honest she had, but she had never allowed herself to admit it. Now, she was quite happy to run her eyes, and perhaps even her hands, over his body.  
Q looked up, seemingly becoming aware of her attentions and smiled at her in a way that made her feel weak at the knees. Out the corner of her eye, Kathryn suddenly noticed that the row she had sat on was not as empty as it had been prior. Chakotay and Seven were now sat next the the doctor. Seven and the physician were deep in conversation about something but Chakotay was staring at her. She gave a friendly smile in his direction and he nodded with one back before his gaze drifted to rest on Q with a frown. Kathryn wondered at what point he had arrived.  
"So what did you think?" A voice chirped behind her breaking her train of thought. She turned to see Jade behind her.   
"I think that I need to make time to see part two!" Kathryn exclaimed with a grin and put an arm around her ward.  
"You have to see the next instalment." Q exclaimed standing up and placing a hand on Kathryn's lower back. "It's the best one."  
"No way man, Return of the Jedi is way better." Jade said pulling a face. "Tom, what do you think?" She called over to Lieutenant Paris who was working the circuit of new movie fans. Tom stopped and put his hands up in a manner similar to Jade earlier.   
"Don't involve me in this. We can't even agree on, oh what was it we watched...?"  
"Ugh... The Godfather Trilogy." B'Elannah cut in from behind him before pulling her husband away with a roll of her eyes.  
Q put his free arm around the young girl.   
"Come on, we can argue about it over dinner." He chuckled.  
"Um.. I think I'm actually going to hang with Tuvok for a bit." Jade replied, glancing back at the security officer.  
"The Vulcan?" Q raised an eyebrow quizzically.  
"Yeah..." Jade met Kathryn's gaze with a small knowing smile, to which the Captain responded with a relieved one of her own. "He's promised to teach me to play Kal-Toh."  
Q pulled a face.  
"Well if you'd rather be bored to tears that 'hang' with us, I guess I understand."  
"Oh I'm sure you two will be quite fine on your own." Jade waggled her eyebrows cheekily at him, and then skipped off back into the crowd before either of her guardians could respond. Q and Kathryn looked at each other with a grin.  
"Meddling again huh?" Q quipped with smirk. Kathryn gigged and nodded.  
"I would not be surprised." She added, laying an affectionate hand on Q's chest without thinking. She suddenly realised the openness of her familiarity with him and quickly withdrew then hand as she noted that several members of her crew had been curiously watching the little family interact.  
"Maybe we should get out of here?" She added nervously.  
Q followed her gaze to their newly acquired audience and gave her a nod.  
"Back to your quarters?"  
"Sure."


	34. Tears dry on their own

Q had clicked his fingers and, with a flash, they were transported back to Kathryn's quarters. As soon as they were alone, Q pulled her into his arms and kissed her hard.  
"I thought you said we were having dinner." Kathryn giggled, trying to wriggle out of his embrace.  
"Let's go straight to dessert." Q responded with a grin as he tightened his grip, thereby thwarting her escape. He kissed her again and this time she allowed it, settling into the contact with a satisfied sigh. Q responded enthusiastically, and soon they were stood in the middle of her living room, making out like a couple of teenagers. Kissing Q felt undeniably amazing; Kathryn couldn't explain it but it felt so good, so natural, it was almost as if they were meant to kiss each other. She realised that he was moving her gently in the direction of the bedroom and her whole body hummed with excited anticipation.  
Suddenly, like a pin in a balloon, a buzz signalling a visitor burst the moment, bringing it a halt as quickly as it had started. Both the potential lovers stared with startled expressions at the door.  
"It's your knuckled headed Commander," Q growled with irritation. He turned back to Kathryn. "Leave it." He tried to kiss her again but she placed a hand on his chest to stop him. Why would Chakotay be wanting to see her now? She assumed he would have left with Seven after the movie night.  
"Can you give me a minute?" She asked, looking up at the omnipotent being. Q frowned.  
"You are ditching me for him?" His folded his arms and scowled petulantly. "Honestly, first Jade then you.."  
Kathryn cut him off with a stolen tender kiss, causing his eyebrows to shoot up in surprise.  
"Shut up," she quipped as she broke contact with a sultry smile. "and come back in a few minutes."  
Q broke into a grin and kissed her back.  
"Yes ma'am." 

Once Q had left, she quickly checked her reflection in the mirror. The tell tale signs of a passionate embrace were obvious and she quickly fixed her hair and rubbed her mouth, which was red from the contact with Q's. Once satisfied she had done what she could, she called for the door to open. Chakotay was revealed in the entrance, shifting awkwardly as he waited for the Captain to answer. He look surprised when he saw her.  
"Oh, I wasn't sure you would be still up." He cast a suspicious gaze into the room, clearly looking to see if she was alone.  
"Won't you come in?" She asked, indicating for him to enter. He shuffled in and stood stiffly by the sofa, his gaze refusing to meet her own.  
“What can do for you Commander?” Kathryn asked crossing her arms impatiently.  
"I was just wondering how long Jade was going to be staying with us?" He asked with an almost nonchalant expression, as if it was passing conversation in the mess hall.  
"I'm not sure," She replied carefully, unsure where the line of questioning was heading since they had already discussed this earlier. "As I mentioned on the Bridge, the Continuum expect to catch up with the Master any day now and then I suspect she and Q will be on their way."  
"Oh right." Chakotay nodded as if he was digesting new information. "It's just, we are supposed to be explorers and since the ship has been cloaked, we really aren't exploring anything."  
"We are still on our course for Earth." Kathryn said with a frown, wondering why they were having the same conversation again, and what the need was for the overtly sarcastic tone. "I thought you would have been happy for a week or so of peril-free downtime. The rest of the crew seemed to be quite content."  
"For the moment but sooner or later, they will get bored." He retorted, meeting her gaze for the first time. Kathryn frowned.  
"As I said,” for the third time, she thought as she tried to maintain her even temper, "my understanding is that it won't be too long before they will be departing so hopefully that will not be an issue."  
Chakotay turned and looked out at the stars through the living room window.  
“The two of you seem to be so close, I am surprised you haven't asked her to stay."  
"Maybe I will." The words came out before she had a chance to stop them. She had thought about it if she was honest, asking Jade to stay on Voyager. She didn't know how the logistics would work or where Q would fit in to the arrangement but the longer the teenager resided with her, the more certain the Captain was that she couldn't imagine her leaving. Chakotay turned back around and to Kathryn's surprise, he looked angry.  
"I know she's human and she's been through a lot but she's not your responsibility Kathryn. She's not your child."  
It was suddenly clear that he was here to pick a fight with her; the words were designed to cut and they did deeply.  
"I know that." She responded icily, her polite demeanour quickly starting to crack. “But this crew are not my children and yet I care about them just as fiercely. Why is that any different?"  
“Because they are your responsibility and you have built that love over years not days. What is it about this girl? Why is she so important to you?" He was clearly angry now and Kathryn was shocked to see him react in such an aggressive tone.  
"You don't know what she went through, what's she's had done to her Chakotay." She snapped.  
"Then tell me, help me understand" He replied almost pleadingly. Kathryn opened her mouth and then stopped. Part of her wanted to tell Chakotay what Fernand had done, how far the torture of Jade had actually gone; maybe then he would understand her need to protect her, to provide a sanctuary for the girl to recover and rebuild after everything Fernand had taken from her, to be the mother she so desperately needed. But Jade had not consented for the Commander to be brought into the fold, and to admit it outloud to him also meant verbalising it within earshot of Q, who she imagined was lurking nearby. She closed her mouth again and sighed.  
"I can't."  
Chakotay glared at her and folded his arms.  
"There used to be a time when you considered me your closest confident."  
"There was a time I considered you to be a lot of things Chakotay." Kathryn held his gaze with an icy one of her own. There was no way this level of animosity from her First Officer was about Jade. Several of the crew had joined Voyager after they had arrived in the Delta Quadrant and there had been no issues raised then. She began to wonder if it was not the child but her guardian that her Commander was really objecting to.  
"What are you saying?" Chakotay’s cheeks flushed.  
"Is this really about Jade or is this about Q?”  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Kathryn didn’t reply. She was done playing this game with him; reading between the lines, guessing what he was thinking, that crap was for girlfriends not Captains, and she was most definitely the latter. He had come to her quarters to talk and she would be damned if she was the one to do the explaining. She waited, her arms folded, for him to speak. After a few seconds of awkward silence, Chakotay sighed and gave her a pained expression.  
"I just... after everything you've said about him, after rejecting all his advances, tonight... i walk into the holodeck and I see you... he was..."  
"You saw him kiss me." Kathryn took a shard inhale and closed her eyes, her stomach dropping. She knew Chakotay and Seven had arrived late and, of course, it would be just her luck that he had entered when she had shared a kiss in the dark with the omnipotent being.  
"You kissed him back." Chakotay snapped in an accusatory tone. Kathryn's gaze narrowed with a frown.  
"We kissed each other." She retorted and put her hands on her hips. Chakotay's eyes widened and he turned away from her, his shoulders hunching in anger.  
"Why him Kathryn? Anyone else and it wouldn't have mattered."  
"I don't see how who I spend my personal time with should matter to you at all?” She replied angrily.  
"You know why"  
She did know why, and finally she understood the root of his rage; he was jealous, but that was unfair and it was no longer his right to be so. His relationship with Seven had made that very clear. Kathryn tilted her chin upward with a air of defiance, burying the emotions that were in danger of bubbling to the surface.  
“Actually I don't, because last time I checked you were enjoying domestic bliss with our Astrometrics Officer so I'm not entirely sure how my romantic affairs affect you."  
Chakotay turned slowly and gave her a steely glare.  
"You can see whoever you want. My only concern if for the welfare of this crew.  
"Oh so you think that I am incapable of captaining voyager and having a relationship?"  
"That's not what I said."  
"Well it seems to be what you’re insinuating.”  
Chakotay didn’t reply at first and then took a short breath. He met her gaze with a hardened expression.  
"Are you sleeping with him?"  
Kathryn stepped forward and looked up at her Commander with a furious glare.  
"Remember your place Commander." She said with a quiet but dangerous tone. "Don't confuse our familiarity with the right to forget your rank."  
"I couldn't possibility confuse it Captain.” He sneered petulantly. “After all, you have been more than clear that you would never have a relationship with me while Captaining this ship."  
She took a step back, surprised at his candour.  
"You are my First Officer, it was inappropriate."  
"As inappropriate as having a relationship with an omnipotent being who has almost killed you and this crew on a number of occasions, a being who has made this ship the target of every bounty hunter in the universe. That type of inappropriate is okay but allowing a relationship with a subordinate who actually loves and respects you, who knows you, isn't?" Chakotay retorted angrily  
"Please don't presume you hold a monopoly on caring for me Chakotay."  
"Ah so Q loves you now does he? As opposed to wanting to sleep with you for personal gain."  
"And what if he does?" Kathryn raised an eyebrow.  
Chakotay let out an insulting laugh.  
"Don't be ridiculous. It's Q."  
"What, do you not think I can entice the affections of any man but you?”  
"Of course not but Q isn't a man. He isn't even mortal." Chakotay raised his arms in frustration.  
"And yet he treats me with the regard and deference of one, which is more than I can say for you right now.” Kathryn snapped. Chakotay opened his mouth but no words came out, the colour draining from his complexion. Apparently she was able to hurt him as much as he could her, his face was a clear indication of that. Kathryn sighed; how things between them come to this? Of course, their unresolved romantic attraction had always been the elephant in the room; and now the unsaid conversation of a commitment that was implied but never really realised been dangerously simmering ever since he had told her of his relationship with Seven. At some point it was bound to come to a head; trust Q to be the catalyst, she mused. Chakotay stared back at her, waiting for her to speak but suddenly she was unsure what to say. Before anything else, he was her friend, her commander, her confident in good times and bad; she missed him, she missed their friendship. She only hoped they would one day be able to find their way back to it again. She was so tired of arguing, of wondering, of second guessing. Enough of this. Enough.  
"Not that it is any of your business but no we aren't sleeping together, yes I like him and no I really don't care if you approve or not. If we are being honest with each other then your own romantic choices haven’t exactly been easy for me either but I don't blame you for moving on, truly I don’t.” Her angry expression softened and she placed her hands on his forearms. “We don't know how long our journey will be home and I have taken comfort in seeing the crew build a life on Voyager. You know where I stand on our relationship, I can't rely on you the way I need to if I allow you to be more to me than my Commander and my friend. I didn't expect you to wait for me and I would never have asked you to. To do this job, to get us through this, I relegate myself to a solitary position; my choosing I know, but a necessary one nonetheless.” She added as Chakotay pulled away from her and folded his arms. Kathryn sighed and looked out of the window. “I would be lying however if I said I don’t miss the company of a partner, a family, that I don’t get lonely, so when Jade came along I felt like I had the opportunity to be more than a Captain for a short time. As for Q, well… I don’t know what that is, but I know that he cares about me and I like him, I like to spend time with him. So maybe, for a few days I thought I could perhaps enjoy some of the happiness that you have found with Seven, that the rest of the crew have found and rely on to get themselves through this long journey home. Perhaps that makes me a bad Captain, I really don’t know,” she shrugged and met his gaze, “maybe there can be no compromise, but I had sincerely hoped you of all people wouldn’t have judged me for trying.”  
Chakotay said nothing but his face revealed a mix of emotions. He opened his mouth to speak and then seemed to change his mind, closing it just as quickly. He gave her a long hard look and sighed, before turning on his heels and walking out of her quarters without another word.


	35. Take me to church

Kathryn flinched as the doors closed behind her departing First Officer, the act seeming so final it hit her heart like a hammer. Her eyes watered and she had to close them and steady herself against the dining table so not to sink to the floor and cry. She took a few deep breaths, focusing on the inward and outward motion of the inhale and exhale in a desperate bid to get a hold on her overwhelming emotions. Damn you Chakotay! She thought angrily as she fought her tears. Wasn't it bad enough that you broke my heart but and you continually rub it in my face with your smug happiness, now you make me feel terrible for trying to enjoy the same  
Can I not be happy too?

"So you like me do you?" A voice said teasingly from behind her. She glanced over her shoulder and found that Q had reappeared and was perched on the end of the sofa with a bemused look on his face. Kathryn turned away again and closed her eyes, her fingers gripping into fabric of the dining chair. She wasn't ready to face anyone right now, never mind Q.  
When she didn't respond, he frowned and approached her, his hands coming to rest on her shoulders.  
"Kathy?"  
"Not now Q, please." She sniffed and shook him off. Q was silent for a moment. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see him trying to process her emotion with a frown.  
"I can turn him into a garokian midwife toad if you want?" He then said with a shrug. Kathryn broke into a half-hearted chuckle; it was an awfully tempting offer. She shook her head.  
"No... but thank you."  
There was another pause and then he gently turned her around to face him. Kathryn moved reluctantly and stared at the space between them,  
"You could have told him you despised me. He probably would have believed you." Q said quietly, placing his hands on her forearms. With a sigh, Kathryn finally met his gaze.  
"No he wouldn't, and besides, I would have been lying."  
Q frowned at her for a moment, as if he was unsure what exactly it was she meant. His expression then evolved into something that resembled a mix of exuberance at the confirmation of her affection and concern for her current state of distress. He moved his hands to her cheeks and searched her face with a frustrated gaze.  
"Dearest Kathy, don't be sad. I can't bear it." He exclaimed "What can I do to make you happy again?"  
Kathryn wasn't sure what to say. She didn't know what the answer was. Between bearing Chakotay's anger and silently supporting Jade's ordeal, she hardly knew how to begin to rectify the emotions she was feeling. She felt so exposed, so vulnerable, she barely knew herself. It was not a state she was used to being in and yet she seemed to be so regularly unbalanced emotionally over the last few weeks. It had been some of the happiest and saddest times she had experienced since they were stranded in the Delta Quadrant and she was tired of feeling pulled in so many directions. Part of her wondered if things would have been easier if Jade and Q had never come to Voyager. Q seemed to read her mind and lowered his head.  
"If you would prefer I didn't visit you, I will stay away." He muttered with a conflicted expression on his face. Kathryn looked up in surprise.  
"You would do that?"  
He sighed and an unusually serious countenance flickered over his features.  
"Kathy, you must know by now that I would sacrifice my very existence if I thought it would spare Jade or you pain, so if it means I have to stay away from you to make you happy then so be it." He looked at her questioningly. "Is that what you want?"  
Kathryn's eyes glistened and despite her best efforts to keep herself together, she felt a hot tear trickle down her cheek.  
"No." She whispered; embarrassed by her admission and her display of vulnerability. "I don't want you to go."  
Q let out what appeared to be a relieved sigh and appraised her with a warm smile.  
"If this is a tactic to stop me from loving you, it's not working." He chuckled softly as he kissed a tear from her cheek gently before wiped her face with his fingers. " You're still beautiful, even when you cry." He continued to kiss her lightly, caressing her cheeks, forehead, jawline with his lips. Kathryn closed her eyes with a sigh and allowed his soft mouth to explore her skin. Her fingers were gripped tightly onto his sweater, clinging on as he was a lifeboat in the vast turbulent waves of emotion she was treading. Q pulled her body closer to his own, wrapping his strong arms around her protectively. They stayed like that for a while, Q seemingly quite content to just hold her and provide the comfort she needed. Eventually, she broke from his embrace and looked up at him with big glistening sapphire like eyes. His own were dark and golden, and she could have lost herself entirely in them given a chance. It was strange that she felt so comfortable and safe with him, that it was Q and not Chakotay who put her feelings before his own. A few weeks ago she would never had dreamed that was possible, nor that she would be standing here ready to give everything she had to a man who she had once considered to be a foe. She wanted to connect to something personal, to have someone make her feel like a woman and not just a rank, to repair the damage that Chakotay had done when he made moved on to Seven, to feel stable again in a world that felt like it was tumbling down around her. She needed him and he knew it. 

Q was on her in an instant, his hands around her cheeks, mouth pressed firmly and passionately against her own. Kathryn had half leapt into his arms and, having wrapped her legs around his waist, found herself crushed between him and the wall in the most intimate way. He pinned her arms above her head and buried himself into her neck, kissing, biting, gasping his way along her skin. With a moan of pleasure, she closed her eyes and felt her back arch against the wall, tilting her hips to a delicious angle into his own as he pushed himself against her. Q took the opportunity to loop an arm behind her back and pulled her away from her vertical support, back into his arms. Not breaking the contact of hot urgent kisses for a moment, he carried her into the bedroom and deposited her down onto the bed. There was no time for joviality or foreplay, neither parties were interested at that moment. Their kisses was harsh, and desperate. They had a carnal need to fulfil and they could only find reprieve in each other. Kathryn pulled her own sweater over her head and then helped Q with his. He in turn stripped off her pants and made swift effort of his own while she got rid of her bra. As soon as they were both naked, Q sat up against the bedhead and half dragged her into his arms. He kissed her with a passionate urgent desire, running his hands over as much of her body as he could. She barely had time to think about what was happening, or what Q looked like now she had finally got him without pants on, she was too distracted by the overwhelming sensation of lust coursing through her body. She had never wanted anyone so much as she wanted him. Q appeared to be feeling the same way. He was so hard against her, she could feel him already at the entrance between her thighs as she straddled his lap, the desperation for her permission to act clearly evident on his face. She could feel how much he wanted her, needed her, and she would not deny him. She kissed him harshly and then lowered herself down, allowing him to enter her inch by inch. Q's eyes opened and then widened, a excited gasp emitting from his mouth. It felt so unbelievably good, Kathryn practically couldn't stand it. She pressed her mouth to his and moaned into their kiss as she moved herself up and down, sliding him slowly in and out of her. Q was holding her so tight it was hurting her but the pain only turned her on more. All those hurt feelings, all that anger, dissipated under his touch. She dug her fingers harder into his back, urging him on. Q buried his head into her chest and then ran his mouth across the curve of her right breast and taking her nipple in his mouth, at the same time reaching down with his free hand and rubbing his fingers against her clit.  
"Oh.. God..." She cried out and pressed herself down onto him deeper. Q made a similar noise and with a swift efficient move, suddenly lifted her and span her back onto her back. Once back on top, he began to thrust in and out faster, his eyes closed tight, mouth pressed firmly against her own. Kathryn wrapped her legs around his torso, allowing him a deeper entry. They moved with the exquisite rhythm that came so explicably natural to them, so much so that Kathryn felt they were almost like one entity, a constant vibration at the centre of the universe. She had never felt anything like it. She knew she was going to release and urged Q silently to go harder. Seeming to recognise what she needed, Q grabbed her into his arms as hard as he could and began his final assault.  
"Oh Ka.. Kathy.. I can't." He gasped as he clung to the sheets and fucked her with fervent abandon. His face was somewhere between ecstasy and confusion, as if unsure what was happening to him. In a moment of mental clarity, she was surprised. Surely Q, an ageless omnipotent being would have done this so many times before. He had even bragged about it during his earlier visits, and yet the look on his face seemed to suggest the extent of the sensations he was experiencing were unexpectedly new to him. She did not have time to contemplate it further as the overwhelming urge to come was taking over her body. It was just too good, she couldn't wait any longer.  
"Q.." she gasped into his skin as he thrust himself into her one last time. His face screwed up, his body quivered violently against her own as they cried out in unison, clinging to each other for dear life as they came harder than either had thought possible. Q filled her up in the most glorious fashion that it amplified her own orgasm to a cosmic level of ecstasy.  
"My dear, sweet, wild Kathy." Q gushed breathlessly once he had finished. He collapsed into her arms and kissed her. "I am undone."  
After indicating she couldn't breathe under his weight, he gave her a grin and rolled off, lying down on the bed next to her.  
"What now?" Kathryn asked, once she had caught her breath. She had been so focused on him having her, she hadn't given much thought to what would happen once he had.  
"Um.. I say, we rest, eat and then do it all over again." Q replied with a chuckle. Kathryn broke into a grin and shifted herself onto her side to face him.  
"What makes you think there is going to be a next time?" She raised a sardonic eyebrow questioningly.  
Q responded with a devilish smirk as he rolled over to meet her.  
"I gave you the opportunity to get rid of me." He teased. He was leaning closer now, tracing a finger along the curve of her breast, making the hairs on her skin stand on end.   
"Now there is no going back." He shifted closer, his eyes running down the length of her naked body. "I've seen what's under that uniform. I've touched..."  
He was almost right up against her now, his eyes burning into hers.   
"I've tasted..."   
His hand crept down the curve of her body, over her hip bone and down between her legs. Kathryn closed her eyes, her lips parting slightly with a gasp as he touched her where she was still so painfully sensitive.  
"And there is nothing in this universe that is going to deny me that pleasure again."   
Yes, Kathryn thought as she rolled onto her back with a blissful smile, there probably isn't. Truly I am undone.


	36. Purgatorio

Jade and Tuvok were in the Vulcan’s quarters, both sat down on velvet floor cushions facing one another. While Tuvok sat tall and still, a picture of a meditative calm state, Jade on the other hand fidgeted and repeatedly shifted in her seat. He had explained to her that in order to conquer fear, she needed to detach herself emotionally from it; only then would she be able to control it. In order to do this, she would need to face the source of what was keeping her awake and feeding her nightmares. He had been trying to get her into a meditative state without success for a good twenty minutes. After another irritable sigh from his new student, he opened his eyes.  
“Jade, you need to try and concentrate.” He lectured. Jade’s eyes were closed but her face screwed up with annoyance.  
“I am concentrating.” She replied with gritted teeth. Tuvok sighed and then closed his eyes again.  
"I want you to hold an image in your mind, try to imagine yourself down on the planet ..."  
“I don’t need to imagine it Tuvok, I see it every time I close my eyes.”  
Tuvok ignored her comment and continued.  
“Try to visualise the source of your fear. Is it the Master or Fernand?”  
"Oh you want me to choose between the omnipotent, power mad psychopath and the sadistic, sexually depraved torturer? Sure, that's easy." Jade retorted sarcastically, opening her eyes and folded her arms.  
Tuvok exhaled slowly and opened his own, raising an eyebrow. When it became clear to her that he was insistent on a response, Jade rolled her eyes.  
"I don't know!” She cried. “I guess... I haven't met the Master. I mean, I fear him obviously; he is planning on ripping me apart after all..." she raised her eyebrows sardonically and then paused, a peculiar expression washing over her features as she then looked down at her hands, "but Fernand, it's Fernand who I... interact with, Fernand is who I see in my nightmares. I guess I fear him the most."  
The Security Chief nodded and closed his eyes again. Jade reluctantly did the same.  
“Good, now picture Fernand. See his physical form. What does he look like? Describe him.”  
“He… He looks like…” Jade’s eyes shot open, wide and fear-filled. “No, I can’t do this.” She shook her head and jumped to her feet. “Sorry Tuvok, this was a mistake.”  
Tuvok looked up her with a raised eyebrow.  
“If you continue to run from this Jade…”  
“If you say ‘he has won’, I swear to god Tuvok.” She cut in with an incredulous look, glaring at him as he rose to his feet. “I mean, I thought humans would have evolved beyond fridge magnet cliches in the twenty fourth century. Next you will be telling me if I don’t face my fears, I may as well still be in prison.”  
"And I would be correct." Tuvok replied in a matter of fact tone.  
"You know what Tuvok?" Jade was angry now, her young face screwing up with exasperated rage. "When you've had some kill your family, chase you across the universe, torture you, tie you to a bed and then force himself on you to make a point, then by all means feel free to tell me what is going to make things worse for me, until then..."  
She threw her hands up in the air and turned to leave, before being halted by the Security Chief.  
"Jade." He called, causing her to stop in her tracks. "Fernand's logic is flawed."  
Jade stayed where she was but did not turn around. Tuvok had seen what Fernand had said the young girl in the cell, before he had assaulted her. He had taken great pleasure in explaining how he had made her, moulded her, shaped her, through the pain and suffering caused at his hand; he was the reason she was who she was, and since he created her, she was his to destroy.  
"His actions," Tuvok continued "however much they impact you, do not define the person you are. You are that person because you continue to resist him, no matter what he subjects you to. You fight back Jade. That's your power, not his."  
He heard the teenager take a breath and then her tense shoulders lowered with a sigh.  
"But I couldn't fight." She whispered, hanging her head. "I didn't resist."  
"There other ways to resist someone." He walked over to her and placed a hand on her shoulder, an unexpectedly personal gesture for the usually stoic Security Chief. "Standing here right now is a defiance of the Master's and Fernand's plans for you. Being a part of this crew is a defiance. Being a daughter to the Captain is a defiance. If Fernand wants to break you then you resist him with every positive thought you have, every free moment you enjoy. You resist him by living your life without fear."  
Jade turned slowly. She stared at him for a few moments in silence. Tuvok met her watery green eyes with a searching look; he could see her considering his words but her face gave nothing away as to her evaluation of them. Then finally he saw defiance in her gaze, a will to want to fight. Without a word, she slowly exhaled and broke away from his grip, returning to the cushion.  
"Okay, I'm ready now."  
Tuvok raised an eyebrow in surprise and then joined her on the floor.  
"Let's begin. "

When Jade opened her eyes again, she found that, with Tuvok's assistance, she had successfully joined with him in a telepathic transference state and that they were now back down on the planet in the same cell that Fernand had kept her captive. In front of her, she saw her former self strapped to the medical bed; her open eyes fixed on the ceiling, pupils no longer visible.  
“You are communicating with myself and the Captain.” Tuvok said. It was more a statement than a question, he after all had already seen the effect of a being under Jade's transference on Janeway. Jade nodded although it was strange to look down on herself in that state. The sleeping Jade was pale and dirty, her captive's handiwork clearly visible on her arms, legs and face. Jade shivered, it almost felt like she was looking at someone else. The door of the cell opened and Fernand entered. She flinched at the sight of him and took a step back fearfully, bumping into Tuvok.  
“You have come this far.” The Vulcan said quietly and placed his hands on her arms to steady her. Jade gave a small hesitant nod and stayed put. She watched with wide eyes as Fernand approached the bed where her former self lay.  
“Now where in the world do you think you’re going?” He grinned with a quizzical look as he leaned in to the unconscious girl's face. Jade couldn’t help but pull a expression of disgust as he took pleasure in appraising her sleeping state closely.  
“Oh, baby bird!” He sung into her ear in an apparent attempt to wake her.  
“I was two levels down, you and Kathryn,” Jade whispered to the Security Chief, “I didn’t hear him come in.”  
When she didn’t move, Fernand raised himself to a stand and took a box out from his jacket. Jade’s heart quickened when she saw what it was. She looked up at Tuvok who frowned, clearly not understanding the meaning. Out of the box, he took a cigar and lit the end.  
“He made a deal with my father, my real father that is,” Jade continued, her jaw tightening with anger, “to give me up to the Master. They smoked a cigar afterwards together to cement the deal. Then Fernand burned his eyes out with it and made me watch. That’s why he likes to use them on me, he says they have… sentimental value.”  
They watched as Fernand took a long satisfied draw and leaned in close again.  
“Something tells me you were somewhere you were not supposed to be, why don’t you tell me about that. ” He grinned and pressed the end of the cigar into her leg. The sleeping Jade’s eyes opened with a scream and she try to jump away from him, an unsuccessful attempt since she restrained.  
“Ah Ah," Fernand cooed, and took another draw of his cigar. "I take it you were talking with Q?”  
Jade stayed silent, staring at him with a venomously sullen expression.  
“No? Perhaps it was the woman.” He perched on the end of the bed and ran his fingers across her collar bone, much to both Jades’ disgust. “Now I’d like to get to know her.” He cooed in her ear, “Tell me about her? What does she like? What makes her scream?"  
“You stay the fuck away from her Fernand!”  
Her insolence earned her a sharp slap across the face. The Jade near Tuvok touched her cheek with a wince as it happened, the memory of the impact clearly still fresh in her mind.  
“Come now Jade, we were having so much fun together you and I.” He stood and put the cigar down on the table so he could rub his palm. He then began pacing backwards and forwards in front of his captive. “Now your guard dog turns up and he forces my hand. I’ve had to send word to the Master and he is coming to collect his prize; but do not fret baby bird, once he has taken the Spark from you, we can continue our games.” He ran his fingers through her hair and then pulled it tightly causing Jade to yelp in pain. “You know, of all the bounties I chased, of all the souls I’ve tortured, you are by far my favourite Jade.” He hissed in her ear. “I am going to enjoy taking you apart piece by piece, and when you beg for your life, one day I may even be merciful and grant you a slow death.”  
To his apparent surprise, Jade started to laugh.  
“The jokes on you Fernand. The Master has already promised me a quick one.” She spat mockingly. Fernand let go her and stepped back with a questioning look. “What, didn’t he tell you? Removing the spark from my body will kill me. I’m sure it will probably hurt but it will be quick, and the even more satisfying thing is that when I die, I know that I will be leaving you behind with absolutely nothing. No reward. No prize. Nothing.”  
Fernand launched towards her, his face menacingly close to her own.  
"Don’t play games with Jade." He snarled, surveying her features as if to try and work out if she was lying.  
"I heard it from the Continuum." Jade retorted in a satisfied tone. Fernand stood up, his features darkening.  
"But the Master promised..." He stopped himself, clearly aware of how foolish the statement he was about to make sounded.  
"He’s a Q Fernand, don't forget that." Jade retorted with a smirk. "You are nothing to him, insignificant, you're a means to an end just like me."  
Fernard scowled and grabbed the cigar from the table.  
“Do it Fernand, fucking do it. I don’t care anymore." Jade yelled back at him as he held it to her face. "You’ve burned and broken me, you took my family from me, all that is left to take is my life and we both know you wouldn’t dare rob the Master of his prize. You don’t have the balls. There is nothing left to take Fernand. You have nothing. You are nothing." She screamed in a manner that seemed to deplete the last of her energy, hanging her head as she finished her rant.  
“No, No… you are mine." Fernand yelled back at her in a rage fuelled fit. "I built you. I created you; through fear, and pain, and suffering I made you what you are." Fernand yelled in her face. He grabbed her cheeks and pulled her face close to his own. "You belong to me Jade and I decide when this is over." He hissed, a sickening grin creeping over his features. "If the Master wants to take your life then fine, but I better take everything else first."


	37. These are your first steps

Tuvok didn’t watch what came next. Instead, he kept him gaze firmly on his student who witnessed the event unfold before her with an unreadable expression. He heard as Fernand offered to stop if she agreed to give Q and the Captain up to him. Jade had spat in his face in response.   
“Go to hell.” Tuvok heard her hiss, which was then followed by a whimper as her captor retorted physically. Then there was only silence from the teenager for rest of the ordeal. When it was done, the real Jade watched as Fernand clambered off the medical bed with a satisfied smirk, her counterpart lying unconscious where he had left her. He straightened his attire and then reached for her face. Before he couldn't make contact, he seemed to freeze, almost as if someone had pressed pause on a tape player. Jade frowned. She looked questioningly up at Tuvok and found him staring down at her with a blank expression, also apparently frozen in time. 

"I'm sorry that you had to go through that."  
Jade nearly jumped out of her skin as she realised there was an exact identical copy of herself standing behind her. She looked back at the medical bed; the Jade from her subconscious was still lying where Fernand had left her. Jade's head was already reeling from the memory she had just witnessed and now she was seeing two versions of herself. She shook her head and rubbed her eyes before turning back to the newcomer.  
"Are you the Master?" She asked with a defeated sigh.  
"You mean the Q who tried to activate me?" The duplicate Jade gave a rueful smile. "No, I am..." She hesitated and then gave a small shrug. "What I am is too difficult to pronounce in your language. I am a manifestation of the ancient power you carry within you."   
Jade frowned and took a step back.   
“You mean the spark? You are the spark?” She asked incredulously and then gave her a suspicious frown. "How do I know you are not the Master in my head? That this isn't a trick?".   
"You already know the answer to that question." The spark replied with a knowing look.  
She was right, somehow Jade did know; she couldn't explain it. Her gut told her that she could trust this apparition, but that didn't necessarily make her feel any better. She looked down at her own body and sighed, before glaring back at the other Jade.   
“Great, as if I don’t have enough voices in my head, now I’m being haunted by my spark ghost. Fantastic.” She sat down with a huff on the floor and put her head on her knees. Slowly, the spark sat down next her. After a moment of silence, Jade rotated her face to look up and saw that it was staring at her expectantly. She sighed.   
“Okay, sure, why not.” She lifted her head. It's not like the day could have got any weirder, she mused. “It’s nice to meet you I guess. Not to be rude or anything but why are you here?" She then paused with a frown and a look of realisation crossed her face. "Wait, if you are awake..." She looked up at the duplicate with a startled expression. "You're not going to go all 'Raiders' on me and melt my face or something are you?"   
The mirror Jade shook her head.   
"I'm not sure I quite understand the reference but if your concern is for your welfare then no, I'm not here to hurt you. I am also not 'awake' as you put it, I remain in my dormant state until I am activated."   
“So why are you here then?"   
"I have always been here." The spark replied. "Once I join with a host, a part of my consciousness is bound to theirs. In time, we will be able to share thoughts, memories and communicate when you are in a meditative state. I have been waiting for you since the day we were joined Jade."  
Jade's eyebrows shot up and she shifted awkwardly in her seat on the floor.  
"Then why haven't you spoken to me before now?" She nodded over at the third Jade sleeping on the bed, Fernand still frozen in position over her. "What? You thought this was the perfect time for your grand introduction, as if it wasn't awkward and uncomfortable enough for me already?"  
The spark pulled a face, apparently sensing her hostility. She reseated herself awkwardly as Jade had done moments earlier.  
"This was the first time I had been able to establish contact. It requires an extremely high level of telepathic power for us to communicate and you needed to be under a deep enough meditation. I almost broke through the last time you were communicating with that man," she nodded at Tuvok, "and your Captain, but you were interrupted before I could." She paused and then gave her a smile. "My previous host was nearly twice your age before he was strong enough for me to initiate contact. I am impressed."   
“Thanks, I guess. Like I said," Jade shrugged ruefully, "I'm used to more than one voice roaming around in here." She then cast a dark look up at the ceiling. "But it would have been nice of the Continuum to let me know that the ancient weapon sharing my body is actually a sentient being." She grumbled through gritted teeth.  
"It is possible they did not know." The spark replied. "My former host and I shared a very profound bond that lasted many eons but it was not widely known outside of his inner council that we were communicating directly. He was my window to the universe I had helped create, and in turn I was his teacher of its wonders. Perhaps, in a bid to protect the source of their knowledge, they did not reveal my true nature to the Q."  
"They, who is 'they'?" It was beginning to feel like a conversation with the Continuum Council, Jade cursed mentally. Wait... hang on a minute? "You had a previous vessel?" She then asked with surprise.   
"Yes, my host was their leader. His, and their name..." she frowned, "it is not pronounceable in your language."   
Jade sighed and rubbed her temples, attempting to get a hold on her patience.   
"Q called the race that entrusted the spark, you I guess, to the Continuum 'the Before', is that who you mean?"   
The spark nodded.   
"When my vessel's race was ready to ascend, I was unable to go with him and so I was placed in the care of the Continuum to watch over me until my new true host could be located."  
"Being dumped on the Q? Now that part sounds familiar" Jade scoffed and rolled her eyes, "At least your family didn't hand you over to the bad guys." She glanced at the frozen Fernand with a frown. "although I guess with the Master being a former member of the Continuum, it could be argued that they did."

They sat in silence for a moment, surveying the scene in front of them.   
"I am truly sorry; you went through all of this for of me. You must hate me." The spark said, dropping her head. The comment surprised Jade, it sounded almost human, and she wondered whether she had learned such emotions from her previous host.   
"No," Jade interjected gently. "I mean, don't get me wrong, if you weren't in here I would never had been thrown into this battle for the Cosmos, I would never had been hurt by Fernand." She met her gaze with a smile. "But I also would never have met Q, or Kathryn. I do not regret that." She looked back at the scene of her nightmare frozen in time. "And anyway, I didn't go through this for you, or the Continuum, or the universe," She continued with a defiant expression, her eyes blazing with the promise of tears. "I did it for them. Kathryn and Q are everything to me, they are they closest things I have to a mom and dad." She sniffed and rubbed her nose. "When Q used to tell me stories about Voyager, Kathryn Janeway was my hero. I wanted to grow up to be just like her; I even started drinking coffee cause she did. I didn't have a mother and I always used to think, what would she do? What would Kathryn say? And then, when I finally got to meet her, she was even more amazing than I could ever have imagined. And then Q, God... how do I describe Q. I didn't think I could love another person as dearly as I do him. He protects me, he takes care of me. He is there for me through every adventure, every story, every laugh, every tear, the mundane, the terrifying, the best times and the worst. He truly is the best person I have ever known." She met the Spark's gaze with a fierce look. "You see, they care for me better than my own parents did and I love them more than anything, so if going through this," she gestured at the medical bed, "means keeping them safe then I would endure it ten times over if I had to." A tear spilled out over her cheek and she looked away, feeling her face flush red. A pressure on her hand caused her to look down and she found that the spark had placed her hand on her own in what appeared to be a gesture of support.   
"I'm glad you're my host Jade." She then said with a nod. Jade gave her a long searching look and then sighed. Of all the voices rattling around in her head over the last week, it could be worse, she mused.   
"Thanks… I’m guess I'm glad your my spark ghost too." She replied with a reluctant smile.

She then looked back at Fernand, the cruel smirk still imprinted on his face. It was strange, somehow it didn't seem so terrifying to her any more. Tuvok was right; watching her trauma unfold, realising what she was resisting against and who she was fighting for, had lit a fire in her belly. It made her want to fight back.   
"You're not going going to be popping in and out are you." She then said to the spark who was sitting quietly next to her. "I don't know if I can deal with you, like, whispering in my ear to use the force and stuff, when I'm trying to do things."  
The spark raised an eyebrow, clearly again not understanding the reference. Jade grinned.  
"I guess I've got a lot to teach you." she said with a chuckle. "So what did your last host call you anyway... wait, let me guess, it's too difficult to pronounce in my language." She added as her duplicate pulled an apologetic face. "Okay…spark ghost." She thought for a moment and then a smile flickered over her face. "It's unconventional given your current state of appearance but I guess, considering what you are, an unconventional name will be okay. It's nice to meet you Obi-Wan." She held out her hand.  
“Obi-Wan?" The spark looked at the outstretched hand with a puzzled expression.   
“Yeah, Obi-Wan. He was a ghost just like you, maybe even just as famous." Jade grinned. "Obi-Wan Kenobi was a Jedi master and mentor a young hero who brings balance to the universe." She took hold of her hand to show her how to shake it. "Who knows, maybe you'll bring me some luck with my own space villains."   
"Obi-Wan." The spark seemed to get the hang of the handshake and responded enthusiastically. "I like it."   
"Good, then its settled"   
They stood, and Jade looked around the room one last time. This would be the last time she would visit this god forsaken place and she looked forward to leaving it behind her. She placed a hand on the frozen Tuvok's arm.   
"I should get him back but I guess we shall see each other again?"  
"Soon I hope." The spark replied with a smile. "Farewell Jade."  
"Catch you later... Obi-Wan."  
She closed her eyes one more time and, as quickly as they had arrived, she was gone.


	38. Paradiso

Kathryn and Q had neither rested or eaten, instead being quite content to spend the next few hours in bed kissing, and playing, and getting to know one another in a completely new context. Kathryn was surprised as to how easy being intimate with him was; they moved their way around one another without trepidation or awkwardness, almost with the practised hand of old lovers. Q had been determined to explore every inch of her body and had done so with relish. She remembered him once telling her during an earlier visit that foreplay with Q could last a lifetime; she could be quite happy with that, she mused as his tongue ran a teasing trail along her inner thigh. Kathryn had not let him have all the fun however and had taken great pleasure in the dumbstruck expression on the usually assured omnipotent being's face as she ran her mouth up and down the shaft of his manhood, allowing her tongue to create sensations on the Q's human form that he didn't even know were possible. They giggled and fooled around like a couple of teenagers for a while longer, until Kathryn started to feel a little tired and snuggly. Q, who did not need to sleep, was not quite ready to let her rest however, too excited by their new level of intimacy to stop now. At one point she had rolled onto her stomach to check the time, and he had been on her like a shot.  
"Some of us need rest Q," She had laughed as he grabbed her backside playfully and then threw his whole weight on top of her in a fervent fashion. In response, he had scooped his hand under her hip and moved his fingers down between her legs. Kathryn had sighed happily at the contact and lifted her hips slightly to grant him better access. She felt him lean forward and enter her from behind, all the while maintaining the circular pressure on her clit. Her eyes widened, lips parting with a gasp as he pushed himself deep inside her and she raised her hips even higher to assist him, gripping the bedsheets with one hand, the other stretching backwards so she could gently stroke her fingers along his balls. She felt the effect on him immediately as he spasmed with pleasure against her and staggered forward with a moan. With a breathless chuckle, he planted a searing kiss between her shoulder blades and rebalanced himself behind her again. He could only manage a few sensual slow thrusts in and out before he began to shudder.  
"I can't..." Q uttered with a cry, clearly overcome by how good the sensation was. Kathryn grinned into the covers, pleased that she could quite literally bring him to his knees with ecstasy. He leaned over her back, and held onto her body as she pushed herself against him, allowing his cock to go deeper with a greater force.  
"Oh.. Oh.." He was gripping onto her so tightly, burying his head into her shoulder and then, with a guttural groan, sweet release. After a few seconds, he withdrew and rolled back onto the bed, taking her with him. They remained in the spooning position they had landed in for a few minutes before Q pulled her body into his own and kissed her neck.  
"Feel better?" She giggled with a satisfied smirk.  
"Yes, thank you." He mumbled into her skin. "Sorry, I got a little too excited then."  
Kathryn shifted onto her back and looked over at her sheepish looking lover.  
"Not a problem, it was an amusing diversion." She grinned. Q raised an eyebrow which quickly transitioned into a smirk. He propped his head up on his hand and looked down at her with a lustful smile.  
"Kathy?"  
"Yes Q?"  
"I love you."  
"Shut up" She giggled and disappeared under the covers. In the dark, she could hear Q chuckle as tried to free her from her self made cocoon. Eventually, she gave in and let him pull back the blanket. He opened his mouth to speak but she pointed a finger at him teasingly. "Ah ah, don't."  
Q gave her a withering look before rolling her back up onto his body. His embrace was warm and comfortable, and despite his uttering of undying love, Kathryn had no qualms about settling down for some much needed and well earned rest in it. 

***

It was the early hours of the morning by now but Kathryn couldn't sleep. She was tired, sure, but it was a satisfied type of tired that needed to be revelled in not slept through. Q and she lay in bed for another hour or so talking quietly about nothing in particular; Kathryn spread over Q's chest, listening to the hum of his heart now slow and steady after their earlier antics. His arm was stretched protectively over her, his fingers gently caressing her lower back, and occasionally in between talking he planted light kisses on the crown of her head.   
"Did you think it would be like this?" Q said suddenly breaking the comfortable silence that had fallen between them.   
"What?" The vibration of his voice in his chest was too loud so Kathryn rolled onto her back. Q in turn moved onto his stomach and positioned himself over her.  
"You a beautiful headstrong by the rules captain, me a handsome omnipotent scoundrel, finding love amid the stars"  
"You sound like a bad holo-romance novel." Kathryn giggled, while also choosing to ignore his use of the 'L word' again.  
"Erotic fiction I hope." Q waggled his eyebrows at her mischievously.  
"But if you are asking if I thought we would be lying here like this, then no." She ran a hand over his chest.  
"Any regrets?"   
Kathryn looked up at him with a seductive smile.   
"No"   
Q broke into one of his own.   
"How about you, any regrets?" She asked. Q gave a dramatic pause for thought which earned him a playful slap on the arm from the Captain. He then grinned and kissed her.   
"Not in a million years." He brushed a loose hair from her eyes and appraised her with a warm smile, causing Kathryn to blush. "Unlike you, I always knew you would give into me." He continued.  
"Oh you did, did you?"  
"Well who could resist such a handsome powerful..." He was cut off by the Captain pushing him off her and spinning him onto his back while laughing.   
"Of course not." She giggled with a roll of her eyes, suitably happy she was back on top. She felt Q immediately harden beneath her which was an incredibly satisfying sensation.  
A conflicted expression suddenly clouded his features and he reached for her, bringing her face closer to his, a serious look in his eyes.   
"Now Kathy, don't get mad, I need to say this."  
Kathryn frowned with an exasperated sigh as she sensed what he was about it say; she pulled away and put her hands on her hips. It was a strangely Captain like gesture considering she was naked and straddling the omnipotent being. Q clearly found it amusing and had to stifle a laugh. He shuffled himself back against the headboard, and pulled her close, perhaps so she couldn't escape.  
"I know you don't want to hear it but I am going to say it anyway. I have loved you since the very first moment I saw you, since you tried to throw me off your ship. Nothing in this universe is going to change that. I know you don't believe me but if you'd only let me love you like I want to, then you would see how happy I could make you."   
Kathryn caught her breath, her heart thumping so hard in her chest she would swear Q could feel it and know how scared those words made her. She searched his gaze and found only warmth and devotion there, a hopeful questioning look that beat back any concerns she had that he was teasing or trying to trick her. Damn it Q! Don't make me feel more than I can afford to, she cursed him mentally. Kathryn didn't know how she felt, how she wanted to feel; it hadn't been long ago that she had been so certain of her feelings about the omnipotent being, now she was no longer so sure. Untrusting of her own voice, she leaned forward and kissed him gently. The gesture had been intended to just end the conversation but instead it was a kiss that, whether she wanted it to or not, communicated a sweet tender affection that she had hidden from him thus far, one that whispered at a greater set of emotions that she was not quite ready to admit to. Q immediately wrapped his arms around her and rolled her back onto the bed. Then, she was unsure how long for as time seemed to stand still at that moment, she felt him make love to her. Not to say their last encounters had not been passionate, breathtaking and amazing but it had been the cumulation of pent up desire. This felt different. Q took his time and didn't take his eyes off her for a second, appearing to savour every moment they were connected. He revelled in each expression she made, committing every gasp, each sigh, to memory, with such adoration in his eyes that it made her tremble beneath him. Without being able to stop herself, she gave all that she had to him entirely; every part of her soul felt like it was laid open to him and he took it willingly and without hesitation. She felt his love with every caress, every kiss, every move he made and it completely terrified her which perhaps was the reason why the sensation was so stimulating. She couldn't love Q, she shouldn't love Q, but as she looked into his eyes as they clung to one another, their fingers intertwined in a passionate grip against the bedsheets, and came together in a silent gasp of true ecstasy, a long forgotten emotion whispered to her in the back of her mind. As they lay back down, Kathryn at least truly spent, and wrapped up in each others arms, she tried to convince herself that what she was feeling was just hormones, just loneliness. You can not fall in love with an omnipotent being, she chastised herself. Especially not Q. As if he was reading her mind and trying to convince her otherwise, Q pulled her closer in and kissed her head, sighing happily. Kathryn suddenly realised she was grinning to herself like an idiot. Maybe she would just be a little bit in love with him just until the alarm went off, only a little bit, then she would go back to being a Captain again. With that deal made, snuggled back into Q's embrace and went to sleep. 

***

Q didn’t need sleep but he was quite content to watch the Captain do so. For an experience he found so disturbing to participate in, she made it look so comfortable. She'd been out for about an hour, now stretched out on her stomach, arms cradling the pillow beneath her head, the quilt covers sitting low at the base of her back. Q carefully swept her long hair away so could plant a line of kisses along her shoulder blade. Kathryn murmured something incoherent and then she sighed with a small smile. Often, when he had something on his mind, he would visit her quarters to watch her sleep. It was a strangely calming experience for the omnipotent being. His head was so often full with the wonders and terrors of the universe and yet all the chaos and noise would somehow dissipate in her presence. It would become all about her. He lay back down and propped his head up on his hand, the other lightly tracing a line up and down her bare back. He had to admit it was much more fun watching her sleep from within the bed. Kathryn shivered at the contact and rolled over to face him, snuggling up against his body. She felt a little cold so Q pulled the blankets up over them and shifted himself so he was lying parallel to her, his face inches from hers. He knew if she opened her eyes now, he would scare her half to death. The thought of it made him grin. Admittedly, getting her fired up was one of his favourite past times. She would frown at him and put her hands on her hips with a disapproving air, he would grab her in his arms and try to frustrate her further. She was always the Captain, he the antagonist; it was the game they’d played since they first met, a battle of slights and wit, and boy had he enjoyed it. But this… this was so much better, he thought as he planted a light kiss on the end of her nose. Kathryn screwed up her face but didn’t wake. He chuckled and tucked her hair back over her shoulder so he could see her face properly. The effect this woman, this mortal, had on him… he didn’t understand it. She made him feel things that he didn't think he could feel, that he hadn't ever experienced before. Not just in this human form, he felt it beyond that, in his true Q state, and that was new. It was both frustrating and exhilarating. At first she just made him curious, it was an interesting diversion; a woman in the Captain’s seat trying to get her ship home. Humans were not even supposed to be in the Delta Quadrant for another hundred years and yet here she was, taking each new encounter in her stride. He had been impressed by her handling of Q’s hearing and subsequent suicide, her rejection of the Continuum’s bribe to send her ship home, her futile attempts to get them to see passed their petty differences during the civil war. She was authoritative and beautiful, and had been totally uninterested in him. Q grinned. It had made him want her even more. She didn’t know but after that night, he checked on her afterwards regularly. It pleased him to see her facing the perils of an unknown universe and still maintain her curious spirit, and the more he saw of her, the stronger the attraction he felt. Then Jade came along and that changed everything. He’d mentioned Voyager to his ward in passing one night. They had been talking, well… more like debating, humanity's place in the universe. After listening to him, admittedly, use a fair few negative connotations to describe her species, Jade had put her hands on her hips and given him that exasperated look she often used when she was fed up with him. It reminded him of the Captain funnily enough which was probably why her name accidentally slipped in the conversation that followed.  
"Surely I am not the only human you can stand to be around?" She had said with a frown.  
"Well, besides you and Kathy, I can barely spend..."  
"Who is Kathy?"  
There had been a silence and a long look from Jade while she waited for a response. He hadn't mentioned her before but then, it had only been fairly recently at this stage that Jade and he had really started talking to one another.  
"Oh, well..." He had paused, suddenly unsure how to explain the object of his desire to his young ward. "She's a friend of mine."  
"A human friend? What kind of friend?"  
Of course, Jade being Jade, she had asked a thousand more questions and badgered him to death until he had finally agreed to tell her who Janeway was. After that, Voyager was her favourite story. Q suspected she considered the Captain to be her hero which he didn’t mind at all, Kathy deserved such admiration from the young teenager, but it did mean that she was never allowed to be too far from his thoughts and soon he realised he was thinking about her all of the time, even without prompting. Despite what Kathryn thought, Q had seen love in every culture imaginable so he knew what it was. He had always considered it to be an inconvenient mortal infliction, one beneath the intellectual capacity of the mighty Q. Jade coming into his life had quickly burst that illusion however; over time his love for her became a stronger force than he ever thought he could experience. She was his to protect and he would do so from anything, even the Continuum if he had to. Once his heart, or whatever it was that the Q had that allowed them to feel such things, was open to love, Kathryn quickly found a place in there whether she liked it or not. He craved her presence and when he wasn’t with her, he missed her terribly. He had started to check himself, wondering if she would approve of his actions or comments, pondering what she thought about things. The way she was with Jade when he finally had introduced them was everything he could have imagined and it cemented his feelings indefinitely. He was in love with Kathryn Janeway. He couldn't remember a time when he didn't love her, even before he had met her, there was a part of him that knew one day he would. He knew the Continuum wouldn't be happy, they were already less than enthused over his closeness with Jade, but he didn't care. Finally, he was a rebel with a cause.  
There wasn't a thing he wouldn't do for his girls, he mused with a smile as he planted a gentle kiss on Kathryn's forehead and then snuggled back up next to his sleeping Captain. Yes, he didn't need sleep but there was not a force in this universe that would make him move until she awoke.


	39. It's a wonderful life

When Kathryn sat up in bed, she instinctively knew something was different but somehow she couldn't put her finger on what. A strange half light crept in through the drapes that covered the open window, casting long dark shadows up the bedroom walls. She rubbed her eyes and looked around. Q was lying next to her sleeping peacefully on his front; one arm dangling over the side of the bed, the other tucked under his pillow. Kathryn broke into a grin and she ran her hand through his hair. For someone who still hated to fall asleep and continued to profess that he needed her to be next to him when he did, he always managed to crash out so deeply. She watched him enviously for a few moments. The years of surviving on a Captain's minimal sleep load was still drilled into her subconscious and even now she was a light sleeper. She did, however, always take great pleasure watching over her sleeping husband, even if he was enjoying the rest she craved. Her mind was always at its most restless in the evening and observing his tranquil slumber was often enough to quell her busy thoughts. On the nights that it wasn't, she would brew herself a coffee and settle in with a good book. Q had often woken during the night to find her missing from his side, only to track her down crashed out in her reading chair, half a cup of cold java still cradled in her hand. He would pick her up and carry her back to bed, where she would wake groggily the next morning wrapped up tightly in his arms as if he was afraid he would wake up without her again. 

Pulling the blanket a little higher up his back to keep him warm, Kathryn leaned in and kissed his head, breathing in his scent deeply for a moment as if to make a memory. She then rolled off the bed and stood up, stretching. She felt funny. Different. In the clutches of recent sleep, she couldn't work out why. The clock on the bedside table said 01:26; maybe just a glass of milk and then she would hop back into bed. She crept out through the bedroom door and pattered barefoot down the wooden floored hallway, stifling a yawn as she went. A soft cool breeze drifted through the air and she shivered, wishing she had brought her robe to cover her silken nightgown. Stopping at the second door on the right, Kathryn opened it carefully and slipped through the entrance. In the light cast through the window, she could see Jade crashed out on her front, her arm dangling over the bed much like Q's. A book was lying propped up between the floor and the bed, half looped between her fingers. Kathryn tiptoed in and rescued it from her grasp, popping it on the bedside table next to a set of framed photos. One held an old tattered picture of Jade's brother and sister, the ones she had lost all those years ago. The second was of three of them; Jade, Q and her, down at the beach. They looked happy, all squished in together with big grins on their faces, but for some reason Kathryn couldn't remember where or when the picture was taken. She shook her head with a frown and then picked up the third frame. This photo had been taken at Jade's birthday party on Voyager. Kathryn smiled fondly as she saw the exuberant expressions of her beloved crew, crowding around Jade like she was one of their own. It had been a great day. Even Junior had shown up, much to Jade's delight. He had looked so grown up when he had surprised them, Kathryn hadn't even recognised him. She touched the photo lightly with a smile and placed it back on the side table.

Helping Jade roll back into a less precarious position, she swept her mass of black hair out of the way of her face and planted a kiss on her forehead. The teenager mumbled, her eyes flickering momentarily as she stretched out almost in defiance of being disturbed, before sighing herself back into sleep. Kathryn grinned and tucked the covers back over her. As she stood up, she felt an unusual rumble in her stomach. She caught her reflection in the mirror on the wall; long copper hair framing a recognisable face and yet the sparking blue eyes looked lighter and happier in a way that for some reason looked different. Her hand drifted to her stomach as she noted the swelling under her night dress. As if acknowledging the attention, the life behind it gave another kick causing Kathryn to utter a loud giggle.  
'Easy now," She whispered with a smile, as she ran a hand over the bump. "You'll wake your sister, and we both know how she is about early mornings." She added with a quiet chuckle. In the dim light reflected on the mirror, she saw the shadow silhouette of Q enter the room. He had obviously woken and come looking for her. He approached her from behind and put his arms around her waist, sliding his hands onto her bump. They watched Jade sleep for a moment, a funny frown suddenly flickering over the girl's features.  
"Come on," Kathryn whispered, suddenly tired and patted Q's forearms. "Let's get back to bed." She placed her hands on his own and with a start noticed they were ice cold.  
"Q?" She frowned and turned to meet him. To her horror, she saw that it wasn't him, it wasn't anyone. A blank faceless black figure stared back at her silently.  
Despite the lack of expression, Kathryn sensed its eyes burn deep into her very soul and she felt like she had frozen from the inside out. The intruder then turned its head and looked over at Jade. It raised its arm and pointed a long bony figure at the sleeping teenager. A harsh stifled rasping voice crept out of the figure's dark face, a solitary word that filled Kathryn's whole body with overwhelming dread.  
"Mine."

***

Kathryn's eyes snapped open as she awoke with a start. She looked around to see she was back in her quarters in Voyager and lying across Q's chest. It was disorientating being back in his arms; for a split second on waking, she had almost wondered if the whole thing had been a dream, including her night of passion with Q. She was actually relieved to see that they were both as naked and entwined around one another as she had remembered before her slumber. She looked up to find a concerned looking omnipotent being watching her anxiously.  
"Good morning?" He said, seemingly relieved she was awake, and brushed the hair from her eyes. "You were having a bad dream. I tried to remove it but I couldn't see what it was." Judging by his face, it appeared that watching her experience the nightmare was almost as bad as her actually living it. She leaned up and kissed him, suddenly very glad he had a face to kiss. As their lips touched, a flood of emotions from the nightmare that now fizzled at the edge of her reality flooded her chest. She pulled herself up onto his lap and clung to his body as she pressed her lips to his again, partly to reassert herself back in the physical world but also as an acknowledgement of the feelings the dream had stirred within her. She considered telling him about the faceless figure but that would mean explaining everything else. She didn't even know how to begin explaining that, not even to herself, she thought. The memory of her imagined life was already beginning to fade and before it disappeared entirely, she allowed herself just for a moment to recklessly hold on to the emotions she'd experienced when they were husband and wife, parents to Jade and were about to bring someone new into their fold. It made her heart ache so unexpectedly that her eyes glistened with the promise of tears. Q wrapped his arms around her tightly and revelled in her kiss, perhaps sensing there was something new in it that hadn't been there before. Soon enough, the remnants of the dream dissipated and she began to feel like her old self again. Sensing Q was getting too comfortable in their newly enjoyed affection, she pulled away from his embrace and put her hands on her hips.  
"What do you mean 'couldn't see my dream'? Don't poke around in my head." She declared, raising an eyebrow. "It's bad enough with Jade. I don't need the two of you roaming around in there."  
Q grinned and rolled his eyes. He pulled her back into his arms and kissed her in a slow seductive manner.  
"Oh, is that right? Well I better think of other ways to distract myself while you're sleeping then."


	40. In the midnight hour

Jade’s eyes snapped open and she sat up in bed with a start, her eyes darting wildly around the room as she tried to establish where she was. Voyager, she thought as her sight adjusted to the dark, I’m on Voyager. For a moment, she felt a surge of panic. She had tried so desperately to keep this place, this sanctuary Kathryn and Q had made for her, a secret from the faceless man; building walls around the memories of her new home and the people she had met in an attempt to keep them hidden from him. She had been lucky so far, if you could call it luck. As much as the nightmares of Fernand had terrified her, their repetitive domination of her dreams had expelled any other thoughts from her mind, including her current whereabouts. Even still, she knew he had never stopped looking for a way through; she could hear him whispering to her from the far corners of her brain, like an itch begging to be scratched that she couldn’t reach. Was she still dreaming? Had she failed? Jade closed her eyes and pinched herself hard.  
“Ow!” She pulled a face and opened them again, looking down at the red mark now spreading across her arm. “Fuck.” She then added for good measure. It felt good to hear her own voice. She was awake. That was a relief. Another night, another battle won. She knew the faceless man was the Master, or at least some manifestation of him. Q knew it too although he never admitted it. He had gone very quiet when she had first told him about the intruder in her dream, which was of course unusual for her omnipotent guardian. She had just turned twelve and they’d had their first run in with Fernand. She had been awake for almost forty-eight hours and had finally put her head down to rest when she'd heard the whispering. A faceless figure looming through the dark of her nightmare had shaken her awake and she’d immediately told Q what she had seen. She’d noted an unusual tightness around his eyes that she hadn’t seen before and, although he had passed it off to her as a bad dream and nothing to be concerned about, he would ask her repeatedly about it later in an unconvincingly off-hand manner until she assured him it had been a one off. That wasn’t true of course, she saw had seen and heard him regularly since then, but she didn’t want to further add to Q’s burden. After all, he was busy protecting her in real life, it was up to her to protect herself subconsciously. As time went on, she practised building barriers against the Master’s probe and as she did, her own mental abilities grew. Q monitored her new telepathic developments with the watchful eye of a concerned parent but did not question their appearance; neither he or the Continuum had ever seen the spark take a host before so they did not know what Jade was supposed to be able to do and when. Now, on cusp of fifteen, she was well skilled in hiding her secrets from both her foe and her guardian. It didn’t give her any pleasure to keep things from Q and she was aware it was probably foolish, but she also knew what it would do to him, how he would act, how far he would go to seek vengeance if he realised the extent of their enemy's intrusion. Jade loved Q more than anything, she looked to him as a father and it was up to her to protect him, even if it was from himself. 

Jade was suddenly distracted from her thoughts by a strange nagging feeling, like someone was tugging on her arm although there was clearly nobody there. She paused and waited, before feeling it again. Shaking her shoulders a little, she closed her eyes and let her mind be still. It was remarkably easy considering the turbulent manner of her awakening. She felt a sense of calm wash over her, like floating in a warm bathtub, and then a sudden realisation that she was no longer alone. Opening one eye, she found herself face to face with the Spark. The proximity gave her a little jolt of surprise and she closed her eyes again with a sigh before opening them to gaze testily at her companion.  
"You rang?"  
"The dream walker was in your head, the man with no face. He was looking for you." Obiwan replied with an anxious frown. She was sat crossed legged in front of her, wearing the same pyjamas.  
"The Master, yes I know." Jade replied running her hand through her hair while stifling a yawn. "It's a frequent haunt for him." Seeing the spark looked uneasy, she placed a hand on her arm. "Don't worry, I haven't shown him anything. I will keep us hidden. He won't know where we are."  
Obiwan looked down at the hand before breaking into a smile.  
"Yes I know, your mental abilities are very capable Jade,” she replied earnestly and then the smile faded, “but he is strong, and I fear he is getting closer."  
Jade withdrew the hand.  
"How close?"  
"I don't know, I cannot tell." Obiwan shrugged. "I just know that I can feel his presence more. Perhaps... you should let you companions know. Q could…”  
“No.” Jade cut her off abruptly, shaking her head, “I know what you’re going to say but i’m fine, i can handle it.”  
She stared out the window for a moment at the stars streaking by, trying to quell the rapid thudding that was increasing in her chest. Finally she turned back to the spark who watched her silently from the other side of the bed. "Aren't you supposed to be some almighty ancient weapon? Can't you like... I dunno, zap him or something."  
Obiwan shook her head.  
“Until I am activated, I am nothing more that an imprint in your mind. I have no power.”  
“Great, trust me to stuck with the cosmic weapon that can’t get it up.” Jade muttered with a roll of her eyes. While obviously not understanding the reference, the spark clearly got the tone and lowered her head. Seeing her face fall. Jade winced.  
“Oh B, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.” She sighed and looked around the room sadly. “I'm just fed up. I finally find somewhere I can call home, with people that I love… and if the Master finds us, I’ll have to leave again.” Her eyes glistened in the light from the window. “I don’t want to go. Not yet.”  
Obi wan didn’t say anything but she lay her hand on Jade’s arm in a similar manner. Jade looked up with surprise and then gave her a relenting smile as she wiped her eyes with her pyjama sleeve.  
“Look, at the moment nothing has changed.” She sniffed and rubbed her nose. “I will be careful and if it looks like the Master looks like he is getting any closer, then I’ll tell Q. Until then, there is no need to panic him. It’ll be okay, I won’t let him find us.”  
Obiwan eyed her dubiously but eventually nodded in agreement.  
“Good.” Jade continued. “I’ll see you later okay?”  
"Okay."  
Jade closed her eyes and felt herself falling back onto the bed. When she opened them, she found herself alone again. She hadn't been lying when she'd said she would tell Q everything, she would never put Kathryn or him intentionally in harms way after all, but she also knew she could keep the Master at bay. They had been playing their game of mental hide and seek for two years and he had never broken through yet. She lay still for a moment and listened intently. It was all quiet in her head, no other voices but her own nagging doubts; still, the silence was glorious. She thought about trying to go back to sleep but she knew it would be fruitless, her mind was too tuned in to identifying any potential threat that might invade it. Instead, like the nights she had spent running from dreams of Fernand, she downed her dressing gown and decided to go for walk. The day after tomorrow would be her fifteenth birthday; if she could only spend it with Kathryn and Q together as a family she would be so happy. Jade was no fool however, she knew she was walking a dangerous line. When the danger came, which she was sure it would, she would cut and run without hesitation. Then the Master could god damn chase her until the end of time if he liked. If there was one thing Jade knew how to do well, she knew how to hide. 

***

When Jade entered the mess-hall, she found the lights dimmed and the room empty, or so she thought. A figure sat at a table facing the window, shoulders hunched in a manner that indicated the person did not wish to be disturbed. She tiptoed in towards the replicator to grab a drink and as she got closer, she realised it was Commander Chakotay. He was staring intensely at an empty glass tumbler on the table in front of him, an agitated frown on his face. She assumed the countenance had something to do with her or Q, and she was half tempted to take a peek in his head to find out why, but she had promised the Captain she wouldn’t use her abilities on the crew. Jade didn’t get it. Kathryn clearly cared for Chakotay, and she had stated several times during their late night conversations that he was her closest friend, but his manner and behaviour since she had come on board was hardly conducive with the positive portrayal the Captain had made of him. Still, he was important to her, and what was important to Kathryn was important to Jade. She knew the conflict between Q and him was causing her pain and neither man would be prepared to stand down first; Jade had to be the one to at least try and make things right. She replicated two mugs and cautiously made her way over to him.  
"Commander?”  
Chakotay looked up with an expectant expression, clearly hoping it was someone else. When he realised it was Jade, his face visibly fell.  
"Oh… hello Jade." He said, looking back down at the glass. Jade shifted a little awkwardly from foot to foot, suddenly unsure if she had made the right decision approaching him.  
“Um.. you couldn't sleep?" She then asked.  
“No…” He replied glumly.  
“Me neither.” She gestured at the chair with her head. "Do you mind if I sit?"  
Chakotay met her questioning gaze with a frown, his shoulders bristling irritably.  
"I'd prefer to be alone to be honest,” he said in a gruff tone. “I’m not very good company right now."  
"Oh right, sure." Jade nodded and looked hesitantly at the second mug in her hand. “Umm.. this is warm Calarian goats milk. Apparently it's good when you can't sleep." She then placed it in front of him and gave a little shrug before turning to leave.  
Chakotay stared at it for a few seconds and then, when she had reached the door, cleared his throat.  
“Uhh Jade?"  
Jade turned and saw him hesitate before pulling the chair out next to him, a silent indication that it was okay for her to stay. Tentatively, she retraced her steps and took a seat next to the brooding Commander. They were quiet for a while, both staring pensively at the mugs before them before Chakotay finally broke the silence.  
"You're a telepath aren't you?”  
"I have some telepathic abilities, yes." Jade shrugged. His shoulders sank visibly.  
"So I assume you know why I am here.” He then muttered.  
"No,” She replied with a shake of the head. “Kathryn told me I wasn't allowed to read anyone while I was on board."  
Chakotay gave her an incredulous look to which she responded with a frown. "I promised her." She added, an insulted tone resonating in her voice.  
"Right."  
He was silent again for a moment so Jade took a brave gamble.  
"So why can’t you sleep?” She asked.  
"Why can’t you?” He immediately shot back, deflecting the question defensively.  
Jade took a breath, silently trying to remember why she had intentionally thrown herself into the firing line. Kathryn, you are doing this for her, she told herself and plastered on a polite smile.  
”I had a nightmare. Didn't want to go back to sleep."  
"I know the feeling." Chakotay muttered.  
Jade took a sip from her mug and wondered what to say next, awkward small talk had never really been her forte. As it happened, the Commander chose the topic for her.  
“What happened to you? Down on the planet. I want the truth.” He asked, giving her a steely glare. This time it was Jade’s turn to avoid eye contact. She ran her finger around the rim of the mug in a seemingly distracted manner and bit her bottom lip nervously.  
“Kathryn didn’t say?” She then with a cautious tone. The question hung in the air for a moment, before Chakotay cleared his throat.  
“No. She wouldn’t.”  
Internally, Jade let out a sigh of relief. If Chakotay knew, it wouldn’t be long before Q did.  
“Why do you want to know?” She asked, finally looking up at him with a spark of defiance in her eyes. “You already know he tortured me. The rest… is just details. It doesn’t affect Voyager.”  
The Commander stared at her for a moment and then leaned back in his chair, folding his arms.  
“It seems to have been forgotten but I am Voyager’s First Officer. When the person in question is wanted by the most dangerous enemy in the galaxy and she is staying on this ship, then the ‘details’ affect me.”  
“But it has no impact on Voyager…” Jade insisted but was cut off by Chakotay.  
“I’ll be the judge of that.”  
Jade sat back and folded her arms, mirroring the hostile stance he had adopted.  
“I think the only thing that affects you is how much time Kathryn and Q are spending together. If you want to talk details, why don’t we discuss that Commander?” She replied in a challenging tone.  
Chakotay’s face turned a funny colour and his gaze narrowed.  
"I have no opinion on that either way, I assure you.“ He replied stiffly.  
“Wow, that was believable.” She scoffed and shook her head. “Is there, like, a starfleet rule that says you guys can't admit you have feelings?“  
"No." Chakotay replied curtly. "But there is an expectation that we conduct ourselves in a professional manner and not engage in idle gossip. Especially about our Captain."  
Jade rolled her eyes.  
“Jees, no wonder you're all so emotionally repressed." She raised an eyebrow, giving him a questioning glare. "So you have no opinion, none at all?”  
"As I just said. The Captain can do what she likes in her own time. My only concern is about is about her wellbeing and that of the ship and crew."  
Jade broke into a sarcastic clap.  
“And the academy award for most unconvincing performance goes to...”  
"What is it you want me to say Jade?" Chakotay cut in with a frustrated sigh. She stared at him silently for a moment. This wasn’t going to work.  
"Nothing,” She shuffled back her chair and stood up. “I was just hoping there was, you know, some reason... some human feeling that I could understand.. as to why you are so adverse to us when everyone else has been so welcoming.” She picked up her mug and her face faulted a little as she met his gaze. “I know Q and you will never get on but I’m trying to meet you in the middle here. For Kathryn’s sake. You don’t trust me, I get it, and that is fine… but just so you know, I would never hurt her or let harm come to her. Not ever. Can’t we at least find common ground on that?”  
Chakotay opened his mouth but no sound came out. Jade waited for a moment but when she didn’t receive a response, she sighed and turned to leave.  
“I’m just trying to make sense of it,” he suddenly cried, stopping her in her tracks as he jumped out of his seat, “of your relationship with the Captain, of Q’s…” He trailed off and shook his head. “I don’t know. A few weeks ago, we were travelling along just fine and then you show up and everything is different. She is different. Don’t get me wrong Jade, I don’t dislike you and I don’t think you mean us any harm, but…” he paused, appearing unsure if he should continue as if suddenly aware of how personal he was being with the teenager, before he hesitantly continued. “I’ve known the Captain for a long time. She doesn’t compromise her duties for anyone, and she never lets anybody get close to her, not really. I was okay with that, I understood. But you, Jade, she has only known you for a few weeks and she cares about you so completely. Then there is Q,” He let out a disbelieving sigh, “I mean, how could she…?” His face clouded in anger and he stared out of the window.  
When he didn’t finish his sentence, Jade folded her arms.  
“I think you’re being a little unfair.” She frowned. Chakotay looked back at her with surprise. “I don’t think Kathryn has compromised her duties at all. All she has done is spend time with us. She might have compromised her relationship with you, but that’s because you are being a dick.”  
Chakotay’s eyebrows shot up.  
“Excuse me?”  
“I mean, no offence Commander but, like, you’ve been nothing but hostile to her since I came on board, and for what? She is spending time with Q. He makes her happy. So? Get over it. Cut her some slack. She’s amazing. She deserves someone…”  
“You don’t need to tell me what she is or what she deserves.” He growled, turning his back on her.  
“Well someone clearly needs to.” Jade retorted. “Your obviously too busy flouncing around the ship with Seven to realise that you hurt her, and she deserves better than that.”  
Chakotay turned slowly back to her face her. His complexion was now practically grey. He blinked a few times and then pulled a pained expression that Jade hadn’t seen before.  
“Did Kathryn tell you this?”  
“No, of course not, but I have eyes…. and I’ve seen enough nineties teen movies to recognise heartbreak when I see it.” Jade scoffed. “Look, I don’t know the situation between you two, if it was ever anything more than colleagues, friends, I don’t know. But you’ve moved on, and you’re obviously happy with Seven. Let Kathryn do the same? You can’t stop her from being with someone else just because she wouldn’t be with you.”  
“What, because Q can give her what she deserves?” Chakotay retorted in a sarcastic tone.  
“As a matter of face, yes, because Q loves her.”  
He let out a snort and rolled his eyes.  
“It’s Q.”  
Jade shook her head in disbelief and took a step towards, looking up at the Commander with a disappointed frown.  
“You say you know Kathryn better than anyone. If Q really is as self-centered as claim he is, don't you think if there was any mortal in this universe who could change his, that could invoke something in him beyond his alleged egotistical tendencies, it would be her? Tell me that Kathryn Janeway isn’t worth changing everything for?” She stared at him in silence for a second, her eyes boring into his own; her expression searching, his unreadable.  
Taking a step back, she turned and without a word headed for the exit. The doors to corridor opened and she stopped just before leaving through them, turning back to the Commander who stood seemingly dumbfounded where she had left him.  
“You want to know the big secret Chakotay? The details that were so important to you? Fine.” She took a breath. It had to be said. He had to understand. “Fernand beat me, burned me and broke me to within an inch of my life, and when I had nothing more to give, he raped me... and Kathryn... she has shown me nothing but love and kindness, and helped me rebuild my whole life at a time when I didn’t think I had much of one left. So yes, I think I have the right to say what she is and what she deserves,” her eyes glazed with tears, “and as much as I have come to love her as fiercely as any daughter and the idea of leaving hurts my heart so badly, I will let her go if it’s in her best interest. Can you honestly say the same?”  
She lowered her head and allowed the doors to close between them, leaving Chakotay alone to endure the long sleepless night ahead.


	41. Two Hearts

Kathryn was running later than usual, mainly due to the fact that Q had followed her into the shower and insisted on fucking her up against the tiles in the most slow and sinful way possible. She had to admit that it was worth potentially being a little late to her shift for. He was now lying stretched out on the bed, stark naked of course, watching her with a pout as she covered up with her uniform.  
"Won't you come back back to bed Kathy dearest." He said patting the space next to him suggestively. Kathryn grinned and shook her head, her long hair cascading around her face.  
"Don't tempt me." She said, scooping it over her left shoulder and sitting down with her back to him on the end of the bed so she could put her shoes on.  
"But I like to tempt you." Q scooted himself behind her and immediately began trying to unfasten her Captain's jacket so he could plant kisses further down her neck.  
"Q, I have to go." She giggled trying to wriggle out of his grasp, "come on, I'll still need to do my hair."  
"Nooo." He mumbled into her skin. "Leave it, it looks sexy." He pulled her backwards on to the bed and rolled onto her, planting his mouth on hers before she could protest. Kathryn grinned into his kiss as she felt him grow hard against her thigh.  
"I'm never going to get any work done with you distracting me." She said as he broke away. Q looked down at her with a sultry smile.  
"Moi? A distraction? Never." He ran his hand down her body before letting it come to rest between her legs. "Besides, I have other work in mind for you sweet Captain." He purred, breaking into a satisfied smirk as her lips sensually parted in a sigh of desire at his touch. There was nothing Kathryn wanted more than to let Q strip every item of clothing back off her body and have her right there but she needed to get the bridge and her captain's brain was fortunately more nagging than her newly found carnal appetite for the omnipotent being.  
"Q... " she began but Q had already worked out the quickest to silence her, pressing his lips against her own in a demanding and urgent fashion. Kathryn immediately wrapped her arms around him and allowed herself to enjoy the hot passionate clinch that he had enticed her into. He truly was a master of seduction and she apparently now a willing slave to it. They stayed like that for a few minutes, running their hands over one another fervently, exchanging deliciously wicked kisses against the silken bedsheets. Kathryn then felt Q reach down to start removing her trousers and knew that if she didn't stop him now, she would be definitely would not be going to work today. She couldn't allow her relationship with the omnipotent being to get in the way of her duties. It had already caused friction with her Commander, and that was even before Q and she had started sleeping together. What if the rest of the crew found out? What would they think? How would they look at her? The churning sensation in her stomach that these thoughts instigated was enough to snap her back into reality. She managed to angle her hand between them and gently push his chest away from her. Q broke from their kiss and met her gaze with a questioning expression. His smile immediately faded when he saw the hesitation on her face.  
"You're going to ruin the moment aren't you."  
"No..." Kathryn exclaimed, somewhat unconvincingly.  
Q sighed and gave her a withering look.  
"Go on." He propped his head up on his hand and appeared to wait impatiently for her to speak. "Say what you want to say."  
"It's just... Q," she placed her hand on his cheek, "This... whatever this is... let's just keep it between us okay?"  
Q pulled a face.  
"Afraid you'll make Chuckles jealous?"  
Kathryn raised an eyebrow.  
"This has got nothing to do with Chakotay." She said carefully. "It hasn't got anything to do with any of the crew so they don't need to know, okay? I'd rather you didn't make it public knowledge."  
"What do you think I'm going to do, go marching around waving a victory flag?"  
Kathryn gave him a look to indicate that was exactly what she thought. After all, his courting attempts on prior visits had demonstrated that he was anything but subtle when it came to his affections for her, why should the celebration of his conquest be any different? Q opened his mouth to respond but was stopped by the sound of the front door opening.  
"Hey Kathryn." A voice called from the other room. Kathryn sat up with a start as she realised that Jade had arrived for breakfast. The adults froze and stared at each other for a moment in silence. Through the wall, they heard their ward humming away to herself as she walked into the kitchen and ordered a coffee from the replicator.  
"We'll talk about this later." Kathryn hissed and jumped up from bed, her face flushed from her antics with Q. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the omnipotent being follow her and quickly turned to stop him before they reached the doorway.  
"Just a suggestion," she quipped as her eyes drifted down his distractingly naked body, "you might want to put something on, or Jade may never forgive you."  
Q looked down at himself and grinned.  
"Oh right."  
He clicked his fingers and, with a flash, the Captain's uniform appeared.  
"Better?"  
Kathryn looked him up and down, and broke into a reluctant grin.  
"Not the favourite way I’ve seen you this morning but it will do."

They left the bedroom and found Jade sitting at the dining table with her coffee. She greeted them with a smile before her eyes drifted to the room from which they had both exited.  
”Good morning" Kathryn exclaimed with a flustered smile. She walked over to the teenager and gave her a one armed hug.  
“Morning.” Jade giggled as she returned the embrace, keenly watching her guardians glance coyly at each other over the breakfast table. Kathryn then went to the mirror to fix her hair while Q clicked his fingers to summon them up some breakfast.  
“Morning trouble" He planted a kiss on the crown of Jade’s head and sat down next to her. “Did you have a fun night?”  
Jade leaned over and picked up a piece of toast.  
“Not as much as you too did apparently.” She smirked and stuck the bread in her mouth.  
Kathryn’s eyebrows shot up as she turned from the mirror and looked over at Q, who simply laughed and shrugged his shoulders at her. Perhaps it was foolish to think they could have hidden their newly explored affection for each-other from Jade. She, after all, had been a champion of their romance since she had come on board, and had avidly looked for any sign that they be more than friends. Kathryn only hoped she could do a better job keeping it a secret in front of the crew. She gave Jade a captain-practised look that suggested she was correct but it would be in her best interest not to ask any questions. The teenager seemed to understand and immediately busied herself with a bowl of cereal, trying not to look extremely excited by the latest developments in their little family. Kathryn then stole a look over at Q who was making a poor attempt to hide his laughter behind a napkin. Yes, Kathryn sighed as she caught her own reluctantly bemused grin in the mirror, pretending this wasn’t happening was going to be harder than she thought.

So how did you go with your new friend last night." Q asked through a mouthful of pancakes.  
"What? Who?" Jade almost dropped her spoon, as she looked up with a start. She could feel her face going red under Q's gaze. He couldn't possibly know about B could he?  
"Tuvok." Q replied and put down his fork. "He was teaching you Kal-Toh?”  
"Ohhh right, yeah it was fun." Jade nodded and turned her attentions back to her breakfast, hoping her quick recovery was enough to hide the internal sigh of relief she had just exhaled. Daring to lift her gaze momentarily, she could see him appraising her with a strange look. She held her breath and waited for the axe to fall.  
“Good…” He finally said, the suspicion on his face thankfully passing. “I have to go to the Continuum today but I will back tomorrow in time for the big day.”  
Jade glanced up again from her cereal and raised an eyebrow. Q knew every event in the whole universe and could travel to it with a click of his fingers. He was, however, less skilled at remembering where Jade was in her own timeline. Unlike the omnipotent being, she aged normally and continued to keep track of her life by the Earth calendar, something Q could never really get his head around. Thus, he often forgot birthdays and anniversaries, relying on the teenager to keep track of things and remind him when key dates needed to be celebrated or honoured. Most of the time she didn’t tell him, they were usually running from Fernand or on an adventure through some remote part of the galaxy, and she was quite content to just be with her guardian; that was more than enough for her to celebrate any special day.  
"You remembered?"  
Q feigned an insulted expression.  
"Of course I remembered. I am omnipotent after all. Yes, today is the anniversary of the Fall of the Movian empire." He cried triumphantly. "What a battle it was! Who could forget such a date?"  
Jade rolled her eyes with a grin and was about to go back to her cornflakes when Q launched himself at her and pulled her into his arms.  
"After all, it's not everyday your girl turns fifteen." He chuckled and gave her a big bear hug as Jade giggled and tried to shoo him off.  
Kathryn had just sat down at the table and she looked up in surprise.  
"Is it your birthday tomorrow?"  
"Uh yeah.” Jade mumbled sheepishly as she clambered out of Q’s embrace, her face bright pink. "It's no big deal though."  
"No big deal." Q scoffed. He exchanged a knowing look with the Captain. “We’ll see about that.”  
“Look, it’s totally fine. I mean, it’s not like we can go anywhere.” Jade replied, “and I just want to be with you guys. Something low-key. I mean it Q.” She added as she saw a mischievous smirk creep across his face.  
“I can be ‘low-key.” Q retorted.  
“I don’t think you physically have the capacity.”  
“You are not wrong there.” Kathryn quipped as she grabbed some toast from the plate.  
“Is this what it’s going to be like?” Q folded his arms, “the two of you ganging up on poor little me?”  
“Us girls have to stick together.” The Captain grinned and gave Jade a wink. “Speaking of which, if you are going to the Continuum, Jade and I can have a girls night this evening.” She looked back at her ward with a questioning smile. “If you interested? Celebrate your last evening of being 14?”  
“That would be awesome.” Jade replied, clearly elated at the idea.  
“I know were I'm not wanted" Q crowed teasingly. "I guess I will see you tomorrow.” He ruffled Jade's hair and and then turned his attentions to Kathryn. Clicking his fingers, a mug of coffee appeared in his hand. “And you, my love, if I am not mistaken, are going to be late.”  
"Oh shoot." Kathryn exclaimed as she glanced at the clock. She jumped to her feet and grabbed the drink from his hand, planting a quick kiss on his cheek before leaning over to Jade to do the same.  
"That's all I'm going to get?" He cried with a look of feigned indignation. Kathryn looked over her shoulder with a raised eyebrow.  
"Don't start."  
Q folded his arms and pouted.  
"I guess I'll just have to get my kiss from you on the bridge instead." He said staring off into the distance dramatically while clearly fighting the urge to laugh. Hearing a stifled giggle, Kathryn glanced down at Jade who was grinning at her guardian. Noting the Captain's glare, she gulped and started clearing her plate, a bemused smile still on her lips.  
"I'll see you tonight." Kathryn said with a smirk. She shot a glare over at her lover before she making her way towards the door. Before leaving, she suddenly stopped in what appeared to be a moment of hesitation. Then she turned back around, walked to the table and kissed him properly. When she pulled away, both Jade and he had an equal look of surprise on their faces.  
"Satisfied?" She asked, putting her hands on her hips.  
Q immediately looped his hands around her waist and pulled her closer.  
"Not as much I intend to be.."  
"Dude. Gross.." Jade put up her hand to interject before he could go any further. "Not that I'm not happy for you but Keep it PG around the kids alright?"  
She finished recycling her plate and made for the door.  
“I’m gonna go see the Doc, maybe he can give me something to erase that from my memory.” She giggled.  
"Jade."  
She looked back questioningly at her guardians, noting Q’s face was suddenly more serious than a few seconds ago. He broke away from Kathryn and disappeared before re-materialising in front of her. He seemed to silently appraise her for a moment; his eyes trying to say something, or at least work something out but whatever it was, he appeared to change his mind about communicating it. Instead he smiled dotingly at her and pulled her into his arms.  
“I love you kid."  
Jade gripped tightly onto his uniform and buried her head into his chest.  
"Love you too." She mumbled through the fabric.  
Kathryn approached the pair and placed a hand on the girl’s shoulder. She assumed last night had not been easy for her and she hoped they could talk more about it that evening. Jade pulled away from Q’s embrace and gave them both a nod before heading through the door in the direction of sickbay. Q looked back at Kathryn and a grin crept over his features.  
"I lo.."  
"Don't." She cut him off with a smirk, already knowing what he was going to say. Then, she leaned in and granted him another kiss, this time a slow and sensual one that seemed to communicate more than she was in a position to verbalise. It seemed to satisfy the omnipotent being as, after they broke reluctantly from one another, he pressed his lips to the back of her hand with a suggestive wink, and then in a flash of light he was gone.


	42. Sweet Little Lies

Despite her lack of sleep, Kathryn arrived on the bridge with a spring in her step. The warm glow from her earlier passionate embrace with Q was still flushed in her cheeks and she'd grinned stupidly to herself all the way up in the turbo lift. God, it was like being sixteen again, she thought as the lift doors opened. Get a hold of yourself.  
"Morning all!" She exclaimed with a chipper tone.  
"Good morning Captain." Harry replied with a warm smile. It was a nice countenance to the tired, angry, early-hour shuffle he had seen from her in the weeks prior.  
"Anything to report?" She asked, placing a hand on the Ensign's shoulder.  
"We've detected that Vidiaan ship on long range sensors again." He replied, checking the panel before him. "It still doesn't appear to be aware of us but it has been making regular sweeps of the area and they do appear to be heading in this direction."  
Kathryn frowned. She knew the Continuum's cloak still protected the ship but she felt a lot more comfortable about its success when Q was still on board. The last thing they needed was another foe chasing them. The turbo lift doors open again and Chakotay entered the Bridge. He was late which was unlike him, and he looked tired. The fight that had seemed like so long ago to her earlier suddenly felt raw again in his presence. His eyes widened a little when he saw her and he came to an abrupt stop.  
"Vidiaans again." She said, breaking the silence between them.  
Chakotay nodded slowly.  
"Right. Change course?"  
"I think that is best."  
They stared at each other silently for a moment. Kathryn wondered if he was thinking what she was, how foolish their fight had been, how much she wanted things to go back to the way they were, how worried she was that they no longer could. Her First Officer's face revealed an equally complex range of emotions, none of which was easily readable. Painfully aware that this was not the time nor the place for such a complicated unsaid moment, Kathryn hastily turned back to Harry.  
"What else is in this sector Mr Kim?" She was anxious to avoid the Vidiaan ship but not to go to far off course. They had already made so much good progress under the sanctity of the Continuum cloak, she would hate to waste it on an unnecessary detour that could throw them into the path of more unknown danger.  
"Looks like there is a system that appears to contain several civilisations with warp technology." He replied, checking the panel before him. "Initial scans of their communications traffic indicate... uh, the second largest planet is the main hub of the network; they call it Ortiga."  
Kathryn tapped her comm-badge.  
"Janeway to Neelix?"  
"Yes Captain?"  
"Do you know anything about a planet called Ortiga?"  
"Oh yes indeed Captain, I know it well. It's a market colony, they trade all over the Delta Quadrant. The Ortigans are very friendly people who welcome strangers. I have traded with them myself several times. The beaches on Orega's moon are also especially exquisite..."  
"Thank you Neelix."  
She cut off the communication and looked at Chakotay, offering him a small smile.  
"Sounds like a good place to hide out for a while."  
Chakotay nodded and, surprisingly, gave her one in return.  
"Sounds like a good place for some shore leave." Harry quipped, causing both his commanding officers to break into a grin. It was a nice ease to the tension between them and Kathryn was suddenly grateful for her Ensign's candour.  
"Mr Paris, lay in a course for Ortiga." Kathryn called to Tom who was sat at his station. She turned back to Harry with a coy smile. "If Mr Tuvok deigns there to be no adverse risk, then I'll consider approving requests for day leave. Keep an eye on that Vidiaan ship in the meantime Mr Kim?"  
"Yes Ma'am." Harry grinned.  
Chakotay took his seat while Kathryn headed over to Tom who was busily correcting Voyager's course towards their new destination.  
"Captain?" He looked up as she approached him and leaned against the flight panel.  
"I need a favour." She said with a mischievous grin. "So it turns out that our favourite wild child turns fifteen tomorrow."  
Tom sat back in his chair and let out a laugh.  
"The little minx." He grinned. "She kept that quiet."  
"Tell me about it." Kathryn laughed and folded her arms. "She also seems to think she can get away with not celebrating it."  
"Oh does she now?"  
Kathryn could already see a plan forming in Tom's head. She knew she had come to the right place.  
"Yes. In fact, she specifically made Q promise not to arrange anything big."  
"But not you though." Tom raised his eyebrows with a smirk seeing what the Captain was thinking.  
"Nope, I made no such promise." She stood up and placed a hand on his shoulder. "So I can leave the arrangements to you?"  
Tom grinned. If there was anyone who could pull off a surprise party worthy of their newest crew mate, it was him.  
"Aye Captain."  
"Good." Kathryn gave him a nod and went back to her seat, trying to suppress her mirth. If Jade thought she was getting away with not celebrating her birthday, well then she didn't know the crew of Voyager half as well as she thought. 

****

Jade spent the morning with the Doctor assisting him with his lab experiments. It was a good distraction, her mind was preoccupied by the dream of the Master and her late night conversations with B and Chakotay so it was nice to try and escape in the repetitive cataloguing of soil samples. Despite her best efforts to throw herself into the task, the EMH could tell her mind was elsewhere but knew her well enough by now not to ask specifically what was wrong. Instead, he kept a watchful eye on his young apprentice and every so often threw a concerned question in her direction. How are you sleeping? Having any more nightmares? How are you feeling?  
"I'm fine, honestly. Stop worrying." She finally said with an exasperated grin as she struggled under the the weight of the sample box she'd pulled out of the cooler cupboard. The Doctor gave her an unconvinced frown and took the box effortlessly out of her hands, putting it down on the bench.  
"I know you're fine but you are my patient so it is my duty to..."  
"Doc, please." She raised an eyebrow and folded her arms. "I know what you're trying to do. I'm fine and I don't need a physician. Please just be my friend okay?"  
The EMH sighed and placed his hands on the young girls arms.  
"That's precisely what I am trying to do."  
Jade was silent for a few moments and then she pulled away and lifted herself up to sit on the bench next to the box of samples. The Doctor tried not to pull a face, he hated when she did that and yet he would never tell her not to. He had come to enjoy her chaotic presence in his sickbay however disruptive it was to his routine. She was so eager to be his friend, not caring at all that he was a hologram. He'd asked her once why she kept turning up to spend time with him, after all there were plenty of other things a teenager would prefer to do on board.  
'You don't let anyone tell you what you are, what you are supposed to be,' was the reply. 'You fought for your right to be more, and I like that.' She had then given him a grin. 'Plus, you let me play with liquid nitrogen so that is cool too.' The Doctor had laughed but he also felt an odd type of sadness that he wasn't used to. He imagined that for most of her life, when people looked at Jade, they saw only the host of unrealised power, an object to be possessed and used. These galactic powerhouses, whether it be the Master or the Continuum, did not know that she was stubborn, funny, loving and sharp. She was a means to an end and they didn't care what their cosmic war did to her. He could sort of understood; when people had first looked at him they saw only a hologram. It had taken a long time for him to find his identity beyond what he was supposed to be. He hoped Jade would have the chance to do the same.  
Jade sat quietly for a moment, swinging her legs backwards and forwards as they dangled over the bench. The Doctor waited patiently for her to lift her gaze from her knees.  
"I think I might have to go soon." She then said quietly and rubbed her nose. "I don't want to."  
The EMH sighed and lifted her chin gently.  
"I obviously can't speak for the Captain but I very much doubt she wants you to go anywhere Jade. None of us do."  
The teenager broke into a smile.  
"Really?"  
"I'm sure of it."  
The smile then faded.  
"I may not have a choice." She replied ruefully.  
"What makes you say that?"  
Jade looked like she wanted to say something but the hesitation on her face clearly indicated that she was conflicted about revealing what was bothering her. She was a complex creature, that was for sure. Humans were always emotionally perplexing but he'd never met someone with so many barriers as the teenager before him. She would give you this look like she was trying to decide whether to let you in, whether you could handle what she had to tell you. It was a very inscrutable and extremely 'Jade-like' expression. The Doctor couldn't blame her though. After everything she had been through, he was surprised she was as well adjusted as she was.  
"Jade," He prompted gently. "You know you can tell me anything."  
Jade forced a smile and gave him an unexpected embrace.  
"You're right, I'm just being stupid. Don't worry about it Doc. Thanks for listening though." She let go of him and jumped down off the bench. "I gotta go see Kathryn. I'll come back later okay?" Flashing him a superficial grin, she waved and headed towards the door.  
"Jade!" The Doctor called after her but she scarpered out before he had the chance to stop her. For all her pretence, he knew she was deflecting and there was something more on her mind than she was willing to let on. She seemed to let her guard down best with the Captain, perhaps he would talk to her about his concerns when he saw her next. There was of course Q but as far as he knew, the Omnipotent being was still unaware of the additional details of Jade's incarceration and the EMH did not wish to be the one to tell him. Despite his caution around the volatile powder-keg, he'd found a new respect for Q since Jade had come on board. The omnipotent being stood between the girl and the rest of the universe without hesitation. He didn't care about the spark, the power, or either side of the fight, wanting only to protect his ward and give her the best life he could in the process. Despite what many others on board thought, he knew Q was capable of love, of being selfless, and for that reason he watched the little family his Captain was quietly building with them as a supportive silent observer. He, like Chakotay, had seen Jade's guardians share a secret kiss the evening of the movie night but unlike his Commander, he was pleased to see Janeway finally bring down some of her barriers and let someone into her heavily guarded world. He only hoped he could help her adopted ward do the same. 

****

Jade made her way to the bridge and headed straight over to the Ready Room. She buzzed the door and was promptly let in by the Captain.  
"Come!"  
The doors opened and she entered. Her eyes then widened and her smile faded when she saw Chakotay stood by the Captain's desk. Kathryn, who initially had been glad for the interruption to the awkwardly civil discussion the Commander and she were enduring, immediately noted the strange expression crossing the teenager's features. To her surprise, when she looked up at her First Officer, she saw that Chakotay's face had drained of colour and his eyes immediately darted to the floor. If Kathryn had thought it was a strained tension in the room already, an even uneasier atmosphere descended as neither party looked at the other.  
"What's... going on." Kathryn asked rising to her feet.  
"Nothing." Jade broke into a smile and stuck her hands in her pockets. "Got time for a coffee break?"  
"I'll leave you to it." Chakotay bowed his head and headed towards the door. Reaching Jade, he paused, his eyes lingering on her with a frown momentarily, before he hurried back onto the bridge.  
"What was that all about?" Kathryn put her hands on her hips and gave her ward a parental look.  
"Beats me," Jade replied with a nonchalant shrug and went to sit down on the sofa under the window. The Captain replicated a couple of mugs of coffee and joined her. Jade took a drink and tucked her legs up under herself, blowing gently to cool the black liquid swirling slowly in her cup. Kathryn wanted to prompt her further about the moment with Chakotay but before she got a chance, Jade jumped straight in. "So you and Q..." She started with an excited grin. "Jade." Kathryn sighed, feeling her face go red. "Are you two... you know?" "No I don't know." Jade rolled her eyes. "Yes you do. Come on, I was there this morning remember. What's the go with you two? I want details..." She then pulled a face, "wait, no I don't. Just tell me something that won't scar me for life." Kathryn started to laugh, clearly aware she wasn't going to get away with discretion she had intended. "We'll talk about it later." She said, taking another sip of her coffee. "But...?" The Captain gave her the practised look that indicated the conversation was over for now. Jade understood immediately and gave a dramatic sigh. "Fine, but don't think you're getting out of it." She grinned. With the matter of Q's and her relationship put on hold, they instead chatted for a little while about their mornings, and Kathryn told her about their change in course.  
"That sounds great. Can I go too?" Jade asked when Kathryn mentioned she was thinking of approving shore leave for the crew.  
"You know you can't Jade." The Captain replied in a serious tone. "The Continuum have only cloaked the ship. It's not safe for you anywhere else."  
The teenager took a sip of her coffee while she appeared to consider this and then finally nodded.  
"That's okay. I don't mind staying on Voyager."  
"Good, you can keep me company."  
"You're not going?"  
"Of course not, you don't go, I don't go." Kathryn replied with a smile. Jade's face immediately lit up and she grinned happily from behind her mug. The Captain continued. "Besides, we have our girls night tonight remember, and then your birthday tomorrow."  
"You know I don't want to celebrate..."  
"Yes, yes, I know. Low key. No surprises." Kathryn nodded, secretly trying to hide her smirk.  
Once they had drank their coffee, they agreed to meet later after Kathryn's shift. Unsure of what time she would finish, she told Jade to head to her quarters at 1800 and let herself in; she would be back when she could. The young girl nodded and then skipped off to no doubt go cause chaos somewhere else on the ship, Kathryn thought with a grin as she made herself another coffee. The rest of the afternoon went quickly after that. Tuvok ran a number of security scans on Ortiga before finally giving confirmation that it was a safe stop for Voyager. Together they completed the approvals for the numerous shore leave requests that came flooding in throughout the remainder of the day. Since the ship was cloaked and they did not wish to alarm the Ortigans with hoardes of humans appearing from nowhere, they agreed to orbit Voyager around one of the outer planets and let the crew go in shuttles for a few hours at a time. Clearly the crew were anxious to get out and stretch their legs, although Kathryn was pleased to see that most had requested to return in time for the surprise party for Jade that Tom had since secretly announced via the staff comms.  
"I think we have half the ship down there throughout the day." The Captain said as she reviewed the final transport log for the following morning. "The last group back should return by 20:00 and, providing there is no sign of the Vidiaans, we can then get on our way after Jade's birthday celebrations." She stretched and began to clear up the last of her pads. She was already an hour late from her finish time and she knew Jade would be waiting. Tuvok gave her a nod and stood up to leave.  
"Mr Neelix indicated that this is trading world so I have also tasked several of the bridge crew with replenishing our supplies." He added.  
"I'm sure they loved that." Kathryn grinned.  
"Yes, Mr Kim did ask me whether I knew the definition of the word 'leave'. I told him that unless he wished to continue eating Talaxian stew for the next six months, he might consider energy coils for the replicators a worthy side trip. Strangely enough, he was suddenly more than happy to assist."  
"I bet he was." She laughed. "Say Tuvok, I meant to ask. Did you go okay with Jade last night? The Vulcan meditation?" She then queried. So far, she hadn't found the right time to ask Jade and, knowing she may not necessarily get a straight answer from the teenager when she eventually did, she was curious to hear from the Vulcan first how it had gone.  
"I believe so." The Security Chief replied. "It took her a little while to be open to the practise but once she agreed, we were able to successfully complete the exercise."  
"Do you think it helped?"  
"I am unable to answer that question Captain. Everything went as it should have and she faced her fears most adequately. She performed exceedingly well given her age and the circumstances. Her mental abilities are very strong, stronger than she realises. She will need to be guided if she continues to stay on Voyager." He then added, giving her a decided look.  
"You think I am going to ask her to stay don't you." Kathryn gave him a grin. Tuvok raised an eyebrow at his old friend.  
"You know I would never presume to ever know what you are thinking Captain." 

****

Jade had already arrived and made herself comfortable when Kathryn got back to her quarters. She was dressed in a big baggy T-shirt and bed shorts, and was lying on her stomach over a cushion on the carpet, painting her nails. Her hair was pulled back into a messy plait that hung over her shoulder, the curls that usually fell loose and long around her face held back by some sort of headset. Judging by the way her fluffy sock cladded feet were bopping backwards and forwards in the air, Kathryn guessed it was sort of music device. Jade, clearly focused intensely on not getting the black polish on her skin or the carpet, had not seen her come in and so the Captain, with a half smile creeping over her face, secretly stole a moment to watch her young ward. Her forehead was furrowed, her lips pursed slightly to one side; the look of deep concentration in her expression. She was nodding along to what ever she was listening to and every so often Kathryn heard snippets of the tune courtesy of some animated humming. She grinned and yet at the same time something stirred within her. Coming home to the scene before her felt strangely normal and yet she lived such a solitary personal experience for so long she didn’t know why it would be. She’d always wanted to one day have a child. Before Voyager had been stranded in the Delta Quadrant, Mark and she had talked about children but there had been no hurry then. It had been at the bottom of her priority list, they had so much time. Time… Kathryn had watched time be slowly snatched away from her until she had eventually resided herself to the fact that the life she had always imagined one day was never going to be her reality. She’d sometimes wondered on the very late nights, when the only time she had was too much to think, what her life might have been like if she was still on Earth. Would she have still been with Mark? Would they have married? Had children? What kind of mother would she have been like? Would she have been close to her daughter? Would they have told each other everything? Or perhaps their relationship would have been more turmultous, like the relationship she’d had with her own mother. No, she thought as she watched the teenager on the floor before her, I would understand her, teach her, I would listen. She imagined herself a mother coming home from work to her daughter... 'Enough of that now, it’s time for homework. Come on, before your father gets home. Oh alright, a few more minutes. Just while you tell me about your day…' Perhaps that was why her nightmare the night before had left her feeling so out of sorts when she had woken; it was almost as if the universe had shown her a parallel life, one she could have had, one she was too scared to admit she still secretly hoped for. It felt so normal; tucking one daughter into bed, another child on the way, the husband who she loved dearly, who loved her back sleeping peacefully next to her in bed. A family to come home to, a family to love and protect; it was a dream she'd had many times before. Kathryn frowned. Except it wasn’t Mark in the dream this time, it wasn’t even Chakotay. It was Q… Q and Jade. And they weren’t lost to her, they hadn’t given up on her or left her; they were here and they wanted to be in her life. There was a part of her, a big part, that dared to want that too but the other part also knew it couldn’t last forever. She was well experienced in knowing that the good things never did. 

Jade had finally finished her first hand and looked up at her work triumphantly. It was then she noticed a pensive Kathryn in the doorway and flashed her with a big grin  
“Hi!” She exclaimed and, pulling her headset off with her unpainted hand, clambered to her feet to greet her.  
“Comfortable there?” Kathryn laughed as she pulled herself from her internal musings. She put the stack of pads she had brought with her on the table and, feeling the same disorientating feeling she'd experienced when she'd woken from her nightmare, suddenly reached for the girl and wrapped her arms tenderly around her.  
“You okay?” She heard Jade ask, the question muffled against her uniform.  
“Yes.” She pulled away and clasped her hands on her cheeks, noting the expression of concern on her ward’s face. “Just happy to be home.”   
Jade broke into a smile, before cheeky grin erupted across her features.  
“I’m glad you are. I need your help.” She put up her hand and wrinkled her nose. “I can’t do the other hand.”  
Kathryn grinned.  
“Ah. One of my most important duties as Captain. I’ll just get changed and be right out.”


	43. Roads

Kathryn dressed into a loose grey pyjama bottoms and a tank top, redid her hair into a loose braid and then came back barefoot into the living area. She dropped to the carpet and rolled onto her stomach to level herself with Jade, who passed her a cushion to lean on and then handed over the polish.  
“So black huh?”  
Jade grinned.  
“Yeah. Well I thought I’d make an effort, you know… birthday and all. I don’t really do the whole girly make up much.”  
“No, it was never really my thing either” Kathryn mused as she shook the bottle and opened it.  
“Really?” Jade sounded surprised.  
“Maybe when I was younger but I soon learned at the Academy that there wasn’t enough makeup in the world to hide the bags earned from nights spent pouring over Quantum Mechanics pads, so there didn’t seem to be much point.” The Captain explained with a reminiscent smile. “These days, Voyager keeps me so busy, I can barely manage to slap on a bit of lipstick before leaving my quarters.”  
“You don’t need anything anyway.” The teenager replied, watching keenly as she began the application. “Wow, yours looks so much neater.”  
Kathryn gave a her a smile, touched by the compliment the girl had dropped quietly into the conversation.  
“That’s because it is easier when you not putting it on yourself.” She said, finishing the final fingers. “Besides, I’ve had a few more years practice.”  
“Did your mother show you how?””  
Kathryn looked up in surprise.  
“Um.. no,” she put the lid back on the bottle and propped herself up into a seating position on the floor, leaning back against the front of the sofa. “well… maybe. I learnt a little watching her, some from friends I guess.”  
“I never learned how to do all this stuff,” Jade said with a frown, inspected the finished hand with a furrowed brow. “Growing up, I didn’t have my mother or really any friends so I am not very good at it.”  
Kathryn hesitated, her chest hurting a little at the look on her wards face.  
"Well you do now." She then replied with a small smile. Jade met her gaze, her face lighting up; the comment appearing to mean a lot more than she was prepared to say. They were both silent for a moment before Kathryn quickly shook the sensation off and flashed her a cheeky smirk.  
“Anyways, you have Q. I have a feeling would probably be better at it than all of us.”  
Jade met her gaze and broke into a giggle.  
“You are probably right.” She grinned.

Kathryn was about to suggest that they get some dinner started when she noticed Jade had opened her mouth as if to say something and then had stopped, instead chewing on her bottom lip as if to hold in the question she appeared to be dying to ask. Kathryn sighed and then took a slow breath. She knew what was coming.  
“What?”  
“Q and you..” Jade broke into a wide grin, no longer able to hold in the apparent excitement she was feeling.  
Kathryn rubbed her temples and scrunched up her face. She could sense the girl's enthusiasm and knowing how desperate she had been to see her two guardians make some undying declaration of love one another, she couldn't afford to let her get too carried away.  
“Jade…”  
Jade gave a dramatic sigh and threw her arms in the air.  
“Come on! It’s a girls night, you have to spill. I mean, you kissed him!”  
“That was just to shut him up.” The Captain muttered irritably, her tone laced with regret.  
“I'm pretty sure it is the only thing that would.” Jade giggled. She then gave her a sly grin. “So, on a scale of one to ‘Jade was totally right’, how much are you in love with each other?”  
“Jade!” Kathryn’s cheeks flushed pink unintentionally as she rolled her eyes at the absurdity of the question and glared at the ceiling to recover her composure.  
“Pleeeasseee?” Jade whined, clasping her hands together in a begging gesture. “Just tell me, do you at least… i don’t know, like-like eachother?”  
"Like-Like?" Kathryn scoffed. Seeing that she was trying her hardest to ignore her, Jade tugged on her uniform sleeve for attention and pulled a ridiculous pout that reminded the Captain of her equally dramatic and persistant guardian.  
“Alright, alright," she playfully shrugged her off and sighed, trying to hide her bemusement at the teenager's behaviour. "I will answer your question…”  
Remaining crosslegged, Jade eagerly shuffled closer to her, rested her elbows on her knees and her chin in her hands, like a child waiting for a bedtime story.  
“…if you tell me what that was between Commander Chakotay and you today.”  
The smile faded from Jade's face and she gulped, apparently aware she was either in trouble or was going to be.  
“Ah.. that… it really was nothing.” She replied quickly starting to shuffle back.  
“Not so fast.” Kathryn leaned forward with a smirk and looped her hands around her arms to stop her. “It’s a 'girls night' remember? Spill.”  
Jade gave her a long blank stare, clearly unimpressed her words were being used against her, before pulling a face.  
“Oh alright.” She folded her arms. "What did he tell you?"  
"Nothing." Kathryn replied honestly. She hadn't had a chance to speak to her Commander again since he had flounced out of her ready room.  
Jade shifted a little uncomfortably where she sat and pushed her dark hair back out of her eyes.  
"I couldn't sleep last night so I went for a walk," she said finally. "He was in the Mess Hall... I don't think he was expecting company, especially not me anyway." She said with a raise of her eyebrows. "I was trying to be nice; you know, make amends. I thought if he was right with me, it would make things easier for you, even if Q and he couldn't put their differences aside."  
Kathryn sighed and gave the girl a small smile. It was sweet of her to look out for her like that. She had wondered whether Chakotay and Q could ever be civil to each other; part of her future with Q, whatever that was, depended on it. She couldn't have discourse on her ship and if her First Officer and her partner could not get along, that would never happen. Did it used to be simpler when they were potentially one and the same? Kathryn wasn't sure. Knowing the mood that Chakotay had been in when he had left her quarters, she did owever know what was coming next.  
"What happened?"  
"We had an argument."  
"About?"  
Jade looked up from fiddling with the cushion in her lap.  
"You."  
Kathryn could feel the tightness in her chest again, the same sensation she had felt when the doors of her quarters had slammed behind her departing Commander; the doors that signified the closure of a part of her life she had thought would always be there, would always mean something.  
"I'm really sorry Kathryn." Jade added anxiously. "I thought if I just talked to him, we could find some common ground, but all this other stuff came out instead; how he treating you because of Q and I, why he couldn't let you be happy. I didn't mean it." She buried her face in her hands. "I mean... I meant it, but I didn't want to say it like that. I dunno, it was probably the wrong time. It seemed he was already in a rotten mood when I got there and he was being a real jerk so it just kind of... came out." She finally looked up at her guardian, her green eyes wide and sad with the promise of tears. "I'm really sorry. I tried to make things better and I just made it worse."  
Kathryn instinctively reached for her and pulled the girl into her arms.  
"No, you didn't." She said with a sigh as Jade lay her head against her shoulder. They were quiet for a moment as Kathryn swept the hair from her face gently before breaking the silence. "Look, you don't need to worry about Chakotay and I; we will be fine. As for his behaviour to you, well... it's probably me who owes you an apology for that."  
"What do you mean?"  
She winced at the memory of the previous night's fight with her supposed best friend. Feeling her stiffen, Jade pulled from her embrace and sat back up to face her with a quizzical look.  
"That rotten mood you mentioned?" Kathryn grimaced. "Well I was the one who had put him in it. You weren't the only one who went seven rounds with Commander Chakotay last night."  
"Oh..." Jade was silent for a moment and then a small smirk flickered over her lips. "So we both gave him what for. Yikes, I almost feel sorry for him now." She added. Kathryn broke into a reluctant chuckle. It appeared Chakotay would have been hard pressed not to contemplate his judgement of her after all.  
"Almost." She grinned ruthlessly. 

"So what about Q and you?" Jade then asked with a cautious air, seemingly aware she had got off lightly for her dynamics with the Commander and was apparently trying not to throw herself into hot water again. Kathryn let out a sigh and shook her head.  
“I don’t know." She shrugged. "It’s complicated.”  
"But you do like him don't you?"  
"Yes. I do like him, but it isn't as simple as liking someone Jade. There is so much more to consider." Kathryn replied.  
“Like what?"  
"You, to start off with, and Voyager. Q and I both have responsibilities that we cannot allow to be compromised by... whatever affection we may feel for one another."  
"I don't mind." Jade frowned. "I can take care of myself you know."  
"I know you can." Kathryn chuckled. "But I also have to think about my crew, and this fight against the Master. Q is..."  
"I know he can be brash, and irresponsible, and completely egotistical at times, but he is brilliant…” The teenager interrupted, protesting with an animated expression.  
“I know that Jade.”  
“… and funny, and caring…”  
“Jade, I know.” She said again, her expression one of earnest. She placed her hand on the young girl's arm, the face staring back at her flushed from her impassioned support of her other guardian.  
“... and he'd never let anything happen to you." Jade said finally, her face suddenly serious. "He loves you more than anything.”  
Kathryn gave her a warm smile and brushed back a loose curl that had fallen across her face.  
“Not more than you.”  
Jade crossed her arms and frowned.  
“That’s different.”  
Kathryn looked up at the window above them, the stars streaking past over the top of her sofa. Whether it was her vantage point from the floor, or all the thoughts that were flying around in her head about her ship, her relationships and her place in the battle for the cosmos, she suddenly felt very small, falling quiet for a moment as she tried to quell the emotions that were stirring in her chest.  
“I appreciate Q’s affections," She whispered finally, "and I care for him very dearly but…”  
Her rhetoric was quickly interrupted by a groan from the teenager. Kathryn looked back to see her somewhat dramatically flop onto her back and shove the cushion she had been leaning on over her face.  
“Adults are so hard work.” She mumbled grumpily through the fabric of the cushion. “Can’t you just be madly in love with each other and live happily ever after?”  
The dream from the night before danced back into Kathryn's memory and for a moment, she pondered on the ramifications of saying 'sure, why not'. It had been a nice dream after all; the house, the husband, a family. Well, it had been nice until the the faceless man had woken her up. Perhaps he had been the spectre representing of all her responsibilities. But that was all it was, just a dream. Her reality, after all, was so much more... complicated. When she didn’t respond, Jade removed the cushion and lifted her head, a hopeful yet cheeky smile playing over her lips.  
“It could be my birthday present?”  
Breaking into a grin, Kathryn grabbed another cushion from the sofa and chucked it playfully at her.  
"Go replicate us some dinner, or you'll be spending your birthday on the bridge with Commander Chakotay."  
Jade pulled a face.  
"Aye aye Captain."


	44. Needle and Thread

As always, dinner with Jade was an enjoyable affair, a night full of lively conversation and laughter. Jade had spent much of their meal animatedly filling Kathryn in on the ship's latest gossip. The Captain wasn't surprised at how much she knew about her new shipmates; Tuvok had already alerted her in a somewhat irritable tone that the teenager spent far too much of her day roaming around the various sections of the ship and distracting the crew from their duties, suggesting perhaps it would be useful to her, and Kathryn suspected his sanity, if Jade had a more permanent and location fixed role during her stay. Most of the crew seemed quite happy to be distracted by the teenager however, as each day passed they grew more familiar and comfortable with her presence. As she did her daily walk around, Kathryn would spot her ward engaged in boisterous laughter in mess hall with Tom or Harry, shadowing B'Elanna in Engineering or sat on the bench top in sickbay swinging her legs backwards and forwards whilst the Doctor tried to work around her and pretend he wasn't enjoying the company. She slotted in along side them so easily, and it felt strange to think she had only been on board Voyager for a matter of weeks. Kathryn almost couldn't remember what it was like to not have her around, not share breakfast with her or spend evenings stretched out on the couch engaged in conversations both serious and silly. Through their nightly chats, she had found herself confessing to Jade the worries she had held as a Captain trying to get her ship home, her thoughts as a woman in a lonely untouchable rank, her struggles as a human in alien environment, things she never thought she would share with anyone she had told to this girl she barely knew. Chakotay had been right, it was not like her to let someone in so quickly, but it didn’t feel strange. Jade had been an avid audience, asking her questions, listening intently as the Captain shared her secrets, and offering advice where she thought she could. It was sweet how protective Jade seemed to feel of her; after all, she was the one that needed protecting. Knowing what the teenager had been through, what had been taken from her, that she had no mother keep her safe, Kathryn wanted to be there to help her heal. Still, she felt that the more time she spent with Jade, the more she felt like she was somehow healing her own heart too. All the loneliness she would never admit to, the heavy burden of a Captain lost in an unknown galaxy, the hurt caused by Chakotay, she wondered if she had needed Jade just as much as Jade had needed her.  
"Oh God, you never guess what!" Jade suddenly proclaimed, breaking the Captain from her thoughts. They had just finished dinner and Jade had been helping her clear the table. There had been talk of baking, since it was a girls night and the teenager had said that fresh brownies were the must-have dessert for such an occasion. Kathryn, hating any kind of food preparation that didn't involve replication, was grateful for change in conversation, even if it did involve Jade recalling how two crew members had been canoodling during their shift time earlier that day.  
"Ensign Talbot and Ensign Corrigan hey?" Kathryn grinned, her eyebrows darting up in surprise. “And how, may I ask, did you discover this?”  
"Well, I was coming out of the Jefferies Tube on deck seven and..." Jade began before her eyes widened and she pulled a face, realising she had been caught out. Kathryn raised an eyebrow.  
"And what were you doing in a Jefferies Tube on deck seven hmmm?"  
"Oh.. you know, just looking around." The teenager giggled nervously. The Captain sighed and put her hands on her hips, giving her a parental look.  
"Jade, every time you're somewhere you shouldn't be, I get an earful from Tuvok; try and stick to the turbo lifts okay?"  
"Yes Captain." Jade replied with an appeasing grin. Kathryn rolled her eyes with a smirk as she turned the girl around her gently patted her in the direction of the living room, suspecting that it probably wouldn't be long before she was hearing from her Security Chief again.

 

As a compromise, they ended up replicating brownies and spent the next few hours lying on cushions on the floor chatting lazily about all manner of things whilst stuffing themselves with gooey chocolate. Kathryn was distracted however; she had waited for as long as she possibly could, building up the courage to ask the question that had been at the back of her brain all night. It hurt her to break her young ward's jubilant mood but she had to know and there was no more putting it off.  
"So… we never did get a chance to talk about how you went with Tuvok the other night." She asked cautiously. Jade's smile immediately fell and she looked down at her hands with a frown, picking at the chocolate that was under her nails. When she didn't answer, Kathryn tried again. "Did it go... okay?"  
Jade took in a long breath followed by an even longer sigh, before rolled off her stomach and re-positioned herself crosslegged on the floor, pulling out the cushion from under her legs and hugging it to her chest.  
"It was horrid." She finally said in a whispered tone, her face crumpling into a sad frown. It was a unexpectedly honest answer from the usually evasive teenager and Kathryn’s eyebrows raised in surprise. She quickly sat up and mirrored her ward’s cross-legged position, quietly waiting for her continue.  
“I didn’t realise,” Jade then said, her gaze cast at the carpet before her, “I mean, I've been tortured by Fernand before, Q and I both have. He says something, you say something, he hurts you, and so on. You get a tolerance for it, you know? After he killed my family, I didn't think he could do anything else that would hurt me more than that. But this last time.. on the planet.. I knew how bad it was, but to see it… to see what he did to me…” Her pallor paled and Kathryn felt an overwhelming sense of rage and nausea at the same time.  
She leaned forward and placed a hand on the girl’s.  
“I’m so sorry Jade.” She whispered. Jade looked up and gave her a small but determined smile.  
“I’m glad I did it though.” She added reassuringly and squeezed the Captain’s outstretched hand. “I needed to see. I needed to see what I was fighting against, realise how strong I am for getting through it, you know? I see that now.” She nodded. “Fernand didn’t win. I’m still here. I’m still me. He didn't take anything from me, not really.” She took a breath, and Kathryn noted a tinge of colour finally flushing in her cheeks. “I never thought I was strong enough to come through all of that and not let it break me. Now I know I am.”  
Kathryn broke into a warm smile as her chest swelled in a manner she was unused to, her own cheeks pink and eyes glassy in the glow from the starlit window above them.  
“That’s my girl” 

 

They talked a little longer before changing topics, as well as moving up to the sofa after they realised that lying on ones stomach after devouring half a tray of brownies was increasingly regretful. Jade had immediately stretched out on her back and, leaning a cushion against Kathryn's leg, lay her head down. She had grown visibly tired since their conversation about her attack and now stifled a yawn as she wriggled to get comfortable.  
"You can go to bed if you're tired Jade." Kathryn chuckled, sweeping the girl's hair from her forehead gently as Jade closed her eyes.  
"Can I stay for a bit longer?" She mumbled with a smile. "It's almost my birthday, I want to stay up until then."  
Fat chance, Kathryn grinned, seeing that she was already in danger of being asleep within the minute never mind the hour. Still, she knew Jade's sleeping patterns were still irregular despite her protests so if she caught some precious shut eye on the Captain's couch, what was the harm?  
"Sure. If you like."  
"Tell me about when Q and you first met?" Jade then asked, her eyes still closed but a cheeky grin playing on her lips. Kathryn laughed.  
"You already know that story."  
"Tell me again? It's so romantic."  
"What? Cosmic power battles, bribery and suicide?"  
"Isn't that the backdrop to all the great love stories?" Jade grinned, opening one eye to check the Captain's reaction. Noting the steely glare, she promptly closed it again and wriggled as if settling down to hear a good tale. "No, I want to hear about when Q realised he was madly in love with you."  
"Jade..."  
"Pleeease?"  
Kathryn sighed and rolled her eyes. She hoped Q was out of earshot.  
"Pfff fine." She pulled the throw from the back of the couch over her ward, who giggled, clearly pleased to get her own way, snuggling back against the Captain's lap. "We had been travelling in open space for a few days and Harry picked up on sensors what appeared to be a comet moving erratically..."

 

Kathryn made it to their trip to the Continuum before she realised Jade was fast asleep. She had rolled onto her right and wriggled away from her further down under the throw, however one hand remained gripped, as if for security, on the end of the Captain's dressing gown. Kathryn smiled, and gently brushed her hair from her face. It pleased her that she looked so settled, as if she had felt finally comfortable and safe enough to drift off into slumber under the Captain's watchful eye. Kathryn was about to get up and fetch her a proper pillow when a voice next to her startled her.  
"You tell a very dull romantic tale Kathy. That's not how I remember it at all."  
She turned and found herself face to face with Q. He was wearing another one of his ridiculous sleep shirts and nightcaps, this one however was bright pink. Kathryn, despite her best efforts, couldn't help but grin at the ludicrous attire.  
"Am I too late for the girl's night?" He then asked with a smirk, clearly pleased with the effect of his presentation.  
"Actually yes," Kathryn replied and nodded at the sleeping girl next to her.  
"Ahh." Q chuckled, leaning across her. "I thought it was quiet in here. Hello by the way." He then added as he realised his close proximity to her face. He inched his body even closer to her; his expression devilishly sexy despite the pink outfit. Kathryn felt herself flushing red under his scrutiny, holding her breath at the anticipation of his touch. She felt half giddy and half embarrassed, almost like a teenager meeting a crush. They'd been so comfortable with each other the last time he been there and yet suddenly she felt unsure of how to act in his presence. This new state of intimacy that had been slowly growing between them was still so out of character for the Captain and the closer she got to the omnipotent, the less she recognised herself. Where had the by-the-book, assured yet solitary captain gone? She was dangerously out of her depth and it was an exhilarating yet confusing sensation. Q exhibited none of her shyness and with a excitable grin, he quickly leaned in and pressed his mouth to hers, forcing her to succumb to a long delectable kiss that caused her whole body to immediately relax from its tension.  
"Mmmm hi." She finally said with a giggle as he broke away, her mouth still tingling from the contact. "I thought you weren't coming ho..umm, back from the continuum until tomorrow?" She'd almost said home and immediately choked back the word with a sharp inhale of surprise. Don't get too comfortable Kathryn, she internally scolded herself. Q did not seem to notice, instead an expression of annoyance flickered over his face.  
"What is it?" She quickly asked, suddenly worried about what had vexed him enough to warrant such a look of irritation.  
Noting her concern, he hastily transformed back into the usual jovial demeanour.  
"Nothing. It is of little consequence my dear Captain." He replied in an airy tone and leaned in to kiss her again. Clearly disatisfied with his evasive response, Kathryn frowned and pulled away, raising an eyebrow.  
"Q..."  
"What?" Q tutted at her and folded his arms. "I happened to miss my girls if you must know." He scolded somewhat teasingly. "So I decided to cut my visit to the continuum short and come home to them. Is that alright?" He raised an eyebrow in a questioning look. It was hard to take him seriously or be mad at him when he was dressed the way he was, and despite whatever level of truth was in his comment, it was still nice to hear. Kathryn broke into a relenting smile despite her best efforts. Seeing this, Q grinned and tried again to secure his kiss, and this time finally she permitted it. She could tell there was something he wasn't telling her, she could always tell and there was of course always something with Q, but she also knew he wouldn't tell her until he wanted to. His cavalier use of the word 'home' had also taken her by surprise; he had used it without hesitation while she had shied from it even in her own internal dialogue. Was the thought so shocking, the idea of them all living with one another and being a family? She'd already grown so used to Jade being on Voyager, maybe Q could fit in there too? Maybe they could be happy there together, thats if Chakotay and Q could finally establish a truce? It could be possible, couldn't it? She wondered as they parted and Q stretched back against the couch with her in his arms.  
"Besides, it's been at least 24 hours since I've had the chance to insult your commander" He continued with smirk. "I really have missed it, it's like an old itch that just isn't satisfied until it has been scratched..."  
Kathryn sighed and rolled her eyes. Then again, maybe not.  
"Q..." she began in a warning tone, pulling away from his embrace. The omnipotent being immediately put his hands up in defence.  
"Yes I know, I know. You want me to be nice to your token tribal warrior."  
"When you are on this ship, you treat all of my crew members with respect and courtesy." Kathryn replied sternly, ignoring his taunt.  
Q sighed petulantly.  
"He just makes it so easy Kathy, you really ask too much."  
"Q, I'm serious."  
"Fine. I can't promise anything, but I will try." He folded his arms with a dramatic pout.  
"That's all I ask." Kathryn smirked, immediately rewarding his, albeit feigned, compliance with a kiss. Q eagerly ran his hands up into her hair and slid his tongue seductively against her own in a bid to turn the kiss into something more provocative before Kathryn suddenly remembered Jade was still asleep behind her on the sofa.  
"You might want to take Jade back to her room." She said, pulling back from Q's embrace and nodding over at the motionless teenager "She may be out cold but if she wakes up, she will never forgive us."  
Q rubbed the side of his mouth with his hand and grinned.  
"Yes, you are probably right." He nodded and stood up. "I'll go tuck her in, but don't get too comfortable Madame Captain; you and I are going out."  
"Out where?" Kathryn raised an eyebrow.  
"You'll see." Q replied with a wink. He leaned down to the sofa and picked up Jade, who murmured at the contact but didn't wake. "Fifteen tomorrow." He then said, a soft yet complicated expression crossing his features as he shook his head. "Where did the time go?"  
The mention of time prompted Kathryn to check the clock and note the time had just hit 00:02. She stood up to join him.  
"Fifteen today actually." She replied with a smile. "Officially a year older."  
The newly established parents looked down at their sleeping ward who lay curled up against Q's chest.  
"No matter how old she gets, she'll still always be our little girl." Q then said and kissed the crown of Jade's head. "Happy birthday kiddo."


	45. Save Tonight

Q and Jade disappeared in a flash leaving Kathryn stood alone in her quarters. It had been a tender moment shared between omnipotent being and herself, watching over their sleeping ward as she enjoyed her rare slumber in Q's arms. Kathryn had stolen a glimpse up at him before he had clicked his fingers, and felt a silly smile creep over her face as she admired her lover. He was still the same old Q, so familiar to her, and yet it was as if she was looking at him with new eyes. He was handsome, mischievous, caring, egotistical, complex; so many things that were both compelling and frustrating to her, and yet, at that moment, she wouldn’t have changed a thing about him, even the stupid pink nightshirt and cap. He was Q, and for the time being he was hers. Kathryn rolled her eyes at her own mental dialogue. How easy it was to get swept up in the sentiment, but she had to admit she was secretly starting to enjoy it. Part of her wished she could be as open with her affection as he was, to be as sure of her feelings and desires, but it wasn’t her way, at least when it came to her emotions. The Captain made decisions so easily in her command, but when it came to her heart, she was overly cautious and unsure. Perhaps she had been hiding behind her rank for too long. Rank was, after all, what had scuppered her relationship with Chakotay. Maybe if he had pursued her more doggedly like Q had, she may have eventually given in to him. Sure, he had revealed his affection for her but he could never bring himself to say ‘I love you’. Of course it was often implied, usually through some old tale from his tribe that communicated a message of love and respect, but he never said it outright. At the time, this had been enough for her, it was what she thought was appropriate given their working relationship, but now she wasn’t so sure. Perhaps she did need more? Q, in comparison, told her he loved her whether she wanted to hear it or not. While usually unsought, his declarations were plain and simple, albeit with some of the omnipotent being's usual poetic embellishments. Given half a chance, she imagined he would have plastered the ship with banners or organised a ticket tape parade through the corridors of Voyager to announce his undying devotion to her. While she was glad he had managed to maintain some level of restraint, she found his verbal declarations surprisingly refreshing. She always knew exactly where she stood with Q. Sure, he could be evasive in many ways regarding the Continuum or his crazy schemes, but when it came to his feelings, he was always, and often painfully, honest. It was nice to have someone unafraid to admit they cared about her and, however much she knew she was allowing herself to become too compromised by her emotions, she could no longer deny that her feelings for Q were casual affection.

 

Before she could give it any more thought, there was another flash and Q’s arms were suddenly around her waist.  
“Ready to go?” He purred in her ear from behind. Kathryn grinned.  
“You haven’t said where we are going?”  
“Questions. Questions.” He scoffed and put his hands to her eyes to block her vision. “Don’t ruin the surprise.”  
There was another flash and Q removed his hands, Kathryn found that she was no longer in her quarters. Before her was a large stand alone antique looking bathtub almost full to the brim with soapy water. Candles were dotted around the window ledges and vanity, and to the far right, a bottle of champagne sat in a holder with two glasses next to it. The new room was warm and hazy from the steam but comfortable, and the air was filled with the sweet scent from the bubble bath and the soft music that drifted in through the wooden door behind them. Kathryn felt Q’s hands tracing a line up her outer arms, and as his lips gently caressed the curve of her neck, her whole body began to tingle at his touch. Taking the sight in, she leaned back into his embrace, pressing her body provocatively against his own. Behind her, she felt Q shift at the contact and let out a satisfied sigh.  
“It’s been a while since we shared a bath together,” he then murmured in a seductive tone, “I dare say we will enjoy it a lot more this time around.” He wrapped his arms around her waist and placed his chin over her shoulder, peering at the tub before them. “Is it to your satisfaction Madam Captain?”  
“It’s perfect Q.” Kathryn grinned happily. She couldn’t think of anything else she would rather do, or with anyone else for that matter. She turned around and looked up at the handsome omnipotent being with a sultry smile. He had thankfully changed from his pink bedshirt and was wearing a black sweater and pants. It suited him and Kathryn couldn't help but run her eyes over his frame. Q appeared to hold his breath, his own gaze searchingly expectant, as she had noticed it often was when he did something for her he thought she would actually like. Placing her hands on his chest, she leaned up on her tiptoes, closed her eyes and kissed him tenderly. Her body felt drawn to his in an overwhelming way and the connection of their lips sent a shiver of electricity all the way through her. She pulled away slightly and opened her eyes again, meeting his own dark gaze with an wanting look.  
“Undress me.” She whispered. 

 

Q took great care as he peeled the clothes from the Captain’s skin. She allowed him to take his time, and enjoyed the look of concentration on his face as he did. It reminded her so much of the first time he had helped her undress, back on the planet when they had run together from Fernand's fortress. He had taken equally good care then too as he'd removed the dressmaker's silk from her body in order to inspect her wound. It had been the first time she had felt his hands against her skin; of course, her tumble had been an accident, but it had invoked a longing between her legs for him that had surprised, excited and mortified her all at once. She remembered the tremble in Q's hand as he had dressed her leg, he had been almost as nervous as she had been. Now, he undressed her as a lover would, one that was well comfortable with her body yet still in awe that it was his to caress. He made her feel desirable. He made her sexy. It was a new and entirely pleasant feeling. What she also liked was that she still felt that longing for his touch, that she was still as excited by him as that first night down on the planet. That she still wanted him as much as he wanted her. Q made short work of his own clothes and then got into the bath first, parting the steam as he lowered his deliciously naked self into the water and leaned against the far end of the tub. He then raised his hand to help her balance as she climbed in after him and watched with a cheeky grin as she slotted herself down between his legs. The bubbles raised around her as she leaned back against his chest until the waterline reached just below her shoulders. Once she was settled, he poured them both a champagne and passed her a glass.  
"Bet you didn't think I get you back in here again."  
"No." Kathryn grinned as she took the flute from his hand. "At least you are invited this time."  
"I think you'll find I invited you." Q retorted with a smirk.  
"You've got me there." She replied, taking a sip from her glass. The champagne was delicious and she promptly finished it off and indicated to Q she needed a top up. He chuckled before quickly downing his own and refilling their flutes. They sat soaking for a while, chatting and giggling at one another, as Q continued to keep them plied with more champagne. It seemed like a never ending bottle, not that Kathryn minded; it was the perks with dating an omnipotent being after all. Dating... she caught herself, were they dating? They had been seeing each other regular in a somewhat informal capacity and this was their second date off the ship, she mused, plus they had been engaged in nightly activities that were clearly against Star Fleet regulations; hell, they were raising a teenager together for gods sake. Feeling far from Chakotay and Voyager, and under the influence of a few alcoholic beverages, the idea dating Q didn't seem that bad. As if subconsciously trying to encourage this thought, Q's free hand which had been under the water resting on her thigh began to slowly make its way further north.  
"What are you up to?" She asked with a grin as he brushed the tip of his fingers between her legs.  
"Exploring." Q murmured as he began to plant kisses in the curve of her neck, all the while sensually circling his fingers against her under the water. Kathryn leaned her head back with a sigh, revelling in his affection. She felt so unbelievably relaxed, so content, so blissfully turned on by the attentions of her lover. Pushing herself up in the water, she then rolled over to face him and allowed her body to lie against his. Q grinned, his attention immediately focused on her mouth. Their lips were almost touching, a fraction more and she would be able taste him.  
"Hi" He said with a seductive smile.  
"Hi."She replied in an equally flirtatious manner.  
His hands were gripped against her buttocks to hold her against him and Kathryn could feel the tip of his erection pressing up between her legs.  
It was time for bed and both of them knew it. 

 

Kathryn got out first, followed by Q. She immediately missed the warmth of the bath water as the cool breeze hit her naked skin and caused goosebumps to raise across her body. Seeing her shiver, Q clicked his fingers and she was suddenly dry and dressed in a thick bathrobe. Kathyrn looked down surprised and then back the omnipotent being with a grateful smile, finding him dressed in a similar robe. He took her hand and led her out of the bathroom. Kathryn found herself walking down a long corridor, her bare feet slapping against the wooden floor boards as they entered a softly lit room. To her surprise, she realised they were in the cabin Q had brought her to for their first date. Having never been in any of the other rooms but the kitchen and living room, she hadn't realised, but she was pleased having found the place so cosy and comfortable in their prior visit. What was different from before, however, was that there was now a fireplace set in the wall where the bar cabinet had previously been. On the floor below, Q had set out thick blankets, floor cushions and of course more champagne. He clicked his fingers and the fire place spontaneously set itself alight, orange flames crackling away in an romantically atmospheric fashion. Kathryn looked up at Q with a grin, wishing to communicate how happy she was with his efforts. Q met her gaze with a soft and sensual yet questioning look as if he was anxious as to whether he was successful in pleasing her. In that moment she felt a little bad; Q continuously attempted to show her his affections, and never gave up no matter how much she turned him down. She was always looking for the agenda, trying to work out why he was saying and doing things, and what he hoped to get out of it. Instead, it was now growing increasingly clear that the only thing he hoped to get out of any of his actions was her. Kathryn still didn't think it was going to work between them but she also knew she was deep down wishing it could. She felt things for the man before her she could no longer deny, even if she couldn't bring herself to say the words. Maybe it was the champagne talking, but Kathryn didn't care; she needed to let him know at least something.

 

She took the champagne glass from him and placed it on the table with her own, before taking his hand in hers. Q gave her a questioning look and silently followed her as she led him over to the blankets. She turned and then, with held breath, slowly began to undo the belt of his robe. Q looked surprised at first but eagerly permitted it, allowing her to slide the dressing gown over his shoulders and drop it to the floor. Once he was naked, she quickly removed her own and gently pulled him down to the ground. Stretching him back against the blankets, she leaned in over him and softly caressed his mouth with her own, exchanging soft, seductive kisses with the omnipotent being. Kathryn was no longer cold as the crackling fire tickled her skin with its emanating warmth. A new surge of heat coursed through her body as Q ran his hands up her torso before reaching up to frame her face. They appraised one another silently for a moment, a small smile breaking out on each of their faces, unspoken words passing between them. Declarations. Promises. Unsaid truths. All communicated in a look. In that moment, Kathryn couldn’t imagine belonging to anyone else but him; it seemed like there was no-one exist in the universe but the two of them. Under the hand she had placed on his chest, she could feel his heart beating; beating for her, she thought. Everything he had done, it had been for her, for her and Jade; they were everything to him. Soon he would be leaving and she would have to re-erect the barriers around her heart, barriers that Q had torn down with his dogged persistence. She had felt his love with every word, every act, every passionate embrace despite how hard she had tried to resist it. She had felt him make love to her and still she had tried to pass off their actions as just a bit of fun. But now, for at least for tonight, even if this was their last evening together, she would let him be everything to her too. Yes, perhaps it was the distance from Voyager, their cosy environment or the numerous glasses of champagne, but either way, Kathryn knew what needed to happen next. 

This time it was her turn and she was in control. She knew what she wanted, what he needed.

Silently. Passionately. Sinfully slow and with the clearest intent. That night, for the first time, it was Kathryn Janeway who made love to Q.


	46. Set the prairie on fire

Outside the weather had turned and Kathryn could hear the rain hammering down against the side of the house, the wind howling at the shutters begging to be let in. Beside her the crackling of the open fire was a comforting juxtaposition from the outside elements. A smell of its ash lingered in the air and the flames tingled her face with the emanating heat. She grinned as she snuggled further down into the blankets, digging herself a snug cocoon from which she could enjoy the storm. Q grunted a little behind her as she shifted, his arm immediately tightening its grip around her waist over the covers. Kathryn was suddenly faced again with a familiar case of deja vu. It reminded her so much of back down on Fernand's planet. Q had been lying next to her like he was now, curled up against her in much the same way. Well… it wasn’t the same, not really. Back on the planet, she hadn't just engaged in what could possibly be described as the best sex of her life with the omnipotent being. She hadn't felt his hands tightly grip her hips as she had pushed him gently in and out of her. She hadn't felt him pull her body urgently and feverishly towards him when he clearly couldn't handle not being able to hold her. Back on the planet, she hadn't gasped and moaned softly when the sensation of Q inside her had become too much, her open lips still pressed to his as if he was to catch the life force that escaped her mouth as she came and swallow it whole. As for Q, he hadn't looked up at her in the way he had just done, proud and wanting. He hadn't rolled her onto her back and held her tightly against the floor, as he couldn't bear for any part of himself to be separated from her skin. He hadn't whispered that he loved her as she gave in to him in every way there was to give yourself to another person.  
No. It was clearly not the same, she thought, as a smile played over her lips, and was glad of that. Who would have thought that this would be where they were now? A mortal and an god, one time foes and now cosmic lovers, wrapped up in each others arms like they were destined never to part. Kathryn rolled her eyes with a grin. Maybe one day they would write songs about it.  
Over her shoulder she felt Q let out a gentle sigh, his breath tickling the curve of her neck. She knew he wasn't sleeping; Q didn't sleep after all. Kathryn wondered what he was thinking about, she wondered if he was bored always waiting for her to wake from her slumber. One thing that had surprised her was how much she had liked having Q sleeping next to her. it made her feel safe and relaxed, even before they had actually started sleeping with each other. With regards to their ability to make... this... what ever it was... more permanent, the question of Q's omnipotence was still a nagging factor playing on her mind. As an immortal being, he didn't sleep and thus there was no guarantee he would still be there in the morning. Kathryn had nowhere to go, she could never abandon her ship but Q on the other hand could go anywhere. And if they ever reached Earth, would Q stay with her, would she go with him? Would he wait that long? Q had once told her that decades could pass in his timeline when it was only minutes for her. Would he, a being with unlimited power who had the whole universe at his command, really be capable of living his life at the pace of a human? And could she live her life going to sleep every night wondering if Q would still be there when she woke up? It was a strong reminder of how different they were. Sure Q and Jade made it worked, but she relied on him, was dependent on him. Kathryn had never been dependent on anyone and she wasn't about to start now. Partners needed to be equals and Kathryn wasn't sure how that would work when one of them had unlimited power and could get bored and take off at any moment. She shifted awkwardly as her thoughts lingered on the secret dream she had enjoyed a few nights before. It had been nice, the idea of a human Q being by her side at night, the pair of them making their own little family with Jade and maybe... Kathryn shook her head; Q wasn't human, he wasn't going to be human, and they weren't a family, not really. Suddenly, the warm glow she had been basking in began to drain from her chest, leaving a funny churning ache in her stomach. 

"I can practically hear the cogs whirring in this stubborn head of yours." Q suddenly murmured into her hair. "What are you over-analysing?”  
The question tore Kathryn from her internal musings and she raised her eyebrows in surprise before she breaking into a reluctant grin as she realised her growing agitation had given her away to the annoyingly astute omnipotent being.  
“Nothing.” She pouted in jest, half annoyed that he somehow seemed to know her so well.  
“Hmm yes nothing, the sighing and the squirming sure indicated you weren't mentally debating anything." He replied teasingly.  
"A Captain does not squirm."  
Q planted a searing kiss just below her ear.  
"Yes you do." He then whispered in a seductive tone. "And its enticingly distracting."  
Kathryn grinned properly this time, closing her eyes and biting her bottom lip a little as he began to work his way down her neck with her lips.  
"So?" He added when she didn't reply. "What were you thinking about?"  
"You actually." She mumbled without opening her eyes  
"Mmmm," Q chuckled, "what a coincidence." He lifted his arm and tucked it under the blanket so he wrap it around her bare waist, his fingers tickling her skin as they danced across her navel. "I was thinking about you too."  
"Oh?" Kathryn tried not to giggle. "What were you thinking?" She somehow doubted it was as complicated as her own internal dialogue.  
"How to keep you here with me to do that over and over forever until the end of time."  
Me too, the Captain sighed to herself ruefully.  
"And have you thought how you might accomplish this?" She then asked, trying to mask the hope in her voice with a flirtatious tone.  
"Oh, I have a few ideas, and none of them involve your Captain's uniform."  
Q quickly rolled her over so she was facing him and immediately pressed his lips to her own. Although the movement surprised her, she happily gave in to his affection, the previous concerns that had been dominating her headspace suddenly muted by the sensations kissing him was creating. That was, of course, and like always with Q, he opened his mouth. 

"Oh sweet Captain," Q moaned into her lips. "You don't know what you do to me."  
Kathryn giggled.  
"I have some idea, believe me." She replied between kisses, feeling her whole body sing as he ran his hands down her torso.  
She felt Q grin but then, to her surprise, pull back slightly. She opened her eyes and saw him staring at her with a strange look.  
"I love you." He then said simply, with a smile.  
The statement caused Kathryn to draw a sharp inhale in surprise.  
"Q.." Unsure of what to say, she gave him an appeasing smile back and tried to quickly return to their kiss but Q pulled away again.  
"I do Kathy, and I will keep loving you even when we have to leave this cabin. Back on Voyager. Earth. To the end of the universe and until the stars burn cold, I will love you."  
God not this again. Kathryn felt her heart rate begin to rise. They had just shared a wonderful few hours together and during that time, Kathryn had felt things she didn't think she could again, but that was now. Later would be a different story. Voyager would not be as forgiving as the cabin in the woods.  
"I..." The words caught in her throat and she cast her eyes down to the ground, not quick enough unfortunately to miss the disappointed look grow on Q's face.  
"You are never going to say it are you." He sighed with a frown, looking up to the ceiling.  
"I can't Q. I'm sorry."  
Kathryn could barely stand to see what appeared to be genuine hurt on his face but she knew she couldn't give him what he wanted. It would only hurt both of them more further down the line. She had to be clear on where she stood. And yet, she wasn't clear herself, far from it in fact. She felt so many things when she looked at the man before her. Irrational, unexplainable things that her Captain's brain could never hope to understand, and yet she felt them all the same. Taking a slow breath, she placed a hand on his cheek and drew his attention back to her. "But.." She took a breath. "I'll never say that I don't love you, I just can't say that I do. It might not make sense to you Q but that's all I can give you right now." She withdrew the hand and waited nervously for his reply. Was this going to be another Chakotay? If she didn't give him what he wanted, he would move on like her First Officer had. It might make things easier in the long run but Kathryn wasn't entirely sure her heart would recover from it; having to choose between someone she cared about and her responsibilities again.  
Q gave her a long unreadable look before he finally spoke.  
"I always knew making you love me was going to be a challenge." He said with a smirk. "That's what made me love you in the first place." He reached for her and pulled her into his arms. "I guess I am going to have to work a lot harder to convince you."  
Kathryn should have known better, Q was never going to take no for an answer. He wouldn't give up just because she told him too. Unlike Chakotay, that wasn't his style.  
It occurred to her that she was surprisingly very relieved by that. That was dangerous and suddenly Kathryn knew she was in trouble. Her cheeks flushed pink and, despite her better judgment, she snuggled into the embrace.  
"Perhaps." She then found herself impulsively saying as she made herself comfortable in Q's arms. "You better get a move on and find out then hadn't you."


	47. Here, there and somewhere in between

From her position lying across Q’s torso, she felt him suddenly shift awkwardly underneath her and let out a long sigh; a movement which caused her to open her eyes. She lifted her cheek from his chest and stretched slightly to look up at him. He had the arm that wasn’t currently wrapped around her waist tucked back behind his head, and his face was creased in apparent irritation as he stared up at the ceiling.  
“Are you okay?”  
Q looked down at her with raised eyebrows.  
“Yes… Yes, sorry; I’m fine.” he then mumbled as he returned his attention to the wooden beam above him while absent-mindedly stroking his fingers down her bare back.  
“Q.” Kathryn pulled herself up onto her forearms, and wriggled herself up his body so she could look down at him and demand his full attention. “What is it?”  
The omnipotent being met her gaze, and broke into a smile as he appeared to note her concerned expression. Taking the hand she had placed against his cheek in his own, he rotated his head and planted a kiss on her palm. Then, with another sigh he sat up, taking with with him still wrapped in his embrace.  
“I’m not sure.” He added after a moments silence, scratching his chin with a pondering look. “Something, maybe…”  
Kathryn held her breath, trying her best not to look impatient. She pulled herself from his arms and turned to sit cross-legged in front of him. Q cast his eye down her naked torso and gave her a cheeky smirk, to which the Captain responded with a well practiced raise of the eyebrows that indicated for him to get on with it.  
“I think I might need to return to the Continuum.” Q’s face was suddenly serious. “Something doesn’t feel right. It could be nothing. I’m not sure what but perhaps I left too early.”  
“Why did you leave last night anyway?” Kathryn then gave him an irritable frown. “And I mean the truth Q?”  
“Ah.” Q appeared a little sheepish. “Yes, well, I may have been at the ugly end of a lecture from the Continuum council regarding my affections for you.”  
“Oh…” That hadn't been the answer she was expecting. Kathryn felt her cheeks flush a little pink and she glanced awkwardly at her hands until Q clasped his own around her face, sweeping her hair affectionately behind her ears.  
“Dearest Kathy, I’ve already told them there is nothing they can do that will change my mind about my feelings,” an annoyed expression then broke out across his features, “even if they do threaten me with mortality,” he then muttered.  
“Mortality?”  
“Yes, yes, but it’s all just threats.” Q added quickly, planting a kiss on Kathryn's lips before she could protest his statement. “And even if it wasn’t, I wouldn’t care. I know we can make it work between us, despite what the Continuum says.”  
He looked so confident that it made Kathryn feel bad for her earlier mental dialogue. Despite this, however, they were legitimate concerns that still simmered below the surface of her newly explored affection for Q; concerns that were apparently now shared with a race of omnipotent beings.  
“We do really need to talk about that by the way,” she mumbled awkwardly, “about where this is going, what we are going to do…”  
“Yes, yes, we will, but not right now my love.” It was clear Q already endured enough of the topic, whatever that had actually entailed, in the Continuum and was no mood to re-hash it with her now. Instead, he flashed her a devilish grin and pulled her back into his arms. “I would much rather discuss all the things I plan on doing to you this morning instead.”  
Despite her best efforts, Kathryn couldn't help but giggle as he excitedly pressed his lips to her own and tried his best to pull her back down onto the blankets. Finding herself lying back down on top of her wayward lover, she suddenly noted the tightness that was still present around his eyes.  
“You’re worried,” she said, pulling away from his embrace with a sigh. Q pulled a face but she continued anyway, running a hand through his hair gently despite his look of irritation. “Go on, go back to the Continuum. Its almost morning and Jade’ll be up soon. I’ll have some breakfast with her and you can catch up with us when you are ready. I need to be on the bridge while the crew are on their shore leave anyway so you can spend all afternoon with her before the party.” She planted a kiss on his pouting mouth. “Jade won’t mind, and besides, she won't have your full attention anyway if your mind is back on what is happening in the Continuum.”  
Q hesitated and then broke into a reluctant smirk.  
“You are annoyingly wise for a mortal, have I ever told you that?”  
Kathryn grinned back at him.  
“Actually yes, and yet you never listen to me.” She teased.  
Q let out a dramatic scoff and rolled his eyes. This was followed up with an expression that seemed to be a mixture of adoration and appreciation, one that made made Kathryn blush under his appraisal. Q then drew her face close to his again.  
“If you think that," he added between gentle kisses, "then you don’t know me at all.” 

 

****

 

Kathryn finally escaped from Q's embrace and headed to the bathroom to collect her clothes. A fresh new morning light streamed into the darkness of the corridor, casting a hazy golden shadows up the walls to illuminate her way. Ahead of her, a cool breeze drifted through the air that made the hairs on her skin stand on end. She wished she’d grabbed her robe from floor on the way out of the living room but Q’s insistence on trying to attach himself to her backside as she made for the exit had caused her to forget. She tiptoed down the wooden floored hallway, arms crossed over her chest, trying to remember which door she had come out of the bathroom from the night prior. There were two doors on her right and one on her left. She shrugged and pushed open the one closest to her. It opened and she peered in to see a bedroom. On the side wall, a window had been left open causing the long white drapes to dance in the breeze. There was a large ornate iron framed bed in the centre of the room, made up with simple embroided linen, and two wooden bedside tables either side. The room looked strangely familiar and Kathryn was almost certain she had been in it before, although she was almost positive that she had never been through this door the last time Q had brought her to the cabin. Hesitantly, she entered through the doorway, and looked around. There were no pictures or personal affects present, just basic furniture, and yet it somehow felt familiar and welcoming to her. It was comfortable; almost like she felt at home there. She sat down on the far side of the bed from the window and stared at the space on the blanket next to her. Running her hands along the fabric, she could imagine trailing her fingers across Q's bare back as he slept peacefully next to her... Wait... slept? Why had she imagined that? It was almost like... No, it couldn’t be? Kathryn quickly pulled back her hand and looked back at the window; the dancing drapes sparking a memory in her mind. This was the bedroom from her dream, the dream in which she had imagined a whole other life; one with a family, one where she had been married to Q and he had been mortal. She jumped off the bed and ran back out into the corridor, and across to the door on the other side of the hall a little further down. Opening it, she saw an empty bed in the corner of the room with a chest next to it. The room was clean; no books, no photo frames, no messy trace of a teenager. Yet still... this was the room that she had remembered seeing Jade curled up in asleep.  
A pair of hands suddenly appeared her waist, just like the faceless man had done previously. Kathryn felt her whole body run cold and she jumped with the shock, spinning around to find a slightly puzzled looking Q staring back at her.  
"Are you okay?" He asked, a bemused expression crossing his face as he noted her breathless and yet very underdressed appearance.  
"Yes," Kathryn nodding with a stammer, her mouth suddenly dry from the fear that had, for a moment, gripped her entire body. "Q, what is this place?"  
"It's just a cabin that I..."  
"I've seen this place before." She cut in almost accusingly.  
Q raised an eyebrow.  
"I know, we were here a few days ago."  
"No," Kathryn ran a hand through her hair frustratedly. "I mean, these rooms... I have seen these rooms and I have never been in them. How is that possible?" Realising that, based on Q's expression, she wasn't making any sense, she tried to explain. "In my dreams. I was here; I saw you, and Jade, and you were..." She was about to say 'my husband and daughter' but the words got stuck in her throat. To share with Q the intimate scenario her mind had created went against every rational thought in her head. She hadn't even wanted to admit it to herself and yet here she was, stood in the centre of a world she had created. It wasn't real and yet the emotion attached to it was overwhelmingly disorientating. How did one even begin to explain that?  
When she didn't reply, Q placed a hand on her shoulder, a concerned expression now apparent on his features.  
"Jade and I stayed here a few times when we were hiding from Fernand." He then said. "I know she was particularly fond of it; I think it reminded her of home. Perhaps, when your minds were joined, she left an imprint of it on your memory?" He added with a shrug.  
"I guess..." Kathryn frowned. That did make sense, she supposed. Jade had told her that she hadn't had much control over what she had been able to share while under Fernand's sedation. But things she had seen and felt, had been so personal to her, not Jade. Was that really the result of a memory imprint? Her eyes caught her own reflection in the mirror on the wall and her hand instinctively went to her stomach. Suddenly, without all the things that made the space so meaningful to her present, she felt a bitter sadness in her chest that threatened to overwhelm her. Q appeared in between herself and the mirror, and tilted her chin up so she would look up at him.  
"Perhaps we can come back here again," he said with a smile, "all of us, when things die down a little. Only if you like it?"  
Kathryn stared back at her lover for a moment, finding a steadiness in his gaze that was new and yet undeniably comforting. If the appearance of this place had been a result of Jade's memory then she knew what the young girl craved; a safe place to call home, people who loved her, a family. They were things that Kathryn secretly craved too, for both her young ward and herself. Sure the dream wasn't real, but the sentiment had been... or at least it was becoming more real, she mused as appraised the omnipotent being before her. Maybe the family would one day be real too? Could it really be Q that would take that place permanently beside her in the bed? Her brain had always told her no, absolutely not... but now her heart was whispering something else. Something secret. Something she dared not utter even to herself. Although she did not answer Q's question, she placed her hand in his and planted a kiss on his cheek in response. Q gave her a look that seemed to indicate her reply was satisfactory for now and, after kissing the back of her hand with his usual flourish, he clicked his fingers and in a flash the cabin in the woods faded into a beam of white light.


	48. Hurt

Q deposited Kathryn back in her quarters and, after launching himself on her for one final lingering kiss, he disappeared in a flash of light. Kathryn’s mouth tingled from the contact even after he had left, a sensation that made her grin stupidly to herself. She looked around the room and tried her best to reinsert herself back into her regular life. It was hard when she mentally felt like she was far away from Voyager, still caught somewhere deep within the sleepy, sexy, relaxed state one often experiences when basking in the after-glow of some excellent holiday sex. She stretched, her open robe stretching like wings either side of her body, and ran her hands through her hair. Come on Kathryn, she told herself, time to get it together. Yawning, she checked the time. The clock read 0650; the birthday girl would soon be there for breakfast. Kathryn couldn’t wait to gather Jade up in her arms and give her the biggest embrace. It strangely felt like an age since she had seen her, despite it only really being a matter of hours, and she was suddenly taken with how much how much she was missing her young ward, how sad it felt to not have her bouncing around her quarters chatting away over her coffee as the Captain got ready for her shift. Kathryn made a mental note to speak to Tom as soon as possible about the plans for the evening, already determined that this was going to be the best birthday Jade had ever had. 

 

The door alarm chirped, causing Kathryn to look up in surprise. Jade usually just entered unannounced, although with Q and the Captain’s increasing level of intimacy, she wondered if the teenager was worried about walking in on her surrogate parents engaged in something that might “mentally scar her for life”, as she often quipped at breakfast. The Captain grinned, remembering her rolling her eyes and feigning horror whilst struggling to hide how unbelievably excited she was that her guardians were finally growing closer.  
Heading to the replicator to make the poor girl a coffee, she sounded the all-clear.  
“Come in!”  
Behind her, she heard the doors open at the same time as the two cups of coffee materialised. Kathryn picked them up and turned to meet what she thought was an arriving Jade but instead found herself face to face with Commander Chakotay.  
"Commander?" She couldn't help but sound surprised. Of course, it was not supposed to be unusual that Chakotay should visit her quarters, he used to stop by fairly regularly before their shift, but after his last visit, she'd imagined it would be a long time before he'd choose to return there voluntarily. Their conversations since that evening had been, at best, formal and curtly civil, and all in the safe neutral space of the bridge or her ready room. Chakotay raised his eyebrows at her slightly elevated pitch.  
"Did I come at a bad time?" It had almost sounded like there was a tinge of humour to his greeting but his face gave nothing away. His eyes seemed to quickly scan the room for signs of other guests before finally coming to rest on her, appearing to appraise her long messy hair and rather revealing night dress with a curious interest. Kathryn looked at either mug and then down at her attire, feeling her cheeks flush red.  
"No, I was just expecting Jade." She mumbled, putting the coffee down on the table so she could wrap her robe hurriedly around her body. Chakotay watched as she covered up but said nothing, and soon an awkward silence fell between them.  
Suddenly, Kathryn began to feel annoyed. What? She frowned irritably, are we now out of words? Have you have come to just stand and silently judge me instead?  
"What can I do for you Chakotay?" She then asked in a short tone, running a hand through her hair and pulling her loose tresses into some sort of order over her left shoulder. Chakotay came a little closer towards her, his movements seeming cautious and deliberate, as if he had planned every step prior to his arrival. He paused at the dining table, and placed his hand on one of the coffee cups, turning it around a few times. Kathryn folded her arms.  
“I thought we should talk about the other night.” He then finally said, turning to lean back against the dining chair as he granted her one of his famous brooding expressions.  
“I think we have said all we need to for now Chakotay."  
"We did used to be able to talk to one another didn't we?" His tone, although soft and measured, now sounded a little clipped.  
"Of course, I hope we still can." Kathryn replied, trying to keep her own even and calm.  
"Then I think we need to talk about us." He responded, and folded his arms.  
Kathryn sighed. She really didn't need this again. Go away Chakotay, I'm too tired, she thought. It's hard enough enough with the whirlwind of emotions Q causes, I don't need this from you too...

“Look, I don't think this is the time or the place. I am certainly neither dressed nor caffeinated appropriately for such a conversation..." She exclaimed in an exasperated voice and shook her head.  
“Jade will be here soon. Can we please just do this later?"  
Hoping he would get the message that she wanted him to leave, she began to pick up the cushions left on the floor from her sleepover with Jade. Before she could stand up, she suddenly felt Chakotay’s hands on her bent hips, his body coming to stand in what felt like an extremely intimate position behind her. Kathryn’s breath caught in throat and she raised herself slowly upright, all the hairs on the back of her neck now standing painfully on end.  
“Chakotay…”  
"Kathryn."  
She turned to face him and before she could question his actions, he leaned in and kissed her. The unexpected contact ran a jolt of electricity through her mouth causing kathryn pulled away in surprise.  
“What are you..”  
Chakotay tried again, this time gently placing his hands on her cheeks and bringing her face to his. Kathryn could feel her bottom lip tremble slightly as his brushed gently against her own. It was a kiss that was wrapped up in so many years of tension, whispering not only of a forbidden unsaid emotion that they had forever danced around but a new untapped desire that seemed to bubble from her Commander’s core. When she didn't resist him, he gently kissed her again and then again. For so long, this was what she had wanted, what she had craved every time she had allowed herself to gaze at him across the bridge, to feel him wanting her as much as she had always wanted him. Here they were, finally giving in to the connection they had felt since the day they had met... but somehow it wasn’t what she thought it should be like. She had expected to swoon and fawn but instead she felt sick, as it kissing him physically hurt her. Unlike the excited flutters she had experienced when kissing Q for the first time, this felt more like an overwhelming lurching feeling in the pit of her stomach. She opened her eyes and saw Chakotay’s hazel gaze meet hers expectantly. These were eyes she knew so well but they were not the ones she was now used to staring back at her at such close proximity. Those eyes, of course, were now Q’s; eyes that were dark, earnest and endless. They looked into hers with affection and admiration, and somehow, over the last month, she had come to know them in a way she didn’t think was possible. It almost felt like a betrayal staring back at Chakotay’s now. How pained Q's eyes would look if he knew what the Commander and she had just done.  
“I can’t do this.” She gasped pushing him away. Chakotay looked startled, a expression of confusion flashing across his face.  
“But this was what we wanted?" He said, appearing dumbfounded by her response.  
Kathryn closed her eyes and shook her head, trying to make sense of the thoughts that were rushing madly through her brain. This was what she had wanted, what she should still now want. Why was Q stopping her from giving in to a fantasy that she had never thought would actually be realised.  
“Yes… Maybe...Once.” She then added and opened her eyes again.  
Chakotay's eyebrows shot up and he stared at her with a hurt expression.  
“But not any more?”  
Kathryn didn’t answer. She didn't know how. It was so unfair! She had loved him and he had left her; he had run off with Seven and left her alone. What did he think? She was going to die old and alone, all the while pining for her lost love? Maybe she was supposed to, maybe that was what she thought she was going to do as well. That was until Q had come along of course... but her feelings for him weren't supposed to be real and they certainly weren't supposed to get stronger. It wasn't supposed to be like her affection had been for Chakotay... so why could she now not get him out of her head? If she said yes to her Commander, things could go back to the way they were, they would go back to the way they were together. Was that enough? Could it be enough for her after everything she had been through, after everything she had experienced with Q? Sure she knew it was realistically the safest option, the safest way to maintain the functionality of her life here in the Delta Quadrant, but why was it that what now felt safest to her was to be tucked up in the omnipotent being's embrace? Chakotay placed his hands on her shoulders in the way he used to do when they only had each other to think about, gently pressing his lips to her forehead. Kathryn suddenly remembered after the last time he had been in her quarters, the sensation of Q pulling her into his arms, kissing her face gently and telling her everything would be alright after the Commander had left.  
"I love you Kathryn, you know I do." She heard Chakotay whisper into her hair. "You and I are supposed to be together. We are supposed to bring this ship home together. I can't let you be with Q, I can't. You should be with me, and I with you." Kathryn looked up in time to see his face screw up in frustration. "You told me once you loved me, and I know you still do; why won't you just admit it?"  
“Because..." her voice cracked as she stared into his eyes, "because we made a decision that this was not going to be our future. Because of Seven. Because of our crew. Because of Jade and... “  
“Q?” Chakotay raised an eyebrow, an expression of annoyance flashing over his face. Kathryn sighed, and tried to find the words to respond.

Yes Chakotay. Because of Q. Is that what you want to hear?, she thought.  
Because he loves and respects me.  
Because I care about him and I can't bear to hurt him.  
Because it would break my heart to not to have Jade and him in my life.  
Because... Because...  
Oh god... 

Because I think I'm in love with him...

 

There was a whooshing sound behind her and Kathryn was suddenly jolted out of her mental tailspin by the realisation that the door to her quarters had just opened. She froze momentarily in Chakotay's arms before slowly looking over her shoulder to see Jade stood in the doorway, her face locked in an expression that seemed to portray surprise and confusion at the same time.  
“Jade, there you are.” Kathryn stammered, quickly pulling away from her Commander's embrace. She forced a smile and moved towards her with out stretched arms. “Happy...”  
Jade immediately took a step back putting herself out of the Captain’s reach, an angry frown crossing her face. Kathryn felt her breath catch in her throat as she realised what her ward was thinking, what it must have looked like when the doors opened. Jade, after all, had been asleep when Q had returned early from the Continuum, she didn't realise the Captain and he had spent the night together, that it was Q who had caused her state of sleep deprived dishevelment. All she saw was Kathryn in her nightgown, in the arms of the Commander, a clearly intimate moment.  
“Jade...” she began, but the young girl shook her head. Her stare flickered to the Chakotay who had adopted a somewhat sheepish expression.  
"Umm.. the Captain and I were just..." He began before the girl interrupted him.  
"Oh I can see what you were just doing." She snapped, her cheeks turning red, "and don't worry, I'll give you more than a minute."  
"Jade!" Kathryn barred her path as she tried to leave. "This is not what you think it is."  
"What is it then Captain? Cause it looks very much like you were betraying the man who loves you."  
The words cut her deep but not as much as the ice cool glare that the teenager currently had fixed on her, a stare devoid of any affection, a stare that was designed to hurt. Kathryn wanted to be angry at her; she had, after all, never sought Q's affections, nor encouraged them. She didn't want Q to love her. Hell, look at the chaos it had caused... but she couldn't be mad at Jade. In fact, in that moment there was nothing more she wanted to do that grab hold of the girl and hug her. She took a breath to steady her tone.  
"It's not like that."  
“This is complicated," Chakotay cut in, "you’ll understand...”  
“What? When I’m older?" Now the fierce glare was directly at him. "No, of course Commander." Jade's eyes narrowed and she adopted a sarcastic sneer. "What could I possibly know about men getting what they want.”  
Chakotay's eyes widened as he realised the intent of her statement.  
“Jade, this is not like that.” He began, placing his hand on her shoulder. Jade immediately pushed it off.  
“Don’t you touch me.”  
Chakotay raised his hands and backed off slowly.  
“And you...” She turned back to the Captain and took a gulping breath, the emotion of the situation finally seeping through her practiced hard persona. As the teenager's eyes brimmed with tears, Kathryn’s heart broke seeing the hurt now etched in her face. “I thought we were going to be a family.”  
Jade’s voice broke a little and she then let out a long sigh, dropping her her gaze to the floor. “I guess I was wrong.”  
“Jade...”  
“Just forget about it.” She pushed passed the Captain and ran out of the quarters, the sound of the doors sliding shut behind her cutting into the Captain's heart like a knife.


	49. Born under a bad sign

Before Jade had opened her eyes that morning, she had been dreaming. Dreaming of a dark wood, of grabbing hands in the impenetrable darkness. Up the mountain, through the forest, she ran and ran. Run and hide, run and hide, the mantra screamed at her from the deepest recesses of her mind. Keep going. You are almost there… She tripped and hit the dirt with a thud. The taste of earth and blood flooded her mouth and nose, a painful ringing burst in her ears as her skull seemed to reverberate from the impact. She rolled onto her back and wearily roll to a seated position. Suddenly, she wasn’t in the forest anymore. She was on her bed in the old cabin. Familiar. Safe. A sanctuary. How had she gotten here? Did it matter? She sat up, and swung her legs over the side of the bed, dangling them off the edge almost like a child. A creak at the doorway made her freeze. The door had opened, a dark shadow looming tall against a harsh light that hurt her eyes. A figure. She knew… she always knew… for he was always coming for her and he would never stop. The Faceless Man. The Master. She could not see his eyes but she knew the black figure was staring back at her, his physical force reaching out as if trying to absorb her with his gaze. Behind her, she felt hands and breath.  
“Ohhh baby bird?” Someone whispered in her ear. “Something tells me you are not where you are supposed to be.” Fernand’s voice crept over her skin as if it were ice slowly freezing water. “Where are you?”  
Jade’s heart hammered so hard in her chest, she couldn’t breath. The room began to spin as the shadow approached. Hands crept over her body. Breath. It was too fast. She couldn’t stop it. She could feel… so much… too much. Ringing. Screaming.  
Gasping for breath, she scrunched up her eyes and clasped her hands to her ears.  
I can’t..  
I…

“Wake up.”  
A new voice.  
It whispered in her ear with a light but urgent tone, cutting through Fernand’s like a knife into butter.  
“Wake up Jade. Wake up!”

Jade sat up with a start, sucking in air desperately like she was fighting for her last breath. Her whole body was radiating heat, beads of sweat rolling down her back and arms, and soaking her blanket and sheets. Taking a long slow inhale and exhale, she bent up her knees up and rested her forehead against them, steadying her breath and trying to cease the trembling in her hands and limbs. Water ran down her cheeks and, rubbing her eyes, she realised she had been crying; her throat felt dry and, as she cleared it, she licked her lips, tasting the salt from her tears.  
“B?” Her voice sounded hoarse and tiny in the darkened room.  
“I’m here.” Obi Wan said quietly. The spark was sitting cross-legged on the floor next to the bed. Jade peered meekly down at it.  
“Um.. thanks.”  
The spark nodded, and then slowly stood, coming to sit on the end of the bed.  
“Do you know what will happen if this Q finds you?”  
Jade sighed and dropped her face into her palms.  
“Jade.” Obi-Wan pulled her hands away causing Jade to look up with a startled expression.  
“Yes. I know.” She snapped, yanking her wrists from the spark’s grip. “I get ripped apart. Half the universe gets destroyed. Happy days all round.”  
“It is not a joke Jade.”  
“Does it look like I’m laughing?”  
The spark met her angry stare with disapproving gaze, almost as if it was a parent disciplining a child.  
“Look, B, you are not telling me anything I haven’t been already lectured about by Q and the Continuum a million times.” Jade then scowled, lifting her feet over the side of the bed and standing up. The old t-shirt she slept in was stuck to her back and she peeled it from her skin with a grimace.  
“These dreams mean something.” Obi-Wan tried again. Jade span around.  
“What B? What do they mean?” She cried. “Tell me, cause I’d love to know why I am haunted continuously by the nightmare of what Fernand did to me. Why I am stalked through my dreams by a shadow with no face. Tell me oh great enlightened, all powerful, ancient one?” She crossed her arms and tapped her foot impatiently. “Well?”  
“I do not know.” The spark finally said. It stood from the bed and crossed the space between them. It was strange seeing her own eyes stare back at her with so much expression that she didn’t recognise. After a long, complex look, the spark finally placed her hands gently on Jade’s forearms.  
“I am not trying to make you feel worse. I am just trying to help you Jade. It’s important to…”  
“You know what is important B?” The teenager raised a hand to interrupt. “Today is my birthday, and for once I just want to spend with my family, being a normal kid. Just for one day, I don’t want to have to worry about space villains, impending doom or my stupid destiny,” she closed her eyes in frustration, “so if you can’t think of anything else to talk to me about, just wish me happy birthday and go away, because I don’t want to hear it.”  
There was silence and, after a few seconds, Jade opened her eyes to find herself alone in her quarters. Fine, she thought, sulk all you want, today is not about you. For once, this was not about the spark. All Jade wanted to do was be with Kathryn and Q. They didn’t even need to do anything special, just be together. That’s all she wanted for her birthday, that's all she ever wanted; a mother, a father, to be a family. To most it wasn't much to wish for, but for Jade... she would have given up the whole universe for a tiny piece of home. 

 

***

 

An hour later, after Jade had stormed out of the Captain’s quarters and the doors had shut behind her, it felt to the teenager that any hopes of the home she had dreamed of closed with it. An overwhelming sensation of sadness dropped through Jade's stomach and a painful lump caught her breath in her throat. She stood for a moment with her fists clenched and her eyes closed, turning around in her mind the image of Kathryn and Chakotay wrapped up in one another's arms. He was holding her so tenderly, hands pressed around her satin nightwear, as she gazed into his eyes; the perfect picture of intimacy and closeness. Jade shook her head, wiping a single hot tear from her cheek as she angrily stormed away down the corridor. Had she waited until Jade had gone to sleep before calling the Commander? Or had he just stopped by and finally convinced her to succumb to him? Jade wasn't stupid, she knew the Captain and he had once had feelings for each other, and she knew that, at least for Chakotay, those feelings were not quite as resolved as he had convinced himself they were. It didn't take a genius, or indeed an adult, to work that one out; she had seen it written all over his face the night they had argued in the Mess Hall. Kathryn had also revealed a hidden heartbreak one night; it had tumbled out of her mouth in a series of vague stories and embarrassed admissions of emotions. Jade had known the man she'd refused to name had been Chakotay and this had concerned her for a little while as she watched the Captain fight Q's display of affection; but, soon enough, Kathryn and the omnipotent being began to grow closer, and Jade's hope of being part of a family with her two guardians also grew. Jade had spent so much of her young life trying not to feel anything, trying to be strong; she'd looked to the stories Q had told her of Kathryn as an inspiration of what it meant to be courageous and tough. Fernand's assault had almost broken her, however, and it had been the Captain who had gotten her through it, not with strength but with patience and affection. Kathryn had protected her, looked after her, made her feel like everything was going to be okay. Over the time she spent on Voyager, she found herself feeling with Kathryn a bond as strong as what she had with Q; and she began to see her more as a mother figure than just a protector. Before she knew it, Jade began to rely on Kathryn to take care of her, just like she had done for the five years prior with Q, and soon she realised she loved her just as much as she did her omnipotent guardian. Jade did not know how the Captain had felt, if she could feel as attached to Jade as Jade did to her; but she hoped if she had fallen in love with Q, she might hopefully learn to love the teenager as a daughter rather than just caring for her as a ward. Jade had never been close to her real parents, even before they had sold her to the Master. They had always treated her coldly, as if she was an outsider to the rest of the family, perhaps always sensing she was different. She had loved them of course, but she had never really felt truly loved by them. With Q and Kathryn, she imagined a second chance of being a daughter; a new life in a family where she was accepted... wanted... loved.... Such a life, she had craved with every part of her being for as long as she could remember.

Now she was storming down the corridor, trying to get as far away from that life as possible. She was an idiot; what a fool to think that the Captain of a starship would give two jots about her, this girl she had known for five minutes. She thought Kathryn might also want the life Jade saw for the three of them but of course she would put her own feelings for Chakotay over their makeshift family. This was the Captain's life and she had no room in it for wayward strays and their rebellious guardians, not when she had already had a crew to look after and a stupid tattooed lover to make goo-goo eyes at. Jade could not believe she had allowed herself to think that this could have been her life. Kathryn had promised it was all going to be okay, but it wasn't... how could it be? She was a host to an ancient being, bound to run for the rest of her days from a cosmic tyrant and a sadistic rapist. How could she ever expect to live a normal existence, and why would anyone want to be part of the life she was destined to lead? A host to the spark, a weapon to the master, a plaything to Fernand, a tool to the Continuum; she was nothing but a means to an end. Even to Kathryn, Jade thought as she tried to quell the sadness bubbling up inside her with anger, she was probably useful in some way too; a way to pass the time in the long journey home in the Delta Quadrant. She wished she had never come to this stupid ship. She wished she had never met Kathryn. Suddenly, she felt claustrophobic, like everything around her was a screaming representation of the lies she had told herself, of the life she was never going to have. She had to get out. She had to get away.  
Spotting a computer panel on the wall, she stopped in front of it and pressed the commands to access the personnel files.  
“What are you doing?” A voice next to her said.  
"Oh, talking to me again are you?" Jade retorted, not taking her eyes from the screen.  
"Jade..." Obi-Wan said in a warning tone.  
“You know what I'm doing.” The teenager snapped. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Obi-Wan frown.  
“You can’t leave the ship Jade, you won’t be under the Continuum’s protection.”  
“Hah, protection?” Jade scoffed. “Some protectors. Besides, it is you they are protecting, not me.”  
She finally found what she was looking for; access to the subroutine that tracked bio-signatures on the ship. She selected her own and tried to block it. The computer made a beeping sound back at her.  
“I need the Captain’s command codes.” She frowned, and then turned to look at the spark, who was stood next to her with its arms crossed. "Are you going to help?"  
Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow incredulously.  
"Don’t look at me," It replied somewhat shirtily, "I’m just along for the ride."  
Jade rolled her eyes, considering for a moment that her own sarcasm rubbing off on the ancient being was not such a good thing after all, before she turned her attention back to the screen.  
“Fine, I’ll just get it from the Captain.” She closed her eyes.  
“You promised her you wouldn’t read her mind again.” The spark warned.  
“Yeah well, she broke her promises, why shouldn't I?” Jade replied irritably, trying to focus on accessing the information storage of the Captain's brain.  
“While you are in there, maybe you should have a look at how she is actually feeling right now, what she was feeling when you walked in the door.” Obi-wan grumbled next to her. Jade sighed at the interruption and opened her eyes.  
“I’m not interested in that. I saw what I needed to see.”  
Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow.  
“You might be surprised. Not everything is always what it appears to be.”  
"In my experience, it usually is."  
"Human emotions can be... complicated."  
Jade raised an eyebrow.  
“Oh yeah, and exactly how many humans have you met, B?”  
The spark gave her a very decided look.  
“Just you, and trust me it is enough."  
Jade's gaze narrowed.  
“Well take it from someone who has known a lot more humans." She replied in a dangerous tone, closing her eyes, "When the chips are down, they are always reveal their true nature in the end."  
It took a moment but she quickly and carefully snatched the information she needed from the Captain's brain, and then entered the command codes into the panel. The computer beeped indicated her success; She was now untraceable on the ship. She began walking hurriedly down the corridor again, the spark keeping pace along side her.  
"Get anything else while you were in there?" It asked pointedly.  
"Nope, just the codes."  
"I think you don’t want to read her emotions because you promised her you wouldn’t, and that promise means something to you."  
"Alright Doctor Phil, are you going to do this all the way to the cargo bay?" Jade muttered, ducking down a side passage to avoid a couple of crew members walking the other way.  
"It means something because she means something," The spark continued, tugging on her arm.  
"I just read her mind, didn’t I?" Jade snapped impatiently as she watched the two ensigns walk past. She shrugged Obi-Wan off and continued hurriedly up the corridor once the coast was clear.  
"You grabbed a command code, that is not exactly the same."  
Jade stopped and turned around, her face flushing hot and red.  
"I didn’t read it because I’m not interested." She growled. "I’m not interested because I don’t care. I don't care because these people don't mean anything, so why should I care if Kathryn is in love Chakotay and doesn't give a shit about what that does to Q or what she thinks about me!"  
“Is that why you are crying? Because you don't care?” Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow, giving what looked like an incredibly human expression for a being that had only been practicing for such a short period of time. Jade froze and her eyes widened a little. She hadn't even noticed the tears that had began to stream down her cheeks. Feeling a flush of emotion that was somewhere between embarrassment and anger, she wiped her face with her sleeve. Hardening her features, she took a breath and gave the spark a cool glare.  
"I'm getting off this ship B, and if you are not going to help me, fuck off."  
Without another word, she turned and stormed off in the direction of the cargo bay.


	50. Best of both worlds

Kathryn had watched the teenager depart her quarters with a wavering mixture of emotions.   
From behind her, she felt Chakotay approach and lay his hands on her shoulders. The contact made her stomach sink and she shrugged angrily away from his grasp.   
“Kathryn, I…”   
“Don’t.” She replied tersely, her gaze still fixed on the doors.  
“But…”  
“I said stop, Commander.”   
Kathryn turned to see he had reached for her. He slowly lowered his hands, a mixture of annoyance and apprehension flickering over his face.   
She stared at him for a moment and then crossed her arms.   
“Answer me this question, if Q had not come along, would we be even having this conversation?”  
“What do you mean?”   
“I mean, if you hadn’t seen Q and I together, if Jade and he had never come here, would you have still suddenly decided to declare your undying love for me?”  
Chakotay looked surprised.   
“Well… I…”  
“Or would things have stayed as they are, you still with Seven and I alone.”  
“You are not alone Kathryn.”  
“Answer the question Commander.”  
Chakotay stiffened.   
“I don’t know.” He finally admitted, glancing down at the floor.   
Kathryn stepped towards him, her expression hardening in the manner that she used when she dressed down the most reckless of recruits.   
“Then how dare you come here and make demands of me, that I should love you and be with you, when your affection for me is nothing more than a product of your jealously.”  
Chakotay raised his head.  
“That is not true.”   
“Chakotay, you chose someone else. You didn’t want to wait…”  
“You’re the one who told me there could never be anything between us, that as a Captain you didn’t have the luxury of being involved with anyone.” Chakotay cut in angrily.   
“Yes, I also told that to Q. Several times in fact, and a lot more belligerently than I told you, and you know what Chakotay? He changed my mind. He had to work damn hard to do it too, but he never deviated in the declarations of his affections and he never stopped trying to convince me that he cared for me, no matter how many times I rejected him.”  
“I was respecting your decision.” Chakotay mumbled, his face an unreadable mix of emotions.   
“I know.” Kathryn sighed wearily. “And as my First Officer, that is exactly what I needed.. but from a partner…” She lay a hand on his chest and looked up at him, “I need more.”  
Chakotay's eyes widened a little and he clasped his hand over the one that lay on his chest. Kathryn could feel his heart pounding.   
"Kathryn, if we could only talk about this, I could..."  
"No, Chakotay," She pulled her hand away from his grasp. She had already wasted so much time moddycoddling the emotions of her Commander when there was only one person who needed such attention at that moment; the hurt expression on the teenager's face was still etched into her mind. "I'm done talking. You chose Seven, and right now I am choosing Jade." She straightened herself up in a manner that reasserted herself as the dominant rank. Chakotay immediately stepped back and turned to face the window stiffly.   
"Computer, locate Jade."   
"Unable to comply." The computer responded.   
Kathryn frowned.   
"Specify?"  
"Unable to comply."   
Chakotay turned around and gave her a questioning look. Kathryn took her comm-badge from the table and pressed it.  
"Janeway to the Bridge."   
"Tuvok here Captain." Tuvok's voice sounded from the receiver.   
"Can you locate Jade on the ship? The Computer cannot find her."  
There was a silence.   
"It appears that someone has accessed the personnel files and blocked her bio-signature from being read by the ship's computer."  
Kathryn frowned.   
"Can you tell who?"  
"You did Captain." Tuvok responded. Kathryn and Chakotay looked at each other in surprise. "It is your Command codes that authorised the request."  
Kathryn closed her eyes. Jade...   
"Jade must have taken the information telepathically." She said with a shake of her head, partially angry at her actions but mostly upset at how much she had obviously hurt the girl. Suddenly, a thought popped into her head, one that made her stomach turn over.   
"Tuvok, the first shuttle departure, when was it scheduled to leave?"   
"It already has Captain. They are due to land in a few minutes."  
Kathryn tried to steady her breath. If Jade was on that shuttle, she was already outside of the Continuum's protection. If they landed and she got away, there was no telling who would find her first. God, she wished Q was here. He would know what to do. In fact, this whole sorry mess probably wouldn't have happened in the first place if he had been.   
"Tuvok, hail the shuttle. Do not let them land without searching every inch of that ship. There is a possibility Jade may be on board."   
There was a pause and then a reply.  
"Yes Captain."  
"You think she is going to run?" Chakotay asked, breaking her from her thoughts.  
Kathryn felt her face burn hot and red, already terrified that she knew the answer.   
"It's all she knows how to do."

 

Jade had been hiding behind covered cargo in the hanger, watching Voyager’s crew members ready the first shuttle for their shore leave. This was her only chance. She knew it would only be a matter of time before Kathryn realised she had left Voyager and recalled the ships to have them searched. She had to make it down to the surface before that happened, then she was on her own. Her thoughts lingered on Q for a moment; he was going to be so cross with her, but it was not like he was here anyway. He had left her here on this ship with people who claimed to be her friend but in reality thought nothing for her. This would make things easier, he could get on with his own life without her. It would be for the best, he would see. The Ensigns loading up the ship disappeared for a moment and suddenly the room was empty. This was her chance. Jade moved forward to make a run for it but her feet were rooted to the ground. What was this? Her heart was pounding in her chest and she felt sick; a physical reaction to the conflict in her mind. She wanted to leave as badly as she didn’t want to leave, she realised. How was that even possible? She was angry, wasn’t she? Be angry. All the memories she had created over the last month danced around in her head; pulling pranks with Tom, assisting B’Lannna in Engineering, running experiments with the Doctor, curled up on the sofa talking late into the night with Kathryn… Kathryn… Jade felt hot tears spill out onto her cheeks as she thought about leaving the Captain. She wanted to be mad at her, she wanted not to feel anything for her but she wasn’t mad... not really. She was just disappointed. She wanted more than anything for Kathryn to be happy, she just wished that happiness could have been caused by being with Q and her, not Chakotay. In truth, she was so very tired of running. She thought now Kathryn, Q and she were a family, she could stay in one place, finally rest. That illusion now lay shattered, and a dangerous part of her mind just wanted it all to be over. Perhaps that was why she had wanted off Voyager? The Master would find her and do whatever he was planning to do, and then she would be gone. She would be stardust spread across the universe. No running. No hiding. No hurt. Would she then be at peace. Would it be like the peace she had felt over the last month, she wondered.   
“Jade?”   
It was Obi Wan. Jade let out a long exhale, a breath she realised that she had been holding for a while. She turned and saw the Spark was looking at her with a apprehensive expression, perhaps unsure whether it would be the recipient of more of her human anger.   
“Are you okay?”  
Jade dropped her gaze to the floor.   
“Yeah, I’m alright.”   
“You didn’t leave?”   
“Not yet.” Jade responded quietly, and turned to look back at the method of her escape.   
“Why not?”  
There was silence for a moment   
"I.. don't know."  
The cargo bay doors opened again and the Ensigns returned. They were in a jovial mood, clearly happy to be heading off on some shore leave and eager to depart. If Jade was going to stow away, she had to go now.   
"If you leave the Continuum's protection, the Master will find you."   
"I know."  
"He will kill you Jade." The Spark continued more urgently.  
"I don't care." Jade spat, wiping the tears from her eyes.  
"He will destroy everything. That includes this ship, all of your friends. Q and Kathryn; he will show them no mercy."  
"I..." The ship was departing, yet Jade couldn't move; she couldn't decide. She watched as the doors were secured and the shuttle lifted and flew out of the hanger bay doors. That was her only chance. She turned to Obi Wan, tears running down her face.   
"I don't know what to do. I need.. time.. to think."  
Obi Wan put its hands on her shoulders.   
"Yes, but not like this."  
Jade gave it a reluctant shrug, a defeated look on her face. Leaving via shuttle was no longer a choice anyway.  
"Come on. You know a place." The Spark gestured at a Jefferies tube hatch set into the wall.   
Jade followed its gaze and saw what it was referring to. Drying her eyes with her sleeve, she nodded. Voyager still had her back, and she would give her the time and space she needed to decide what to do next. Obi Wan vanished back into her subconscious as Jade opened the hatch and began to make her way into the heart of a ship that, despite how hard she now tried to resist, she thought of as home.


	51. La Vita Nuova

While she waited anxiously for news from the shuttle, Kathryn began her search on board Voyager in the hope that her ward had not actually left the ship. Chakotay, on seeing the worry on his Captain’s face and perhaps feeling some guilt for his part in Jade’s departure, insisted on accompanying her to help look. Knowing that Jade was particularly close to the Doctor, Kathryn decided to head straight to Sick Bay; the two Senior Officers walked side by side silently the whole way there, their previous interactions remaining, for now, off the conversational agenda.  
The doors opened and Kathryn found the Doctor in his laboratory.  
“Is she here?” She called as she hurried inside.  
“Who Captain?”  
“Jade, have you seen her?”  
The EMH shook his head with surprise.  
“No, I thought she was having breakfast with you this morning?” He replied putting down his apparatus and coming out to greet them.  
Kathryn pursed her lips tightly for a moment as if afraid all of her indiscretions would come tumbling out of her mouth like some involuntary confession. Chakotay gazed at her with a seemingly regretful expression and then turned back to the Doctor.  
“She is missing.” He volunteered, “We think she may have stowed away on one of the cargo ships that departed for the planet earlier.”  
“But it’s her birthday?”  
“I know, Doctor, I know.” Kathryn turned away from the EMH, unable to look at him. This was her fault. If anything happened to Jade while she was outside the Continuum’s protection, she would be solely responsible. She’d wanted to give Jade the best birthday celebration the girl had ever had, and instead she might have possibly just caused it to be her last.  
“She did say she thought she might have to leave soon but I didn’t think she would actually go through with it.” The Doctor continued pensively.  
“What?”  
Kathryn span back around and looked at him in surprise.  
“Actually I was going to come and speak to you about it. I was concerned, not that she was actually going to leave us but she seemed more distracted than usual…”  
“When did she say that Doctor? What exactly did she say?” Kathryn cut in.  
“Yesterday I believe; she said that she didn’t want to depart Voyager but she thought she would need to soon. She seemed very sad at the idea of leaving you Captain, I wonder what made her change her mind?”  
“We… um…” Chakotay and Kathryn glanced at each other for a moment, a flush of embarrassment evident on both of their faces, before the latter reluctantly continued. “There was a misunderstanding. Jade was upset.”  
The Doctor looked between his two senior officers with a puzzled expression and then a look of realisation crossed his face.  
“Ahh…”  
‘I can’t believe I’m suggesting this but maybe it is time to call Q.” Chakotay quickly cut in. “If she managed to get off that ship…”  
Kathryn shook her head.  
“We don’t know that yet, and anyway, the Continuum cannot track her, that’s why she needs to be watched at all times. There is nothing Q can do right now.”  
“Captain,” Chakotay insisted, giving her a very decided look. “He is her guardian, he has a right to know.”  
Kathryn sighed. The stress in his tone was very clearly on the word ‘He’. 

Yes, Chakotay, I am aware that he is her guardian, you have made that abundantly clear. And perhaps, If Q had been here, if he had been looking after her, none of this would have happened. But calling Q meant explaining to the omnipotent being why she had run away in the first place. Kathryn knew what Q would say, how he would feel, but then to have lost Jade as well? Kathryn sighed; she truly had failed both of them. 

“Tuvok to the Captain,” Her Head of Security’s voice sounded out through the comm system.  
Kathryn looked up with a hopeful expression.  
“Go ahead.”  
“The away team have searched the shuttle but found no trace of Jade. Although, Ensign Portman did state there is a possibility that she may have gotten off the ship when they initially landed.”  
Kathryn sighed and rubbed her forehead with her hand, the rising hope in her chest sinking as quickly as it had arrived. Chakotay was right, if there was even a slight chance that the teenager escaped out onto the planet, Q would need to be told. There was no escaping that now.  
“Mr Paris is requesting to be allowed to depart on the next transport so he can help continue the search on the planet’s surface.” Tuvok continued.  
That at least made Kathryn feel a little better; she knew Tom would be as worried as her, he looked on Jade as a little sister and he would not stop until he found her. It felt a little easier to know there was someone sharing the burden of her worry.  
“Permission granted.”  
There was a pause and then Tuvok spoke again.  
“It does seem more likely that Jade is still on board Captain. She would not have needed to disable the ship’s ability to detect her if she was planning to depart permanently.”  
Kathryn wished with all her heart that was so but image of her ward storming out as the doors closed behind her was etched firmly in her mind.  
“Tuvok, keep trying to override her modifications of the personnel logs, and continue internal scans on the ship for anything amiss. Tell Tom to report in as soon as he has any news.”  
“Yes Captain.”

“Captain,” The Doctor stepped hesitantly towards her, “Jade might be a little hot headed, but she’s a good girl. She knows if she leaves Voyager, it could put the ship in danger. I don’t think she would risk it, no matter how upset she was.”  
Kathryn felt her eyes water a little as she remembered Jade’s face; confusion, surprise, betrayal.  
“You didn’t see her Doctor.”  
“Captain..”  
“Q should never had put her into my care in the first place,” she then snapped, turning away. “I am a Star Fleet Captain, not a…” she almost said mother but the word caught in her throat. The Doctor gave her a long look and then cleared his throat.  
“Commander, might you give the Captain and I a moment alone please?”  
Chakotay raised his eyebrows and glanced at Kathryn as if seeking approval. She gave a small nod indicating it was okay for him to leave.  
Once they were alone, she turned back to face the EMH and put her hands on her hips.  
“What is it Doctor?”  
“Captain, do you permit me to speak freely?”  
“I didn’t think I could stop you even if I wanted to.” Kathryn retorted tersely. The Doctor winced a little, perhaps sensing he was treading a thin line with the dangerously wound Captain. He paused, took a breath and then stepped closer towards her.  
“Captain, since you activated me as Voyager’s EMH, I have recorded extensively my observations of the characteristics, psychological profiles and actions of this crew, yourself in particular. Initially it was due to my perturbation around the lack of protocols being followed and,” he pulled a face, “the crews penchant for getting involved in things that don’t concern them.”  
Kathryn raised an eyebrow warningly. Noting this, the Doctor cleared his throat and quickly continued.  
“As I got to know you all however and I found my place as the Doctor on Voyager, it became more about enhancing my ability to provide quality and holistic long-term health care to this ship, and in particular its Captain….” now EMH’s tone was similar to an exasperated parent, “… a Captain who has an alarming tendency to be both reckless and stubborn on many occasions, and has consistently demonstrated a cavalier attitude to her own personal wellbeing…”  
Kathryn folded her arms and pursed her lips but said nothing, the expression on her face indicating that the EMH should be very prompt in getting to his point.  
“Over the last month, the more time I spend with Jade, the more I realise…” He paused and then raised his eyebrows, “how much she reminds me of you.”  
Kathryn began to feel a little sick. She had hoped, during her guardianship of the teenager, to become a positive force in her life, to guide and nurture her in the absence of her own mother. But Jade was missing because she had allowed herself to get swept up in Chakotay’s attentions and be distracted by her own feelings for Q. Jade had looked to her for support and stability, but Kathryn had been too self-involved to be what she needed. She had been reckless and stubborn, and so Jade had been too. The Doctor was right; she was foolish to think she could ever be a mother to Jade.  
“If you are trying to tell me I am a bad role model Doctor I already know…”  
She sighed and looked down at the floor.  
“That is not at all what I meant Captain.”  
The EMH placed a hand on her arm, causing the Kathryn to look up in surprise.  
“She is kind.” He locked her gaze with a earnest smile, “She is humorous. She is brave. She is fiercely loyal. She is brilliantly smart and infectiously spirited. She’s terribly guarded with her emotions, but she would do absolutely anything for you and, if one can cajole her enough to get through her defences, she loves wholeheartedly and honestly, with the most hopeful intent. In all those observations I have made of her, in every single one of those traits, I see you Captain.”  
For the first time in her Captaincy, Kathryn knew she was going to cry in front of one of her crew members. A tear slid down her cheek before she could stop it. Then another. The Doctor broke into an affectionate smile, almost like a father gazing proudly on a doting child.  
“… and like her mother, she continues to surprise me,” He continued softly, giving her a knowing look, “and I feel entirely privileged to be in her life.”  
Instinctively, Kathryn placed a hand on the EMH’s shoulder, partly to steady herself but also to convey the appreciation for his words. The Doctor watched her silently, his expression serious as if he was desperate to ensure his meaning was being understood. She rewarded him with a small smile and squeezed his shoulder before letting go so she could wipe her eyes.  
“You give me too much credit Doctor.”  
“It is true, the stubborn and reckless nature could be from either you or Q. It really is very hard to tell.” The Doctor teased gently.  
Kathryn broke into a reluctant smirk  
“Q did say she really was the best of both of us.”  
“And he was right. She is the product of her parents and for that, you should be proud.”  
“I am proud of her, but that is not my doing. I am no mother to Jade.”  
“Quite the contrary Captain,” the Doctor replied. “Jade grew up on stories of Voyager from Q. She looked to you as a figure on which to model herself, even before she met you. Q and you are the reasons she is the person she is today. That is the product of your love for her and hers for you. It doesn’t matter when you came into her life. Family is more that just biology Captain, you should know that better than anyone; you made this crew a family after all.”  
“That is different Doctor, I know how to captain this ship, I know how to lead this crew; there are rules, and boundaries. With Jade… with Q…” she met the Doctors gaze, suddenly fearful of how much she was divulging, “I don’t know what I am doing. I feel… different… I feel vulnerable. I can’t afford to be like that Doctor, I can’t afford for things to change.”  
She turned away and crossed her arms. The EMH hesitated and then approached her cautiously.  
“Captain, I am probably overstepping here, so please don’t deactivate me but… the day Jade came on board, you had already changed, and that is not a bad thing. I saw a new hope begin to grow in you, hope that you could have more, that you could be more. You opened yourself up to the possibility of finally having something you didn’t think you were able to have.”  
“And what is that Doctor?” Kathryn muttered, still not looking at him.  
“A family. Motherhood. Love.” He replied. “Q and Jade love you in the very best possible way and you deserve that Captain. I, for one, am glad of it. I’m sure the crew would be…”  
"No, it doesn't matter what I want. I have responsibilities and that must be my only focus. I don't have the luxury of letting a fleeting encounter with a teenage girl change that. Once she is found, it is for the best that she returns to the Continuum where she can be properly cared for." She straightened herself and tilted her chin as she defiantly buried her emotions, "I must go Doctor. Thank you for the talk." She added and quickly made for the door.  
“La Vita Nuova Captain,” The EMH called out to her.  
Kathryn suddenly halted and turned to face him.  
“What?”  
“La Vita Nuova.” The Doctor repeated, and then closed his eyes to utter the words she had gifted to him after she had stood virgil during his own prior existential crisis ’On that book which is my memory, on the first page of the chapter that is the day when I first met you, appear the words: Here begins a new life’." He opened his eyes. "The night I first read those words, I made a choice about how I was going to reconcile my doubts, let go of my fears and live my life moving forward. I became a better physician and a better individual because of it. You helped with this Captain, you showed me that I could be more than just a hologram, more than what my position needs me to be. Now allow me to return the favour.” He approached her again. "This is your turning point. This is where you can decide to be more. You don't need to compromise between a life on Voyager, and a life with Jade and Q, you can have both."  
"How?"  
Kathryn stared back at her trusted physician, an expression of sadness and suspicion suddenly transfixed on her face.  
"Be a Captain. Be a scientist, an explorer." He approached her slowly. "Be a friend. Be a wife. A mother. Be you." He paused and gave her a warm smile. "Because all those things can be you Captain, they are you, it just took Jade to bring them together. She is your Beatrice. Not in a romantic way of course, but is there any greater love than a willing parent has for a child? From the day you met her, even in your nightmares, your love for her has changed you and I don't think you could go back now even if you wanted to. A parents love lasts forever." The EMH placed a hand on her shoulder, a little cautiously as if extremely mindful of personal boundary he was crossing. "We are far from Star Fleet Captain and we will be for a long time. Voyager's story is far from over, but perhaps it is time for a new chapter?"  
The Captain didn't say anything for a long time. The Doctor, in his long analysis of human emotions, did not recognise what he saw etched upon her features.  
Then, in a move that would still surprise him for many years after it occured, the Captain of Voyager leaned in and hugged him. It took the EMH a second to respond but then he smiled and placed his hands on her back. They stayed like that for a moment until her felt her stiffen, the personal moment between them passing as quickly as it had arrived.  
"Of course, it is hard to start a new chapter when we don't even know where our protagonist is." Kathryn then said, pulling away and shifting a little awkwardly at the rare display of affection she had just shown a crew member.  
"Captain," The Doctor raised his eyebrows. "It seems to me that if she thinks about it hard enough, a mother always knows where her children are."


	52. Labyrinth

It didn’t take long for Kathryn to work it out. The Doctor had watched her without interruption as she’d paced slowly backwards and forwards for a few minutes across the room. Then, hesitating at one of the sickbay beds, she stopped and stretched out of her hand, her fingers trembling slightly as she made contact the smooth surface. She could imagine Jade sitting cross legged on the top, her long messy black hair cascading over her shoulders, eyes as green as her namesake, grin as wide as a cheshire cat. If she had been sat there right now, she’d be giving her that look she often wore, unreadable and multi-layered in a way that often made it hard to tell if she was being entirely serious, a look that would always make the Captain smirk even if she was mad at her for pulling pranks with Tom or being chased out of the jefferies tubes by Tuvok....   
Kathryn lifted her head suddenly. The Jefferies tubes… Of course! Jade had been using them to move through the ship. She had mentioned in a conversation over dinner that she'd seen a couple of ensigns engaged in a romantic liaison on deck seven. If memory served her right, Kathryn remembered an atrium set within the tunnel network on that level that served as a pitstop for crew members carrying supplies through the ship. A surge of hope rushed through her chest and she hastily tapped her comm badge.   
"Janeway to Tuvok."   
"Tuvok here Captain."   
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the sickbay doors open and Chakotay enter. Her whole body bristled at the sight of him, the tensions from earlier in the morning still fresh in her mind.   
“Tuvok, you reprimanded Jade for using the Jeffries tubes to move about the ship last week didn’t you?” She quickly added turning her back to the newcomer.   
“Yes Captain," Her Security Chief replied, "not that the reprimand appeared to do much good.”   
"Do you remember where you found her?"  
"Coming out of an access point on deck seven on both occasions I believe."  
Kathryn let a smile release across her face; finally she felt like she was getting somewhere.   
"Understood. I may be onto something here, let me know if you hear from Tom."  
"Yes Captain."  
She took a breath and, with a new sense of cautious optimism, she turned to face Chakotay and the Doctor. The EMH met her gaze and, seeing the change in her expression, a smirk flickered over his lips. He offered a small nod that seemed to say 'I told you'. Kathryn granted him a grateful one in return. She then turned her attention to her Commander.  
“I think I might know where she is.” She offered and then quickly made a move towards the door before he could engage in further debate with her.   
“Should I…” Chakotay gestured to direction that he had come from, his expression unusually hesitant for the Marquis.  
Kathryn pulled a face.  
“I really don’t think that is a good idea. She’s a little sensitive when it comes to you right now.”   
Seeing Chakotay’s face visibly fall at her words, she sighed and approached him. “There are things, things you don’t know. She’s been through a lot. I think it is best if I speak to her alone.” She added more gently. Her Commander was silent for a moment and then raised her gaze again to meet hers.   
“I know. I mean, I know what she has been through.”  
Kathryn raised an eyebrow in surprise.   
“She told me,” Chakotay continued, “Well, actually she kinda shouted it at me.” He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “We bumped into each other the night after you and I argued. I was… angry, but you know… I didn’t know. If I had known..” He then shook his head, an expression of regret flooding his features. “No, I shouldn’t have spoken to her like that.” He looked up at his Captain who said nothing in reply, her eyes glassy at revelation of his confessional. Chakotay stared at her for a moment and then gave her a resigned smile.   
“Just bring her home okay?”  
Kathryn was silent for a moment before finally reaching forward to place a hand on his shoulder. Granting him a small nod to acknowledge his words, she then turned and hastily departed sickbay to head in search for her missing ward. 

 

When she arrived at the deck seven access shaft, she was already terrified about what was going to happen when she eventually found Jade. How would the teenager react? How would Kathryn respond? She was experiencing such a plethora of emotions, the Captain was unsure how she was feeling. She was worried, frustrated and angry all at the same time. It wasn’t just Jade of course, it was Chakotay and Q too. Kathryn felt stretched in so many directions, but right now there was one way that she needed to go, and that was into the Jeffries tube. She reached for the keypad and then paused, a thought suddenly popping into her head. What if Jade wasn’t there after all? What if the Doctor had been wrong? What if she didn’t know Jade as well as she thought she did? Suddenly, the idea of not finding her was even more scary than not. The realisation hit the Captain like a blow to the chest, causing her to lean against her outstretched hand for support for a moment. The EMH was right… god, she loved that girl. From the very moment their minds were linked, she felt connected to Jade in a way that transcended any other relationship she had ever experienced. It was connection that went deep down to the pit of Kathryn’s stomach, to the furthest recesses of her mind. She had sensed how the girl felt, how much she needed her, and spending actually time with her on Voyager only amplified that feeling. Caring for Jade, protecting her from the worst the universe had to offer, seeing her break and helping her put herself back together, that had created a love so strong that Kathryn could feel it in her bones. It felt like the love of a parent and the sensation caused by the idea of losing her was all encompassing. Kathryn wondered if this was how Q had felt when Jade had disappeared from him on the anniversary of her family’s death, or when she had been taken by Fernand. He had seen her experience trauma too, and on that first night she'd run away, he had held her in his arms and promised to always be there for her, just like the Captain had done down at beach the day she’d admitted to Fernand’s assault. Q had become who Jade needed him to be and, without realising, so had Kathryn. The Doctor had been correct in that respect; how could she have ever possibly thought that her life could ever be the same? She had changed and this was the reason. There was no going back. Now that reason needed her and she needed to pull herself together. With a renewed sense of purpose, she lifted her head, opened the hatch and clambered inside. The Atrium wasn’t too far from the deck seven access hatch and, after a few minutes of crawling, Kathryn suddenly heard muffled sounds of speech echoing down the tunnel ahead of her. She recognised the voice straight away and immediately quickened her pace towards its origin. 

 

“I can’t stay here forever.” Jade said with a huff, casting an accusatory look at the cosmic being before her. The Spark and she had been holed up in a sitting space within the Jefferies tubes even since she had fled the cargo bay and she was getting restless. She’d happened upon the deck seven atrium during a previous exploration of the ship’s interior and had found it a pleasant place to bring a book and read when she couldn’t sleep. It was quiet and safe, and there was a strangely soothing sensation caused caused by the humming of the starships’s mechanics behind the walls. There was plenty of floor space to stretch out on and sometimes Voyager had even been successful in lulling her to sleep there. Of course, she had to be careful of the vertical laddered tunnel that opened to the far side of the space. Jade liked to dangle her legs over and occasionally drop replicated lemon sherbets down, listening in vain for the bounce against the ship’s metal belly. Often she wondered who was down on the lower deck and whether they were perplexed by the mysterious shower of sweets.   
“Well you could actually,” Obi-wan interjected, pulling an equally irritated expression, “if you actually acted with your head and not your temper.”  
“You know what I meant,” Jade snapped, “and anyway, since when did you get so acquainted with human emotions. You were practically on the rain man spectrum of personality when we first met. Do you even know what is going on here?”   
“I’m in your head remember.” The spark retorted, “To best ensure successful integration with my host, I observe, I learn and I adapt; a process I feel would greatly benefit you if you cared to try it.”  
“Is that right?” Jade crossed her arms and tried to hide a smirk, secretly amused that what the spark seemed to have learned most from listening to her was a mastery of sarcasm.   
“Currently, I’m learning how stubborn you are.” Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow.   
“Well adapt to it B; I’m not going to be lectured by a being that can’t even manage corporeal form.” Jade waved her off. She didn’t have time for this, she needed to work out what her next move was going to be. That time to think wouldn’t have long however as Obi-wan froze and looked over its shoulder.   
“You’ve got company.”   
Jade felt her eyes close against her control. With a frown, she forced them open and, as her vision returned, she saw Voyager’s Captain on all fours at the entrance of the adjacent jefferies tube staring at her. Jade’s gaze narrowed and she folded her arms.   
“What are you doing here?”  
“Oh, you know. Just out for a stroll.” Kathryn pulled herself through the entrance into the atrium and dropped down onto the metal floor. Her face was flushed, partly from the journey, but predominantly from the overwhelming sensation of relief she had experienced from finally locating her missing ward. She dusted off her knees and straightened herself up. Jade remained seated, eyeing her cooly.   
“Who were you talking to?”  
“No-one,” was the short reply.   
“Jade…” Kathryn came around the walkway and stood in front of her. She wanted to wrap her arms around the girl in relief but seeing the look on the Jade’s face, she suspected they had a while to go before that would be acceptable.   
“I best be going.” Jade quickly added and made a move to stand.   
“Not off this ship I hope.” Kathryn quipped, putting her hands on her hips and raising an eyebrow.  
“So what if I am.” The teenager retorted petulantly. Kathryn crouched down before her so she could look her in the eye.   
“I can’t let you go Jade.”  
“Am I your prisoner Captain?” The use of the title was pronounced with the intent to be insolent and Kathryn had to take a second to steady her tone.   
“No Jade, you know your not.”   
“Good, well I’ll be off then.” Jade stood up and tried to side step the Captain to get to the jefferies tube entrance behind her. Kathryn quickly caught her arm to bar her path.   
“I don’t think so.”  
“What, are you going throw me in the brig. I think I’ve spent enough hours captive in small rooms don’t you Captain?” She shrugged her off and made for the tunnel that her guardian had just entered from.   
“That’s twice you’ve called me Captain.” Kathryn then said, folding her arms. “What’s with the sudden formality?”   
Jade paused, her hand on the ladder. Slowly, she turned back around.  
“Well that’s what you are isn’t it? The Captain of the intrepid starship voyager and its crew?”  
“But never to you Jade.”   
“Yes, you’ve made that abundantly clear.”   
Kathryn raised an eyebrow.   
“You know that’s not what I meant. Of course you are a part of this crew, but you are more than that…”  
“Yes, I know, I am the host to a cosmic weapon, saviour of the universe, property of the Continuum…” Jade rolled her eyes sarcastically.   
“Actually no,” Kathryn sighed and gave her an earnest look, “I don’t care about what you mean to to the universe and I don’t care about you mean to the Continuum, I only care about what you mean to me. You must know that you are dearer to me than anyone else on this ship?”  
Jade crossed her arms and stared down at the ground, refusing to meet her gaze.   
“Sure,” Kathryn continued, cautiously approaching her until they stood face to face, “obviously I am worried for your safety if you leave, I made a promise to Q to keep you safe here on Voyager and it would devastate him if he didn’t know where you were, but I mainly don’t want you to go because i would miss you too much. I’d miss you being in my life Jade.”   
Jade pursed her lips together tightly and stared at the Captain with an unreadable expression. For a moment it appeared that the crease in her forehead relaxed a little but the prospect of any reprieve soon passed as quickly as it had arrived.  
“I’m sure Commander Chakotay would help you get over it.”   
Kathryn let our a long breath. Both the comment and the accompanying glare cut her as deeply as it had intended. She felt her face immediately flush red and the blood begin to pump faster through her veins as her emotions rose.   
“Jade…”  
“And don’t pretend like you care what would devastate Q,” Jade continued, the level of her voice escalating, “you obviously don’t give a shit how he feels.”  
“You know that’s not true Jade.”  
“Do I? Last time I checked, you weren’t thinking too much about Q’s feelings when you were all wrapped in with Commander Chakotay.”  
Kathryn tried to steady her temper but she could feel her tone sharpening and her heart beat thumping in her chest.   
“Look, I’m not going to lie to you and say there wasn’t a moment. Chakotay and I well.... There is history there. And not all of it was resolved. Some of it might never be. But Jade... what you saw back in my quarters… that was an end not a beginning. What I want is to concentrate on building a new life for us all together…”  
“What, you think Q and I can just slot right in while you work out your history with lover boy and we can all be one big happy family.” Jade stared at her incredulously. “I don’t think so. You are not my Captain and I don’t have to do what you say. I’m outta here.”  
Before she could move, Kathryn was suddenly up in her face, her own complexion deathly pale, her expression fiercer than Jade had ever seen.  
“I’m going to say this once Jade so listen very carefully” She said in a dangerous tone, “I love Chakotay, he is a dear friend and I care for him but I don’t want to be with him. Not like that. I don't feel for him like that anymore, but I can’t just turn off my emotions, they don’t work like that. I wish they did otherwise I wouldn’t been stood in a jefferies tube explaining my romantic encounters to a teenager. It would be easier Jade, trust me it really would." She paused and rubbed her forehead. "You know, I don’t talk about my feelings to anyone and yet here I am trying to explain myself to you and you are not even giving me the opportunity to tell you what is really going on.”  
“I saw enough.”  
“Look, I get that you are still working your head around this type of interaction and I know your experiences haven't helped but nothing is black and white Jade, and the grey is not always bad if you take the time to understand it."  
"I'm not stupid Captain, I know what I saw." Jade was staring sullenly at her and, looking back at her ward, Kathryn felt again the unfamiliar mix of frustration and annoyance. She didn’t ask for Q or Chakotay to decide to have designs on her and yet she was the one expected to navigate the fallout of their declared affections.   
“From day one you championed for Q and I to be together, to feel something for one another. Fine! You got your way. I feel something for him, alright? I wish I didn’t but I do. To be honest Jade, it terrifies me. To be so unsure of myself, to second guess every decision I make, to be judged by everyone else for it. I don’t need that judgment from you too. I’m relying on you to be on my side, don’t you get it? I can’t do this without you." She straightened up and a sterner expression flashed across her features. "Besides, you got me into this and I’ll be bloody damned if you are leaving me alone in it. Family does not walk out on one another so you are staying put.”   
Jade frowned.   
“If you..” she began but Kathryn cut her off.   
“Enough!” She finally exploded and pointed her finger at the girl before her, “You are not leaving this ship and that is final!”  
Jade opened her mouth again, her eyes widening, but she did not get very far.  
“I don’t want to hear another word young lady. Whether you like it or not, I am your mother and you will do as your told or so help me Jade I will ground you til your thirty.”

Jade’s eyebrows shot up in an expression of surprise. She stared at the Captain for a moment, a complex range of emotions crossing her young features. Kathryn felt her heart hammering in her chest as she tried to recover her composure. Her outburst had surprised herself. She’d never yelled at Jade before but something had come over her that had broken all the rules of the calm and measured engagement that she had learned in the Academy. For the first time in a long time, she was afraid. Afraid of losing this tiny, frustrating girl standing before her. Afraid that she was failing her. Afraid that she wasn’t enough. For the first time, she had reacted not as a guardian or friend but as a mother. This was a new frontier she was facing, one that seemed more scary and new to her than all the perils she’d faced in the Delta Quadrant; suddenly Kathryn felt entirely ill-equipped to meet the challenge. The words that had tumbled out of her mouth had been reactionary and emotively raw. She regretted it immediately. It seemed to emulate how completely unprepared for this life she realise was.  
Jade had appeared to not know how to react. She looked at the floor, her shoulders curving in making her look even younger than her fifteen years. The silence between them was deafening until finally a small voice broke the stalemate.  
“Okay.”  
This time it was Kathryn’s turn to look surprised.   
“I’m sorry?”  
Jade gave a small shrug.  
“Okay.’ She replied again sheepishly, her cheeks turning pink as she finally looked up. “I’ll stay.”  
Kathryn frowned, still trying to comprehend what was happening.  
“Is.. is that it?”  
Was it a trick? Some teenager tactic to get lull her into a false sense of security before she tried to make another escape?   
“No…” Jade let out a sigh and Kathryn saw her eyes well up with tears as she met her gaze.  
“I’m really sorry…” she then whispered with a starting sniffle, “please.. please don’t stop loving me.”  
An overwhelming sense of relief overwhelmed the Captain and she immediately pulled Jade towards her, wrapping the young girl into a tight embrace. Jade buried her head against her shoulder and threw her arms around her waist, tears soaking into Kathryn's uniform. Finally, all was right with the world. What had happened, whatever words had crossed between them, whatever was going to eventuate, whatever else Chakotay and Q threw at her, none of that mattered. This… this moment was all that meant anything. Just Jade and her. As it should be. Family…  
“You idiot.” She then grinned as her own tears began to drop onto her daughter’s dark hair. “There is nothing in this entire universe that could ever make me stop.”


	53. Lost and found

“This is littering, you know that right?” Kathryn said, raising an eyebrow as she watched the girl sitting next to her drop a piece of candy down into the vertical shaft. The Captain had just alerted Tuvok that their missing crew member had been located safe and sound, and asked that he let Tom know to call off the search down on the planet. Now they were precariously seated side by side on the edge of the shaft itself, legs dangling over into the darkness below. The teenager appeared to experience none of the normal trepidation one should feel sitting so close to a long drop. Kathryn wasn’t scared of heights herself but she felt a distinct lunge in the pit of her stomach watching Jade lean forward to observe her discarded sweet drop into the dark. In response to her comment, Jade grinned back at her and offered her the crinkled bag that she’d retrieved from a shelf set into the wall earlier. With a smirk, the Captain took one and popped it in her mouth, instantly greeted by a sharp citrus flavour that fizzed when it touched her tongue. Jade shook the bag again and nodded at the hole, a mischievous look on her face. Rolling her eyes, Kathryn reluctantly took another and tossed it into the air. The pair watched as the lemon sherbet soared up for a second before descending into the impenetrable blackness beneath them. Despite knowing how many decks lay below her, Kathryn too strained her ears for the sound of hard boiled candy bouncing against the base of Voyager’s hull. Instead she heard nothing but a gentle yet constant reverberation emanating through the atrium walls. The sound seemed to come from every direction and Kathryn couldn’t help smile as she mentally thanked her ship for providing continuing safe passage for herself, her crew and now her new family back to the Alpha Quadrant. Looking around for a moment, the small space should have felt to her claustrophobic and yet it was oddly comforting; she could see why Jade had sought sanctuary here. Her gaze finally fell on the girl who was by her side and, like her, leaning back on her hands as she concentrated on sucking on the boiled sweet.  
“You like it in here don’t you.”  
Jade drew her legs back up into a cross seated position, and tucked her long hair behind her ears.  
“I guess,” she then replied with a non-committal shrug. The sleeves of her sweater hung too long over her hands, almost to the end of her fingers, allowing her to fiddle with a piece of thread that had unravelled at the end of the garment. As she dropped her head, dark untameable curls sprang out from behind her left ear and fell in front of her face. Kathryn chuckled and brushed it back over her shoulder for her.  
“I imagine you find it a safe space?” She prompted gently.  
Jade met her gaze and gave her a relenting smile  
“Yes, I like it. It’s quiet, but not too quiet.” She then acknowledged and glanced around the room, “I like the constant hum. It… blocks everything out.”  
“It’s a safe space outside the jeffries tube too you know.”  
“I… I know.”  
“And you should also know by now that I will take care of you no matter what.” Kathryn continued.  
“I do.”  
“…and if things get tough, we need to be able to talk to one another. You can’t keep running off.”  
Jade didn’t respond to this and looked back down at her hands.  
“I’m serious Jade.” Kathryn sighed, “This is as new for me as it is for you, you know. I’ve always had responsibilities but being a mother is a whole other ball game. I’m trying my hardest not to stuff it up.”  
Jade looked up at her with a sincere smile.  
“You’re doing a great job.” She then pulled a face. “Besides, I haven’t exactly been the easiest to parent.”  
Kathryn grinned and put her arm around the teenagers shoulders.  
“You’ve been the best,” She said in earnest, “But we will make mistakes and we are going to need to be there for one another and be patient if this is going to work. There are going to be times when we are going to get frustrated, we might even be mad at one another, but I want you to always remember that this is normal, this is what happens in families. It doesn’t mean we don’t love each other any less; in fact, its that love that allows us to be honest and open with one another.” Kathryn paused for a moment and then let out a sigh. “Being the Captain of this ship is hard sometimes. I have to put my responsibilities for Voyager and my crew ahead of my own personal feelings. I don’t always get to be as open as I would like outside of my quarters. Sometimes, that might be hard for you. It’s not always easy for people to accept…” she trailed off and a hesitant expression clouded her features.  
“Like with Chakotay.” Jade offered with a wry smile. Kathryn gave her a look that indicated she was straying into dangerous waters and the girl visibly relented, turning her attention back to her sleeve.  
There was silence in the atrium for a moment. Kathryn was wary of the mention of her first officer after her previous fight with Jade but she could his feel his presence almost hanging in the air. She knew that he and Q would never manage civility but if Jade was going to stay on Voyager, Chakotay and she would need to put their differences aside and come to some sort of understanding. She couldn’t operate when there was discord between two of the people she relied on so much.  
“He was worried about you, you know.” she then said after a tension filled pause.  
“I’m sure.”  
Noting the sarcastic tone, Kathryn tried again.  
“He asked me to bring you home.”  
“Is that right.” This time there was slightly less attitude in the response.  
Thinking back on her own last conversation with the Commander, she was suddenly reminded of something that had surprised her.  
“You never told me you’d spoken to Chakotay about what happened with Fernand.”  
Jade shrugged.  
“You never asked.”  
“Don’t you think it’s time to tell Q?” Kathryn asked, a little cautiously as she sensed a bristle in her daughter’s demeanour.  
“No, I don’t.” Jade replied, her gaze narrowing.  
“But you told Chakotay?”  
“That’s different.”  
“I’m not sure how?”  
“It just is.” Jade replied grumpily. She shifted herself back from the hole and stood up, facing away from the Captain with her arms crossed. “You don’t understand” she then exclaimed, “If he knew, he.. he would.. know, you know?”  
Kathryn laughed without meaning to.  
“No, I don’t know.”  
Jade shook her head in frustration, her curls bouncing around her shoulders as she did. She fell silent for a moment and then scooped it back with a sigh.  
“He would look at me and know what Fernand had done. I don’t want that in Q’s head. He would see me differently.”  
Kathryn carefully clambered to her feet and reached for the teenager, laying a hand on her shoulder and turning her around.  
“He’s your father Jade, he’s going to look at you like he always has, like someone that loves you.” She replied gently. “What happened to you wasn’t your fault. Q is not going to blame you or think any different of you.”  
Jade looked up to meet her gaze; her cheeks had turned bright pink and her green eyes were glassy and suddenly fear filled.  
“Maybe. But he will blame Fernand. He’ll go after him, you know he will, and they will kill him. I know Q looks after me and he keeps me safe, but it’s my job to protect him too, even from himself. He needs that, you know he does.”  
Kathryn stared at her for a moment. There was truth in her words; after all, that had been the reason she had agreed to keep Jade’s secret in the first place. But that had been then, Kathryn knew Q so much better now; somehow, she knew him more than she ever thought possible.  
“I don’t think you give him enough credit.” She said with a smile, putting her hands on her hips. “Sure, the Q I first met would have reacted in such a way. Nothing was more important to him that his own feelings, how a situation impacted him, but Q isn’t that man anymore. You are forgetting one vital difference.”  
Jade frowned and crossed her arms impatiently.  
“What?”  
“You. He loves you Jade. He might be angry, he will probably threaten to kill Fernand, he might even try if he ever comes across him. That’s normal… he’s your dad, that is his right to feel that way, the man hurt his little girl after all, but to leave you and actively seek him out? Jade, you are more important to him than any of that. He would be more concerned about being with you than chasing Fernand for revenge.” She tilted Jade’s chin up to look her in the eyes. Seeing that the girl looked unconvinced, she continued, “And if for any reason he forgets this, I’ll be there to remind him.” A wry smile played upon her lips “You’re not the only one looking out for Q remember. You don’t have to do that by yourself anymore.”  
A wide grin crept across Jade’s face and her eyes began to sparkle mischievously.  
“Do you love him?”  
“Nice try.” Kathryn ruffled her hair teasingly. “Don’t change the subject.”  
The teenager crossed her arms again and pouted, but not as seriously as she possibly would have liked.  
“You, on the other hand, I love unconditionally, despite your cheek.” The Captain added with a grin, placing her arm over the teenager’s shoulder, to guide her towards the access shaft set into the far side of the wall. “This is your home now. This is your family.” She paused at the ladder and turned to face Jade who was stood to her side. “Whatever happens, with the Master, or the Continuum, we make our last stand here, together, okay? No more more running, no more hiding, no more secrets; got that?”  
Jade nodded but Kathryn saw the hesitation on the girls face.  
“You don’t have anything else you need to tell me do you?” She asked suspiciously.  
Jade paused, her mouth open as if hinting at the utterance of a long kept secret. She had been thinking about the Master walking through her dreams, about was B had said about him getting closer. God, then there was the matter of Obi Wan itself. How did she even begin to explain that she had been communicating telepathically with the unseen presence of increasingly sarcastic ancient weapon. She knew Kathryn was right; if this was ever going to work, she needed to come clean..  
“Yes,” she replied with a gulp. Seeing the Captain raise an eyebrow in surprise, she quickly continued, “but can it keep until tomorrow? I want to enjoy what’s left of my birthday. It hasn’t exactly been the best start.”  
Kathryn gasped and threw her arms around her. With all the angst and drama, she had totally forgotten.  
“Gosh, I’m so sorry honey. Happy birthday!” She cried wrapping the teenager in a tight embrace.  
“That’s okay,” Jade giggled into her uniform, “You did try and say it before I ran off.” She pulled herself out of Kathryn’s grasp. “Sorry about that by the way.”  
“I’m sorry too.” The Captain replied with a warm smile before a parentally stern expression flashed over her features. “But we still need to talk to Q Jade.” She added, brushing a stray hair from jade’s eyes.  
Jade gave her a solemn nod of agreement.  
“I promise… you, Q and I all together tomorrow. Everything out on the table.”  
Kathryn nodded in reply, indicating this was satisfactory, and gestured for Jade to enter the Jeffries tube first. Jade hopped up into the access shaft and was about to set off crawling when she stopped and looked back at the Captain who was pulling herself in after her. “And if we’re getting everything out into the open, you can finally tell Q that you love him.” She grinned.  
Kathryn felt her cheeks flush pink and tried to not start laughing at the cheek of the girl before her.  
“Go.” She pointed with a smirk, while quietly wondering what truths tomorrow would bring, not just from Jade but from herself too.


	54. Bringing up baby

The sickbay doors opened and the Doctor looked up to see Kathryn and Jade enter the room. Noting the obvious look of relief on the EMH’s face at her arrival, Jade paused and looked hesitantly up at the Captain, who nodded and gently ushered her in the direction of her Chief Medical Officer.  
“The prodigal daughter returns!” The Doctor exclaimed, crossing his arms. “Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.”  
The teenager winced.  
“Yeah… sorry to cause a fuss.” She mumbled, shuffling across the floor to meet him.  
The EMH looked serious for a moment before breaking into a wry smirk and raising his fist.  
“I’m just very glad that you are back.” He replied.  
A grin crept across Jade’s face and she made a fist to bump against his own in the way she had taught him.  
“Thanks Doc.” She giggled, and leaned to give him a hug. The Doctor appeared surprised at first but then he smiled and reciprocated the embrace.  
“Happy birthday Jade.” He added gently, his eyes meeting the Captain’s who watched the exchange with a smile of her own.  
Kathryn felt a surge of relief as she watched the Doctor accept Jade back into the fold. The teenagers disappearance had caused quite a stir amongst the crew and the Captain had been wondering on her walk back to sickbay how it might impact their tolerance of reintegrating her family back into Voyager’s society. Eyes had lingered on Jade as she walked beside the Captain, eyes that once seemed to light up at her arrival now gazed at her with suspicion. She did not blame them of course, many had after all spent much of the morning looking for the child. She only hoped the sentiment was temporary; maybe the party that afternoon would help ease the mood, she mused. After all, even Chakotay seemed to be coming around to Jade’s presence. It did, nonetheless, alert Kathryn to the fact that if Jade was going to stay on board, she was going to have to learn to do things that Star Fleet way, learn how to live amongst Star Fleet people. Kathryn doubted that it would be an easy transition for either the birthday girl or the crew around her. Despite her internal apprehension, however, the Doctor had shown none of the ill-ease she had experienced out in the corridor, welcoming Jade back without hesitation. This immediately alleviated some of the Captain’s concerns and the EMH seemed to know it too. As their eyes met, his gaze seemed to tell her that everything was going to be okay, and she believed him. They had come a long way, the Doctor and Captain of Voyager. Sure they had indeed had their disagreements over the years and there were many times, especially when they had first arrived in the Delta Quadrant, that she had considered deactivating the EHM, but now she could not imagine how she would have commanded the ship without him. Over time, he had become to her a trusted counsel, one might even say a friend, and his affinity with Jade had brought him closer into her personal world that she could ever have imagined.  
“I have to get back to the Bridge,’ she said, “Jade, can you keep the Doctor company while I am gone?” She glanced at the Doctor, her eyes adding silently ‘if you don’t mind please?’ at the EMH. He was the only one, bar Q, she trusted to keep an eye on the girl in her current state. The Doctor’s small nod of the head appeared to indicate he understood the reason for question and that he did not mind her asking it.  
“Sure, no problems. I’ll stay right here…” Jade added, as if she felt it necessary to assure the Captain that her running was definitely done for the day. She looked so young standing there before her, her expression uncertain and yet hopeful at the same time. Kathryn gave her a warm smile and nodded. I know baby, I know...  
“Hopefully, Q will turn up eventually.” The Captain added, a little icy undertone creeping into her voice. When Jade had disappeared, she had wished so desperately for him to be there. He would have known what to do, he would have shared the burden of her worry. But he wasn’t there, and Kathryn didn’t honestly know when he would be back. She knew the whole thing with Jade taking off was kind of her fault, and she still felt guilty for that, but she also was beginning to wonder if this was a sign of what it was going to be like. Q could take off whenever he wanted; would he be there for her when she needed him? The longer he remained absent, the more the old doubts began to creep back into her mind.  
“If you missed me, you only had to say Captain” a voice responded teasingly. As if sensing he was under scrutiny as the object of her internal turmoil, the omnipotent being himself appeared in a flash of light in front of her. Unaware of the morning events that had vexed her and everyone else on the ship, Q grinned at her with an unabashedly flirtatious smirk. Kathryn felt her temper prickle. Of course you would turn up after all the drama is over Q, she mentally grumbled.  
Hearing the voice, Jade span around and immediately her face lit up.  
“Q!”  
She cried and flung herself into the arms of her omnipotent guardian.  
“Happy birthday kiddo.” He chuckled and wrapped his arms around her in a big bear hug. “Hope I’m not too late.”  
“Uh Uh.” Jade mumbled into his Captain’s tunic, her face still pressed against his chest. Q loosened his grasp a little and then frowned when he realised she wasn’t letting go.  
“Hey...” He said gently, his expression suddenly one of concern, and leaned back so he could look down at her face. “Are you okay?”  
When Jade didn’t look at him, he tilted her chin up so that she would meet his gaze and gave her a long searching look.  
“Have you been crying?”  
“No.” She replied quickly, her own expression blank as she pulled back from his embrace. “Of course not.”  
He looked up at Kathryn in time to see a guilty expression flash across her features before she could help it.  
“What happened? What’s going on?” He asked, his tone immediately hardening.  
Jade met Kathryn’s gaze and, although her face remained nondescript and her lips did not move, she heard her voice in her mind as clear as day.  
“Please, not like this.”  
“Captain?” Q asked again when she did not respond.  
“Jade, come help me with these boxes.” The doctor quickly steered his young friend into the laboratory, sensing the grown-ups needed a moment alone. As she was led away. Jade cast a last look back at the Captain with a pleading gaze.  
“Well?” Q crossed his arms. Kathryn turned back to him and forced a friendly smile.  
“Nothing... I mean, we just had a little situation this morning. It’s fine, I handled it.”  
“What kind of situation.”  
Kathryn sighed, realising Q was going to be difficult to placate.  
“Look, it’s all okay. We’ll talk more tomorrow. Jade just...”  
“We’ll talk about it now.” Q cut in, the tone of his voice escalating.  
Kathryn stopped and crossed her arms.  
“Don’t raise your voice at me.” She retorted, her own tone adopting a dangerous edge.  
“I’m not. I just want to know what is going on. She’s quite clearly upset.”  
“Jade’s fine!” Kathryn snapped in an exasperated tone.  
Q folded his arms too and stepped closer to her.  
“You said there was a situation. If you know what is wrong, you have no right to keep it from me.”  
The Captain raised her eyebrows.  
“No right? I have no right?” She cried, her temper finally getting the better of her, “What do you think I’m doing here Q? Am I just a glorified babysitter while you are off gallivanting around the cosmos?”  
Q’s expression stiffened and he took a step back.  
“You know that’s not what I’ve been doing.”  
“Actually I don’t know.” Kathryn replied quickly, “What exactly have you been doing Q because you haven’t been here helping me with Jade that’s for sure.”  
“You told me to go.” Q growled, “and what do mean I haven’t been here, I’ve been here since the beginning Captain.”  
The emphasis he put on the pronunciation of her rank told Kathryn that Q was angry. His expression was tight and pale, an unusually human expression expression for the omnipotent being. He paused, and then came close to her again.  
“Do you think I want to be away from her?" He cried, "Away from you? Don’t you think I would rather be here with you both instead of carving up the Continuum looking for traitors, sentencing Q…” He hesitated, a conflicted expression crossing his features, “my brothers in arms, who I had once fought along side, to be executed because they now serve my enemy. I'm not gallivanting that's for sure. But it has to be done; if Jade is to be safe, I must find them and stop them.”  
“And what happens if they get to you first Q?” Kathryn exclaimed. She had promised Jade that Q wouldn’t go on a witch hunt and yet this was exactly what he had done, “You disappear and we will never know if you are okay, if you are coming back. They are carrying Q weapons, what if they kill you?”  
Q turned away from her.  
“If I have to give up my existence to protect Jade, so be it.”  
Kathryn turned him around abruptly causing Q to look down in surprise.  
“And what would that achieve Q, another dead loved one for Jade to mourn? To leave her alone yet again in this world? She doesn’t need a martyr, she needs a parent.”  
“She isn’t just a regular teenager Captain.” Q snapped, taking her arms in his hands, “Jade will never have a normal life. I do what I do, not because of my duty to the cosmos or my loyalty to the Continuum, I do it because I love her. Because I have to. I don’t have a choice. Do you understand how hard it is for me to go through everything we have been through together, to protect her, to have struggled to build a relationship with her, to have spent the last five years in one another’s pockets and to come to love her like she is my own and then give her up? I miss her Captain, I miss doing all the things that you are doing now. All the silly mundane little daily things that I never saw the point in before and yet their absence now leaves a hole in my heart. But I have to leave her because I am the only one who can protect her from the Continuum and the Master..." He paused, and leaned in close to her, "and I leave her with you as you are the only one i know will take care of her when I can’t. That’s the compromise I have to make to keep her safe. It might not be enough but I am doing the best I can.”  
Kathryn was silent for a moment as she stared into Q’s eyes. The omnipotent being appeared to be holding his breath, the outburst, it seemed, had surprised even himself.  
“I know that.” She finally said and lay her hands on his chest, an action that seemed to cause Q to immediately deflate from his tense stance at her touch, “Q, you’ve done an amazing job with Jade, but it’s not just about you protecting her, or me caring for her in your absence. She needs to be parented. Ongoing. Long term. You said it before. You can’t do this by yourself. Nor can I. I need you Q, just like you need me. We are both finding our way with with this and neither of us can do this alone. The good thing is that we don’t have to.” She gave him a smile as she looked up at him. “I’m not just caring for her because you can’t. I’m caring for her because I love her as much as you do. So lets protect, care for and love her together okay? I just need you to trust me. You have to trust that I will put her needs first, just as much as you do, that the decisions I make are in her best interests, even if you don’t understand or agree with them. If I tell you something will keep until tomorrow, I’m telling you that for a reason and I need you to respect that. We have to trust in each other to do what is right for our daughter.”  
Q stared at her for a moment, his expression unreadable. Finally the hard gaze relented, and his face softened. Without hesitation, he leaned forward and kissed her. It took Kathryn by surprise but she did not resist. After a moment, he pulled away but not very far, his hands travelling upward to frame her face.  
“You’re right,” He replied, and let out a chuckle. “You are always right.” Q then seemed to take a moment to appraise her before breaking into a smile as he met her gaze with a knowing look. “I do trust you. In fact I trust you more than I trust myself. I’m sorry.” He then let out a sigh and gently rested his forehead against her own. “It’s been a long.. well, you know.”  
Kathryn knew it had been a long morning for her and based on Q’s expression, it appeared to have been much longer on his temporal plane. She felt bad. As much as the morning had caused her stress, she would have rather been fighting with Jade than absent from her. She allowed Q to press himself against her and rested her head against his shoulder for a moment as he drew her in for a tight embrace. He seemed to be as glad to be back in her arms as she was to be in his. His proximity now, the close intimate space between them was so familiar and comfortable, it was overwhelming how much she had missed being so close to him. As mad as she had been, somehow she had known they would find their way back to this.  
“I know, I’m sorry too.” Kathryn replied, and moved her head back so she could look up at him. His mouth was inches from her own, and her gaze lingered on it for a moment, before meeting his dark eyes. Although knowing anyone could have walked into sickbay and happened upon them, Kathryn didn’t think she would have been able to move even if she had wanted to, so captured in the moment with Q was she. “You’re doing great.” She then whispered, moving her lips ever so slightly closer. “You’re an amazing father Q.” Q smiled in a way that indicate surprise, gratitude and pride all at the same time.  
“The best”, a small voice said from behind them. Kathryn turned her head to see Jade standing there, her face hesitant and unsure. She looked back at Q who immediately broke into a warm smile when he saw her.  
“You’re not too bad yourself kiddo.” He grinned affectionately.  
“You won’t leave us again will you?” Jade then asked, a frown playing on her features. Q’s face visibly fell and he glanced back down at Captain who seemed to be wearing an equally questioning expression.  
“Come here,” he stretched out his arm to the teenager and Jade immediately crossed the room and placed herself under it. Q kissed the top of her head and then placed his free hand on the small of Kathryn’s back. Their eyes met and in her gaze, he saw something he never thought he would see from the Captain; true, genuine affection.  
“Never. I promise.”  
Q universe was endless and yet somehow it was possible for him to hold his world within his arms. Now that they were wrapped up in his embrace, there would be nothing that would compel him to let his girls go again.


	55. Just a boy

Jade was to spend some time with Q while Kathryn went back to the bridge. The teenager begged a moment alone with the Captain before they left and so Q wandered back into the main area of the sickbay to give the girls some privacy. He noted the Doctor attempting to occupy himself in the laboratory and strolled into the separate room to meet him. Seeing him enter, the EMH looked up in surprise.   
“Something I can help you with Q?” He asked, tri-quarter still in hand.   
Q crossed his arms, his expression awkward and somewhat hesitant for a moment.   
“Kathy.. um… well, she tells me you’ve been looking out for our Jade, helping her settle in here.” He then finally said, the expression of gratitude obviously unfamiliar to him. “I just wanted to say I appreciate that.”  
“Oh right…” The Doctor looked as uncomfortable as the omnipotent being. “Well, it’s not a problem. We all love spending time with her.” He then glanced through the glass partition and a small fatherly smile played on his lips. “She’s a good girl.”  
Q followed his gaze and broke into a wider one of his own.   
“She is,”   
A momentary silence fell between the two men. When the Doctor looked back at Q, he noticed that a pensive expression had fallen across his face.  
“She seems happy here, don’t you think?” Q then volunteered, not taking his eyes from the teenager.   
“I believe so.” The Doctor replied carefully, unsure where the conversation was heading.   
Q didn't respond, choosing to make an affirmative sounding mumble instead. It was clear to the EMH that he obviously had a lot on his mind. The Doctor took a breath and then decided to take a gamble on Q's unusually cordial mood.   
“May I say something?”  
Q's face immediately changed and he looked at the Doctor disdainfully.   
"If you must.”   
The Doctor raised an eyebrow, mentally considering whether he had made the right choice potentially provoking their new guest. As he cast his gaze over at the Captain and Jade however, he immediately knew what needed to be said.   
“You have a beautiful family.”  
Q's eyes widened with surprise and for a moment he appeared not to know what to say, a rare situation Q himself knew. He had been so ready to have Kathy's dreary crew fight him every step of the way over his relationship with her, that he was genuinely unprepared to respond to a show of support. The hologram? Of all beings too... Q mentally caught himself; he could already hear Kathy's voice in his head, "Q, the Doctor is a trusted part of my crew and a dear friend and as much a human as....' Normally, he would roll his eyes at her in response and pay her no mind, his tolerance for her band of bipeds after all was never particularly abundant. The Doctor, however, had done a great deal to help Jade feel at home on Voyager and that act alone earned Q's respect. With a warmth in his chest, he followed the EHM's gaze through the partition. Kathryn and Jade were discussing something in hushed tones on the far side of the room. The conversation was out of ear shot and yet punctuated with occasional audible giggling. Q could have easily listened in to determine the topic but was instead much more content to watch them interact in their privacy of their girl talk. Jade appeared to make a statement about something, her eyes widening with excitement as she grabbed Kathryn’s arm, and bounced eagerly on the spot as she relayed her words to the Captain. Kathryn listened to her for a moment, a wide grin creeping over her face as she clearly found what ever it was Jade had said amusing. She leaned in and responded, her eyes flashing conspiratorially over in Q’s direction for a second, before the pair fell about laughing. He suspected that he was the topic of their mirth but he didn’t mind. In fact, he welcomed it. As much as he feigned protest, he enjoyed the girls ganging up on him. He liked to watch how protective they were of one another, how quick to come to each others defence when one became the object of his usual jibes. Yet, should anyone else have dared to even look twice at him, they would jump to his defence in an instant. Even the Captain... now that had been a surprise... and Q liked it. He liked it a lot. Everything that woman did surprised him. For a being as old as Q, who had been everywhere and seen everything, joyful surprise was a like a fabled treasure he never expected to find. No-one in the Continuum could remember when they last experienced anything new, when they last felt the pleasure of a new endeavour. For some strangely beautiful reason, Kathy and Jade brought a whole new state of being to Q's existence that he didn't think was possible. Their emotions, the way their minds worked, the way they viewed the cosmos never failed to surprise him. They were unexpected. They were complex. They were entirely frustrating and so completely brilliant. He wanted to experience everything again with them. Anything he did with his girls felt new.   
“I know.” He finally said, the words escaping his lips like the utterance of a desperate prayer.   
“I hope you do know that Q." He heard the Doctor reply from behind him. “The Captain and Jade are very attached to eachother.”   
Q broke into a small smile as he watched Kathryn put her arms around the teenager and embrace her warmly.   
“Yes, I always knew they would be.”  
“I hope, Q, that you know how much it will hurt both of them if they were separated.”  
The smile faded.  
“I know.” He replied stiffly, a more serious countenance crossing his features.  
“And I think” the Doctor continued, “it would break her heart to lose either of you, you know that right?”  
“Jade will always have...”  
“I wasn’t talking about Jade.”  
Q looked back and stared at the EMH for a moment, a complex emotion flittering across his face. He desperately hoped there was truth in the Medical Chief's words but he was still so unsure as to how Kathy really felt about him. He knew she was now a lot more affectionate with him than she had been... well, that wasn't exactly hard, he mused with an internal smirk, she wasn't trying to kick him off the ship after all; and, of course, being physical with her, when she finally gave over to his advances, was more than he could have ever imagined, but it still seemed to him that she hadn't let him all the way in. Sometimes he felt that there was more there, that he sensed her giving more of herself than he had felt previously. There was whispers of hidden feelings, flickers of deeper emotions but nothing ever concrete. Sometimes it would feel like he'd peel layer after layer away and still, just when he thought he'd reached the inner part of her heart, he would be met with that steely star-fleet resistance. Part of Q wondered whether Voyager's Captain would ever feel for him the way he did for her. Still, that was part of the reason why he had fallen in love with her in the first place, and it was not like he didn't have the time to wait. He just hoped, one day, she would desire his love as much as he wanted to give it.   
“I do love her you know. More than anything.” He stated finally, the expression on his face seeming both defiant and vulnerable at the same time.   
"I believe you do Q." The Doctor sighed. "I will only ask that you try your best not to hurt her. Either of them."  
Q gave a small nod in reply. The EMH was about to turn away when he spoke again.   
'Why are you... supporting this?"   
"She is our Captain." The Doctor shrugged, " She deserves to be happy, and despite what many on this ship think, I believe you are the man to make that happen."   
He turned and picked up his tri-quarter before pausing and casting an imperious glare back at the omnipotent being.   
"And I hate being wrong Q, so try not to disappoint?" He then added with raise of the eyebrows and then turned back to his work. 

Q came out of the laboratory with a smirk on his face. He liked the Doctor, as much as he hated to admit it. Parenting Jade required plenty of gumption, patience and a healthy arsenal of sarcasm. Q felt that the ship's Chief Medical Officer had all three in spades to make an excellent role model for the teenager.  
“Come on," he called as he crossed the sickbay floor to meet Kathryn and Jade, "let’s leave the Captain to get back to her babysitting duties."  
The Captain shot him a scathing glare.   
“Are you sure you can’t come with us?” Jade asked,   
“I wish I could,” She brushed the teenager's dark hair over her shoulder affectionately and smoothed it down gently. As she did, she caught Q’s eye with a challenging smirk.   
“Some of us actually have work to do.”   
Q rolled his eyes in response.   
“Go on honey,” she then placed the hand on Jade’s cheek. “I’ll see you tonight.”  
Her gaze rested on the omnipotent being.  
"And try not to be out too long Q." She added, giving him a look that seemed to indicate, although omnipotent, she would find a way to murder him if he was late for the party.   
Q scoffed.   
"I have unlimited control of space and time, dearest Kathy, I couldn't be late even if I tried."   
“Late for what?” Jade cut in, her expression immediately suspicious.   
Kathryn rolled her eyes. Give me strength...   
“Nothing..." She quickly interjected, "I just meant not to be out too long, and don't go too far," she added in a lecturing tone, "remember, the Continuum’s cloak only applies to Voyager.”  
“Honestly Captain,” Q tutted, “I’ve only been back five minutes and you’re already trying to put a leash around my neck.”  
Kathryn crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow, causing Q to flash her an appeasing smile, appearing to silently acknowledge his teasing had gone far enough.  
“I know, I know, we’ll be careful.”  
Despite her best efforts, Kathryn broke into a reluctant smirk.   
“Just try to stay out of trouble okay? That goes for both of you.” She put her hands on her hips and eyed the pair of them warily.   
Jade and Q glanced at one another.   
“Of course.” The birthday girl responded with a less than convincing sincerity. Kathryn cast a suspicious eye at Q who granted her a grin.   
“You have our word madam captain. We will be back later on today.” He then leaned in quickly to steal a kiss, one which she managed to dodge by tilting her head back slightly as she saw him move towards her.   
“Good. And I told you not to call me madam Captain.”  
Q frowned at being halted from his affection and leaned in a little closer, a mischevious twinkle appearing in his eyes.   
“And what shall I call you then? Darling? Mi Amore? My Lover? On the moons of ballara, I do believe they refer to their beloveds as the...”  
“Just Captain please Q,” Kathryn muttered through gritted teeth, casting a side-eye in the Doctors direction. “While we’re outside of my quarters.”  
“Does that mean you get to call me Captain inside your quarters Kathy? You know I like role play.” He waggled his eyebrows at her suggestively.   
“Standing right here Q!” Jade called out.   
Q glanced over his shoulder and grinned at her apologetically.   
“Ahh... sorry kiddo.” He turned back to the Captain. "Perhaps we should continue this conversation later?"   
"I can hardly wait." Kathryn retorted sarcastically. Q appeared to be unperturbed by the response and leaned in to secure his kiss. Realising she planned to dodge him again, he instead planted one on the end of her nose, much to her annoyance.   
"Until tonight sweet Captain."   
Stepping back, he offered his hand to Jade which she promptly took. He met Kathryn's gaze one last time, seemingly pleased at the beetroot red colour he had caused to flush in her cheeks, gave her a cheeky wink and then, with the click of his fingers, they were gone.   
Kathryn looked up to see the Doctor stood in the doorway of the lab, a bemused smile on his face.  
Letting out a sigh, she looked up at the ceiling, desperately waiting for a normal colour to return to her complexion.   
"Don't say a word."  
The EMH pursed his lips like he was trying to hide a grin.   
"I wouldn't dream of it Captain."


	56. Of dust and light

When Jade rematerialised, she found herself staring up into what felt like an eternally endless black sky. For a moment, the darkness seemed to encompass her and she had to struggle to catch her breath. Momentarily closing her eyes, she inhaled deeply to steady her heartbeat, and then with a long exhale peered down at her feet. The ground below her shoes was a dirty metallic grey that vibrated continuously like an engine humming under a car bonnet. The surface stretched about twenty feet ahead of her before it seemed to drop off into the impenetrable dark. Jade frowned and looked around, trying to get her bearings. What was this place? Behind her, the ground ran as far back as the eye could see, hundreds… maybe thousands of meters, disappearing out of her range of vision into the inky black night. Somewhere in the distance she saw two strange blue glowing lights hovering in the distance but they were too far away to work out their origin. She turned back to the closer end to the structure and cautiously made her way to the edge. Beneath her feet, a strange hum emanated, the only sound she could hear apart from her own heartbeat. She reached the end and took a sharp inhale. The drop fell into nothing, sheer nothingness. It was breathtaking. Jade stood on the end of this thing, wherever it was Q had taken her to, and stared out into the infinite abyss of space. Above… Below… Beyond… Darkness completely surrounding her. Except it wasn’t just darkness. It wasn’t just nothingness. Jade frowned. She felt… she couldn’t explain it. A strange sensation began to wash over her. Her mind reached out and she felt herself somehow connect to every inch of the universe. Billions and billions and billions of stars and souls whispered to her in the dark. And then, for a moment, she saw it all. All there was. All there had been. Every little of potential waiting out there for her. The tiny host of an ancient power stretched out her arms, closed her eyes and felt herself embraced by the cosmos. Suddenly, she was filled with an overwhelming urge to lean in and let it take her, let it embrace and encompass her. She felt herself teeter on the edge of the structure as the universe called to her in an overwhelming and undeniable way. This was her purpose, this was why she was made, it seemed to say. It called to her by name but not a name she knew. It was not her name. Her name was… what was it? Who was she? The light filled her mind and cast out her life like it was casting out a demon. Then.. pain. So much pain. There was too much to know. Too much to understand. What was my name? We… we.. had a name…  
“Jade.” a voice said behind her, a lone sound reaching out through the noise and pulling her back from the brink.

Jade... my name is Jade. 

Jade opened her eyes and felt the noise and light that had been flooding her body fade back into the darkness, leaving only a deafening silence.  
“Jade?” The voice added. “Careful now.” It was familiar and safe and Jade wanted to wrap herself up in it.  
She let out out a long exhale that she had been holding, lowered her arms and slowly turned around, her legs wobbling slightly. Q stood behind her, wearing a grin on his face and yet still eyeing her proximity to the edge with the watchful gaze of a parent. His jovial smile, however, immediately faded as he noted her wild eyes and pale complexion.  
“Are you okay?”  
“I felt…” Jade began in a hoarse voice and then stopped. She pursed her lips for a moment as she tried to make sense in her head what had just happened, already the memory of the experience had began to fade like the remnants of a bad dream. Q waited patiently, his expression transfixed with one of concern. His ward appeared to finally speak but was interrupted as she turned away from him and vomited.  
"Jade!" Q rushed to her side, clasping his arm around her to support her weight. He clicked his fingers and a towel appeared in his hand which he promptly offered to her.  
"I'm okay.. I'm okay." She mumbled, taking the cloth and wiping her mouth. "I just got dizzy, that's all."  
"Sorry, I should have warned you." Q groaned as he fussed over her. "You're usually okay with space walks."  
Only then Jade realised where she was, what she was standing on. The grey metal below her feet was the tired, sturdy, battle worn thick metal skin of a starship, Voyager’s hull to be exact. Q had transported them to the roof of the ship. She straightened herself up and gave him a weak yet reassuring smile.  
"I know. I'm fine. Honest. It was probably just a bad breakfast."  
"Well it would be," Q sniffed as he placed his hands on her cheeks and appeared to inspect her pallor, "with that rodent they have cooking in the kitchen, I'm surprised Kathy has any crew members left."  
Jade rolled her eyes and waved off his hands.  
“I replicated actually.” She retorted with a smirk. That wasn’t exactly true, in fact the last thing Jade had actually eaten had been the brownies the night before, a fact made more obvious from staring face down at her stomach contents only moments earlier. She didn’t know how to articulate to Q what had just happened though, she didn’t understand it herself…. and she felt fine now. Whatever it was had passed as quickly as it had come. No need to worry him… not yet. “What are we doing up here anyway Q?" she added quickly, casting a gaze around their surroundings with renewed interest.  
Q sighed and gestured to the floor. A large chequered picnic blanket appeared with cushions and several steel cloche.  
“It’s about as far as I could get you off the ship without the Continuum…,” he pulled a face, “and Kathy for that matter, hauling me over the coals. Although,” his gaze drifted anxiously to her stomach, “it’s probably the last thing you feel like doing right now.”  
It was exactly what she had wanted, quality time with Q. Pushing the earlier moments at the edge of the ship far from her mind, Jade grabbed his hand and gave him a warm smile.  
“No, I love it. It’s perfect.”

After her guardian had done his work with her ‘accident’, they sat down and he began pulling the lids from the cloche with dramatic flourish, clearly excited to show her what he had conjured up for her.  
“Care to peruse the menu madam?” Q gushed as he nodded to the food.  
“Ahhh are those tacos?” Jade cried, her eyes wide with delight.  
“Si señora,” Q grinned, “From that little street shack we visited in Puerto Vallarta.”  
Jade looked up with surprise.  
“Are you serious?”  
They had spent a few wonderfully quiet days there way back in the earlier period of their friendship. They’d sat on the jetty amongst the locals in the baking sun, drinking iced colas and stuffing themselves silly with mountains of the most delicious tacos. It was glorious, a day she had never forgotten; Jade could still remember the smell of the sea air mixed with the old fishermen’s cigar smoke and the delicious spit-grilled meat. Looking down at Q’s supplied versions, they looked every bit as good as she remembered.  
Clearly pleased at her reaction, Q nodded at the other trays. “And the katoke from Manos you loved, the everlasting bubble broth that made us hiccup for three days that time we went to Katara, and of course, dessert afterwards…” He clicked his fingers and a huge dish appeared in front of the teenager. Her eyes immediately lit up.  
“Oh my gawwd, anjulician ice-cream.” She squeaked. Q started laughing at her response.  
“With the savoury toppings, not sweet.” He chuckled.  
“Good call.” Jade nodded with a look of approval as her eyes roamed over the treats before her.  
“All your favourites.” He guardian then added, watching her face hesitantly. Jade met his gaze and gave him a wide smile.  
“This is amazing Q. I can’t believe you remembered all this.”  
“Of course.” He nodded, his expression a little more sincere.  
Jade’s eyes then fell on a smaller tray to his left. From where she was sitting, it looked like an extremely pink sugary bun.  
“What’s this?” She asked, reaching over to pick it up. “I don’t remember…”  
“Ah..” Q coughed and shifted awkwardly on his cushion, “yes, this was not one of yours. Kathy made me eat one when we were down on the planet looking for you.” He took it from her hands and peered disdainfully at it. “I protested naturally, it’s so… pink,” He then flashed her a bashful grin, “but I swear, I have been craving the damn thing ever since.” Q then proceeded to shove half the bun eagerly in his mouth, earning a giggle from Jade.  
“Don’t tell the Captain.” He added, wiping his mouth.  
“As long as you don’t tell her I threw up on her ship.” Jade retorted with a smirk. She grabbed a taco and hungrily took a bite.  
Q stopped his assault on the bun and took a long look at the teenager before him.  
“Are you sure you are okay.” He asked, an expression of uncertainty flashing over his features.  
“Fine Q” Jade sung out as she tucked the last of the taco into her mouth, “I’d been more worried about running out of tacos if I were you.”  
“Quite right.” Her guardian replied, giving her a wink. 

They talked and ate, and ate some more until Jade proclaimed if she didn’t stop she wouldn’t be able to eat for another year. Of course, there was a tiny bit of room found when she remembered to call in the promise that Q would let her have the last bite of his pink icing bun.  
“Oh alright, I guess it is your birthday,” he huffed with a pout as he handed it over. He had been right though, Jade grinned as she finished off the sweet, it was delicious. Q clicked his fingers to get rid of the picnic and together they made their way to the end of the ship. This time, Jade was no longer filled with any of the trepidation that she experienced before, nor did she sense any other cosmic forces at work. This time Q was by her side, this time everything was going to be okay. Q seemed to be feeling some sort of similar sentiment and, as they sat down on the edge of the hull, their legs dangling out into the chasm of space, he turned to her and took her hands in his.  
“Jade… I’ve done okay by you haven’t I?”  
Jade lifted her head with a questioning look.  
“I mean… I know it’s been tough, and I haven’t always gotten it right… but we’ve made it work, haven’t we?” He continued, his face suddenly serious. “You are happy aren’t you? You’re not too scarred by all this?”  
“Q…” Jade didn’t know whether to laugh or hug him, the question seemed so ridiculous to her. Didn’t he know how happy being with him made her? How safe he made her feel? Seeing the desperate expression on his face, she opted for the latter. Q seemed to let out a silent release of pent up worry as she threw her arms around him and gripped him tightly.  
“You are the best Q.” She mumbled into his uniform. “Always have been, always will be.”  
She then pulled away and gave him a lecturing look.  
“You are all the family I need. There is nothing more you could do to make me happier than I am.” A sly grin then crept over her face. “Apart from marry a certain Captain we both know.”  
“Marry her?” Q’s eyebrows shot up in surprise.  
“Yes, why not.” Jade crossed her arms. “You love her don’t you?”  
“You know I do.” Q mirrored her stance and folded his own.  
“Well then, what’s the problem?”  
“I might be a little out of touch with Earth traditions kiddo, but I do believe when you marry someone you actually need the other person to also be in love with you too.”  
Jade rolled her eyes and shook her head as if she was chastising a child. She looked out into a space and swung her legs backwards and forwards.  
“Still not seeing the problem there Q.”  
Q let out a chuckle and put an arm around the teenager.  
“Tell that to the Captain.”  
“Don’t worry, I intend to.”  
“You’re going to get me into trouble aren’t you?” The omnipotent being retorted with a smirk.  
“No more than usual.” Jade grinned. “Besides, you don’t need my help with Kathryn, you do perfectly well getting into her bad books by yourself.”  
“Tell me about it.” Q grimaced ruefully. He then sighed. “I am trying. Truly, I am. Somehow, I never seem to get it right. I’m trying to go slower, be more careful with my displays of omnipotence… but it’s hard for a Q. Bravado and showmanship is in our nature. Sometimes I get a bit carried away.”  
“Sometimes?” Jade scoffed, glancing up at her guardian with the raise of s eyebrow.  
Q pulled a face.  
“Hey, you’re the one who wants me to marry her. Who’s getting carried away now?”  
Jade pouted in response.  
“Well…” Q continued with a sullen look of his own, “It probably won’t make any difference anyway. Kathy’s not the only one against my undying affections for her.”  
“The Continuum aren’t happy are they,” Jade replied, “about Kathryn and you?”  
Q looked surprised. He assumed she would guess Chakotay or one of the other crew. He hadn’t even given the details of his dressing down by the Continuum council to the Captain. How would she have felt if she had know they had strictly forbade him to pursue her.  
“How did you know?”  
Jade shrugged.  
“Well the Continuum is never happy about anything are they? Especially when it involves you and humanity.”  
“That’s true.” Q agreed glumly.  
“And.. you always get that look when you’ve been arguing with them.”  
“What look?”  
“That one,” Jade nodded at him. “The same one you had when they tore strips off you when you told them you cared about me.” She paused and then gave him doting smile. “Thanks for that by the way.”  
Q pulled her into a big bear hug.  
“Nothing the Continuum Council can say or do will ever stop me caring for or, indeed, loving you Jade.”  
Jade looked up from his embrace with big green eyes.  
“Nor the Captain?”  
Q let out a chuckle and, with a relenting sigh, brushed the hair from her face.  
“Nor the Captain.” He then glanced back at the ship and a smile played on his lips. "Speaking of which, I do believe she may be finishing her shift soon and I have a couple of things to organise so I should get you back."  
Jade crossed her arms.  
"Organise what Q?"  
"Never you mind." He replied tapping her on the nose. "Before i do though..." he then turned her back to face the open space beyond, "I have one last surprise." Clicking his fingers, Jade's eyes widened as a red stream of light shot up into the air. It seemed to hang silently for a moment before it burst into the most wondrous multi-coloured explosion. Jade jumped at the bang, her eyes widening with excitement as she realised what it was.  
"Fireworks!" She cried excitedly as the darkness before them erupted in an cosmic spectacle of lights, colour, bangs and pops.  
Q grinned as he watched his ward. He knew she would love it. Happy birthday my darling girl; may I get to spend many more seeing you as happy as you make me...


	57. Inside Out

The bridge had been quiet all afternoon, what with most of the crew ferrying backwards and forwards between Voyager and the planet for their shore leave. Chakotay had elected to stay behind, as had Tuvok, and barely a word had been spoken between the senior officers for almost three hours. It was, of course, not the Vulcan’s nature to make small talk and Chakotay had remained in brooding silence since he’d been made aware of Q’s return earlier than morning. Kathryn tried to stifle a yawn as she shifted in her Captain’s seat and uncrossed her legs so she could stretch. She wondered what Jade and Q were doing; up to mischief no doubt, she mused. A small smile played on her lips. As much as Q got under her skin, as much as he embarrassed her in front of her crew, she was happy he was back on board Voyager. It was obvious from their conversation in sickbay that his time away from Jade and her had not been an easy one and for the first time she had not questioned the sincerity in his statement that he had missed her. It had pleased her, in fact, and she had taken pleasure in being a support to him, that they had worked through the problem as parents rather than combatants. Kathryn only hoped he would be as easy to placate when they all finally sat down for Jade’s long overdue truth talk. Still, that was tomorrow. As Jade had repeatedly stated, today was not for that. Today was for family. For the three of them. After all, that’s what they were weren’t they? Family? Kathryn wanted to believe that it was only for the sake of Jade and yet she had to admit that each time Q departed her ship, she missed his presence more and more. At first she had thought it was just because she’d found parenting the teenager by herself daunting. That was part of it, it would have been nice to have had him there when she had gone MIA earlier in the day of course… but it was more than that... She missed him. Just having him around. Just having him to talk to, to laugh with. Q trying constantly to fill her plate with food… Q trying his best to frustrate her and then stealing a kiss when she glared at him… Q sneaking into the shower when she was trying to get ready for her shift… Q making love to her and then wrapping her up in his arms until she fell asleep. Making love… Kathryn paused on that for a moment, surprised that the words had formed in her mind before she’d had a chance to stop them. That was what they were doing though wasn’t it? Making love? There was no denying it, as much as Kathryn tried to block it out. It sounded so unbelievably corny but she couldn’t think of any other way to describe it. It wasn’t just sex, calling it that now seemed to do a disservice to the feelings she felt, to what Q made her feel, feelings she wanted to wish she didn’t have. But she couldn’t. She didn’t. That ship had now sailed and Kathryn knew she was in trouble. But feelings were one thing, Kathryn could be self-indulgent in that respect. Admitting it was something else entirely. She knew Q could never know. She could never admit to him what it meant, what he meant. She still hadn’t admitted it to her self yet… not really. She sighed and cast her gaze around her empty bridge with a rueful expression. She might not have been totally clear on her feelings for Q but she did, however, know her responsibilities better than anyone and she knew the sacrifices that came with them. And most of all, Kathryn knew, if she had to, how to bury her feelings way way down to the depths of her Captain’s boots until she could barely remember that she felt anything at all. 

 

“Captain, I’m detecting traces of… I’m actually not sure what it is…” Tuvok began, breaking the Captain from her thoughts. Kathryn looked over her shoulder to see him frowning at the console. “Sensors indicate some form of explosive charge occurring approximately fifty metres from the hull.”  
“On screen.”  
Kathryn looked back ahead in time to see large explosions of colour erupting across the viewfinder and her eyes lit up with surprise.  
“They appear to be caused by a primitive fuel type.” Tuvok continued, and looked up at the screen with a raised eyebrow. “Origin unknown.”  
“Fireworks Mr Tuvok, nothing to be alarmed about.” Kathryn said breaking into a grin. “It’s just Jade and Q.” She cast her gaze towards Chakotay who was eyeing the viewscreen with a look of disapproval. “Let them have their fun.”  
Chakotay stood up and straightened his uniform.  
“There was a power couplet on deck seven that needed realigning. Since it’s so quiet, I might go attend to that now.” He said stiffly.  
“I’ll have someone from Engineering…” Kathryn began.  
“No..” Her Commander cut in abruptly. “They’re short staffed down there as it is, what with half the ship being down on the planet. I’ll take care of it.”  
Although it was obvious he wasn’t asking her permission, she nodded for him to proceed anyway. Chakotay gave her an affirmative nod back while barely daring to meet her gaze, before he quickly headed off the bridge taking the tense mood with him. Kathryn let out a long breath, grateful for some reprieve from his melancholic attitude. She then turned to her security chief, advising him that if anything else occurred outside of Q’s pyrotechnics, she would be in her ready room. 

About thirty minutes later, there was a flash of light and Jade appeared in front of the Captain’s desk.  
“Hey,” Kathryn exclaimed with surprise as she looked up from her pad. “I wasn’t expecting you back so soon. Did you have a nice time?”  
“Yeah, it was great.” Jade nodded enthusiastically. “Did you see the fireworks?” She then asked coming around to the side of the desk and hopping up on the top next to the Captain.  
“I did,” Kathryn replied, leaning back in her chair to stretch. “Looks like you two had fun.”  
“It was, although…” a sly grin broke across the teenager’s face as she rested back on her hands and swung her legs backwards and forwards. “It would have been much more fun if you’d been there.”  
“Yes, it definitely would have been much more fun that tactical reports.” Kathryn sighed after Jade filled her in on what they had done. It would have also been better than Chakotay’s sulking, she thought ruefully. “I’m sorry I missed it.”  
“Im sure Q is sorry you missed it too.” Jade grinned.  
Kathryn raised an eyebrow  
“I’m sure he coped.” She quipped sardonically as she tried to hide a smirk. “Where is your wayward father anyway?” she then asked in a somewhat forced casual tone as she rearranged the stacks of pads in front of her.  
Jade shrugged.  
“He said he had some things to ‘not organise’ for the ‘non-event’ that I’m not supposed to ask any questions about.” She said with roll of the eyes.  
Kathryn looked up in surprise and then she sighed and folded her arms.  
“Sometimes you are too clever for your own good, you know that?” She retorted with a raise of the eyebrow.  
“So I’ve been told.” Jade giggled.  
Kathryn broke into a reluctant grin.  
“Just be a good girl and go along with it okay?”  
“Under protest, I will try.”  
“Thank you,” The Captain replied in an exasperated tone. Her monitor beeped and she turned to the screen to review the report she had received regarding the Vidiian ship still lurking in the outer region of the sector.  
Jade sat quietly for a moment and then she cleared her throat.  
“Say, Kathryn,”  
“Yes Jade?” Kathryn looked up warily, recognising the tone that usually accompanied a question she wasn’t going to like. Jade picked up on her apprehension and gave her a grin.  
“Do you think you would ever get married?”  
Kathryn raised her eyebrows in surprise.  
“Married?” She sat back in her chair and gave her a mistrusting appraisal. “Why do you ask?”  
“I’m just curious. You know, if someone asked you, would you say yes?”  
The Captain folded her arms with a bemused yet skeptical expression on her features.  
“Is this a hypothetical question?”  
“Of course.” Jade attempted an innocent smile somewhat unconvincingly.  
Kathryn gave her a long decided look before letting out an exhale. Okay kid, I’ll bite.  
“Well I guess, hypothetically, yes…” she began carefully, “maybe, one day. I had intended to marry Mark, and that turned out… well, you know. I guess it would obviously depend who was asking.”  
“How about… say… a certain omnipotent gentleman we both know perhaps?”  
“Hah!” Kathryn let out a laugh, “I thought you said this was hypothetical?”  
“It is!” Jade protested putting up her hands. “It’s a… hypothetical omnipotent being who happens to look and sound a lot like Q...  
Kathryn crossed her arms.  
“Jade, why are you asking me this?”  
“Well.. Q likes you.. and you like him... and you want to be together so I just thought...”  
“What,” The Captain cut in with an incredulous expression, “that we should marry each other? Jade, it’s been a month. Not that even. I mean, I’ve liked people of this ship a hell of a lot longer than that and haven’t felt compelled to…”  
“Yeah well you aren’t sleeping with those people are you.” Jade cut in pointedly.  
Kathryn pursed her lips and shot the teenager a dangerous look. For a moment, she had sounded just like her guardian.  
“Careful young lady.” She warned. “Just because it’s your birthday, doesn’t mean you can’t talk yourself into trouble.  
Jade pulled a face, appearing to realise she had spoken out of turn. She then sighed and looked at her deploringly.  
“You know what I mean. It’s different with Q and you, you know it is.”  
“Yes i do, but what i want to know is why are you really asking about marriage?”  
Jade was silent for a moment, a serious expression crossing her young features as she looked down at her hands.  
“If... you marry Q, then it’s official. It’s forever.”  
“You clearly don’t know a lot about marriage,” Kathryn muttered in reply. She looked back up at the girl. “And anyway, there are plenty of cultures that don’t believe in the formalised acknowledgement of a partnership. Just because you love someone, it doesn’t mean you have to marry them.”  
“So you do love Q then?” Jade jumped in.  
“That’s not what I said.” Kathryn replied stiffly. “Did Q get as much of a hard time as you are giving me?”  
Jade let out a laugh and then flashed her an apologetic grin.  
“Yes, and he didn’t handle it nearly as well as you are.” She giggled. A strange look then clouded her features.  
“I just want to make sure that, if anything happens… if i’m not here.. then you guys will have each other; that Q will not be on his own.”  
“What do you mean?” Kathryn asked, suddenly suspicious of the direction of the conversation, especially in light of the girl’s morning disappearing act. “Where are you planning on going Jade?”  
“Nowhere,” Jade responded, somewhat grumpily. She jumped off the desk and stuck her hands in her pockets. “It’s just hypothetical remember.”  
“Well, I’d rather not think about hypothetical situations that don’t involve you in our life Jade.” The Captain rose from her seat. “And you don’t need to worry about Q and I…” She started, placing her hands on Jade’s shoulders. Jade frowned and cut her off.  
“But I do worry about it! When are you both going to wake up and realise that you are desperately in love with one another and your entire future happiness is based on being together?”  
Kathryn broke into a grin at the teenager’s frustration.  
“I don’t know, obviously not today but I’ll let you know when I do.” She chuckled and then headed over to the replicator to make the birthday girl and herself a coffee.  
“Urgh, you guys are insufferable.” Jade huffed and folded her arms. “It’s like you’re both afraid to be happy.”  
Kathryn stopped and sighed. This obviously wasn’t going to be placated with just caffeine.  
“Computer. Seal the doors.” She called and looked back at Jade, gesturing to the sofa, “Come, sit with me for a moment.”  
She made them both a coffee while Jade shuffled over to the couch and sat down with a huff. Kathryn handed her a mug and sat down next to her. There was silence for a moment and then Kathryn leaned back and let out a long exhale. “Yes, you are right. I am afraid.” She then said, staring down into the black liquid circling into her mug.  
“Starfleet teaches you, as a Captain, that you can never be vulnerable, that you must make judgements without fear.”  
But I…” she hesitated and then met the girl’s gaze.  
“I... I spoke out of turn,” Jade quickly cut in sheepishly. “I know you’re not afraid of anything. You are the bravest person I know.” She added with a small smile.  
“Hah, I think you have earned that title,” kathryn replied, gently brushing Jade’s hair back behind her ear, “In truth Jade, I am afraid. I’m afraid all of the time. I’m afraid I will fail my crew, that I’m not doing m best by them; I’m afraid I won’t get them home. I’m afraid for you Jade, for the life you have to live, and I’m selfishly afraid for what my own life would be like if I lost you… and the thing I’m most afraid of, what completely terrifies me, is that… when I’m with you… when I’m with Q… I am so stupidly happy that it makes my heart want to burst in my chest. I am so scared because that man… that self centred, condescending, obnoxious, omnipotent bastard truly is one of the best men I have ever known and I have come to feel an affection for him that is so deep I cannot put it into words.” There was no filter now and Kathryn could feel the words tumbling out of her mouth before she could stop them. She gulped and took a brief moment as her confession threatened to overwhelm her before continuing. “I'm not even sure when it happened, it's been coming on so gradually. I never used to feel that way, but now I do, so very dearly. I’m afraid that I may not be able to turn these feelings off. That my ability to function, to Captain this ship will be compromised by his presence... or worse, his absence. It was easier when I despised him, but of course, it's Q. He knew it would drive me mad to care about him and so he made me. And now, I can do nothing but care about him. ” She paused and then a reluctant smirk played on her lips.  
“And I hate him for it.”  
Jade grinned although her eyes were glassy.  
“Yes I can tell.” She teased. She then placed a hand on the Captain’s and looked at her earnestly. “But what confuses me is why won’t you tell him. He thinks that you don’t love him.”  
“I don’t…” Kathryn began automatically before trailing off into a sigh. “I don’t know how i feel.”  
“But don’t you think…”  
“I can’t Jade. It’s…”  
“Complicated?” The teenager offered. “That is the word of the week isn’t it?” She added a little sulkily and withdrew her hand. Kathryn immediately grabbed it back.  
“You know why it is. Voyager has to be my priority. As are you. How Q and I feel about each other, how ever important that is to me, it has to come second to that. It’s just easier if we try to keep things as simple as possible.”  
“Love is simple.” Jade protested.  
“Not when it’s between mortal Star Fleet Captain and the omnipotent playboy of the cosmos.” Kathryn grumbled and folded her arms.  
Jade was quiet for a moment and then a smirk crept across her face.  
“Sounds pretty romantic though doesn’t it?”  
Kathryn started to laugh despite herself and shook her head.  
“Sometimes you are more like your father than you realise.”


	58. The devil in the rain

Kathryn still had a few tasks to complete before she finished up on the bridge so Jade said she would leave her to it and catch up with her later.   
“I have some things to do first anyway.” The girl added in a mumbled manner as if the comment was after-thought to herself rather than the Captain. Noting the change in tone, the Captain glanced up from her pad.   
“What things?” She asked, eying the teenager suspiciously.   
The pensive look on Jade’s face disappeared as quickly as it had arrived and her expression immediately lightened with a mischievous air.  
“Just... things.” She retorted and stuck her hands in her pockets with a shrug.   
“Right...” Kathryn broke into a reluctant grin of her own, not fooled for a moment by the innocent smile she was being granted. “Just stay out of the jeffries tubes alright?”  
Jade giggled.   
“Yes Captain.”  
The girl then gave her a nod and began to move her towards the ready room door. Kathryn was about the turn her attention back to her pad when it suddenly dawned on her that the party would commence in a couple of hours. She wanted them to have time to get ready; it might be nice, she thought, to get dressed up for the party together.  
“Oh Jade?”   
Jade stopped near the exit and turned around with a questioning expression.  
“Make sure you’re home before 1900 okay?”  
“Why? What’s at 1900?” Jade asked teasingly, putting her hands on her hips.  
Kathryn responded by raising her eyebrow, a non-verbal response which was somehow enough to make the teenager understand she didn’t have a choice nor should she ask questions.  
“Fine.” she sighed.  
“I mean it.”  
“Okay.. okay… “ Jade began to back towards the door, holding up her palms in surrender and flashing the Captain an appeasing grin. Kathryn put down the pad and gave her a parental look.   
“…and don’t go wandering off.”   
“I won’t!” Jade paused and crossed her arms, an exasperated expression on her face. “Can I please go now?”  
“Permission granted.” Kathryn retorted and motioned for her to leave, trying to hide the smirk creeping over her features. Jade let out a dramatic sigh of relief and waved goodbye, before skipping out of the ready room with the air of someone about to go do something they had been specifically told not to. Kathryn watched her leave with a shake of the head and a bemused expression on her face. Through the open doors, she could see the bridge and noted that Chakotay had not returned to his post. She did not need to question why it was taking him so long to fix the power couplet, nor why he had volunteered so quickly to attend to it himself. The answer was, of course, as it always was… Q. The smile faded from the Captain’s face. She had been so relieved when it had appeared her Commander was beginning to accept their newest crew member on board, perhaps even finally realising how much the teenager meant to her. However, as soon Q reappeared, that new found sound friendliness quickly soured and he had reverted back to the brooding, one word grunting thorn in her side. Kathryn leaned back in her chair and sighed. It was never going to be that easy, she mused. Still, there was tonight to look forward to, so let’s just take it one day at a time. 

Kathryn finished off what she needed to do in record time and arrived back in her quarters by 1830. Jade wasn’t there so she replicated herself a glass of wine and took it into the bedroom. Opening the cupboard, she peered unenthusiastically at her clothing options. Tom had planned a lavish affair and the dress code was formal attire. A rail of sensible, low-key neutrals stared back at her; Kathryn sighed, her wardrobe hardly fit the bill. She wondered if she had time to try and have something replicated. Heading back into the living room, she noted she’d finished her first glass of wine without realising and promptly replicated another. Pausing at the mirror on the wall, she appraised herself with a underwhelmed sigh. Pulling out the clip from her chignon and shaking her head, she let her hair tumbled down around her shoulders. Still not much better, she mused, and took another big sip of her wine.   
There was a flash and Q appeared behind her.   
“Ah there you are.” He cried with delight and immediately wrapped his arms around her waist, peering over her shoulder at her seductively.   
“Good evening.”  
“Hi.” Kathryn quipped with surprise as she met the gaze of his reflection.   
“Mmmm you smell delicious.” Q murmured, gently scooping her hair from her shoulder so he could plant a sensual kiss under her ear. “Where’s the munchkin?”  
“No idea. Apparently she had ‘something to take care of’.”  
Q chuckled and wrapped his arms around her waist again.   
“Of course she did. We’re supposed to be surprising her and she is the one with the secrets. Any clue as to what?”“None at all,” Kathryn’s smile gave way to a grimace. “but as long as we can see her doing it on sensors, I don’t mind.”  
Q gave her a questioning look, clearly not understanding the meaning of her statement.  
“Never mind.” She quickly added, “I gave her a 1900 curfew, so no doubt it’ll be sometime after then.”  
Q's eyes lit up with a mischievous sparkle.   
“That’s convenient.”   
“In what way?”  
“Well, we’re all alone.” He commented and waggled his eyebrows suggestively.  
“Indeed we are.” Kathryn grinned back at him and leaned herself into the curve of his body. Q let out an excited moan and allowed his grasp to loosen enough so he could run his fingers along her waist and up the sides of her torso. The sensation of his hands on her was delicious and the Captain felt herself immediately relax into his touch. It was surprising to her how much she had missed being in his arms.   
“You’re in a much better mood than you were this morning.” Q remarked with a chuckle as he continued his exploratory roaming over her body.   
“What can I say," Kathryn closed her eyes and tilted her head back against him, releasing a blissful sigh as his hands began inching lower. “You are far less frustrating than you were this morning.”  
"Oh I can still frustrate you dear Captain..." Q purred in her ear. “If you’ll let me?”  
“Let you? According to you this morning, you’re apparently in charge in my quarters.”  
Q paused and then quickly turned her around to face him, clasping her forearms in his hands so that he could crush her whole body against his own.   
“Why Captain,” he grinned seductively, “I do believe the idea excites you?”  
Kathryn could feel her heart pounding her chest. Q was holding her so tightly, she almost couldn’t breath. She could sense his urge to possess her, to take control. It was overwhelmingly arousing. Q was right, it did excite her.   
“Assuming you could manage such a feat, what would you command of me?” She whispered, raising an eyebrow suggestively. Leaning closer in, her lips were almost touching his.   
Q laughed, seemingly impressed, pleased and surprised she was playing his game. Despite wanting to assert his authority, he obviously cared about her too much not to seek her permission first. It was a sweet notion, and it made Kathryn’s heart flutter a little despite her better judgement.   
“You.. Me.. Bed. Now.” Q then growled provocatively. “That’s an order.”   
The Captain tried to stop herself from giggling.  
“Jade will be back soon.” She tried to reply in a sensible tone.   
“Captain, I have unlimited control of time and space.” Q mumbled as he began to gently press his lips across the line of her jaw, all the while undoing her Captain’s jacket and sliding it over her shoulders. “I can hold you in this moment for all eternity if I want to.”  
As tempting as that was, Kathryn wasn’t going to make it easy for him.   
“No.” She replied biting her bottom lip as she tried to fight the growing sensations of lust Q’s light kisses were stirring in her.   
“No?” Q dropped her jacket on the floor and looked up; for a moment, he appeared surprised. Then he flashed her a wolfish grin.   
“I do believe that’s insubordination.”   
Kathryn grinned as she found herself leaning back against a wall Q had been ever so discreetly edging her back towards.   
“Oh... and what is the punishment for such a heinous crime?”  
Q stretched her arms gently above her head, clearly enjoying the way her back arched and her lips parted as he did. Keeping his hold on her wrists, he pressed himself against her and allowed his lips to work their way across her collar bone and up her neck. Kathryn’s body screamed for more but Q kept his touch gentle enough to be both arousing and frustrating. His lips almost made their way to her own, but as she moved to receive him, they pulled away.   
“Oh I have many ways of making you succumb to me.” He then whispered teasingly. “Why don’t you make it easy on yourself and yield?”  
Kathryn opened her eyes and stared back at the handsome face inches from her own. Every tiny molecule of her body wanted to kiss him but she held her composure. She lifted her gaze to meet his, her chin jutted out in mock defiance, a mischevious twinkle in her eyes. Leaning into his shoulder, she allowed her breath to tickle his ear, causing Q to shiver.  
“I will not comply.” She finally uttered, a smirk on her face.  
Q chuckled as he leaned back to appraise her, an expression of desire and pride on his face.  
“I would expect nothing less sweet Captain.” He then declared. “Fine.” He lifted effortlessly upwards so she had to wrap her legs around him and then sandwiched her against the wall. Kathryn let out a gasp as she felt Q crush his body into her intimately. “I guess here will have to do.” He pressed his lips against her own with a groan. With her wrists now released, Kathryn threw her arms around his neck and kissed him passionately. Q had one hand against the mirror, the other clasped around her backside, only swapping the grip when Kathryn began to remove his starfleet jacket, desperate to have her hands on his flesh. He was going to have her here, right up against the living room wall, and Kathryn couldn’t think at that moment of anything she would have wanted more. Every move Q made, every way he touched her drove her crazy. Love might have been complicated, but this… this carnal need… this was simple. This she could give in to.   
“Sweet cosmos, you drive me to distraction woman.” Q declared as he released himself from her lips to eagerly pull her undershirt over her head. Kathryn giggled and raised her arms to assist him. The shirt came off, but since her hair was unsecured, the static from the material made it tumble in a mess over her face. Behind the long tresses, she heard the omnipotent being chuckle as he attempted to help her smooth it back. Finally freed from her hair, she suddenly found Q’s eyes inches from her own, staring at her with a strange expression.   
“You’re beautiful.” He then said with a smile. Before Kathryn could protest, Q kissed her; a long, urgent, wanting kiss that made Kathryn want to sink to the floor and bury herself in his arms forever. Damn it, Q, she thought with annoyance. How did he always manage to do that? How did he always make her feel more than she was determined she would?  
“Oh.. I missed you.” Q continued between soft kisses. The mood was changing, Kathryn could feel it. He released his hold on her backside, and let her slide down to standing height against the wall. His hands move to frame her face and, with a blissful sigh, he pressed himself against her, slowly drawing her in to a more sensual embrace. Now, he was kissing her like a lover, like someone with feelings, someone in love… and Kathryn was reciprocating. She couldn’t help it. She had missed this.   
“Mmm. Me too.” She thought. Wait… did she think that? Or did she say it? Too distracted by Q’s affection, she had been momentarily unaware of the gap between her brain and her mouth. Oh god, please tell me I just thought that, she winced internally. Still with her eyes closed, she felt Q pause and break from her kiss.   
Shit. Shit. Shit.   
Annoyed and embarrassed at her slip, and unwilling to risk seeing the reaction it had provoked in Q, she immediately cast her eyes to ceiling. Trying to avoid the omnipotent being was, however, useless as he was a good foot taller than her, and so her upturned gaze was met with a surprised yet bemused expression.  
“You did?”  
“I...” Kathryn mumbled, a hot flush suddenly rising in her cheeks.  
Q broke into a grin.   
“How much?”  
“Don’t start Q.” She snapped irritably, trying to push him away.  
“I didn’t start this Madam Captain,” he gently moving her back, blocking her exit. “You’re the one admitting your undying affection for me.”  
“I said I missed you too, that’s hardly the same thing.”  
“Ahhh, so I didn’t hear wrong.” Q leaned in, a devilish smirk on his face. “You do miss me then.”  
“Only when you’re not talking.” Kathryn retorted folding her arms.  
“Don’t be grumpy Kathy.” Q chuckled and brushed her hair back so he could see her face properly. “I did tell you that you would succumb to me.”   
Kathryn tried not to laugh but the self-satisfied mischevious look on Q’s face made it impossible.   
“Dammit Q.” She cried with a reluctant smirk and shook her head. “Just kiss me okay?”  
“Yes ma’am.” Q grinned. He clasped one hand arm behind her back to pull her close, leaned in and then paused for a moment, just before his mouth touched hers. Then, reaching down with his free hand, he took hold of her own and brought it to his lips. Kathryn watched with bated breath as he tenderly kissed her palm and then held the hand to his cheek. As the contact was made, he drew a sharp breath and closed his eyes, clasping the hand tighter against his skin and allowing his fingers to interlace with hers.   
“My dear sweet Kathy...” he began, and then let out a long sigh.   
Kathryn felt her heartbeat racing in her chest as she watched, with surprise, Q caught in his moment. He had been right, she had missed him, as much as she wished she could deny it. She had missed every part of him, even the talking. Everything. Using the hand he was clasping, she quickly drew his face close to her own and kissed him in a way that expressed deep and undeniable affection, a kiss that surprised both the immortal and the Captain. They broke from their embrace, still only inches from one another, both caught in an expression neither expected, an expression that gave way to a knowing smile and followed by another long sensual kiss.  
“Q?” Kathryn said finally, her voice seeming small in the vastness of the emotions she was experiencing.  
Q opened his eyes with a questioning look.   
“Take me to bed?”  
The look on Q’s face was indescribable at that moment, caught somewhere between adoration, vulnerability and surprise; an unseen expression on a Q she was sure and one that captured her heart in a way that threatened to miss a few beats. He reached down and slipped his hands under her legs and behind her back so he could lift her up, while Kathryn put her arms around his neck. As he collected her his arms, their gaze met and Kathryn gave him a reassuring smile. Q clasped her a little closer to his chest and then carried her into the bedroom. All thoughts of burying emotions, of hiding from feelings, would be left outside for now. Tonight was not for that and tomorrow, after all, was another day.


	59. Dark Materials

After leaving the Captain’s ready room, Jade had headed immediately towards the cargo bay. She’d overheard from the crewman on the helm that Tom’s shuttle was on its way back to Voyager and she wanted to catch him to apologise for having to look for her. She also needed to talk to Obi Wan about the experience she’d had on the roof of the ship. Jade had never felt like that before; it’d been such an overwhelming and indescribable pull in every direction, like every atom in the universe had called to her, a sensation that had shaken her to the very core. On reflection, she figured she potentially owed an apology to the spark as well. Her behaviour in the morning had been reckless and stupid, and she'd also said some pretty awful things to the ancient being in her anger. Although she hadn't asked to be lumbered with the interfering consciousness of a cosmic weapon, Jade supposed that the spark would not necessarily have wished to be joined to a messed up, impulsive, emotional human either. They were stuck with one another and Obi Wan was at least trying to make it work. I really should try harder to do the same, she mused as she hurried up the corridor. The spark had been right after all, she would have put herself and the ship in danger if she had left. It has also been right when it has said things between Kathryn and Chakotay had not been what she had initially thought. Jade knew she could be hot headed and impulsive but she was trying her best to get it right. Sometimes it all just felt too much. Why could she not be better at this? Why did she keep fucking things up? Ahead, Jade spotted Neelix heading towards her up the corridor. She knew he would keep her talking, especially since her disappearing act in the morning. While she appreciated his concern, she didn't have the time to appease him. She had apologies to make. She had questions that needed answering. She ducked down a side corridor and darted for a Jeffries tube hatch set into the wall. She knew she'd promised the Captain only five minutes earlier that she wouldn't go in there again but it was hardly the first promise she had broken that morning, and the way the day was going she doubted it would be the last. Jade opened the door and, after casting a quick glance around her to make sure she wasn’t spotted, she climbed inside before making her away along the tunnels of the ship towards the direction of the cargo bay. She knew the ship pretty well by now and figured if she climbed down a few more decks, she would end up exactly where she needed to be with plenty of time to spare. Of course, having now bypassed Neelix, she could have climbed out and walked the rest of the way but seeing how she'd already gone back on her word to the Captain, she may as well make use of the shortcut, she figured. Besides, knowing her luck, she'd probably pop out and run straight into Tuvok. Jade paused at a pitstop, a little out of breath from her climb, and sat on the edge by the ladder for a moments rest. It didn't seem like that long since Obi Wan and she had been hiding in here, she desperate to run, the spark desperate to make her stay. She had seen the frustration on its face, the disappointment. Such human expressions for a being so... inhuman. Was B inhuman though? The more time they spent together, the more Jade began to see the ancient being present itself less like the stepford cyborg she had first met and become slowly more familiar... more like Jade in fact. The teenager winced, that wasn't necessarily a good thing. Perhaps it was time she set a better example of what humanity had to offer. 

“B.” She hissed, conscious of her own voice alone in the dark. “B, are you there?”  
Nothing. Jade frowned.  
"Obi Wan? I know you're listening." She then called into the dark. Still nothing. Jade closed her eyes and focused, trying to settle her mind into a state that might allow her to better communicate with the ancient being. She sat quietly for almost ten minutes before her patience finally ran out. "Oh come on, B. I'm sorry about this morning alright?"  
"So you should be." A voice replied. Jade opened her eyes and saw that the spark was sitting across from her at the other side of the vertical shaft. "Still here I see?" It added, a little testily.  
"Yes, I had it on good authority from someone much wiser than me that it was in my best interest to stay," Jade replied with a smirk.  
The spark eyeballed her dubiously but did not reply. Fine, thought Jade, I really don't have time for this.  
"Listen, I just want a word...”  
“Just one?” Obi Wan cut in folding its arms. Jade let out a laugh.  
“If you’re lucky,” she retorted, and then mirrored Obi Wan’s stance, “What took you so long anyway? I was calling you for over ten minutes.”  
“I don't just appear when you call Jade."  
"No, you just pop up unexpectedly when I don't need you to."  
"Actually, if you must know, I was busy,” Obi Wan responded with a sulky glare, "I was researching.”  
Jade raised her eyebrows in surprise.  
“Researching?”  
“Researching humankind. I’ve been watching your timeline so I can understand and communicate with you better since my efforts thus far have been relatively unsuccessful.”  
“Is that how you’ve become so unbelievably sarky of late?” Jade scoffed with a expression of bemusement.  
“Hey, it’s not my fault sarcasm and profanity are my host's preferred methods of communication.” Obi Wan replied grumpily. “What do you want anyway? I’m assuming it’s not advice as I know you don’t listen to it.”  
“Jees," Jade rolled her eyes, "I’m not sure I’m digging this whole new human you. It’s kinda bossy.” She paused, watching the spark trying to avoid her gaze. It was hard not to laugh, the idea that this billion year old being of unlimited power, that was being hunted by the worst of the universe, becoming rather taken with acting like a petulant teenager. Jade wondered if this was how Q and Kathryn felt dealing with her sometimes. With an appeasing grin, she shifted herself around the hole so she could sit next to the spark.  
“I said I was sorry?”  
“Jade,” The spark sighed and met her gaze, “I am as old as time itself and I have more wisdom than all the beings you have encountered.. put together.” She added, “My previous host and I shared a profound bond, one that lasted for eons. What we had, no other being could possibly understand.”  
“Stop,” Jade retorted sardonically, “You’re making me all jealous of the ex.”  
Obi Wan gave her a withering sigh.  
“My point is that you are not the only one who misses their family Jade, you’re not the only one who feels alone.”  
Jade looked up with surprise. She had not thought much about where B had come from and it hadn't even occured to her that the spark may be missing someone, that it might have the capacity to be home sick. Jade immediately felt guilty. She really hadn’t gotten to know Obi Wan at all.  
“I’m trying to get to know you, learn your ways." The spark continued before she could answer, "To start that from scratch within a whole new context of existence is hard for me. My union with my previous host was celebrated by his people openly, my wisdom revered and respected. I'm not running and hiding. I’m not used to being told to ‘butt out’, or as you most eloquently put it this morning ‘calm the fuck down’. I’m not used to having my teachings rejected or being told not to worry. I’m not used to worrying at all in fact. My last host, their species didn’t experience emotions the way yours does. I’ve never had to be annoyed before. I've never had to be sad or fearful. This is a new sensation for me.”  
“I can offer you disappointed, melancholic and and overwhelmed too you’re interested." Jade muttered, playing with the end of her jumper sleeve. She let out a long sigh, looking down into the black abyss below her.  
"I'm sorry alright? I really am." She finally replied, her tone sincere and regretful. "You were right earlier, I am selfish... and I am only thinking about myself. I didn't stop and think how you feel... that you do, in fact, actually feel. I didn't even consider that this is probably as difficult for you as it is for me, probably even more so seeing as you’re not the one in the driving seat. I do know what it’s like to lose your family though..." She shrugged, "I guess that’s common ground at least? We both know what its like to feel alone in the cosmos."  
A hand appeared in her line of sight as the spark took hers in its own. Jade met her gaze with surprise.  
"You're not alone Jade, and I don't think you are selfish. You put others before yourself unconditionally. I saw that when you refused to give up Kathryn and Q to stop Fernand’s assault, I see that in every decision you make...” Obi Wan gave her a knowing smile, “However much I sometimes disagree with it. I wouldn't have joined with you if I thought otherwise. You are a good person," The spark then grinned. "The best in fact." It pulled its hand away so it could put an arm over the teenager's shoulders. "and i actually enjoy our little debates, despite appearances."  
Jade giggled and leaned her head on the ancient being's shoulder. For the first time, it felt comforting to know that the spark would always be rattling around in her head. For the rest of her days, however long the cosmos chose to give her, she would never truly be alone and neither would B.  
"Me too." She replied with a smile.  
"So what was your question anyway?" Obi Wan then asked. "You said you needed a word."  
Jade lifted her head.  
"Oh yeah..." She'd almost forgotten all about it and quickly explained what had happened on the top of the ship.  
The spark listened intently and then broke into a chuckle.  
“That was the universe Jade." It replied when she had finished.  
“Yes…?” Jade beckoned for her to continue, somewhat impatiently.  
“Jade, we are connected to every inch of this cosmos, and it calls to us, it calls to you, can't you hear it?" When Jade shook her head, the spark smiled, "Close your eyes."  
Reluctantly, Jade did as instructed.  
"Focus. One day you shall be able to see everything that has been brought into being and everything that one day will be. You are not strong enough yet. What you can see now is the remnants of creation, the left over energy expelled by new and glorious things being born into the universe. It appears to you as golden light does it not? Focus hard. Follow that light out into the emptiness Jade, follow it out as far as you can go."  
Jade frowned, in the blackness of her mind she became aware of a golden thread of dust that seemed to lead out into an impenetrable dark. It drew her out in the same way it had on the roof of Voyager, a pull so great she could barely stand it. A voice that she couldn't hear and yet couldn't deny seemed to beckon her from beyond a place she couldn't see. Suddenly, she began to feel disoriented, like she was falling through the night into a bottomless nothing.  
'But the darkness..." She stuttered as she felt it close around her.  
"That is potential. That is what I... we... are yet to create." She heard the spark whisper, "Everything the light touches is ours to bring life."  
Jade could feel her heart banging in her chest. She couldn't breath. With a gasp, she opened her eyes and shot herself back into reality.  
"Alright Mufasa, I get it." She snapped catching her breath, and resisting the urge to release Q's food down the vertical shaft.  
The spark raised an eyebrow as she helped the girl sit back upright from her current lurch forward.  
“You know, I'm starting to understand these references now and somehow it doesn’t make it any better.” It retorted with a reluctant smirk.  
Seeing her pale complexion, Obi Wan then placed its hands on top of Jade's and gave her a reassuring smile.  
"I know it's overwhelming and that's okay. You're still very young Jade, much younger than my previous host. What you have managed so far, what you have achieved, is way beyond my expectations. You don't realise your potential, not yet.. but i will teach you. There is so much for you to learn."  
"Like how to stop the universe from making me want to hurl up my lunch?" Jade muttered, wiping her mouth with her sleeve. She then met the spark's gaze with a questioning gaze.  
"Do... do you really think you can teach me how to, like, use the force or something?"  
Obi Wan stared at her incredulously for a moment and then finally broke into a grin.  
"Yes Jade, yes I do."


	60. Sandbox

“You’re not supposed to be in here.”  
Jade looked up to see Commander Chakotay peering back at her from the entrance of one of the side tunnels of the atrium. He was carrying what looked like a repair kit over his shoulder, and on his face an expression of suspicion was clearly evident.  
“I think he is talking to you,” Obi Wan whispered conspiratorially, gazing between its host and the Commander with unease.  
“I gathered.” Jade muttered back, shooting the spark a look of annoyance.  
“Excuse me?” Chakotay raised an eyebrow, not understanding that the response had been directed toward an invisible presence in the room and not himself.  
Jade and Obi Wan glanced at one another, and the ancient being gave a shrug.  
“Umm I think that’s my cue,” It quipped and, in a manner that reminded Jade of Q, clicked its fingers and disappeared. Thanks a lot, Jade steamed. She quickly turned her attention back to Voyager’s first officer.  
“Sorry Commander, I meant yes I know I shouldn’t be here. I was just leaving.” She mumbled, turning away to make a hasty exit.  
“You caused a lot of worry this morning you know.” Chakotay called after her, causing Jade to pause. "The Captain was frantic."  
The teenager stared at the tunnel ahead for a moment, her hand resting above her on the wall. Dropped her head, she let out a long breath, feeling her cheeks grow warm.  
"I know.”  
“So try not to get lost on the way back to your quarters." Chakotay continued in a clipped tone, "You know the way don’t you?”  
Jade lifted her head.  
“Better than you know the way back to yours apparently.” She quipped, a smirk playing on her lips.  
“What did you say?”  
Jade turned and saw that the Commander's face had gone a colour similar to a beetroot. The hand clasped around the handle on the repair kit was gripping so tightly his fingers had gone white. He looked really pissed. Having just spent the last ten minutes placating Obi Wan, Jaded wasn't exactly feeling generous with her patience. She'd tried to make peace with Chakotay before and that had been a disaster. Still, harmony on board Voyager was vital to Kathryn's happiness and she didn't want to cause the Captain any more upset. She took a breath and then stepped a little closer to the commander.  
"Look, I know I messed up okay? I've already spoken to Kathryn, I said I was sorry, that I shouldn't have run; I was just... freaking out I guess. It's cool though, we're all good."  
Chakotay said nothing, staring at her intensely from across the opening of the vertical shaft. Jade crossed her arms and frowned. "You're not exactly the innocent party in this either you know, have you apologised to her as well?" She added, her softer tone quickly returning to one of irritation.  
"Apologised?" Chakotay raised an eyebrow, "What for?"  
"You know what for." Jade retorted, giving him a decided look.  
The Commander pursed his lips tightly and ran his free hand through his hair. He appeared to be considering his response carefully and Jade placed her hands on her hips impatiently as she waited for his response. Finally, his gaze rested back on the girl stood in front on him, and a small expression of surprise flashed over his features.  
"I suggest you run along now Jade." He then said softly, and turned back to the tunnel from which he had arrive. Jade frowned, she was expecting a more combative retort.  
"Hit a nerve did I?" She called after him.  
Chakotay stopped and looked up at the ceiling, appearing to let out a sigh.  
"Nope, just getting on one." He sang back in response. To her confusion, he then shook his head and let out a laugh.  
"You are just like her you know?"  
"What?"  
"The Captain." Chakotay turned back around and folded his arms, a bemused look on his face. "You are just as stubborn, just as frustrating. You even stand like she does." He gestured at her stance causing Jade to immediately remove her hands from her hips. "I swear, it's like looking at mini Kathryn Janeway..." he exclaimed, coming towards her, "you never listen, you always must have the last word, you always have to be right and..." he stopped in front of the teenager and placed a hand on her shoulder, "like the older version who you, quite rightly, model yourself on, you usually are."  
Jade's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "And just like i was when I first met the Captain," Chakotay continued, "I imagine that it will take some time for me to work out how this get... dynamic right between us, but that doesn't mean I don't respect or admire you Jade, especially after... you know, everything you have been through." He then sighed and gave the girl a strange look. "Kathryn always wanted children one day, not that she ever said, but I knew she did, and if I had to imagine what that would have been like, I can only see you. I try to think if things had been different... but that is irrelevant, it doesn't matter. Whatever future I try to imagine, whatever variable I try to change, I couldn't ever think up a more suitable daughter for her than you Jade."  
Jade opened her mouth and then closed it again, appearing suddenly unsure of what to say.  
"Finally silent, that's a first." Chakotay quipped, looking a little uncomfortable himself at the new sentiment he had shared.  
Jade pulled a face.  
"You're not going to start being, like, nice to me now are you?"  
Chakotay broke into a grin.  
"Why, would you rather we argued our way back to the Alpha Quadrant?"  
Trying to hide how pleased it made her that the First Officer had inadvertently acknowledged his acceptance of her staying on board, Jade shrugged nonchalantly.  
"I dunno," she smirked "I kinda enjoy it."  
Chakotay let out a laugh and nodded his head.  
"Good, I was rather hoping you did." He then smiled and patted her the shoulder.  
"Go on, run along. You'll be late for your birthday party."  
“So there is party?” Jade jumped in eagerly. The colour from Chakotay’s face drained as he realised his error.  
“You.. didn’t know?"  
“No, i think it was supposed to be a surprise.”  
“Oh right.” He pulled at his collar awkwardly, "I didn't actually read Tom's invite."  
Jade could see the fear on the Commander's face at the idea of upsetting his Captain anymore than he already had done that day.  
“It’s okay,” she replied with a grin, “I won’t say that you said anything."  
Noting the suspicious mirth on her face, Chakotay crossed his arms and gave her a mistrusting look.  
"What's the catch?"  
"You have to do something for me?"  
"Which is?"  
Jade clapped him playfully on the shoulder, clearly enjoying his discomfort, and then turned back the way she had came. As she climbed into the adjacent Jeffries tube, she paused and looked over her shoulder, much as she had done when she and Kathryn had left together earlier.  
"Stop being a dick and come to my party." She grinned. Chakotay broke into a reluctant smirk and put his hands on his hips.  
"Stop being an insufferable know-it-all and maybe I might."  
"Deal." Jade gave him a wink and headed off in the direction of the cargo bay, a funny bubbly happy sensation humming in her chest that kept a ridiculous smile on her face the whole way.


	61. Tapestry

Jade climbed out of the Jeffries tube and continued her journey towards the cargo bay. She’d lost time talking to Obi Wan and Chakotay, and wondered if perhaps the Flyer had already docked. As she turned a corridor, she saw a familiar person coming towards her.  
"Tom!"  
Lieutenant Paris came to a grinding halt, a expression of surprise on his face. Jade slowed in her advance, realising how startled he looked. Oh... he is mad, she thought with a gulp. Tom had known she had been found, so he must have still pissed at her for running off in the first place. She lowered her hand from the wave she’d given and clasped it with the other behind her back. After giving her a long stare, Tom then, to her relief, grinned.   
“A welcome home party? I’m flattered."  
“Yeah…” Jade laughed nervously, “Sooo, on a scale of one to ten, how angry are you exactly?”  
Tom approached her and adopted a quizzical expression.   
"Why would i be mad?"  
"Because of my little disappearing act this morning?"  
"Oh.. right no, of course not. As long as you're alright, that's all I care about." He said with a smile and put his arm over her shoulders. Together they walked back in the direction Jade had arrived from.   
"Oh good, Okay.. cool." She sighed with relief, before her expression broke into a mischievous grin. “In that case, maybe you can let me in on what’s going on tonight?”  
“Tonight?”  
“Oh, don’t play dumb, word on the street is you’ve got a hand in my birthday celebrations.”  
Paris let out a dramatic gasp.  
“Birthday? Why, is it your birthday?”  
“You know it is.” Jade smirked, casting a suspicious glare at him as she elbowed him playfully in the ribs.   
Tom pulled away in a over-acted impression of pain.  
“I don’t know anything about it sorry,” he finally shrugged, “but if you'd wanted a party you should have said."   
“Tom, I know you’re hiding something...”  
“I’m hiding all sorts of things," The Lieutenant chuckled teasingly, “if I told you any of them, I’d certainly have to kill you.” Giving her a wink, he backed away towards a side corridor in a bid to escape to her questions. Jade folded her arms and pouted, as he waved and shouted “maybe I’ll see you later?” before disappearing out of sight.   
The Captain has trained him well, Jade fumed as she considered what to do next. She needed someone who would let a few secrets slip, someone who might potentially let her know what the night had in store for her. She suddenly broke into a wide smile and headed towards the turbo lift; perhaps she had been wrong to avoid Mr Neelix after all.

By the time Jade arrived at Kathryn’s quarters, she felt like she had achieved quite a lot. Neelix had told her that under no circumstances was there a party, and if there had been a party, which there wasn’t, he would not be catering it. But if he had agreed to cater, then of course it would be an elegant smorgasbord of canapés hailing from the most exotic planets in the quadrant. That was the only fitting menu for an elegant party, Neelix advised the girl as she nodded in agreement and tried not to laugh; not that there was a ball being organised of course, he added. With Mr Neelix unintentionally setting a clear image in her mind of the type of night Kathryn, Q and Tom had planned, Jade then visited a few more members of the crew. This time, it was not to ask questions but to make a few additions to the plans of her own. They, after all, were not the only ones capable of pulling off a surprise or two. The doors to the quarters and Jade was met with a scene that made her eyebrows raise in astonishment. Having sat with Kathryn in her ready room and listened grumpily as the Captain relayed her usual speech about how duty and responsibility was more important than her own happiness and her affection for Q only a couple of hours earlier, Jade was amazed to find her sitting on the sofa in her dressing gown curled up in the arms of the man she claimed it was too complicated to get to close to. Q, also in his robe, was sitting back against the chair, one arm stretched back, the other over the shoulders of the Captain, his fingers gently tracing a line across her collar bone. Kathryn had her feel curled up the side and her head resting comfortably against his chin. She had a large white book resting over both of their laps and they appeared to the pouring over the contents together. They looked up simultaneously when the doors open.   
“Hey kiddo.” Q  
“What... are you guys doing?” Jade said breaking into a suspicious smirk as she took in the intimate scene. Neither adult appeared to be abashed by her entrance, instead looking pleased to see her.   
“Q’s showing me some photos of you, from when you were younger.” Kathryn grinned, “You were adorable.”  
“What photos…” Jade asked, coming instead. Q lifted the large book up a little so she could see the cover and an expression of realisation crossed over her face.   
“I remember that album.” She exclaimed, perching next to Q on the sofa, “but… where did you get it?”  
“I kept hold of it when we left your parents place.” Q replied, with a knowing smile. “Thought you might want it at some point.”   
“I don’t remember it being so full.” Jade said as she flipped a couple of pages over of the jam-packed photo album. “Mother got fed up of trying to take photos of me looking clean and angelic.” She added pulling a face.   
“Oh I love this one.” Kathryn giggled pointing to a photograph of a little girl, perhaps five or six, stood facing the camera. “This I can totally tell is you.”  
The girl in the picture was wearing a pink dress and didn’t look too happy about it. Her hair was pulled back into black pigtails, framing a blunt fringe that shot out into multiple directions, and her eyes were bright green and unmistakably mischievous. Already there was mud smeared across the front and her arms were folded in defiance.Next to her appeared to be the back of a woman who was in mid-lecture by the look of her frozen hand gestures. In the next photo, the girl was slightly older, her hair longer and more wild. Her eyes were closed and her head thrown back in laughter, the chocolate that covered her mouth and hands clearly visible. Another picture, this time on a bike, legs sticking out to catch speed on a downward slope, the girl wore the same beaming smile. Q turned the page, to show a photo taken at the beach, the girl transformed to look a little older; still little but something in the gaze that stared back at the camera made her age difficult to decipher. She had the same hair cut, although this time there was a cap sat backwards on her head, and the same defiant scowl on her face from the first picture. The intent of the attitude appeared to be displayed toward the photo taker, but the intensity was softened by the big green eyes and button nose. In this photo there was no dress, only a dark green sweater that was miles too big, black leggings and red hi-top sneakers. This looked more like the Jade Kathryn had come to know.   
“This was just before she turned ten.” Q said pointing at the photo, a proud smile on his face.   
“I’ve never seen these,” Jade said with a curious chuckle, “although I’m not at all shocked, my mother hated whenever I wasn’t perfect and smiling.” She rolled her eyes, and then broke into a grin, “which was pretty much all the time.” She glanced back at the album.” I’m surprised she allowed these to be taken never mind put them on display in a photo album.”  
“She didn’t.” Q stated simply causing her to look up with a questioning gaze. “These are memories of mine from when you were little. My favourites.” He gently touched the girl in the picture’s face. “Jade at her best. My Jade.”  
“But I didn’t know you then?”  
Q looked up and gave her a doting smile   
“I knew you.”  
“Better than everyone it seems.” Kathryn added earnestly, turning the page to the next set of photos. The omnipotent being turned his head and granted her a warm appraisal, causing the Captain’s cheeks to turn pink.  
“Not quite everyone.” He added with a grin.  
Their moment was interrupted by Jade leaning forward to pick up a photo from the ground that had slid out of the back of the album. She appeared to recognise the image and her fingers hesitated momentarily just before she collected the picture of a young boy and girl from the floor.   
“Your brother and sister.” Kathryn whispered as she watched the girl silently stand, the photo clutched tightly in her fingers, staring at the figures on it as if they were to speak the very mysteries of the universe to her. It was obvious, of course, who the boy and girl were; who else would be in the album after all? Kathryn knew their faces straight away, however, as if she had seen them, or at least the photo, previously. It was strange.. Perhaps another imprint of Jade’s memory, she wondered.  
“I remember this...” Jade whispered finally, her forehead creasing.   
Kathryn and Q glanced at one another momentarily and then immediately rose to stand either side of her.   
“I miss them.” The teenager continued, “I haven’t seen their faces in such a long time. I was afraid I had forgotten...” She lightly touched the faces of the frozen children, much as Q had done to her own before. As if it was suddenly all too painful, she clasped the photo to her chest and looked up at him with big watery eyes. “Can I keep this?” She asked.  
“Of course.” Q nodded. He motioned to the album lying open on the sofa, his expression awash with concern. “The book is yours. I’m sorry Jade, if I thought you needed photos, I…”  
“No,” Jade interrupted, “I.. could have asked, but.. I didn’t want to. I was afraid to look.”  
“Why honey?”  
“Guilt.” She replied solemnly, dropping her head. “I was their big sister, I should have protected them.”  
“Jade, how many times..” Q let out a frustrated sigh, tilting her chin up so she would meet his gaze, “what Fernand did, what the Master wants to do.. this is not your fault.”  
“None of it Jade.” Kathryn added pointedly.   
“What happened to your family Jade… you couldn’t have stopped it” Q added, staring at her searchingly to ensure his message was being understood, “There is nothing you could have done.” Seeing a hot fat tear trickle slowly down each of her cheeks, he sighed. “Oh, come here kiddo.” Pulling her into his chest, Q wrapped his arms around her tightly. “My dear sweet girl, “He uttered as he kissed the crown of her head, “What I would do to rid this from your life.”  
His eyes met Kathryn’s and she immediately saw guilt in his own expression. She placed a hand on his arm and gave him a reassuring smile. This is not your fault either Q, she hoped he would read in it. Finally, Q reluctantly released Jade from his hold and placed his hands on her cheeks, wiping her tears with his thumbs. As he did, Kathryn reached in to scoop the hair now matted over her forehead from her eyes.   
“Your family will always be with you Jade," Q continued gently, exchanging a small smile with the Captain, as they fussed over their daughter who stood gated between them, her gaze directed down to towards the photo in her hands, "as we will always be."  
Jade sniffed a little, rubbed her nose and then put the photo into her pocket. Hesitantly, she raised her head and met Kathryn and Q's gaze with a small smile.   
"I know, I love you guys."  
Then, she stretched out her arms and pulled them both in for an embrace. Wrapping one arm around the girl, Kathryn caught her reflection in the mirror on the wall. It was the very picture of an intimate family scene, she thought. A family together against anything this cosmos could throw at it. Her family. Then she noticed that Q was looking down at her. She turned her head back and met his gaze, prompting him to lean in and quietly kiss her. Only hours before, the Captain had decided this was a complication she did not need, now it was a connection she felt she couldn't live without. Before her mind decided to change again, she stretched out the arm not holding onto Jade and slipped it around Q's waist, bringing him closer into her embrace and even further into her heart.


	62. The subtle art

“Come now, enough of this melancholy.” Q cried, clasping his hands to Jade’s cheeks and planting a kiss on her forehead. “It’s your birthday! This is your day my darling girl. How would you like to celebrate? Hmmm… No ideas?” He asked as Jade gave him a non-committal shrug. “How about you my dear Captain?” He then declared dramatically, spinning on his heels and sidling over to Kathryn in a suggestive manner. “Since we cannot leave this listless barge of boredom and we have absolutely nothing planned, perhaps you might suggest a way we can conjure up some fun?” He waggled his eyebrows at her as he slid his arm conspiratorially around her shoulders. “Didn’t you tell me the other day that you had a program within that antediluvian relic you call a holodeck that you thought we might be able to endure?”  
Jade raised an eyebrow and cast a bemused side-eye at the Captain.  
“Oh, is that so?” She quipped with a knowing smirk.   
“Enjoy, Q, I said enjoy.” Kathryn muttered shrugging off his embrace, annoyed both at the slight and Q’s poor pathetic attempts at discretion. She was half surprised he hadn’t thrown in pantomime wink for good measure. How Jade had cottoned on to any kind of event being planned was becoming evidently clearer. Subtlety never had been Q's best attribute. The omnipotent being grinned back at her, clearly pleased with how clever he felt and unaware of her frustration. This self-satisfaction was short lived however as he then seemed to take note of the grin Jade had flashed at the Captain. Staring at her for a moment, the smile fading from his lips, an expression of realisation crossed his features and he turned, cross armed, to cast an accusatory glare at the Captain.   
“She knows, doesn’t she?”  
Kathryn winced and, in turn, glared at the teenager. She knew Jade would never have just been able to go along and just pretend to be surprised. There would be no fun in that, after all. She was too much like her father. The girl said nothing, choosing instead to stick her hands in her pockets and grant her a semi-innocent grin in response. Taking this as a confirmation of his suspicions, Q let out a cry of frustration and threw his arms up in the air. “Gah! I should have known never to leave anything in the hands of a human!” He grumbled.  
“I never said anything.” Kathryn raising her hands in defence. “Nothing to do with me.”  
“No, I bet it was your pet kitchen rat, or maybe even that man-child pilot of yours.” Q quipped in a mocking tone. “Tell me Kathy, do any of your crew actually do any work? Or is ‘seek out new life and talk it to death’ the new Star Fleet mission now?”  
Kathryn folded her arms and shot Q an icy stare.  
“Last time I checked subtlety was a problem for the Continuum, not us mere mortals.” She retorted through gritted teeth.   
“I’ll have you know the Q wrote the book on subtlety and guile my dear Captain.” Q replied in a patronising tone.   
“Oh yes, I think maybe I read that edition, ” Kathryn cut in, placing her finger momentarily to her lips as if trying to recall a memory, “Remind me… was it in the ’Lessons for Humanity’ collection? Perhaps, somewhere between ‘Oh, haven’t you met the Borg yet?’ and the current classic ‘How to lose a galactic omnipotent despot in the three easy steps.”  
“Hilarious.” Q stepped towards her and adopted a challenging stance. “As is the very idea of you lecturing me on subtlety, the Captain that is famed throughout the quadrant for repeatedly breaking her precious prime directive as soon as some sad inhabitant of some defenceless world makes sad doe eyes at her.”  
Kathryn squared off her stance in an authoritative manner and put her hands on her hips as she looked up at him combatively.   
“A quadrant?" She scoffed. "Q, you were sentenced to mortality because you repeatedly and brazenly interfered with the whole cosmos.”  
“A small infraction” Q sniffed. “One that I soon got out of with, dare I say, an crafty and subtle plan.” He then added waggling his eyebrows at her as if to emphasis his point.  
Kathryn was clearly unimpressed and rolled her eyes.   
“Yes, because you turning up naked on a starship is, of course, a crafty and subtle solution to any problem." She quipped sarcastically.   
Q broke into a seductive grin.  
“It solved yours, didn’t it?”   
Kathryn clamped her mouth shut, immediately wishing the blush in her cheeks had not betrayed her. It was only in that moment she realised how close they suddenly were to one another. Slowly, through the course of their argument, the couple had been drawing inward, as if every cross word had pulled them nearer and nearer, until they were barely inches apart. Kathryn could feel a course of energy rushing through her veins. It was anger wasn't it? She had been angry… and yet, the only emotion she felt when she stared at her antagonist was an overwhelming sensation of lust.  
“You’re insufferable” She finally managed, the effort required to maintain steely composure enormous.   
“And yet, you do seem to enjoy suffering me Captain,” Q leaned in even closer, his tone now low and teasing, “or at least you did earlier anyway.”  
Their lips were almost touching; the Captain and the omnipotent being holding each other’s stare in a battle of wills, neither one apparently willing to yield to the other. Kathryn could see Q was loving every minute of it. After all, he always loved getting a rise out of her. He was probably the most annoying and frustrating being of all time, she thought. He drove her absolutely crazy…. but… if she was honest… fighting with him turned her on more than she thought was possible. It was as good as any foreplay. Judging by the wolfish way Q's gaze lingered on her lips, she somehow knew he felt the same. After a few seconds of silence, he rolled his eyes.   
"Oh for goodness sake." He sighed and launched himself on her, planting his mouth hungrily against hers.   
Immediately, a delicious rush of excitement surged through Kathryn’s body and she couldn’t decide at that moment whether the cheap move would cause her to yell at him or fuck him when their lips finally parted. Probably both, she mused with a internal grin.  
“I hate you.” She finally declared, rubbing her mouth in a bid to hide the smirk spreading across her face as they separated.  
Q grinned.  
“No you don’t. You love me, and that's why you are so mad."  
Kathryn shook her head and gave him an incredulous stare.  
"You are quite deluded, you know that?"  
Q, for his part, seemed unperturbed by the comment.   
“Potentially.” He said with a wink, “But what, my sweet Captain, does that make you then?”  
Kathryn was about to come back with another comment when a sound cut through their conversation like someone dramatically clearing their throat. Kathryn and Q both turned their heads in the direction of the noise and found Jade sitting on the sofa, a replicated coffee in hand, apparently reading a book. She looked up and met their gaze with an expression of bemusement.   
“Oh, I’m sorry, were you finished?” She quipped acerbically, raising her eyebrows, “Or did you want me to make myself scarce while you… argued some more.”   
Q and Kathryn looked back at one another, sharing a somewhat sheepish expression at the realisation of how absorbed they had become in their argument, before granting their daughter an apologetic smile.  
“I have no idea where she she gets her flair for sarcastic inflection from, do you?” Q said with a chuckle running a hand through his hair.   
Kathryn grinned and shrugged in response.   
“Absolutely none at all.”


	63. The Diamond in the rough

“Well I guess since you know about our party plans, I may as well give you your gift now then.” Q sighed, and then clicked his fingers. There was a flash and a beautiful flat black box tied ornately with a black velvet ribbon and silver thread appeared in his palm.  
Jade’s eyes lit up in surprise.   
“What is it?” She asked, approaching the outstretched hand, a smile creeping over her face.   
“Can’t I have one surprise tonight?” The omnipotent being tutted with semi-mock frustration, and then nodded at the gift. “Just open it.”  
Jade took a look at the box from either side, appearing unsure of where to start. The wrapping was so delicate and beautiful she was at first hesitant to open it. Gingerly, she took each end of the ribbon and pulled, releasing the gift from its binding. Then, lifting the lid, she peaked inside and her mouth fell open.  
“Oh Q…”  
Q had been staring at her face as he watched her unwrap his present, his own expression resembling something between excitement and trepidation. He'd obviously taken great care to pick the gift and it appeared important to him that his young ward like it. However much he sometimes drove her crazy, Kathryn adored watching Q interacting with Jade. He was so gentle and careful with her, unlike the brash and chaotic way he interacted with the rest of the cosmos. He was so anxious to make sure she felt happy and loved, and it had been that expression of love he showed for the teenager that had slowly turned Kathryn’s feelings for the omnipotent being from begrudging respect to something much much deeper and unexpected. Q’s affection for jade had shown Kathryn that he was capable of a meaningful and loving relationship, that there had been more to him than just bravado, ego and fancy parlour tricks. Through each moment they had shared rescuing Jade, protecting her, caring for her, parenting her, Kathryn had found herself learning of a side to Q she never knew had existed, one that she had never taken the time to know, and soon enough, quite without realising, she had come to rely on him and trust in him in a way she had never realised she could allow herself to do. If it hadn’t been their shared love for a wayward cosmic vessel, they might never have gotten passed their differences, so great they sometimes felt, and she might never have let her guard down enough to allow him in. Q, after all, was difficult, and inconstant, and stubborn, and reckless, but then again… so was she. Perhaps they weren’t as different as she had always thought…  
“Do you like it?”   
Jade looked up at Q, the lid of the box still in her hands and granted him a beaming smile.   
“I love it.” She gushed, her eyes shining.  
Q reached in and lifted a necklace into the air. It was a long intricately woven chain that seemed to almost be transparent to the eye and yet emanated a beautiful golden shimmer when it caught the light. The gem cut into a loop at the end of the chain appeared as the clearest glass, and yet when Kathryn focused her gaze, she saw a myriad of colours that seemed to swirl in a galaxy formation towards the centre. It was breathtaking. Q smiled, realising that he had picked well and motioned for Jade to turn so he could place it around her neck. Moving her hair over her shoulder, she allowed him the honour, her cheeks turning a little pink as he fastened the clasp and kissed the crown of her head adoringly.   
“The stone was forged within the supernova of a great ancient star, and the material for the chain is gathered from the cosmic dust that emanates between one of the oldest and largest star groupings in the universe.” Q explained, as he turned her back around and placed his hands on her cheeks. “I wanted to give you the stars my girl, and one day I will… but for now... I hope this is a worthy... constellation prize."  
Jade lifted her head and raised an eyebrow, with a smirk. Behind her, she heard Kathryn groan.   
"You were doing so well." She giggled and shook her head.   
"What?” Q cried, in mock offence. “That was a quality joke."   
“That was a terrible joke, Q.” Jade glanced at the necklace and then granted him a warm smile. “But it was also the best birthday gift.” She grinned and stretched up on tip-toe to plant a kiss on his cheek, a move that seemed to touch the omnipotent being greatly. “I love it.”  
“Good, good, I’m glad.” He nodded, and then seemed to take note of the Captain stood watching them with a smile on her face.   
“And for you, my queen.” He sidled over to her and, taking her by the shoulders, turned her to face the mirror on the wall, peering seductively over her shoulder at her reflection.   
“Captain.” Kathryn corrected him with a withering look.   
“You’re not my Captain.” He smirked before reaching around around to pull back her dressing gown slightly from her décolletage to reveal a little more skin.   
“I don’t need a gift Q.” Kathryn added hastily, suddenly nervous about what her omnipotent lover was about to do.  
“Of course not, being with me is a gift after all,” he retorted with a wink causing the Captain to roll her eyes, “but, perhaps a little something to demonstrate my affections.”   
Gently, he blew slowly over the back of her neck. The sensation caused the hairs on Kathryn’s skin to stand painfully on end and she leaned subconsciously back into his warm body. Her eyes widened as a thin thread of a sparkles began to weave around her throat.   
“Q... are they…?” Kathryn caught her breath.   
“Diamonds. Yes, lots of them in fact.” Q murmured in her ear as he watched her reaction in the mirror to the appearance of a beautiful spider webbing of priceless diamonds dancing across her skin.   
“I can’t accept this.”  
“Yes you can. They were made for you…” He quickly cut in, “I just had to apply a little... pressure… much like I had to do with a certain Captain I know.”  
“Please just accept them Kathryn.” Jade groaned with a grin and then cast a side eye at Q. “At least just to stop him making any more geology puns.”  
Q pulled a face and threw his hands in the air.   
“What I doing, trading gifts for insults?” He declared grumpily.   
“Sorry Q.” Jade giggled, making eye contact with the Captain, who also tried to hide a smirk.   
“Yes, sorry Q.” She chimed in, before adding a little more sincerely, "The necklace is beautiful."  
Q held his semi-serious scowl for a few more seconds, until he was finally placated by a kiss from both of girls, one on each of his cheeks. Switching immediately back to his earlier jubilant mood, he gathered them back in his arms.   
“Now, for my next surprise.”  
“I don’t think I can handle any more surprises today Q.” Kathryn warned, trying to wriggle out of his clutches.  
“Nonsense, we are having a party, and frankly, neither of you are exactly looking the part right now.”   
“Thanks.” Jade scoffed and rolled her eyes.  
“Yes, because you are just the very essence of debonair sophistication aren’t you Q?” Kathryn quipped testily.  
“Why thank you for noticing Captain,” Q retorted, clearly missing or deliberately ignoring her sarcasm. “I thought it might be fun you girls to have some time to get ready before the big night. Get all dressed up as it were. Finally get Kathy into something other than that boiler suit she calls a Captain’s uniform.”   
“You seem pretty fond of it when you’re on board.” Kathryn cut back in a miffed tone.  
"Ahh... well, I've seen what is under it now, I..."  
"Child in the room. Child in the room. Child in room." Jade cried and covered her ears, pulling a face.   
"Sorry, sorry." Q motioned that it was safe to remove her hands. "So, what do you think?"  
Jade and Kathryn met each other's gaze questioningly, before both broke into a grin.  
"That sounds like fun." The teenager nodded.   
"Count me in." Kathryn agreed, giving her a grin. It would be nice to get ready for the party together, some proper bonding time. She turned her attention back to Q, and seeing the gleeful expression on his face, suddenly began to feel a little dubious. "What did you have in mind?"  
Q flashed her a wide grin.  
"Some help."   
He clicked his fingers and a man appeared in front of them. He was short and slight, and dressed in a velvet suit with little round spectacles. He blinked a little, as if readjusting his gaze to his new surroundings and yet not being completely unsurprised that it had changed.   
"Jade, I'd like you to meet Arnad, the finest tailor in the whole of the quadrant."  
"I am a designer sir, an artist." Arnad correctly him stiffly, and then turned towards Jade.   
“At your service Mademoiselle.” He then looked her up and down. "And not a moment too soon it seems."   
“The dressmaker from the planet?” Kathryn hissed with annoyance, roughly pulling Q aside out of earshot of their guest. “What?” Q grumbled, rubbing his arm. “It’s perfectly safe, I’ll put him back with no memory.”   
“That’s not my point Q. You know what he's like. I thought you said this was going to be fun?”  
Q glanced over at Arnad who was already audibly grumbling about the state of the room he was expected to ‘create a miracle in’.   
“It is for me,” He chuckled. Kathryn put her hands on her hips and shot him a irritated raise of the eyebrow. Q, in response, shrugged, before casting her a devilish smirk as his gaze drifted down her body. “Besides, I have a certain… weakness for his work.”  
Before she could respond, he leaned forward and stole a hungry kiss, his arm slipping around her waist and clamping her body against his. Immediately, Kathryn felt herself melt into him with a blissful sigh, unable to fight the delicious sensation of kissing the man that drove her completely crazy.  
Q held her for a few seconds and then broke away, his lips remaining inches from hers.  
“Well if you won't let Arnad dress you, you could just wear the diamonds. Now that I would like to see."  
Kathryn broke into a grin and arched her eyebrow seductively.   
“Let’s get dress hunting, Arnad!” She called, not breaking her lustful gaze with Q for a second.  
“Spoil-sport.” Q pouted teasingly.  
Kathryn kissed him again.   
“Your weakness hey?” She whispered, her breath tickling his cheek as she drew her mouth reluctantly from his.  
“Oh my dear sweet Captain, you have absolutely no idea.”


	64. Metamorphosis

“What about this one?” Jade asked, lifting a garment up on a hanger for Kathryn to see. Q had disappeared to give them some time to get ready, not before zapping a selection of Arnad’s stock to her quarters for the girls to choose from. They’d spent the last few minutes hunting through the racks while Arnad fussed around them, watching their handling of his garments like a hawk. The dress Jade was now holding was long and red and extremely form fitting, with off the shoulder long sleeves and a tight low bodice that would give its wearing a extremely daring neckline.  
“No.” Kathryn immediately scoffed with an incredulous expression, “Not a chance. Not going to happen.”  
“Why not?”Jade pouted dramatically. “Red is the Captain’s colour isn’t it?”  
Kathryn crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow.  
“The colour is not the issue Jade, as you well know.”  
“At least try it on.” Jade pressed, “You would look so beautiful in it… I think Q would love it.” She then added with a sly grin.  
Kathryn broke into a smirk and shook her head.  
“Nice try. Still not going to happen. I’m a Star Fleet Captain, not a Camulan pleasure girl.”  
“Madam, I create exclusively for the upper echelons of my illustrious quadrant,” Arnad sniffed, appearing from behind a rack of clothing with a dress bag in his hands, “I do not design garments for harlots.”  
“All I meant,” Kathryn raised her hands apologetically, while flashing a look of annoyance at Jade, “is that I need to wear something that is appropriate. My crew will be there. It wasn’t like last time…  
“That would be time when it was just Q and you... alone…” Jade grinned teasingly, before holding the red dress to her body and spinning around. “Dancing with one another. Falling madly in love.” She gushed.  
Kathryn rolled her eyes and reached for her wine glass on the table, taking a long sip in a bid to stop herself from laughing and potentially giving the girl more encouragement.  
“Yes, being shot at repeatedly truly was the height of all my hopes for a romantic good time.” She quipped, before quickly adding, “What about you anyway, why am I going through this torture alone?” She motioned to the racks of clothing, anxious to get off the subject of Q and her.  
“I’m still looking.” Jade mumbled, looking down at the dress in her hands.  
Kathryn came towards her and took the red dress.  
“Go on,” she said gently, nodding at the racks. “You’re going to be late for your own surprise party.”  
Jade met her gaze, and for a moment Kathryn saw an odd expression flash over her features. Before she could query, the girl then quickly turned her attention to hanging clothes.  
“Umm.. maybe this one.” She said, picking up a long black dress from the end of the rack. It was a thick velvet-like material with long sleeves. Although Jade was not the girliest of girls, it was not exactly what Kathryn had expected her to go for.  
“Sure.. honey. If you like it? Go try it on.”  
“I did not realise we were in mourning.” Arnad retorted, eyeing her choice with disdain. Jade looked at him with a questioning expression, not understanding his meaning. The tailor sighed irritably and approached her, taking the dress from her hands and replacing it with the bag he had been carrying. “You are turning fifteen, not fifty. Put this one on.”  
“But I don’t..”  
“Don’t argue with me child. The last person to wear that dress was the grand marcella of Virorium.”  
“Sounds.. fancy?” Jade offered with a shrug.  
“She wore it at the funeral of her husband. He was 106.”  
“Right… got it… so no funeral dress." The teenager added, biting her bottom lip in a clear effort not to laugh at the clearly frustrated little man before her.  
“Don’t you know when you wear Arnad’s clothes, you are representing Arnad.” Kathryn added, stifling a giggle behind her wine glass.  
Seeing their exchange of bemusement, Arnad rolled his eyes to the ceiling and muttered something under his breath. He then gave Kathryn an icy stare.  
“Go try on the red dress.”  
Now it was Kathryn’s turn.  
“But..”  
“Go.”  
The request was clearly non-negotiable and so she slunk off into the bedroom, red dress in her hand, to do what she was told.  
A few minutes later, she returned.  
“Well, what do you think?”  
Jade and Arnad had still been bickering over the dress he had given her but, on her entrance, immediately fell silent, Jade’s mouth dropping open in surprise.  
“Ho..ly... shit.” She gasped, her eyes widening.  
“Jade!” Kathryn warned, trying to maintain a parental disposition even though her cheeks turning pink. Was it good, was it bad? She hadn’t been able to get a proper appraisal in the dressing table mirror.  
“Sorry,” Jade shook her head and then broke into a big smile. “it’s just.. you look amazing.” She added sincerely. She pointed to the long mirror than Q had brought with the clothes. Kathryn turned and felt her breath catch a little in her throat as she took in her reflection. The red dress fit her like a glove, almost as if it had been made for her, and she suddenly felt the same tingle of excitement she had first experienced when trying on the green silk dress down on Iogia. The fabric felt like a thick silk, in that it held its shape around every curve of her body and yet still managed to move beautifully as she did thanks to the daring slit up the side. The neckline skimmed low across her décolletage, leaving her shoulders dramatically bare and her chest secured tightly within a structured bodice, one that lifted and enhanced her cleavage in a way no Star Fleet bra ever could. Arnad and Jade appeared behind her in the mirror, the latter clasping her hands together under her chin and a wide grin spread across her face.  
“Q is gonna literally die when he sees you.” She squeaked, bouncing up and down with excitement. She then paused, and giggled with a shrug, “Well, okay maybe not literally.”  
“While the girl’s initial reaction is not exactly my preferred choice of vernacular, I do agree with the sentiment.” Arnad said, giving her a nod of approval. “This is the dress.” His face then grimaced into a look of disapproval. “But please, do something with your hair.” He snapped, taking Kathryn by the shoulders and sitting her abruptly down on a chair so he could undo the braid she’d tied her hair into. “Honestly, I don’t know why you insist on these terrible hairstyles. It hurts me that you torture such beautiful locks in this way.”  
Somehow now used to being manhandled by the tailor and guessing she didn’t have much of a choice, Kathryn went along with the assault on her head, all the while wearing a petulant frown.  
“She normally wears a chignon.” Jade chimed in, earning a death stare from the Captain in the process for encouraging him.  
“Gah! Arnad will not have his creations destroyed by a woman who insists on hiding her beauty behind such banality.”  
“Arnad, is it your policy to make every compliment sound like an insult.” Kathryn asked irritably, casting him an icy gaze in the reflection of the mirror.  
“I save all my good sentiment for my designs Madam.” The tailor responded with the slightest of smirks.  
He then caught Jade giggling behind him.  
“I don’t know what you think is so funny, I’ll need a gallon of Delvian ale before I attend to your locks. Where have you been, the Zeldoid great wilderness?”  
“Prison actually.” Jade retorted and with a sassy smirk, sauntered off in the direction of the bedroom.  
Arnad met the Captain’s eyes with an expression that appeared to demand an explanation. Rolling her eyes, Kathryn turned back to her reflection and sighed.  
Nice Jade. Real nice. 

Jade grumpily changed into Arnad’s dress and turned to look at herself in the dressing table mirror. Unable to clearly see, she headed into the adjacent bathroom so she could get a better look. Her eyes widened in surprise as she took in the reflection staring back at her. The garment was the same colour as her eyes, a deep emerald green short strapless party dress that was cinched at the waist with a sash and bow. She looked… different, older. At first she smiled, but the smile seemed different too as if it was not her own, and so it faded as quickly as it had arrived. Her eyes drifted over her arms and chest, her pale skin appearing translucent under the harsh bathroom light, and she winced at the sight of so much bare flesh. She hadn’t looked at herself closely since she’d returned from Fernard’s captivity, choosing to conceal the evidence of what had happened to her behind baggy t-shirts and sweaters. Of course, there was not anything visible to the naked eye, the bruises and burns Fernand had left had been zapped away by the Continuum when they had escaped the planet. She could not get out of her head however, that if she were to look closely, she’d still be able to see the imprints of Fernard’s fingerprints embedded into her skin. And so she hadn't looked. She couldn't... Of all the marks he had left, those had been the ones she had still felt long after she had returned to Voyager and each time she had changed her clothes, she expected to still see them, as if they were a scar that would never fade. They seemed to represent the grip on her life that Fernand still held, the grip she felt she had had to fight every minute of every day, and as she cast her gaze over her own reflection in the mirror, she imagined his eyes moving over her body, eyes that were hungry and wanton. She felt his breath on her skin, his hands in her hair as he pulled her towards him, his…  
Jade lurched forward and grabbed the sink to steady herself, shutting her eyes tightly in the process in a bid to steady her breath and stop the pounding of her heartbeat in her ears. When she opened her eyes again, the first thing she saw was an open drawer in the vanity below her and inside a pair of scissors. Slowly, she reached for them, her fingers trembling as they made contact with the sharp edges. Opening the blades, she lifted them towards her face and made eye contact with her reflection in the mirror. Tired, blank eyes stared out at her. Eyes she no longer recognised. Eyes, in that moment, she wanted to close and never look back at again. She hesitated for a moment and then, letting out a long breath, she moved the scissors to the side of her chin and into her hair. Slowly, she began to cut. Piece by piece, long dark curls fell to the floor around her. She frowned, wanting to cry but no tears would come. Instead, she felt nothing.  
“Jade?”  
She turned, scissors still in hand and only half way through her work, to find Kathryn stood in the entrance to the bathroom, her expression caught somewhere between surprise and horror. They stared at one another for a moment in silence. Jade had cut her messy wild black tresses into an even messier blunt chin length bob, at least on one side of her head. Kathryn took in the sight with a sharp inhale of air; the scissors, the hair, the dress, the posture of someone broken and ashamed, the face of someone fighting a terrible ordeal. Jade waited expectantly for her response, her eyes red yet defiant. Both of them seemed to be holding their breath. Finally, Kathryn released hers and gave her a smile. “It suits you.”  
Jade looked surprised. She looked down at the scissors, almost as if it had been the first time she had seen them, before tossing them down on the vanity.  
“Jade.” Kathryn said gently, causing the girl to meet her gaze. She held her stare for a few seconds, an unreadable expression in her eyes, before her forehead crumpled and she flung herself into the Captain’s arms.  
“Hush..” Kathryn whispered as she wrapped her arms tightly around her. “It’s alright… it’s alright. Oh my girl, what a day you’ve had.” She mumbled into the crown of head. “It’s going to be okay.”  
Slowly, Jade lifted her head. “I thought I would feel better.” She mumbled quietly, “Tuvok said if I faced my fears, I would feel better.. and I did… for a while. But then I put that dress on and I felt so exposed. I didn’t recognise myself. Like I didn’t see my own body, like it wasn’t mine any more. I don’t know…” She sniffed and rubbed her nose. “I guess I didn’t want to look like something he would want. When I looked in the mirror, that’s what I saw.”  
“Jade.” Kathryn sighed and put her hands on her shoulders. She too, perhaps foolishly, had hoped Tuvok’s exercises would help the young girl but she had known deep down that it was never going to be as simple as that, that Jade’s recovery journey would be about as easy and straightforward as her own ship’s road was back to the Alpha Quadrant. Still, much like the crew had their Captain, Jade would now have a mother who was unwavering in her commitment to steer her towards her destination, however long it took. Gently, Kathryn turned her around to face the mirror. “You know what I see?”  
Jade shook her head.  
“I see you. I see a smart, and strong and beautiful young woman. I don’t see the reasons why Fernand did the things he did. I don’t see them because it was never about you. It was about power and control. That is what Fernand lusts for, not you. You are an innocent, and that can never be taken from you as long as you do good things for good people. And you are good Jade. You make a difference in people’s lives, not because of any ancient power or omnipotent race, but because you are loyal, and brave and kind. That is what you should see in the mirror. That’s why you, my girl, are going to change the universe...” Kathryn wrapped her arms tightly around Jade and planted a big kiss on the side of her face causing Jade to let out something close to a giggle, “and I know this because you have absolutely changed mine,” she grinned and then snuggled her face into what was left of the young girl’s hair. “You can do this Jade. Don’t stop fighting now.” She whispered, feeling her eyes sting with tears as she fought to quell the overwhelming lurch of emotion she felt having this tiny girl in her grasp. Her girl.  
Within her arms, she felt Jade’s shoulder’s relax and she looked up to meet her gaze in the mirror. With an air of relief, she noted the light returning to her eyes and her features softening. “Okay.” She said finally and gave the Captain a nod.  
“Okay.” Kathryn replied and released her reluctantly from the tight embrace, recognising and acknowledging that things, at least for the moment at least, were going to be okay.  
“Do you… like the dress.” Jade then asked. Kathryn turned her around to face her.  
“I do, I think you look beautiful, but if you don’t feel comfortable in it, you don’t have to wear it. Don’t listen to Arnad, or Q or even me,” She placed her hands on Jade’s cheeks, “it’s your body, you decide what you look like, you decide what you wear. Dress? Sweater? You can wear your damn pyjamas if you want to. You decide.”  
Jade nodded and appeared thoughtful for a moment.  
“I think I want to wear it.” She then said, a determined expression crossing her face.  
“Are you sure?”  
“Yes. Like you said, it’s my body. I guess I will have to get used to it again.” A grin crept over her face. “I may as well do that in a garment designed exclusively for the upper echelons of such an illustrious quadrant.”  
“Indeed,” Kathryn replied with a laugh, and put her arm around Jade’s shoulders. “Speaking of which, we better finish off your hair cut. Arnad?" She called, "Can you come in here?”  
After a moment, the tailor appeared at the doorway. He took one look at Jade, and his eyebrows shot up in horror.  
“What in the gods names have…”  
"I think it might be time for that Delvian ale now don’t you think?” Kathryn cut in, raising an authoritative eyebrow.  
Arnad stared at her with a look of sheer malice for a good five seconds before letting out a resigned sigh.  
“Fine. I’ll get my scissors.” He turned to leave the room to collect his bag but halted first, eying them both suspiciously “Just try not to cut anything else before I get back okay?”  
Jade and Kathryn both nodded, grinning as the tailor departed muttering under his breath as he went.


	65. A day in the life

Arnad finished the hair cut that Jade had started, chopping the rest of her long locks to a blunt line that finished just below her chin and adding a thick fringe that hung low above her eyes. His hands danced through the air with the precision and speed of someone well familiar with a pair of scissors, peering over the top of his small round spectacles at the task at hand with a look of keen concentration. Jade sat quietly, hands in her lap, eyes fixed to the floor as she watched her hair fall around her. Moving to the front of her face, the tailor paused and cast her a long earnest look, his head tilted to the side. Aware he had stopped, Jade looked up and met his gaze questioningly. Arnad appraised his work for a moment and then, to her surprise, gave her a small wink.   
“You are ready.” He then said with a nod and put the scissors back in his jacket breast pocket. Kathryn appeared at his right side and, upon seeing the work he had done, let out a small gasp.   
“Oh…”  
Arnad stood up from the chair he was perched on and stepped backwards to allow her room to attend to the girl.  
Jade’s eyes darted between each adult.   
“Well? How do I look?” She asked expectantly, a nervous expression crossing her features.   
The Tailor and the Captain exchanged the briefest of glances before Kathryn granted her a beaming smile.  
“Splendid.” She replied softly, her eyes glistening. Jade looked just like the photos from the scrapbook of when she had been a little girl. The striking similarity caused a strange ache in the pit of Kathryn’s stomach and she crossed her arms over herself.   
“I must concur with your mother, child, it is a vast improvement.” Arnad added, wiping his glasses on a silk handkerchief he had pulled from his pocket.  
Jade and Kathryn met each others gaze with a smile, partly in bemusement at the compliment style but also to convey a shared appreciation for the assumption Arnad had made.   
“High praises indeed.” The Captain then grinned causing Jade to stifle a giggle.   
“Quite.” Arnad coughed and straightened his jacket. “Well I need to be getting back to Iogia.”   
“Oh right…” Kathryn cut in, quickly attempting to steady her tone and not to sound too eager at the idea of him leaving. “Shall I call for a shuttle…”  
“No,” Arnad replied casting a dubious gaze at his surroundings, “my understanding is that we are rather far from my home world.” He then turned to the Captain, “Your joined one advised me that when it was time for me to depart, I should just say so out loud and it would... happen?”   
Kathryn nodded slowly.   
“If that is what Q said…” She added with an appeasing smile, mentally hoping that the omnipotent being hadn’t decided that the testy little tailor was to chaperone them at the party as well, “I know, it is a little confusing. The more time you spend with him, the less strange it feels.” She offered reassuringly.  
“I sincerely hope, my dear, that I do not have that opportunity.” Arnad quipped. “Twice is more than enough for one lifetime.”  
He turned to leave but then paused as if he had forgotten something.  
“You did not correct me this time, when I called Q your joined one, I take it things have progressed somewhat since we last encountered one another?”   
Kathryn opened her mouth to respond and then paused, instead instead pulling a face that indicated she was unsure of what to say.  
“Indeed.” The tailor continued wryly and gave her a knowing smirk. “Well, Captain. As always, the inconvenience has been entirely mine. Should they ask you who dressed you, and I’m sure that they will, remember to tell them of the creative genius Arnad.”  
“We will.” Kathryn sighed.  
Arnad then turned to Jade.   
“Young lady, I hope you have a nice birthday. Should you require any further assistance with your hair, I trust you will contact someone more closer to home?”  
“Yes Arnad.” Jade grinned.   
“Good. Well, goodnight ladies. Enjoy your party.” The tailor then closed his eyes and called out for his departure. With a flash of light, he disappeared leaving Kathryn and Jaded alone in the Captain’s quarters.   
“Wow.” Jade giggled. “He was something.”   
“You have no idea.”  
“What did he mean about Q being a joined one?”   
Kathryn hesitated. She knew Q would have loved that.   
“Never mind." She replied with a coy grin, turning her around and ushering her in the opposite direction. "Let’s finish getting ready, we have a party to get to.”

After replicating another glass of wine and taking a very large gulp, Kathryn went into the bathroom to finish applying her makeup. After a few minutes, she saw Jade hovering by the doorway.   
“Are you nearly ready honey?” She called over her shoulder.   
“I guess.”   
She appeared at Kathryn’s right side and met her gaze in the reflection of the mirror. It was strange to see the new hairstyle, Kathryn mused; it seemed to make her eyes look bigger and greener than ever.   
“Can I put some on?” She asked, nodding at the bag of make-up on the back of the sink.   
“Oh.. sure, I guess that’s fine.” Kathryn glanced at the lipstick still in her hand and then back at the girl before her. After the incident in the bathroom earlier, she was cautious of doing anything that might make Jade feel self-conscious about the way she looked.   
Jade picked up the mascara and took of her the lid. A look of bewilderment crossed her features.   
“Umm.. I’ve never done this before. Can you help me?”  
“Sure.” Kathryn said with a smile and patted the side of the vanity. Jade hopped up and shuffled backwards so she was sitting eye level with her, her legs swinging backwards and forwards off the side. She spotted the glass of wine and picked it up to take a sip.  
“Ah Ah, you’re not that old just yet.” Kathryn quipped, taking the glass from her hand and earning a pout from the teenager. She then spent the next few minutes applying the cosmetics to Jade’s face; a little blusher on the cheeks, a little kohl for her eyes, a little red for her lips.  
“You don’t need this you know,” She said as she finished the lipstick. “You are beautiful just as you are.”  
“Uhh huhhh.” Jade mumbled in response, trying not to move her mouth.   
“I mean it.” Kathryn moved the lipstick away, and gave her a parental look.   
“You wear make up.” Jade pressed.   
“That’s because I am old and tired.”   
“You are not old.”  
Kathryn raised an eyebrow.  
“But I am tired?”  
Jade flashed her a sly grin.  
“Well if you and Q insist on spending all night out together..”  
“Cute.” Kathryn retorted with a begrudging smirk. “Come on, you’re done. No more stalling. We are already late.” She ushered her off the vanity top. “Pick up your things,” She then added, nodding at the clothes Jade had left by the door, “and get your shoes on.”  
“Yes mom.” Jade sang back teasingly as she headed out of the bathroom door. It was meant in jest and yet the words made Kathryn grin despite herself. It felt nice. It felt... normal. It felt like this could be any other normal day; a mother taking care of her daughter, guiding her, keeping her in check, helping her become the young woman she would one day be. Standing by her side as she faced the world. Loving her unconditionally as she strived to make her place in it. Kathryn could no longer imagine Jade not being there when she came home from her shift. That was not a reality she would accept. Jade was hers now, hers and Qs, and she would fight the Master, the Continuum and anything else that tried to take the girl from her with every breath she had.   
"Jade..." She called, following her out into the living room and leaning against the doorway, watching with a smile as the teenager struggled to stand on one leg to put on her heels. She looked so much older in her party dress, and yet the hair and look of keen concentration on her face looked so little and cute.  
"Jade?"  
"Ah-huh?" Jade looked up and immediately lost her balance. She caught herself on the side of the table and flashed the Captain a cheeky grin. "Sorry, what did you say?"  
"Have I told you today that I love you?"  
The teenager's face lit up and she then let out a giggle.   
“Yes." She replied emphatically, "So much that I think Q’s penchant for emotional oversharing might be rubbing off on you.”   
Kathryn broke into a laugh, and crossed the living room floor towards her, offering her a hand so she could balance properly to put her shoe on.  
“Perhaps you are right. I just wanted to make sure you knew."  
"I know." Jade said simply and earnestly, giving her a warm smile. "I love you too." She then gave her a hug.  
Kathryn squeezed her tightly and placed a kiss on the crown of her head.   
"Come on." She added finally, nodding towards the door. "If we don't get there soon, we're going to have both Q and Tom to answer to."   
Jade glanced at the exit and then looked up at the Captain, breaking into a wide smile.   
"Better not keep them waiting," She said with a determined nod. "Let's get this party started."


	66. Tale as old as time

As nearly all of the crew had immediately shown interest in attending the party, Tom had arranged before heading down to the planet that cargo bay 1 would be fitted with an extensive array of holodeck emitters in order to accomodate the large numbers and maintain his lavish theme for the evening. Therefore, Kathryn and Jade made their way to turbo lift and took it down to the lower decks. They were late, and it seemed by the emptiness of the hallways that all of the crew had already made their way to the function ahead of them. That didn’t seem to make Kathryn feel any easier about walking through her ship in such a form fitted revealing dress.  
“You look great.” Jade said earnestly, appearing to note her uncomfortable countenance as they entered the lift. “Like, seriously.. amazing. You need to stop worrying.”  
“I’m not worrying.” Kathryn muttered, tugging at the top of her dress to make sure it was covering her chest enough. She then cast a suspicious glance at her young counterpart.  
“You’re not reading my mind are you?”  
“No,” Jade retorted, folding her arms, “I promised you I wouldn’t use telepathy on board Voyager. Besides, I don’t need to read your mind, I can read your face easily enough.” She added. “It says ‘i am freaking out because i feel damn good in this dress but it is a side of me no-one is used to seeing and i am not sure it is appropriate and i might lose face in front of my crew and that is the thing that scares me most.’”  
They reached their level and the turbo lift doors opened but Kathryn did not get out. Instead she put her hands on her hips and raised an eyebrow. That was, of course, exactly what she had been thinking.  
“You did not get all that from my face.”  
“Not all of it,” Jade conceded with a shrug, “I got the rest because I listen to you.. because I know you.” She gave her a knowing look, “Just like you didn’t get ‘teenager suffering identity crisis’ from my face earlier.”  
“No, I got that from the scissors.” Kathryn quipped with a smirk.  
“Very funny,” Jade replied begrudgingly, “you know I mean. I know the crews’ good opinion, their respect and their faith in you as a Captain, means everything to you and to be strong for them so that they continue to believe that you can get them home, you don’t allow them to see you as vulnerable, as anything else but their Captain.” She smiled, “but this isn’t vulnerability. This is just another side to you and it is fierce.”  
“I don’t feel very fierce.” Kathryn rolled her eyes.  
“Well you should.” Jade sighed. “Kathryn... you are the absolute strongest person I know. You have faced unspeakable odds and terrible consequences. You have beat the Vidiians, the Kazon, even the Borg are afraid to engage with you. You know why? Because you are fearless. And you are telling me you are afraid to stand in a dress in front of your crew?”  
“I’d rather take on a few Borg cubes if you don’t mind.” Kathryn muttered, gazing down at the silk clinging to her body.  
“Can’t you see how great you look?" Jade pleaded, taking hold of her forearms and looking up at her with a serious gaze, "If you don’t believe me, just wait until you see Q. Trust me, it’ll be written all over his face.”  
“Yes," Kathryn jumped back at her, her cheeks turning pink despite her best efforts, "and I know what will be written over my crews’ faces too.” Especially Chakotay, she thought, who would no doubt have the bodacious Seven on his arm, a woman who dresses like this were really made for.  
"Then don't look at them." Jade cried, "If some of them do think something bad then whatever, that is their problem. Standing in front of you will be one the most powerful beings in the entire universe and he will be looking you in that totally gross completely adoring way he always does. He would literally prefer you to anyone else in this entire cosmos you know. You could wear a sack and he would still be madly besotted with you. He thinks you’re brilliant. The absolute bloody love of his life. Take it from me,” she added pulling a teasing face. “He goes on about it to me enough."  
Kathryn didn’t reply but a hint of a smile seemed to creep to the corners of her mouth.  
“Look,” Jade continued gently, “I can't tell you how you should feel; as you said to me earlier, your body your choice. If you want to go back and change we can... just don't do it because of what your crew may or may not think. This is your ship, you are the Captain and you can do or wear whatever you damn well want."  
Kathryn gave her a long look and then let out a retiring sigh. Back in her quarters, she had looked at herself in the mirror and felt good, really good in fact. Then, however, the old doubts had come flooding in; was she doing the right thing, how she would be seen, what would her crew think? Would Chakotay look at her and wonder what he had been thinking seeking her affections again? She didn’t want his attention of course but there were old wounds there that still cut deep and how he viewed still her mattered however much she hated it. Kathryn was always confident in the decision she made as a Captain, but as a woman she was much less sure. She'd tried to keep the self-doubt buried like she did with so many other aspects of her life but Jade, of course, had seen right through it and she’d reminded her of the very first feeling she’d had when she put the dress on; how excited she felt to think how Q would react when she saw her, how much she knew he would like it and how empowering that felt. Her eyes watered a little as she gazed down at teenager and placed a hand on her cheek.  
"I wouldn't have bothered asking you not to use telepathy if I'd known you could read people so well."  
Jade grinned.  
"It's a fairly new skill," She replied with a warm smile, “but I have a good teacher."  
"Good, maybe I'll teach you next how to turn that positive thinking back on yourself." Kathryn then said, putting her arm over Jade's shoulders and leading her out of the turbo-lift.  
"You are." Jade said softly with a small smile and leaned her head against the Captain's arm as they walked down the corridor.  
They reached the cargo bay door and Kathryn could hear music trickling through from inside. She released a long exhale, trying to quell the nerves churning around in her stomach. The doors opened and revealed a small reception room with oak panelled walls and large oil paintings.  
“Ahh finally the birthday girl arrives.” An elderly gentleman announced appearing from a doorway. “I am Giles, the Butler, Miss Jade. The majority of your guests are in the main ballroom, however some of your party have elected to wait for you in the atrium, your father being one of them.” He gestured to the doorway he just arrived from.  
Kathryn and Jade exchanged a look, the latter grinning mischievously.  
“Just remember, you said I could have Q and you falling madly in love and living happily ever after for my birthday.”  
“You said that, not me.” Kathryn shot back, raising an eyebrow.  
Jade shrugged, appearing unconcerned by the correction.  
“You said.. I said.. That's just semantics.” She replied.  
“Party... Grounding... Is that semantics too?” Kathryn offered with a smirk.  
Jade paused, and then gave her an obliging smile.  
“Touché” She turned and walked towards the door. “Or should I say touchy.” She giggled, giving Giles a knowing look as she left the room.  
Kathryn rolled her eyes and let out a sigh. It was going to be a long night, she thought. She went to follow her but then the teenager reappeared in the doorway.  
“You need to count to twenty.”  
Kathryn frowned.  
“What? Why?”  
“Just count to twenty and then come down.”  
Jade added, her tone quick paced and excited. “Q needs to see your dress with no other distractions.”  
Kathryn cast her eyes to the ceiling in a bid to maintain her composure. She could see a plan being calculated on the teenager’s face; while she did not yet know what it entailed, she suspected was not going to like it.  
“Jade, I really don’t think...”  
“Trust me.” The girl grinned in a way that elicited zero trust. “Please?” She clasped her hands together in a pleading manner and poured dramatically.  
Kathryn, despite her best efforts, broke into a grin.  
“Alright. Just no more meddling Jade okay? No more surprises.” She sighed wearily and folded her arms with a disapproving look.  
“Sure,” Jade said with a semi-innocent smile. “I mean it’s my surprise party, what could I possibly have been able to arrange?”  
Kathryn narrowed her gaze but seeing the teenager planned to betray nothing of whatever devious plan to unite Q and her together she had in play, she rolled her eyes.  
“Fine, go. I’ll count to twenty.”  
Jade flung her arms around her.  
“Yay!” She squeaked. “This is going to be awesome.”  
Then, before the Captain could protest any further, Jade disappeared out the door with Giles in tow.

Through the doorway, Jade found herself at the top of a grand staircase that lead down into the ornately decorated atrium. Beyond the large wooden doors that lay at the far end of the room, she could hear the bustle of partygoers and clinking glasses. At the bottom of the stairs, she saw that the small selection of people waiting for her were her closest friends; Tom, Harry, B’Elanna, the Doctor, Tuvok, Neelix. Chakotay and Seven were there too, plus several other crew members that she had become friendly with throughout her time on board. They were all stood in groups, amiably chatting over their drinks. Only one person alone, Q. He was waiting at the bottom of the staircase, shifting from one foot to the other in a seemingly nervous fashion, a look of focus on his face. Clearly, he was waiting for her and the Captain. He was dressed in a black tuxedo and he looked very dashing, Jade thought. Perfect, she grinned internally.  
Giles appeared next to her and cleared his throat before announcing her arrival. The group all looked up and a joyous ‘Happy Birthday!’ rang from around the room. While the event was not exactly a surprise, she still felt a warm glow in her chest and she blushed at the attention. When he saw her, Q’s face lit up and he immediately stood to attention. Jade broke into a grin and walked down the stairs towards him, her emerald dress swishing backwards and forwards as she descended.  
When she reached the bottom, the omnipotent being bowed dramatically. She returned the gesture with a curtesy and a giggle.  
“My princess,” Q gushed, standing up straight again, “you look...” He then gave her a surprised smile, “wait, you cut your hair?” He asked, touching the end of her shortened locks affectionately.  
“Yeah... kind of. Arnad helped.” She shrugged, albeit a little nervously under his scrutiny. “Do... you like it?”  
“The little tailor wasn’t wrong when he said it would be a transformation.” Q hesitated, cupping her face in his hands and eyeing her keenly with a strange experience crossing his features. Then he let go of her cheeks and reached for her properly. “Come here.” He whispered and pulled her into his arms. “I love it.” He added with a mumbled tone as he planted a kiss on the crown of her head and squeezed her tightly. “And I love you.”  
“Love you too,” her voice replied through the fabric of his dinner jacket. When he didn’t let go, the voice sounded again, this time slightly more exasperated.  
“Uhh… Q? Can’t breathe.”  
“Oh.. sorry.” He chuckled and released the tightness of his grasp. As he let her go, he noticed some of the younger ensigns Jade had become friendly with eyeing her new look appreciatively. Copping a icy glare from her omnipotent father soon sent them quickly scarpering.  
“You look beautiful.” He added with a grimace. “But if you don’t stop growing up I’ll ground you until your thirty.”  
“Geez, you too?” Jade smirked with a roll of her eyes. “What is with you guys and my twenties?”  
“Let’s just say it’s for my sake rather than yours.” He added, tapping her on the nose. “Wait, where are you going?” He then asked as Jade appeared that she intended to move past him rather than be escorted into the main ball room.  
“Oh you have enough to handle trust me.” She grinned.  
There was a cough and the Doctor appeared at her side.  
“May I be of assistance?” He asked, offering her an arm.  
“Excellent timing as ever Doctor,” Jade quipped, “and it’s a surprise,” she then added when Q gave her a questioning look, clearly not understanding her meaning.  
“This is your surprise birthday Jade, what are you up to?” Q said sternly, crossing his arms and casting her a suspicious look.  
“Can’t I have one surprise tonight?” She responded teasingly with a wink and then nodded in the direction she had come from.  
Q followed her gaze in time to see Kathryn appear at the top of the stairs, bound in the most sumptuous red silk, her long copper hair cascading down over one shoulder.  
The Captain held her breath as she noted the hush that descended around the room at her entrance.  
Focus on Q, she thought. Nobody is thinking anything, just focus on Q.  
She reached out to the bannister for support and continued down the stairs, her hand gliding down the wood as smooth as the red silk did her curves. The omnipotent being dropped his gaze only to allow himself to take the vision coming towards him, his eyes wide and his mouth slightly open as if he couldn’t quite believe what he was seeing. He looked delicious in his tuxedo, she thought, and her pace quickened down the stairs. She reached the bottom and Q stepped forward to greet her.  
“You look...” he trailed off and shook his head, as if unable to summon the words to adequately portray what he wanted to say. After a few seconds of silence, it became a little awkward and Kathryn glanced around at her crew, noting their quiet exchanges of questioning looks with one another. Realising that Q seemed capable of staring at her indefinitely, she cleared her throat.  
“Umm.. Q?”  
“Hmm?” He met her gaze. “Oh quite, yes. Sorry.” He cleared his throat sheepishly. He then bent his arm and raised it to her “shall we?”  
Kathryn nodded and smiled at him, gingerly taking the offer of the escort. Q immediately clasped his hand over hers as if he was afraid she would run away at the first opportune moment. It felt warm and smooth against her own, and she immediately threaded her fingers through his, squeezing them tightly. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Q grin at the contact. He escorted her into the main hall, followed by her crew. Kathryn's eyes widened as she took in the space Tom had created. The main hall was a large ballroom with stone walls that were littered with tall candles in various alcoves and long luxurious drapes that hung from the tall ceiling. At the end of the room, a ten-piece band was playing classical music from a stage. Above her head, a huge gold chandelier hung high in the wooden rafters. It was breathtaking, she thought. Jade was already ahead of them disappearing into the crowd that was gathered in groups throughout the room. As their Captain entered, they parted to make a path for her, offering a surprised smile or an acknowledging nod in her direction. Feeling a little uneasy with the attention, Kathryn looked up at Q and found his eyes wandering along the bare skin between her neck and shoulder.  
“You’re staring Q.” She whispered as they made their way to the dance floor near the stage.  
“So?”  
Kathryn tried not to smirk.  
“It’s making me uncomfortable.” She hissed.  
Q leaned in closer.  
“Do you want me to kiss you in front of your crew.” He provocatively in her ear.  
She broke into a grin.  
“No.”  
“Then shut up and let me enjoy looking at you.”  
As they came to a halt, the band started playing a new song, one that she immediately recognised. She looked up at Q with a knowing smile, it was after all the same music he had played for her when he had asked her to dance on the balcony at the cabin. Oddly, Q also had a look of surprise on his face. They met each others gaze with a questioning look before turning their attention to the band. Jade stood by the stage watching them with an extremely pleased expression on her face.  
"Dance." She mouthed and nodded towards an open space on the ballroom floor as if to reiterate her request. "Please?"  
Q sighed, dropping his head.  
“Never misses an opportunity does she?” He chuckled and then met the Captain's gaze.  
Kathryn broke into a grin.  
“Nope." She shook her head. "She gets that from you, you know."  
Q grinned.  
"For once, I'm glad." He then motioned to the space. "Will... you do me the honour?"  
Kathryn hesitated, the Captain's voice in her head immediately scoffing at the absurdity of the suggestion. She appraised his face for a moment, and to her surprise, she saw he looked nervous. Was it to ask her to dance? Or the thought she would say no... For some reason, she felt suddenly felt overwhelmingly compelled to say yes. She wanted to dance with him. She wanted to dance with him more than anything. She took a deep breath and, with a smile and in a moment of impulsive recklessness, she nodded and took his outstretched hand. Q's eyebrows raised and an expression of both delight and relief crossed his face. Together they walked across the floor before he gently span her around and into his arms. Kathryn could feel herself trembling, her heart pounding in her chest. She was aware of everyone watching yet she forced them from her mind. In this moment there was only room for Q. He took one of her hands in his and placed his free hand at the small of her back. Perhaps sensing her nerves, he gave her a soft reassuring smile.  
“I've got you." He whispered.  
Kathryn nodded and gave him one in return.  
“I know."  
Under the light of a thousand candles and the watchful gaze of a slightly perplexed crew, the omnipotent cosmic being and mortal starship captain danced together to a song they had secretly first explored new feelings weeks prior. Now those feelings were so much deeper, their relationship so different since that night, and Kathryn suddenly knew as they twirled around the ballroom floor, wrapped up in one another like no-one else existed, that this would not be the last time she would dance with Q. As she looked into his eyes, which were dark and warm and full of adoration, she was happily certain that they had many more dances yet to come.


	67. Sliding doors

“You really do look beautiful, you know.” Q murmured after they’d been dancing with one another for a while. “I don’t think I quite articulated that adequately earlier.” Kathryn looked up at him and granted the omnipotent being a warm smile. Around them numerous members of her crew, having got over their initial surprise at seeing their notoriously private Captain be led onto the dance floor by a man they had all assumed she couldn’t stand, had followed her lead and began partnering off for their own waltz.  
“Don’t worry, you did.” She replied with a smirk before her own gaze drifted down his body wantonly. “I like the suit by the way. It looks really good on you.” She added with a purr.  
“Good.” Q grinned, “I’m glad you approve.” He then pulled a face. “You’re not the only one who endured the brilliance of Arnad this evening.”  
“He was your idea.” Kathryn tutted teasingly.  
Q rolled his eyes.  
“Don’t remind me.” A suggestive expression suddenly flashed over his features. “But it was worth it, if only to see you in this dress.” He tightened his grip around her waist, crushing her whole body against his intimately. “Never in my wildest fantasies, of which there have been many, would I think that you could look sexier than you already do and yet here you are bringing me to my knees...” His lips were almost touching hers, a wolfish look on his face. “Oh Captain…”  
“Alright Q, I get it..” Kathryn mumbled, chewing on her bottom lip and trying to ignore the aching between her legs that Q’s attentions were causing.  
“You’re lucky I saw you here and not back at your quarters or we might not have made it,” Q continued, attempting to her even closer and leaning in to whisper in her ear, “and now I have to hold you in my arms all looking the way you do and refrain from having you. Urgh Arnad!” He cast his eyes dramatically to the sky, “Why do you continually test me in this way.”  
“I imagine he takes pleasure in it.” Kathryn giggled.  
“I’m sure he does” Q replied with a chuckle before a slightly more pensive expression crossed his face. “Speaking of Arnad. The haircut?”  
Kathryn immediately felt her stomach sink. How was she ever going to explain what had happened without really explaining what had actually happened.  
“Yes…” She replied cautiously, “Do you like it?”  
Q hesitated for a moment and then he nodded slowly.  
“Yes. It just… caught me off guard a little. She… looked like she did when she was little.” He finally responded, a little more melancholic countenance appearing on his face.  
“Yes, from the photo.” Kathryn nodded. “I noticed that.”  
“But with the dress and the makeup, she also looked so much older.” Q then sighed wearily. “I don’t think I’m ready for her to be fifteen.”  
“I don’t think any father ever is.” Kathryn smiled gently.  
“I suppose not.”  
“She’ll always be your little girl Q.”  
Q then gave her a warm adoring smile.  
“And yours.”  
They looked at each other with a knowing smile, both seemingly happy to bask in each other’s attentions. Something was bothering Kathryn however and after a few moments, the mirth faded from her lips.  
“About that…” She said, breaking the silence, “We really should talk about what is going to happen next for us.. for all of us. We never did have that conversation at the cabin that night.”  
Q shot her a seductive grin.  
“No we didn’t, we were somewhat distracted your merciless seduction of me.”  
Kathryn raised an eyebrow.  
“Be serious Q.”  
“Why, you are serious enough for the two of us sweet Captain.” Q teased.  
“Well, someone needs to be.”  
The omnipotent being then sighed and gave her a look of a frustrated parent attempting to tell off of a wayward child.  
“Can’t you just dance with me and be happy that we’re all together and that we’re a family and.. I don’t know… try to occasionally cop a feel when no one is watching?”  
“Yes, I am…” Kathryn gave him a reluctant grin, “and I will... it’s just,” her expression then changed to one of earnest, “I’m happy Q... I am really happy and that’s making me really…” She paused, trying to find the right words that best explained how she was feeling. There was only one world for it however, a word she would never had associated with herself normally. “Scared.” She finally added, almost in a whisper. “I’m scared Q. Scared that things are going to change.”  
Q raised his eyebrows and gave her a puzzled look.  
“Why would things change?”  
“Well... you can’t stay here forever?”  
“Why not? Forever is, as Jade would say, kinda my aesthetic.” He grinned. “Why, are you getting tired of me already Captain?”  
“No,” Kathryn replied, granted in a reluctant smirk as her cheeks went pink from the admission, “quite the opposite.. surprisingly.” She then shrugged, “I just assumed...”  
“You’re here.” Q cut in, “Jade feels at home here. Why would I be anywhere else?” He asked in a matter of fact tone as if her question was completely crazy, “As long as you don’t get fed up with me, I have no intention of going anywhere.”  
“Right. Well, good...”  
It was nice to think that Q was planning to stick around, that he wanted to stick around. Kathryn had been so focused on losing Jade, she hadn’t really considered what it would have felt like if she’d no longer had Q in her life, if they’d no longer been able to eat together, talk together, sleep together in the ways she had grown used to doing. Without really realising it, the omnipotent being was fast becoming a permanent fixture in her life, a dangerous thing when the being in question was famed for his impermanence with attachments. Still, Kathryn, in all her loneliness and isolation as the ship’s Captain, tingled with excitement when she thought about late nights lying curled up in one another’s arms talking into the early hours about nothing in particular. The more she thought about it, the more she wanted that life and yet, she also knew it was a life would leave her vulnerable. Vulnerability was not something a Captain could afford.  
“This was always how it was supposed to be Kathy; you, Jade and I...” Q had been mumbling into her hair. Kathryn lifted her head and gave him a frown.  
“But it wasn’t originally though was it? If it hadn’t have been for Jade’s capture and her telepathic link with me, you would never have brought her here and we wouldn’t be were we are today.” A funny feeling suddenly came over her. She’d never thought about it until now but Q was wrong; all of this… her romance with him… her relationship with Jade… it all only came into being because Jade reached out to her during her capture. It was never ‘meant’ to be like this as Q had declared. If that had been his true thoughts, why would he have not brought Jade to Voyager under his own volition. She stopped dancing and cast an accusatory stare at her lover.  
“Where you ever going to introduce Jade to me? If Fernand had not kidnapped her, would we ever have met?”  
Q looked surprised and he was silent for a moment, a troubled look on his face. Finally, he placed his hands on her forearms and rubbed her skin slightly as if warming her up.  
“I wanted to… I thought about it a million times.” He said carefully and let out a sigh. “I was afraid.”  
“I thought the Q didn’t feel fear.” Kathryn retorted. “I thought fear was a human emotion.”  
“We don’t and I didn’t.. not for billions of years but something changed a long the way.” He gave her a smile and semi-forced her to start dancing with him again, ignoring her stiffness at his touch. “Once I let things into my life that I cared about, that I could lose, i learned about fear and it was truly terrifying.” He raised his hand and gently brushed a loose curl back from her forehead, “As much as I wanted her to meet you, and that I knew you both get along and hopefully adore one another with time, I had concerns… on both sides.” He quickly added seeing her frown, “Jade’s life is complicated. Danger follows her around where-ever she goes. It would have put your ship in danger Captain. Jade didn’t want that and neither did I. Besides, you weren’t exactly thrilled when I turned up with junior. I was worried about your reaction to me popping in with another child in tow. I thought you might be angry, or mistrusting, and I wasn’t sure how Jade might feel it if you didn’t immediately take a liking to her. She really looked up to you.” He then gave her a sad smile, “It’s taken a long time for you to warm to me Captain and I was afraid that you might let our… history affect your relationship with Jade. That you might not let her get close to you because you didn’t trust me. But I was wrong to assume that.”  
“You were.” Kathryn replied irritably. “I’ve never not trusted you Q. Why do you think I agreed to come to iogia in the first place?  
“Undeniable attraction?” Q quipped with a hopeful expression.  
“No. I came because i trusted you. Even right back at the beginning when you and Quinn were flinging voyager all over the cosmos. I trusted you even then, despite my better judgement... because you never lied. I would have believed you if you had turned up with Jade and said she meant us no harm.”  
“But would have loved her like you do now? Would you let us into your life the way you have?” Q pressed gently, “Or would we have been met with that cool, star-fleet exterior that you roll out whenever you think someone is getting to close to you?”  
Kathryn could feel her cheeks growing warm.  
“You never gave me the opportunity to find out Q.” She retorted sharply, “The problem is, as it has been since we started this, you didn’t trust me.”  
Q sighed and was quiet for a moment, staring silently as they danced at the space between them.  
“You’re right. I’m sorry okay?” He said finally, meeting her gaze, “I made a bad call. I’m still new at the mortal parenting thing.” He placed a hand on her cheek and gave her an earnest smile. “There is no one in the cosmos I trust with Jade more than you and she clearly adores you… and rightly so.” He gave her a wink. “I couldn’t think of a better mother for her Kathy, or anyone i would rather have by my side raising her. I always knew that one day you would find one another. Why do you think I filled her head with stories about you in the first place? That was what I wanted. You, Jade and I to be together. That’s what I always want.” His face was serious now, “But I couldn’t put what I wanted first. It's different now. I'm not the Q I was before. I was trying to protect you both. Haven’t you ever done something stupid, or kept something from someone, because you are worried it will hurt them?” Q then shook his head. “I imagine not.” He said with a sigh, “Your vaunted Star Fleet ideals probably don’t allow that do they? Kathryn Janeway would have made the right decision.”  
Kathryn pursed her lips tightly and frowned, but not for the reason Q thought. She hadn’t told Q about Jade’s rape to protect him. That was a call she had made, as the adult in Jade’s life, to keep that secret from her other guardian. To protect him as well as her, because she assumed he would react negatively and it would hurt him and Jade. Just like Q had assumed she would react badly if he’d turned up with the teenager out of the blue and the encounter could end up hurting them both. Q had made the decision as a parent, just like she had. Bad or good, it had been what he had thought was best and Kathryn would be a hypocrite to judge him. Besides, as much as she hated to admit it, she knew there were truth in his words. Even she had been surprised about how close she had become to Jade. Because of what had happened to her down on Iogia, there had been no time to let relationships develop through their natural course. Jade had needed a mother there and then, and Kathryn in turn had needed to force her own barriers to come down in order to care for the girl in the way she had required. If Kathryn hadn’t been through what she had with Jade, she may not have realised what Q had gone through by himself to protect her and therefore not found away to bridge the emotional barrier between them. When they had first met all those years prior, they had been combatants… then, barely friends… but they had both changed in the years since, Kathryn a little more reflective on what she had given up to captain her ship home, a little more resigned to feeling lonely as the crew created new families around her. Q on the other hand, had been through civil wars, the death of Quinn, the raising of his son and then five years of raising Jade by himself, and she saw all those personal challenges reflected in his more mellow and empathetic persona. Q obviously didn't age and yet he seemed much more grown up, like he had finally settled into responsibility and was much more willing to compromise. They were both in such different stages of their life finally, only now both of them were finally capable of committing to something bigger than themselves. Every moment had brought them closer and closer despite the odds, and if any tiny variable had been different, Kathryn doubted that they would ever found their way to one another.  
“Yes, I have.” she said finally, and gave him a smile, “and I understand your trepidation. I just want you to know I love that girl with every fibre of my being and losing her scares me to death too you know?”  
Q released the breath he had apparently been holding and gave her a complicated look that seemed to resemble relief, adoration and worry all at the same time. He lifted the hand held in his to his lips and kissed it.  
“Captain, I may have been late bringing her into your life but I’ll never let anyone take her from you, i can promise you that.” He whispered with closed eyes into her palm.  
Kathryn felt overwhelmingly like she wanted to cry or kiss him. Seeing she was unable to do either, she instead recklessly leaned her cheek against his chest as he waltzed her slowly across the dance floor.  
“From us,” She corrected with a small smile, “We’ll never let anyone take her from us.”  
She felt Q immediately rewrap her in a tight grip and let out a content sigh in response.  
“Yes,” He whispered into her hair, “From us.”


	68. Something there that wasn't there before

Kathryn and Q danced for one more song before the Captain became uncomfortable with the attention they were attracting from those around her. Drawing herself from Q's warm embrace, she did her best to get her emotions back in check and turned her focus to the crew, working the room as was her duty as Captain and partial host of the party. Q, to her great surprise, stayed by her side throughout the process, engaging willingly with everyone and using a surprising amount of restraint in his tone and commentary. At first, she was painfully aware of his presence next to her as she conversed with various people, mindful of their eyes every so often flicking between the pair as if trying to work out what the situation was between their Captain and guest. Q however seemed completely untroubled by this and, finding that most of the conversations were about Jade, was able to converse amiably and in good humour. After a while, the crew soon seemed to relax in his presence and eventually, Kathryn too began to settle into the concept of being publicly seen with Q. She even began to enjoy having him by her side. As the Captain, she was so used to remaining detached personally. Of course, she always had fun with her crew but she could never let herself be truly comfortable in their presence. She could never let one of them take her lead for her or lean on them for support in conversation. Even though she’d already seen B’Elanna and Tom arguing once so far that night, a frequent occurrence for the couple, Kathryn had always slightly envied their dynamic. They might fight like cat and dog, and neither was afraid to put the other back in their place but they also were an openly unified force against the rest of the universe. Kathryn could see it in their faces and body language when they were together; the little glances, the knowing smiles, the way they helped one another through a conversation as if they already knew what each other was going to say. Chakotay would never be like that with her, Kathryn thought. Sure, he had stood up to her on many occasions, but in the end she was his Captain first before anything else. One simple ‘dismissed’ and he would slink from her ready room like a schooled pupil. Q, on the other hand, loved to argue with her and took great pleasure in riling her up into a fiery debate, only to simply laugh at her when she when she got angry and try to placate her with a kiss. It was annoying as hell but she liked it too. It was an even playing field and she had met her match. Q didn’t have to agree with her, he didn’t have to follow her orders, and he was honest with her always. He didn’t try and mince his words, nor did he tailor his responses because of rank or affection. He was Q, through and through, and that was refreshing; when he said something to her, she knew it was exactly how he felt. All the years of listening to Chakotay skirt around his feelings with parables and old sayings… she’d thought it was romantic, but in the end… it never amounted to anything.. and if it never amounted to anything, did it really mean anything at all? Q, on the other hand, would tell her he loved her a million times in a day if he could and while one would expect the constant repetition would cause the sentiment to lose its meaning, somehow it never seemed to. Kathryn glanced upwards to her right side, where Q was stood and felt a warm glow in her cheeks as she broke into a coy smile. They were stood with B’Elanna and Harry, discussing how the arrangements for the party had come together. B’Elanna, clearly still irritable from the argument on the dance floor she’d had Tom earlier, nodded along to the conversation in a somewhat distracted fashion, her eyes discretely roaming the crowds for her husband. Q, however, was fully engaged in the discussion; confident and brashly authoritative in his tone as was his usual manner yet clearly trying his best to show the Captain deference and show her he was on his best behaviour. He had been consistently attentive to her throughout the night but in a surprisingly subtle un-Q like way that was easy to miss unless one was looking for it; a knowing glance at the opportune moment, an protective placement of a hand on her lower back when guiding her through the crowd, an out-of-sight brush of fingers through her own during conversations with the crew. He had also been incessantly complimentary of her to everyone he spoke to, yet without embarrassing her with his usual over-embellishments. When the opportunity had arisen to brag or insult, he’d stayed uncharacteristically quiet, although on occasion she had been able to tell that bypassing the moment had been extremely difficult for him. He was trying, she thought, trying his best to please her. Trying his best not to damage the new level of intimacy they had built together. Trying to show her that he could be trusted to stand by her side and support her. After their conversation earlier on the dance floor, she wondered if he was trying to prove he could be a active part of her life here on Voyager. That if he did stay, he could fit in and build a life with her. He seemed to be trying to prove that he wasn’t going to mess it up this time. He wanted her to trust him… And surprisingly, she did... And so she relaxed… relaxed enough to let some of the guard she often held in functions like this down. She relaxed enough to let Q take the lead. She’d almost forgotten how good it felt to have someone in her life like that, to have a partner to socialise with. As the night had gone on, she found it increasingly difficult not to openly treat him as such. She’d turn to him to contribute his opinion in conversations, occasionally placing her hand on his arm in support of what he was discussing, or teasing him gently about something he’d said or done in response to his own good natured jibes to her. He would say something funny and she would laugh, genuinely and without restraint. She would proudly explain the things he done, the way he was with Jade, how he had brought her up by himself so well. Q appeared to take this new familiarity the Captain was showing him with a cautious enthusiasm, a permanent doting smile on his face as he stood by her side.  
As she was gazing at him, he noticed her attention and gave her a wink. Harry appeared to notice also and broke into a smirk, causing Kathryn to immediately freeze and focus her attention trying to change the subject. This requirement was short lived, however, as B’Elanna finally spotted Tom and elbowed Harry in the ribs.  
“What?” He yelped in surprise, his gaze following the motion of her head. He then sighed and nodded reluctantly. “Alright! Sorry Captain, Q.” He nodded at them both to excuse him. “I just need to see Tom about something.”  
“Of course.” Kathryn smiled. When he left, she turned to B’Elanna who was eyeing the ensign as he disappeared into the crowd.  
“Everything alright B’Elanna?”  
“Yes,” Torres muttered folding her arms and turning back to her company “Just don’t ever get married.” She then caught herself and her eyes widened slightly, as she seemed to remember who she was addressing.  
“Sorry, Captain. I..”  
Kathryn raised her hands.  
“It’s alright B’Elanna.” She hushed gently. “You’re off duty. Look, I know Tom has been a bit under the pump of late, and this organising this party hasn’t helped much.” She placed a hand on her arm and gave her a warm smile. “But he was so looking forward to sharing this night with you. Go talk to him. Make peace. Drink, dance and have a good night. Captain’s orders.”  
“And I would do it before Ensign Kim makes it any worse.” Q added with a smirk.  
B’Elanna looked a little hesitant and then finally she nodded.  
“Thanks, I will.”  
She turned to leave and then paused, turning back to face the Captain and Q. “Since I am off duty, permission to speak freely Captain?”  
Kathryn’s eyebrows raised a little in surprise as she noted the unsure expression on her usually confident Chief Engineer’s face.  
“Go ahead.” She replied cautiously.  
“I just wanted to say…” B’Elanna took a breath, clearly looking like she’d rather not say anything in fact, “I… umm… I’m really pleased for you Captain.” She then gave the pair an earnest smile. “We’ve been out in the Delta Quadrant a long time and you deserve to find some happiness like the rest of us…” she cast a side at the direction that Harry had left and smirked “occasionally have.”  
Kathryn felt her cheeks flush and she shot a panicked look at Q, unsure of what to say. She knew she had been a little cavalier with her affection towards him tonight but she’d thought she hadn’t been that obvious. Q, seeing the worry on her face, gave her a warm doting smile and a shrug, clearly un-phased by the revelation that some of her crew knew he was more than just her guest. Kathryn stared at him for a moment and then sighed; there really wasn’t much, after all, she could do. She couldn’t deny it. Well, she could but in the moment, as she looked at Q, for once she didn’t want to. Maybe it was the wine. She hoped to god it was the wine.  
Granting Q a conciliatory smile in return, she then looked back back at her Chief Engineer.“Are we that obvious?” She asked wryly. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Q’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise at the admission. “No, not at all.” B’Elanna quickly added, clearly surprised herself at the Captain’s confirmation. “It’s just… the way Q has been looking at you. A person only looks at someone like that when the affection is reciprocated.”  
Kathryn exchanged a coy glance with the omnipotent being, who immediately moved closer to her side, a beaming smile plastered across his face. B’Elanna’s gaze darted in his direction and immediately hardened. “If you hurt her though, we will come for you. Immortality or not, we will find ways of making you suffer.” She added with a scowl.  
“I don’t doubt it Lieutenant,” Q grinned, clearly bemused by her retort. “Would it help if I promise to have her home by eleven?”  
B’Elanna folded her arms and cast him an icy stare.  
“You have nothing to worry about, I give you my word.” He then added, much more sincerely.  
“Good.” B’Elanna nodded, appearing finally placated. She met Kathryn’s gaze and gave her a warm smile. “I.. uhh.. should go and find Tom.” She then said, and, with a nod, disappeared eagerly into the crowd.  
“Well that was enlightening." Kathryn heard Q murmur in her ear.  
"You shouldn't make light of B'Elanna's threat," she retorted with a smirk,  
"I don't." Q chuckled. "If anyone can make me suffer endlessly until the end of time, it would the crew of the starship Voyager."  
Kathryn looked up at him over her shoulder and raised an eyebrow, indicating her disapproval at his tone.  
"I'm joking." He cut in, sensing she was about to jump down his throat in her ship's defence. He then gave her a long look, an oddly serious expression crossing his face.  
"You do know I would never hurt you, right?"  
I know, Kathryn thought. I am trying desperately not to hurt you too Q...  
"I know." She said, and gave him a proper smile. They gazed into each others eyes for a moment; his were dark and warm and sparkled mischievously. His mouth was dangerously close to hers and she licked her lips in anticipation of being able to press them to his later that night.  
“Don’t do that.” Q murmured, his gaze now firmly fixated on her mouth. “I’m going to have to kiss you if you do that.”  
“I don’t know what you are talking about.” Kathryn retorted with a smirk. She began to make her way towards the unattended end of the bar where she had left some wine earlier. Q following closely behind her, his hand dangerously low on the base of her back.  
“Yes you do,” he hissed in her ear, “I’m warning you Kathy. Don’t tease me like that. Two can play at this game.”  
“Captains do not play games Q," She paused and then leaned into him provocatively, "We win them."  
Q took her arm gently so she couldn't escape him.  
“Yes, well you cheated when you put that dress on.” His eyes drifted down to her cleavage and he instantly bit his bottom lip in a clear expression of lust.  
Kathryn glanced around, ensuring no-one was in earshot. Then she stretched herself a little higher on her tiptoes so her mouth was even closer to his.  
“You like it?” She asked in an innocent tone, although the glint in her eyes betrayed her intentions.  
“I’ll like it better when it's on the floor.” Q growled seductively, his hands creeping to her waist.  
“From what I remember," Kathryn purred, pulling away and stepping backwards towards the bar. "that’s not the only thing you like on the floor…” She added with a suggestive eyebrow raise.  
Q let out a stifled groan before breaking into an impressed chuckle. He folded his arms and watched with a clear expression of desire as she walked to the bar and poured them both a glass of wine from a decanter on the table.  
“That’s it, you were warned." He said with a shake of the head. "Come here and kiss me.”  
Kathryn turned and, realising that the alcove holding the bar was hidden from the view of rest of the party, leaned back against the wood in a seductive manner.  
“Come here and make me.”


	69. Sins of the father

Q had allowed his hands to creep up from Kathryn’s waist to her backside as he used his body weight to sandwich her against the bar.  
“Careful.” She giggled, angling her arm free so she could take a sip of her wine, “We’re not that well hidden you know.”  
“Just wait until I get you home tonight.” Q murmured as his eyes roamed from her neck to her chest and to her mouth. “I’m going to enjoy peeling this dress from your skin with my teeth.”  
Kathryn broke into a wide smile, not at the suggestion but at the word he had used. He had said it earlier, on the couch when he had returned from the Continuum… ‘home’. She had shied away from it then but now, somehow, it felt like the tantalising promise of something she had been scared to hope for.  
“Home?” She prompted, attempting to make the question sound as she was teasing him.  
Q seemed momentarily surprised and then he gave her a charismatic grin.  
“Yes, you know.. that sparsely decorated room that you… occasionally sleep in…” He bowed his head and planted a kiss on her collarbone, causing Kathryn to bite on her bottom lip with desire, her back arching slightly. “That you have also occasionally, and rather unfairly I might add, thrown me out of.” He continued, laying a line of kisses further up her neck. “And, lets not forget, that we have engaged in all sorts of wicked activities in.”  
Kathryn had closed her eyes as he worked his magic. After a moment of blissful attention on her neck he fell quiet, causing her to open them again. Q was now inches from her face, leaning in with his hands either side of her on the bar. He had a soft smile on his lips and a strange look in his eyes.  
“Where I get to eat breakfast with you.” He continued gently, trailing his fingers down the side of her face and sweeping her hair over her shoulder, “Where I get to see you get ready for work, and talk about your day when you get home. Where we argue. Where we laugh. Where we bring up Jade. Where we kiss. Where we make love…” He leaned in close, slipping his hands in her own. “Where I get to lie next to you at night, and watch you wake in the morning. So yes, home.” He leaned in and kissed her softly. Kathryn’s bottom lip trembled against his and she looked up at him with big glassy eyes as he pulled away. For a moment, he looked vulnerable, like he’d shared a secret part of himself that he was not used to revealing. Strange for a being who spent most of his existence wearing his feelings like his outlandish outfits. She was quiet for a moment and then she leaned forward and pressed herself against his chest. Q immediately wrapped his arms around her and sighed blissfully.  
“Do you think it's always going to be like this?” She asked after a moment of silence, before finally looked up at him smile.  
“Oh I imagine so” Q replied, and then a sly smirk crept over his face. “Only with much less clothes I hope.”  
Kathryn gave him a seductive grin in return.  
“I think that can be arranged.”

“The adults needed another moment alone I see?” A voice declared from the doorway. The lovers looked up from their embrace with a startled expression and found a man in a tuxedo stood watching them, his arms crossed and a bemused grin on his face. While she knew she had never laid eyes on him before, Kathryn somehow knew who he was straight away. Her eyes widened and she let go of Q.  
“Junior?”  
The man’s eyebrows shot up in surprise and he broke into a smile.  
“Umm.. it’s Q now, but yes... I’m surprised you recognised me this time Captain.”  
“Of course,” Kathryn grinned, “I’d never forget those baby cheeks however old you got.”  
This was actually a lie. There was not much resemblance to the skinny young tearaway who had caused her so many issues on Voyager only a few years ago. The man before her appeared to be in his early thirties, tall and broad and dark with a handsome face. When she thought about it, she supposed he had aspects that resembled his father but that hadn’t been why she’d recognised him. Somehow she had just known.  
“It must be my good looks.” Q added folding his arms.  
Junior rolled his eyes; now that was more like the sassy teenager she remembered.  
“Well, Jun.. I mean Q, I’m so glad you made it. It’s been too long.” Kathryn said coming forward to embrace him. Junior accepted the hug in a receptive yet slightly stiff manner as if he was unused to the gesture.  
“Yes it really has Captain.” He chuckled.  
“What’s with the formality, I used to be your favourite aunt.” She said half in jest.  
“You’re my only... aunt, and actually if you think about it..”  
Kathryn raised an eyebrow and Junior halted and then gave her an appeasing smile.  
“Oh, yes… its good to see you Aunt Kathy.”  
“You too Q.” She gave him a satisfied smirk. “I didn’t know you were coming.” She turned to look over her shoulder at Q. “You kept that surprise quiet.”  
Q stepped to her side and gave the man a strange look. Kathryn suddenly felt Q's hand slip into her own.  
“I didn’t know myself.” He said in a tense tone, his eyebrows raising slightly. “What are you doing here son?”  
“Well, I’m here to see the birthday girl obviously. She is my little sister after all.”  
“Yes, But how did you find us?” Q pressed, “Only the Continuum high council know...” he stopped as an expression of realisation crossed his face, “Oh...” The expression was then followed by one of annoyance “Of course.”  
Kathryn felt his grip on her hand tighten, and she squeezed it back in the hope that it might cause Q to lose some of his tension.  
Junior could clearly see it too and his eyes darted between the two of them anxiously, his gaze finally resting on the Captain.  
“Aunt Kathy, can you please excuse us for a moment. I have some Continuum business with my father.”  
“She can stay.” Q cut in abruptly.  
Junior gave him a deploring look.  
“Father...”  
Q put up his free hand.  
“If this is about Jade, the Captain has more right than anyone to hear what the Continuum has to say.”  
Junior cleared his throat and then folded his arms.  
“What the Continuum has to say is not just about Jade.” He said pointedly in a way that made Kathryn fairly certain she was the topic of debate.  
“Look It’s fine.” She said quickly, sensing Q’s mood had turned. She turned to him and placed her free hand on his chest, offering him a reassuring smile. “You can fill me in later.”  
Q gave her a long serious look before he finally managed a small nod. He looked like he wanted to kiss her but instead he lifted her hand still had clasped in his own and kissed the back of it. Kathryn felt her cheeks turn a little pink. She wanted to be back in his arms so badly. She turned back to Junior with a smile.  
“I’ll see you later?”  
The younger Q nodded.  
“Of course.”  
Kathryn moved to leave but Q still had hold of her hand. He looked annoyed, and junior clearly felt uncomfortable under his gaze.  
"Q." She gently prompted.  
Q looked down at the hand and seemed to only then realise he was the one restricting her. He let her go and gave her a smile.  
“I won’t be long.”  
"Okay."  
Kathryn made her way out of the atrium and almost walked straight into Chakotay.  
"I was looking for you... Everything alright?" He asked, noting the expression on her face. Kathryn looked over her shoulder and saw that Junior and Q were stood in the doorway staring out into the crowd, clearly engaged in a heated discussion.   
"I'm fine." She mumbled in a distracted tone as she tried to gage Q's response. Whatever message Junior had come to relay to his father, the omnipotent being was clearly not impressed by it.  
Chakotay followed her gaze and saw the man standing next to Q.  
"Who's that?"  
"Q's son. He just arrived unexpectedly."  
She looked back at her First Officer and gave an apologetic smile.  
"Sorry, did you say you were looking for me?"  
"Oh yes..." Chakotay gave her a bashful smile, the one he used to give her when he'd left roses on her desk back in simpler times. "I was hoping I could ask the Captain for the honour of the next dance." He added, offering her his hand.  
"Oh..." Kathryn's eyebrows raised in surprise and she felt her cheeks grow warm. "I..." She glanced briefly back at Q but he was still in deep discussion with Junior. "Umm.. sure. Okay." She took his hand and gave him a smile. "Why not."  
"Good." Chakotay responded and gently led her onto the dance floor. 

 

So where is the birthday girl.” Junior asked, surveying the crowd.  
“Not sure," Q shrugged, "Off somewhere causing mischief I’m sure.”  
Junior laughed.  
“I wouldn’t be surprised."  
"She's missed you, you know." Q continued, "The Captain was right, it has been too long son."  
“She wouldn’t need to miss me if you brought her back to the continuum.” Junior retorted. “Are you sure voyager is the best place for her?”  
“It kept you on the straight and narrow didn’t it?”  
“Yes, But I wasn’t hiding from an omnipotent psychopath..." The younger Q crossed his arms and pulled a face, "I couldn't hide from you after all.”  
“Hilarious.” Q quipped irritably.  
Junior turned to him with a serious expression.  
“Seriously Father. She’s so exposed here.”  
“She’s hidden well enough thank you.”  
Junior raised an eyebrow.  
“I found you easily enough.”  
“You found us, my dear boy," Q spat back, "because you were told by the continuum council, who I presume you are speaking on behalf of now.”  
“Actually I’m speaking as an older brother, a role you appointed me to by the way, who his concerned about his little sister’s welfare." Realising Q was deliberately trying to ignore him, he pulled his father around to face him. "...Oh and yes, as a son who is concerned that his father might be getting in over his head."  
Q shrugged him off and turned back to the crowd.  
“I know what I’m doing.”  
“Oh yeah it sure looks like it." Junior replied with a scoff. "Spending your evening on a ship full of mortals, in the arms of..."  
Q quickly turned and pointed his finger in his son's face."  
“Careful. That's your aunt you’re talking about.” He warned.  
Junior visibly gulped and then let out a sigh.  
"All I'm saying is that the Continuum council are not happy. There has been talk...”  
Now it was Q's turn to scoff.  
“I should think they have more pressing matters to discuss, such as the whereabouts of their renegades and the master.  
“They think” Junior pressed carefully, aware of his father’s prickly tone, “you are distracted from your duties by your continued infatuation with this ship and it’s captain.”  
“Preposterous. Utter nonsense.”  
“Father," Junior sighed, "you know I respect Aunt Kathy, I don’t think anyone could put up with you the way she does, but you need to be careful, I...”  
“Nothing comes before my protection of Jade." Q snapped back angrily, "I love the Captain, but we love Jade more than any affection we feel for one another. Her safety is our number one priority”  
“I know that. I’m just telling you what they are saying.”  
“Well I don’t care what anyone thinks.  
“Clearly. That’s kinda the point." Junior then stopped, frowned and looked back up at his father, "Wait... hang on... go back... you love her? Like... mortal love, the monogamous love you until my dying breath kind of love? The love you used to say was the grand illusion of mortality."  
“Yes, well, I guess I didn’t know any better then.” Q said with a shrug.  
“You love her...” Junior said again with an expression of disbelief.  
“Yes! Gees, now I’m beginning to see why Kathy gets annoyed." Q crossed his arms, "What of it?”  
“No, nothing. I’m just surprised." Junior said and gave Q a well meaning smile. "I'm actually happy for you Father... but you must know, she's mortal. One day, she’s going to die.”  
Q was quiet for a moment, his eyes had lingering on the Captain as she was led to the dance floor by the Commander.  
“Then I will live in blissful happiness for all the time she has left, and probably live much less happily for the rest of time after she has gone." He said finally. "I made my peace with that a long time ago. Son, I’m not going to debate it with you, or the continuum. I love her, end of.”  
Junior didn't reply for a while, and then he gave his father an earnest look...  
“So... what does that feel like?”  
Q's gaze still held an immovable and somewhat testy lock on his lover now being waltzed around the ballroom by her second in Command.  
“Extremely frustrating.” He finally added with a grimace.  
He then turned to his son and gave him a reassuring smile.  
“Don’t worry about me, I know what I’m doing.”  
“I’m not worried about you, I know you can take on the continuum, most probably with relish. I am worried about who is going to get caught in the crossfire; Jade, and the Captain, and this war we are all fighting. Because I don’t think you know what you’re doing Q and I don’t think you realise what will happen if you don’t have the continuum on your side.”  
“I don’t know?" Q cried, "I was there when the Master was first brought down, I used to fight along side him before the enlightened age of the Continuum. I’ve been fighting this war before your mother and I even brought you into this existence.”  
Junior raised his hands in surrender.  
“Alright alright..”  
“You’ve been spending too much time in the Continuum my boy, you’re being to sound like one of them.” Q continued irritably.  
“Them… It used to be us, father.” Junior said, looking a little hurt by his father's response.  
“I’m not the one who is making me pick a side.” Q spat back.  
“We…” Junior sighed, remembering how stubborn his father was, “I… am not making you pick a side. I am happy that you are happy. I care a great deal about Jade, and Aunt Kathy, and I, despite popular opinion, think they are good for you. I just want you to be careful, and watch your back. I can’t watch it for you all the time.”  
Q gave him a long look and then sighed, placing a hand on his shoulder.  
“Fine, my boy. Fine." He said, a little more softly than his previous outburst. “I am proud of you, you know. You’ve become a fine upstanding member of the continuum.”  
Junior seemed to let out a long breath, clearly relieved at Q's change in tone.  
“Thanks, it’s not easy being the son of..."  
“A legend?" Q offered.  
The younger Q laughed and shook his head.  
"I think they still call you a renegade."  
“Hmm, seems to be on trend currently." He then patted Junior on the shoulder. “You’re not rushing off are you?  
“No, I’ll stay for a bit." Junior conceded. "I’m supposed to be lecturing you anyway on your misconduct so obviously that will take hours." He laughed. "Besides, Jade will kill me if I don’t dance with her. Say…” his eyes danced mischievously around the room, in a manner much like his father’s. “Maybe I’ll find a nice mortal to fall in love with myself.”  
Q broke into a grin and motioned to the crowd.  
“Go, have some fun, it will do you good” As Junior moved forward, he appeared to have an afterthought and caught his arm, leaning in conspiratorily. “Just don’t do anything your Aunt Kathy will give me a hard time for later okay?”  
Junior gave him a teasing grin  
“Oh so you do answer to someone then?”  
Q appeared to consider this for half a second and then nodded his head.  
“Yes, But don’t tell her that. You’ll ruin my fun.” He grinned.  
“What you are going to do about your competition?” Junior nodded in Chakotay’s direction.  
“Competition?” Q scoffed, and gave his son a malevelant grin. “I am a Q, he doesn’t stand a chance.


	70. Scar Tissue

“You look so beautiful Kathryn.” Chakotay whispered as he span the Captain around and held her to his chest. His eyes drifted from her mouth to her chest much as Q’s had done earlier. Kathryn felt her cheeks grow warm under his appraisal and she stayed silent, her gaze fixed on his bow tie.  
“Sorry, did I make you uncomfortable?” He then asked, after a few moments of dancing in silence.   
“No more than you have already today.” Kathryn replied icily, still not meeting his gaze. As much as she wanted things to be okay between them, she was still mad at the liberties he had taken. If it hadn’t been for his visit to her quarters that morning, Jade would never have run away and this day might not have been as emotionally charged as it had ended up being.   
The Commander bent his head a little to try and get her to look at him.  
“Looking like that, you can’t blame me for trying.” He teased.   
Kathryn looked up finally, her eyes a steely blue and immediately Chakotay’s smile faded.   
“Yes I can.” She retorted bluntly. “You don’t know what you did this morning, what you almost cost me? You are lucky we found Jade. You should never had put me in that position.”  
Chakotay frowned realising she was angry.   
“You kissed me back.”He replied in a matter of fact tone.  
“That was a mistake.” Kathryn muttered, staring over his shoulder into the crowd as her cheeks blushed. “You didn’t give me much choice.”  
“Admit it, you felt something.” Chakotay pressed. “There was something there between us.”   
“Of course there was something between us Chakotay,” She cut in, “I loved you for years. You don’t just switch those feelings off.”  
Chakotay’s eyebrows raised in surprise at her admission. His gaze then narrowed and she felt him bristle, his manner hardening.   
“Apparently you can.” He sniffed.   
“That’s a little rich coming from you.” Kathryn bit back. Seeing his cheeks turn a shade of purple, she sighed and shook her head. This was ridiculous. “I’m not doing this with you again Chakotay. I said everything I wanted to say on the matter in my quarters.” She snapped.   
“I haven’t said everything I want to say though.” Chakotay replied stiffly.   
“I don’t care.” The Captain cut in. “You made your choice long before I did. It’s old history so let’s just forget it. We have our ship to consider. Whatever it is you think that you feel now, you need to get over it.”  
They continued to dance in silence for another minute or two, before the Commander let out a sigh.   
“I don’t know if I can.”  
“Well try.” Kathryn said through gritted teeth, her complexion turning pale with anger. “I had to. I had to get over your relationship with Seven.”  
The words tumbled out before she could stop them. She immediately glanced around to make sure no-one had overheard.   
“I never meant to hurt you Kathryn.” Chakotay replied, gazing at her sadly. “I’m not trying to hurt you now. But to see you with Q like that, after only a month…” He shook his head. “I was patient for years Kathryn. I loved you for all that time without receiving anything from you in return.”  
Kathryn stopped dead in her tracks and pulled her arms away from him. She took a sharp inhale and then gave him a glassy-eyed glare.   
“If you thought you received nothing in return from me Chakotay then you didn’t know our relationship at all.” Noting several crew members dancing around them were now eyeing their commanding officers with a questioning stares, she allowed Chakotay to take her hands and lead her back into their dance. “I didn’t have the luxury of letting anyone in,” she continued, “but I allowed myself to become closer to you than I should of; I shared parts of myself with you that no one else got to see. That was important to me. You were important to me… but in the end, I couldn’t give you what you what you wanted and you moved on. What's done is done. As I have already said to you, I wasn't angry at you for that.”  
Chakotay raised an eyebrow.   
“Clearly,” He retorted sarcastically.   
Kathryn frowned.  
“I wasn’t. If you must know, I was sad.” She replied as she watched Chakotay’s face fall. “Sad because I missed you, I missed our closeness.” She paused and then tilted her head to the side reflectively. “And, okay maybe I was a little angry… for a while, but not because of what you did or why you did it, but because I felt alone. You were happy, and I wasn’t…” She sighed… “and while this ship was lost in the Delta Quadrant, I knew I was never going to be… not in that way anyway.”   
“You could have been.” Chakotay interjected with a frustrated groan. “If you’d only told me how you felt Kathryn, if you had only let me in. Instead, you specifically ordered me not to pursue you.”   
“I know.” She replied softly, “And as a First Officer, you performed your duty marvellously. That’s why it wouldn’t have worked. How could you challenge me as a partner when I could dismiss you as a Captain. It would have been too hard Chakotay, you know this.”  
“You made it work for Q.” Chakotay muttered bitterly.  
“That’s my point.” Kathryn cried, and then immediately tried to hush her tone, painfully aware of the proximity of those around her and angry that he was making her have this conversation near them. “He doesn’t have to do what I say, he doesn’t have to obey me. All the times I rejected him, he refused to take no for an answer. He made it his mission to show me that I was wrong, that I could have both, that I could be a Captain and have a relationship; that I didn’t have to compromise one for other. Even with him, I hid behind my rank and responsibilities and pushed him away, just like I did with you… and you know what? He ignored me.” She let out a little chuckle and looked over at the alcove doorway where Q was still stood. She could see there was now a smile on his face and he was patting Junior on the shoulder. Seeing him lead a peculiar warmth to spread through her chest. “I gave him reason after reason as why we couldn’t be together and he laughed in my face and pulled me into his arms and told me he loved me... and you know what Chakotay? I needed that. I needed not to have a choice and that could only happen with someone that didn't have to say 'yes captain' to me."  
“You’re in love with him aren’t you.”  
Kathryn's gaze shot back at her Commander with a incredulous yet slightly panicked expression.  
“Don’t be absurd.”  
Chakotay gave her a sad knowing smile.  
“Yes, you are. I can tell. You’re looking at him the way I always wanted you to look at me.”  
Kathryn was quiet for a few seconds and then she sighed, looking at the space between them.   
“I did look at you like that once, for a long time.”  
“Never in public. Never surrounded by our crew." Chakotay shrugged. "With him, it’s like you don’t even care who knows. The way you are with him, the way you dance with him; you’re not even trying to hide it. You have, haven’t you... you’ve fallen for him.”  
Kathryn met his gaze and gave him a non-committal shrug.   
“Do you honestly want to know the answer to that question?”  
Chakotay appeared to think about it for a moment and then he shook his head with a reluctant wry half-smile.   
“Not particularly.”  
Sensing a slight warmth in the atmosphere between them, Kathryn continued.  
“Good. The questions you should be asking however, as my first officer and as one of my closest friends, are; Is he a good man? Is he a good father? Will he keep Jade and I safe? Does he love me? Do I care about him? Does he make me happy? Do you know what the answer is to all of those questions Chakotay?"  
“Yes.” The Commander sighed in the manner of someone who knew he had been beaten.  
“Yes." She nodded and gave him a pleading smile, leaning in a little so he could not avoid her gaze. "So please be happy for me, like I’m trying to be happy for Seven and you.”  
Chakotay stared at her, a complex range of emotions crossing his face, and then finally he nodded.  
"Is that an order?" He asked, a smirk creeping across his face.   
Kathryn grinned.  
"Consider it a personal request from your Captain."  
"Aye Aye." He said with a wink.  
“Any more questions?” Kathryn then asked hesitantly, eager to bring some sort of closure to the conversation, however temporary.   
"Just one." Chakotay said, his expression suddenly serious again. "What are we are going to do about Jade?"  
Kathryn immediately felt the knot tighten in her stomach again. Perhaps the emotional cease-fire between them was not as solid as she had thought.  
“What do you mean?” She asked, her voice hardening, already defensive to what was to come.   
“Well, she cant stay in the guest quarters; not if she’ll be coming back with us to the Alpha Quadrant.”  
Kathryn's eyebrows shot up in surprise. That was not what she was expecting.   
"No... I suppose not."   
"Your own quarters are a little small for two." Chakotay continued thoughtfully. "I’ll have a new room allocated to her on your level."  
"Right..."   
"And I guess we should have some duties assigned to her as well, some education too perhaps. I noticed she has quite a proficiency for engineering. B’Elanna has already told me that she could use her. And I know the Doctor and Neelix would love to mentor someone again. I thought I might put together a curriculum for her, something along the lines of the first year academy. I know she’s still quite young but she’s bright. I think she can handle it, and it might keep her out of trouble... what?" He trailed off, noticing his Captain was staring at him with a strange look on her face.   
"Nothing," she replied with a smile, "I just didn’t expect you to take such an interest in her after your previous contentions with one another."  
Chakotay tilted his head a little and grinned reluctantly.  
"We’ve come to an understanding of late." He chuckled, "She’s still frustrating, and hot headed and stubborn, and she has this way of getting under your skin.. but she’s a good kid with a big heart and she kind of makes you care about her whether you want to or not. It's actually really annoying." He then cast her a wry smirk. "Of course I would expect nothing less from the daughter of Kathryn Janeway."  
Kathryn's heart felt like it was soaring and she placed a hand on his chest, fiddling a little with his shirt button as she tried to maintain her composure.   
"Thankyou Chakotay." She added finally, almost in a whisper, and looked up at the Commander with a questioning smile. "Are we.. good?  
Chakotay sighed and grinned at her in a way she had not seen in a long time; a way she had missed dearly.   
"You and I will always be good Kathryn. Don't you worry about that."


	71. Polaroids

Jade was stood with Neelix, the latter holding in his hands a large tray containing a pile of bright pink iced buns.   
"They look perfect." She gushed, flashing the Talaxian a big grin. "You have really surpassed yourself."  
"I made them just as you asked." Neelix chuckled with pride, and nodded in the direction of Q on the far side of the ballroom. "Maybe I'll go circulate them?" He added conspiratorially.   
Jade grinned.   
"I think that's a marvellous idea Mr Neelix."   
Her smile then faulted as a pair of hands appeared around either side of her head and covered her eyes. She reached up and touched them hesitantly.  
"Who...?"  
"Happy birthday Sis." A voice said behind her. Jade's face immediately lit up with recognition and she pulled the hands away excitedly and span around.   
"Your here!" She cried, jumping up to fling her arms around Junior's neck.   
"Of course," He laughed, returning her embrace with equal warmth. "Not every day your baby sister turns fifteen."  
"Sister?" Neelix asked, with surprise.   
"After all those hours slaving in the mess hall kitchens... honestly, don't you recognise me Neelix?" Junior grinned, placing an arm over Jade's shoulders and stealing a bun off the tray with his free hand. Realising the Talaxian clearly didn't, he pouted and looked down at the teenager.   
"Perhaps my baby cheeks weren't as memorable as everyone says."   
Jade raised an eyebrow.  
"I don't think you were that cute as a teenager J."  
"Junior?" Neelix then cut in, a look realisation crossing his face. "I didn’t recognise you. You look so... different!"   
"I’ll take that as a compliment.” Junior chuckled. He took a bite out of the bun in his hand and his face lit up. “Say, these are delicious.”   
Jade glanced over at where Q had been standing and noticed he was making a beeline for the Captain and Commander, still dancing together on the dance floor. She flashed an urgent look back at Neelix and nodded her head in their direction.  
“Oh.. yes,” He stammered, and gave her a nod. “I might go see if anyone has danced up an appetite.”   
Junior looked down at the teenager and then followed her gaze out into the crowd. Watching as the Talaxian navigated unsubtly towards his father, the younger Q put his hands behind his back and leaned over Jade’s shoulder with a smirk.   
“What are you up to?”  
Jade broke into a grin and shrugged.  
“Nothing.”  
“Yes you are. I know that look.” Junior chuckled and came to stand by her side, folding his arms with a pretend expression of disapproval. “I am the master of interfering remember.”  
“That’s what you think.” Jade giggled and folded her arms, her gaze fixated on Q as he approached the Captain. “Watch and learn big brother. Watch and learn’ 

Kathryn was finishing her waltz with Chakotay when a pair of hands appeared on her shoulders.  
"May I cut in?" Q asked, appearing from behind her with a mischievous glean in his eye.   
"What, now?" She stammered, aware from the corner of her vision of the change in pallor of her dance partner at the interruption.   
"We were dancing Q." Chakotay retorted icily, his hands remaining firmly attached to the Captain's waist.   
"'Were' being the operative word." Q cut in, and gently peeled his lover from her Commander's embrace. "Captain, if I could just..."  
"Can I interest you in a sweet treat?" A voice called merrily, interrupting the escalating tension. Neelix appeared in front of the trio holding his tray, appearing entirely unaware of the uneasiness he had just walked into.   
"Ooh..." Q's eyes lit up as he surveyed the offering. He let go of the Captain and hastily grabbed a bun from the top of the pile, shoving half of it into his mouth. "Uhh.. I love these." He mumbled between bites.   
"I better get back to Seven." Chakotay mumbled, and excused himself with a nod. Kathryn watched him leave with a sigh, before her gaze finally fell on the tray that Neelix was holding.   
"Is.. that... the sugar bun from Iogia?" She asked in surprise, recognising the pastry immediately.   
Q nodded to indicate an affirmation, his mouth too full to attempt a verbal response.  
While annoyed at the earlier interruption, Kathryn couldn't help but break into a grin at the sight of Q's enjoyment, and especially the powdery pink icing sugar he was amassing at the sides of his mouth. It reminded of her of their shared moment down on the planet, outside the bakery before any of this craziness had begun, before they'd even shared their first kiss. Back then, even wiping the sugar from his mouth with a napkin had felt like such overstep in their carefully defined relationships. She could never have imagined in that moment that Q would one day soon be by her side as a partner or sharing her bed as a lover. Back then, such a notion seemed incomprehensible and yet now nothing could be more natural to her. It was strange but it felt like the purchase sheracotton iced bun had prompted the beginning of something much more gentle and intimate between them. It therefore seemed apt that they were being presented to her now as she was desperately trying to determine where they, as a couple, would be going next.   
“Did you do this?" She asked, with a coy smile, nodding at Neelix's tray.   
"No." Q finally swallowed the last of his pastry and shook his head. “I had assumed you did?”  
"Actually, I did." Neelix said with a smile. "Your Jade gave me the recipe earlier this afternoon and asked to make them especially for the party. She said they would be.. uhh.. meaningful to you both?" He then gave the Captain a shrug and, clearly relieved his mission from the troublesome teen was completed, headed off into the crowd to continue passing out his treats.   
The Captain and Q looked at each other with surprise before a smirk crossed each of their faces.   
"I don’t know how she does it.” Q grinned, with a shake of his head, "She knows we had them down on the planet together. She probably thinks its romantic."  
Both adults glanced over in their daughter's direction, and noticed they themselves were also being watched. Realising she had been busted, the teenager quickly disappeared behind the younger Q, who put up his hands in defence.   
"Oh I don't know..." Kathryn turned back to the omnipotent being with a giggle. She reached up and wiped the sugar from the corner of his mouth with her thumb, before giving him a warm smile. "Feels pretty romantic to me."  
At the contact, Q broke into a warm smile, clearly surprised yet pleased by the open display of affection she had just shown him. He stepped in a little and placed his hand on her waist. Kathryn felt her breath catch in her throat at his grasp, her lips tingling with the anticipation of being pressed against his.   
“My wild Kathy." His gaze drifted down to her mouth, and he bit his bottom lip in an expression of desire. “I’ve been trying to tell you…”

“If I could have your attention please!” Tom called from the stage. “We’d like to get everyone together for a photo with the birthday girl."   
“Tell me in a minute.” Kathryn whispered to Q, placing a hand on his chest. He immediately pressed his own hand over it and closed his eyes.   
“Come on, Captain.” Harry called, ushering a still grumpy looking B’Elanna past them and towards the gathering of people by the stage. Kathryn withdrew her hand from Q’s grasp and linked his arm instead.   
“Come on,” she grinned mischievously “Time for a family photo.”  
Q looked around for a moment and the throngs of crew assembling and then let out a chuckle.  
“Sure, why not.”   
They stood at the front of the group, Junior to Q’s right and the Doctor to the Kathryn’s left. Tom appeared to be slightly confused by the old fashioned camera, and was being assisted by Giles. The old man, clearly frustrated with the interference of the young Lieutenant, took it from his hands and shooed him into the crowd.   
“Jade!” Q called as he saw her chatting to one of the Ensigns. Hearing her name, she looked up and gave him a wave. “Photo!” He added, beckoning her over. She came barrelling over to them, span around and scooted backwards into Kathryn’s open arms.   
“Having fun?” The Captain laughed, wrapping her in a tight embrace.   
Jade looked up and flashed her a grin.   
“Yes.” She said, giggling as Kathryn planted a kiss on her forehead from above. It was only then that she noticed the glass in Jade’s hand.   
“What’s this?” She asked, plucking it from her grasp and giving it a sniff. It was champagne.   
“Umm…” Jade adopted a coy innocent smile that Kathryn didn’t buy for a second.   
“Q?”  
Q turned and looked down with a questioning look. Seeing the glass and the expression on his daughter’s face, he raised an eyebrow.   
“How did you get this?” He asked sternly, folding his arms.   
“She reprogrammed the holo-deck waiters to be more compliant to her requests.” Junior chuckled.  
Jade said nothing but glared at him for dobbing her in.   
“My my, you have been busy this afternoon.” Kathryn said, mirroring Q’s stance. She then flashed a disapproving look at Q’s son. “I don’t know why you’re looking so holier-than-thou, I seem to remember you almost destabilising the core with a pop-up nightclub in engineering when you were last here.”  
“That was the old me.” Junior retorted pulling a face. "I'm a born again Q."  
“Alright, alright.” Q jumped in irritably. “You, stop sassing your aunt.” He pointed at his son, before turning to Jade. “You, no alcohol.” Finally, he turned to the Captain and took the glass from her hand, downing the drink in one. “And you, lighten up. It’s a party.”   
“Now can we please have a photo taken like a normal regular family?” He then snapped, turning towards the camera and straightening his bow tie.   
Kathryn, Jade and Junior all looked at each other for a moment, before each breaking into a grin at the absurdity of the statement.   
“Yes dad.”  
“Sure thing father.”  
“Whatever you say, darling.”   
Q rolled his eyes; he knew the chorus was in jest. With a shake of his head, he turned Jade back around to face the camera, before putting an arm over Junior’s shoulders, and slipping the other around Kathryn’s waist. He saw Kathryn look up in an attempt to catch his eye, and turned to meet her gaze. She was grinning at him and, to his surprise, she gave him a wink. Without thinking, he leaned and pressed his lips to hers. The Captain's eyes widened, and she withdrew but only a few millimetres. Her eyes were a sparkling blue, her lips a deep crimson red; Q wanted to plant light kisses over every feature on her face. She was blushing, apparently embarrassed by his overstep in front of the crew, and yet her abashed nature stirred something in him that made him feel possessive and wanting.  
“Alright, eyes front please?" Giles called, peering into the camera to ensure everyone was in the frame. "Everyone on the right, in a little closer please? That's it."  
The group squished in further and Kathryn allowed her whole body to lean against Q's. The kiss had taken her by surprise, but so had her lack of anger too. Of course, she'd felt embarrassed but it hadn't bothered her as much as it probably should have. If anything, she wanted him to do it again. Chakotay had been right, her affection for the omnipotent being was making her unusually reckless. Q was still watching her, an obvious expression of desire on his face. She was trying not to encourage him and yet the hand that was sliding down towards her backside indicated her efforts were somewhat unsuccessful.   
"Q? Forward facing please?” Giles prompted.  
Q did as he was told and, ensuring his grip on the Captain was as tight as possible, turned to face the camera.   
"Okay, three, two, one..." The camera let off a blinding flash.   
In that moment, Kathryn had a sudden overwhelming wave of familiarity. It was strange, almost like she was seeing the photo from Giles's point of view rather than her own. Why did she feel like that? Then, it dawned on her. It was her dream, the one where Q and she had been living together in the cabin, she'd seen this before. Kathryn frowned and tried to think... The photos on the bookcase in Jade’s room... the one of Jade's brother and sister, and of a birthday party on Voyager. The picture of the siblings had fallen out of the back of the photo album Q had shown her earlier, and the second was of this party; that's how she'd known who Junior was... he'd been front and centre in the image. Kathryn didn't understand it, she'd had that dream before today. She rubbed her head with frustration. How could that be?  
“Might I have that word?” Q said, interrupting her from her train of thought.   
“What, now?” Kathryn looked around and saw various members of the crew rubbing their eyes and laughing as they made their way back to the dance floor.   
“Yes.. it’s important. Outside?”  
Kathryn ran her hand through her hair and tried to shake off the unease she had felt moments earlier. The way that Q was looking at her helped however, and finally she smiled and took his outstretched arm.   
“Alright.”   
Q turned to look over Junior who was eyeing a couple of ensigns making their way over to the bar.   
"Junior, we're just stepping out for a moment. Keep an eye on Jade okay?"   
Junior's eyes flickered from his father to the Captain and a bemused smirk spread across his face.   
“Sure. Take your time.”


	72. Things we do in the shadows

“What is it?” Kathryn asked, turning questioningly to Q as the cargo bay doors closed behind her.   
The omnipotent being was on her in an instant, clasping her face in his hands and pressing his lips to hers in a desperate fashion. Before she could react, he had walked her backwards across the corridor and through the doors the adjacent cargo bay.   
“Q, what are you doing?” Kathryn giggled in surprise when she finally got free of his embrace.   
“The only hands that should be on you are mine.” He growled provocatively, seeking her face again with his lips for another kiss. Kathryn pressed her hand against his chest to stop him. Had her dance with Chakotay prompted this unbridled display of passion?  
“Are you... jealous?” She asked, arching an eyebrow with a coy smile.  
Q opened his mouth to respond in what appeared was going to be a manner of indignant denial but then he hesitated and a sly grin slowly slid across his features.   
“That depends.”  
Kathryn stepped out of his reach and eyed him suspiciously.  
“On...?”  
Q closed the gap between them again and placed his hands on her hips, his fingers lightly skimming the silk material teasingly.   
“Whether I can put my hands in better places that he can?” He murmured, his eyes flashing mischievously.   
“You know you can,” Kathryn folded her arms, granting him an appeasing smirk, “and actually have have in fact.”  
“I didn’t mean later.” He purred, and waggled his eyebrows at her suggestively.   
It took her a moment to catch on and then her own shot up in surprise.   
“What... now?”  
“Why not?”  
She looked at him incredulously, trying to determine if he was being serious.  
“Because... we’re in my cargo bay?”  
“And?” Q retorted in a matter of fact tone as he took her in his arms and waltzed her backwards towards the wall to the right of the doors. “I happen to like it... alfresco.” he then added, peering around at the space with an expression of resigned bemusement.   
“Q...”   
Kathryn felt the solid surface of the cargo bay wall against her back and immediately her heart began to pound in her chest. Q was looking at her like a hungry wolf eyeing its next meal; his roaming wanton gaze was making her body quiver in a way that was not entirely unpleasant.   
“Kathy, you can’t wear a dress like that and not expect me to peel it off you when the moment presents itself.” He tutted, as if the predicament she was in was entirely her fault. He was leaning over her now, his body sandwiching her against the wall. Kathryn felt herself bite her bottom lip as her eyes fixed on Q’s mouth, only inches from her own. With much struggle, she tried to get herself under control.   
“This is hardly the moment Q,” She muttered quickly, “all of my crew are literally meters away from us.”  
“Doesn’t that make it more exciting?” Q grinned, stretching his arm over her head to lean against the wall in a casual fashion, while the weight of his body pinned her to the wall. He was clearly enjoying her discomfort at his advances. He pressed himself a little more intimately into her and his lips parted with a small release of air as her back arched in response. Kathryn wanted to respond as a Captain, she wanted to tell him no, but in that moment every single fibre of her being called out to him in a dangerously enticing way. He wanted her so badly, she could see it written all over his face and an undeniable part of her wanted him to feel like that. She saw the possessiveness in his eyes, the need to show her she was his and his alone. Chakotay had watched them dance and felt jealousy, and yet he had conceded and turned tail back to Seven. Q, on the other hand, had come barrelling after her with no intent of not getting his way. Her eyes widened slightly as she realised how much that excited her, how erotic she found the idea of Q having her where they stood… But still… it was her cargo bay… she couldn’t be so reckless. Could she? Q saw her mental debate and took the opportunity to try and secure his offer with a proposition but she quickly leveraged herself from under his body and ducked under his arm out of reach.   
“No... I can’t Q.”  
No. She had to be firm. She could not be ravished against the wall of her cargo bay by her omnipotent alien lover while their daughter and her entire crew could potentially walk in on them. It was crazy, a ridiculous notion. So why did he have to look so damn good in that suit.  
Unperturbed, Q circled behind her, like a lion surrounding his prey.  
“Yes…” He slid the zip on the back of her dress down and allowed his lips to press a searing kiss on her shoulder blade. “You can.”   
Kathryn closed her eyes and tilted her head back slightly as Q allowed to his fingers to trace a line gently up her bare arms, over her breasts and then down the front on her torso.   
“You just need a little persuasion.” He murmured into the skin just behind her ear. The tickle of his breath made her press her backside into him involuntarily. She could feel how hard he was already and it took every ounce of strength to keep her composure and not moan in pleasure. That control was short-lived however has one of Q’s hands found the slit in the red dress.   
“Arnad, I take it back,” She heard him chuckle, “Perhaps you do like me after all.”   
His fingers crept across the front of her thigh and danced along the seam of her underwear. His other hand was wrapped tightly around her chest, pinning her arms perhaps so she could not protest. It was making it hard to breathe but somehow that only amplified the erotic sensation Kathryn was experiencing. “Let me go Q.” She whispered breathlessly in a final attempt to regain some control of situation despite the fact that her head now leaning back against his shoulder and her eyes were tightly closed.   
“Why, are you going to scream Captain? I do hope so.” Q retorted, his tone both teasing and seductive.  
“I’m not interested in your tawdry games.”  
Q slipped his hand inside her pants and immediately let out a chuckle as he felt how wet she was.  
“Hmm kinda feels like you are to me.”  
Kathryn’s eyes shot open and she immediately pulled away from his body, clasping her dress against her chest so it didn’t fall down. Her eyes were wild and angry, and judging by the look on Q’s face, that was overwhelmingly attractive to him. What was he so frustrating? One minute she was scared she might be in love with the man, the next she wanted to punch his lights out.“Don’t look at me like that.” She growled, stepping backwards from reach towards the wall again.   
“Stop looking so sexy and I won’t.” Q folded his arms and followed her with a bemused expression. “Oh I do love it when you’re angry at me.”  
“That must be why you incessantly make me so.” She’d reached the wall and put her hands on her hips in a futile attempt to maintain her authority.   
“Well I had every intention of ravishing you in the privacy of your own quarters but you distracted me with your feminine wiles and overwhelming affection for me,” Q retorted, a response that earned a role of eyes and an audible scoff from the captain.  
“Oh really.”  
“Truly.” He placed her hand on her stomach and pushed her gently against the wall. “I confess, you provoked a weakness in me but I’ll tell you madam captain, that I will not be distracted again.”  
“Is that so.”  
“Indeed.” He leaned his head forward and ran his teeth across her jugular. Kathryn felt the grip she was using to keep him at bay waning. Q pressed himself closer, leaning his body against hers, as he continued kissing and gently biting her neck in the most sensual and seductive fashion. Kathryn let out a sigh of pleasure, prompting her to move her hands from his chest to around his neck despite knowing this would give him better access, and of course encouragement. Her leg shifted a little for balance and Q took the opportunity to immediately push his pelvis more intimately into her, immediately causing Kathryn to exhale a moan before she could stop herself. Not needing any encouragement, he slid the dress back to expose her leg and slipped his hand under her knee to lift it, angling his hips in a rotating motion against her underwear. It had the desired effect and she let out a gasp, stretching back against the wall, her arms lifted above her head and lips parted. Q practically leapt on her, his hands clasping around her cheeks, mouth pressed firmly to hers. A bolt of electricity shot through Kathryn’s body knocking all previous concerns from her brain. Without being able to stop herself, she slid his jacket from his shoulders and dropped it to the floor, before pulling his shirt up from out of his pants and hastily undoing the buttons. Q’s hands were everywhere, as if he was desperate to touch her. Once the shirt was open, she pressed herself against his bare chest and stretched her hands around his back, gripping onto his tightly. The feeling of her skin against hers was delicious, Kathryn couldn’t ever remember being as obsessed with the feel of a man as she was with Q; it felt almost like a drug. She allowed her fingertips to dig a little deeper into his flesh, biting his bottom lip as she kissed him. Q made a deep moaning and pressed her hard against the wall. The move almost knocked the wind from her and Kathryn left out a cry, but it was not one of pain but of unbridled pleasure. Q’s whole body spasmed in response and he reached into her dress and slid his hand into her underwear again. This time she did not stop him, burying her face into his neck as he rubbed his fingers between her legs.  
“Oh god… don’t stop.” she whispered, gripping his shirt shoulder for support.  
Q span her around and held her body to his from behind. Immediately, he returned the hand to where it was, the other pinning her to him.   
“I’m the one in command now sweet Captain, and I want you to give in to me.” He whispered in her ear. Kathryn pulled out one of her hands from his grip and leaned it against the wall for support. She could feel Q’s erection pressing against her backside and that was taking what he was doing between her legs to a whole new level of bliss. In response, she began to circle her hips against his. Q let out a throaty groan and quickened the movement of his fingers. “All your pretence of being a good girl Kathy… only bad girls make moves like that.” He chuckled and then lay a long line of kisses up the curve of her neck. “Be a bad girl for me.”  
Kathryn was going to come. She knew she shouldn’t. Every rational part of her brain told her she shouldn’t be doing this but unfortunately the irrational part was in control; the part that lusted for Q, the part that hoped that a few casual encounters with the omnipotent being would make her feelings go away instead of getting stronger, the part of her brain that became more dominant the more time she spent with him.   
“Oh…” She was.. She was.. Oh… Q’s fingers moved faster and faster. He always knew how to touch her, how to make her feel amazing, and this time was no exception. “Q… Ohhh Ohhh.” She came hard and in the most delectable way. Q allowed her a few seconds of enjoyment before he turned her around and kissed her hungrily. Kathryn’s hands immediately went to his belt, and then his pant buckle before dropping her own wet underwear to the floor. Without a word, Q lifted her leg and raised her slightly so he could get a better angle while Kathryn wrapped the leg around his hips and put her arms around his neck.  
“Do you want to seal the doors?” he asked breathlessly, a look of genuine concern crossing his features.   
She gave him a wicked grin.   
“No. Leave them.”  
If any crew member had walked in, they would have found their Captain stretched up against the half naked body of their omnipotent guest as he fucked her in the most sinfully delicious manner against the cargo bay wall. His eyes were closed, and on his face he wore a look that was somewhere between concentration and ecstasy. Kathryn studied it intently, savouring the micro-expressions of pleasure she saw each time he pushed himself inside her. She wondered what it would be like for the rest of her life doing this with Q. To only be with Q. To only love Q. She’d always had the spirit of a scientist, of an adventurer; never satisfied with what she had, never wanting to settle down, always wanting more; an inconstant heart, Mark had once said of her. But as she looked at Q, as she held his head to her breast while he had in in the most blissful way, she couldn’t see anything she would change. Sure he often made her so angry she could scream, and there was once a time that she would have given anything to rid herself of the feelings she felt for him but really, if she was honest, she didn’t want anymore more than for the two of them to be wrapped up naked with one another doing just this until the end of time. Whether it was up against the wall of a cargo bay or stretched out on silk sheets in a wooded cabin, making love to Q was quickly becoming a mandatory need in her life. She had to have his body against her own. Oh God… how had it come to this? How had she come to fall for this man, this being, who was so wrong for her and yet everything he did felt so right. How had she come to put her heart in his hands? How had she come to feel things for him she didn’t think she would feel again, that she never thought she would allow herself to feel? Oh fuck.. Oh fuck… Oh fuck…How had she fallen so completely head over heels in love with Q?  
Q opened his eyes and immediately searched for her lips with his own, his eyes twinkling with a boyish sultry expression. The pace of his hip movements was quickening, and Kathryn could feel his urgency increasing. The sensation felt so good, and Kathryn pressed herself tighter against him, rotating her hips to allow him to go deeper.   
“Kathy…” Q groaned, and grasped her backside tightly, burying his face into her neck. “I love you.” He murmured into her skin. “Oh… fuck… you’re so..” He was going harder now and Kathryn could feel her own orgasm building; so many feelings and emotions were flooding her body.  
“Q..” she whispered, “I...” the pressure between her legs was growing, and she could feel Q readying himself to release. “Oh... I...”  
Tell him you’re in love with him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him.   
“Q... I need to tell…”  
“Ohhh...” Q was gripping her so tightly against the wall, his body starting to tremble.  
“Q…  
“Oh...”  
His wasn’t listening to her. Instead he was concentrating on fucking her so deliciously hard and suddenly, she could no longer focus on what she was going to say either. It was just too good..  
“Q..” she gasped. “Oh... don’t stop.”  
As Q slid himself in and out more fervently, Kathryn knew she was being more vocal than she should but she couldn’t help it. The sound only made Q more excited, which in turn made her louder.  
“Kathy..”  
“I’m going to.. i’m going to.. Ohh Ohhh..”  
She cried out, throwing her head back as she orgasmed again harder than she ever had before. Q joined her, his own displayed by a long shudder and a guttural groan. It took almost thirty seconds before the Captain stopped seeing stars, and she eventually slid down Q’s body and fell into his arms.   
“How in the cosmos does that keep getting better.” Q’s face was somewhere between total bliss and bewilderment. “You are an anomaly sweet Captain; a beautiful.. complex.. alluring... frustrating.. perfect anomaly” he whispered breathlessly, planting kisses all over her face between the words. “And I am going to keep you doing this with me forever.”  
“Oh are you now?” Kathryn grinned, her cheeks burning pink at the thought for the forbidden rhetoric that had swarmed her mind in the heat of the moment and glad he’d brought her to orgasm before she’d accidentally divulged it.   
“You bet your extremely sweet ass I am.” Q smirked seductively, squeezing her backside as if to prove his point “do you mind?”  
Kathryn broke into a large smile and planted a slow and seductive kiss on his lips, wrapping her arms around his neck.  
“You know, funnily enough I don’t think i do.”


	73. Que Que Natura

Kathryn pulled up the front of her dress and ask Q to secure the zip at the back, a request he also took to mean running his lips across her shoulders and neck. Shooing him off so he could attend to his own state of attire, she brushed back her hair with her fingers and attempted to arrange herself in a manner that would not betray her tryst with the omnipotent being to her crew when they returned to the party. Q did up his pants and clumsily began to fasten the buttons on his shirt. Kathryn wondered why he just didn’t click his fingers to return himself back to a presentable state, but then decided that watching him do it the human way was entirely more alluring. Stifling a giggle, she stepped towards him and ran her hands over his chest before helping him button up the shirt properly. Q put his hands around her waist and grinned at her in a way that indicated that making her do this was potentially his intention all along, clearly enjoying the proximity to her that requiring assistance needed. Once the shirt was fastened, she turned her attention to his bowtie and noticed he was gazing at her with a bemused yet adoring manner that only he could pull off. He was clearly waiting for her to say something, to comment on the passionate moment he had enticed her into.   
“That was... nice.” She finally submitted, her cheeks a little red under his scrutiny, attention firmly fixed on his tie.   
“That was very nice.” Q murmured in agreement, leaning a little further into her and kissing her seductively, “We should do it again.”“Maybe later.” She replied quickly, aware that he potentially meant right then. A mischievous twinkle then lit up in her eyes. “If you’re good.”  
“And if I’m bad?” Q’s gaze dropped to her cleavage, now safely secured back behind her dress again. “What then sweet Captain?” He added suggestively.   
Kathryn opened her mouth and then hesitated, aware that she was walking into a trap she might be potentially unable to resist. Instead, she lifted herself up on tiptoe and planted a light kiss on his lips as a response.   
“I guess you’ll just have to wait and see won’t you.”  
“Hmm you don’t play fair, you know that?” The omnipotent relented and pulled her into his arms, wrapping her in a tight embrace.  
“I know.” Kathryn grinned happily, lying her head against his chest. She loved the way she felt after making love to Q; it always left a funny light-headed glow that seemed to radiate deep insider her. Being in his arms now made her feel safe and warm, and she wanted to spend the rest of the evening snuggled up in it. Kathryn wanted to think that every night would be like this, that Q would be there when she came home, and they’d spend the evening with Jade before the grown ups would retire to bed to be with one another in every way a couple could be. She wanted to think that they would one day have that cabin in the woods to call their home, and fill it with memories and laughter and love during the day, and at night Q would hold her close under those white linen sheets and they’d exchange secrets and kisses until morning. Kathryn now wanted that more than she could stand, but that wasn’t their life; that life had just been a dream and knowing that hurt like a knife in the gut. Her smile faded and suddenly the happy relaxed state she had been enjoying seemed to fade away, leaving only the trepidation and uncertainty that seemed to frequently these days overwhelm her personal life. This pain was exactly why she hadn’t wanted to allow herself to fall for Q and she knew the road they were heading down would hurt them both in the long run. Her hopes and doubts tossed and turned in her mind like a turbulent ocean and Kathryn felt like a little ship in danger of being thrown on the rocks. She had finally admitted to herself that she was in love with him, and yet the life she wanted to share with him still seemed so far from possibility. It didn’t seem fair. The cargo bay felt like a moment frozen in time and Kathryn feared that once she left, she would lose this feeling of closeness she had felt with Q, that she would once again be forced to compromise herself for her duties and see their incompatibilities for what they really were. She felt Q pull away, and opened her eyes, surprised that they were now stinging. Q turned away and bent down to pick up his tuxedo jacket that was lying on the floor behind him. As he rose back up to stand, Kathryn recklessly, and without any real conscious thought behind her actions, wrapped her arms around his torso and pressed herself against his back. She felt suddenly desperate to not be parted from him, even if only for a few more minutes. It was a uniquely vulnerable moment for a Captain so used to be being guarded with her emotions. Closing her eyes again, she inhaled deeply into his shirt, taking in the delicious masculine scent that he exuded, a smell that was so decidedly sexy to her and somehow managed to be homely and comforting at the same time. She could feel the vibrations of laughter though his back and scrunched her face into the material.   
“What are you doing?” He said lifting his arm and craning his neck under to look at her.  
“Nothing.” She mumbled, turning her head so she could peek up at him. “Just making sure I remember.”  
“Remember what?”  
“This.” She replied bashfully, embarrassed by the words that had slipped out of her mouth. “Us. This moment. I’m saving this memory so I don’t forget it.”  
“That’s why we’re going to do it all again later tonight.” He grinned and, separating her arms from their clasp, turned himself to face her and secured them around his waist again. Appraising the woman before him, his face expressed a perplexed look and he put his hands on her cheeks.   
“What’s this face for?” He asked, raising an eyebrow suspiciously.   
Kathryn shook her head as best as she could in Q’s grip but didn’t say anything.   
“I’m not going anywhere, if that’s what you’re worried about.” He then said gently, a knowing smile on his face as he pushed back her hair from her eyes and allowed his fingers to gently caress every curve of her features. “As I have already told you Kathy, you had me hooked from the very first night you tried to kick me out of your bedroom. Oh you’ve done it, you’ve really done it now, making me love you the way I do. You are never going to get rid of me. My heart beats only for you my dear sweet Captain, now and forever.”  
Aware he was melodramatically gushing, he clasped her hands to his chest so she could feel his heart beat.   
“See?” He added teasingly, waggling his eyebrows at her.   
Oh Q, Kathryn thought as she felt the thumping under her palms, if only it was that simple.   
“That’s not your heart Q though is it, that’s an illusion. You are ‘merely allowing me to perceive your form in a way my fragile human mind can comprehend’ remember?” She retorted a little frostily. Q’s eyebrows now shot up in surprise at her change in demeanour and he looked a little hurt by her comment. Kathryn pulled her hands from his chest and sighed before casting him an earnest look. “Q.. forever is a long time, and you are going to live forever remember.”   
“What’s your point?”  
“My point… My point is that this moment that we’re in.. it’s a bubble. It exists because the parameters are right and there are no distractions, but we are too different Q; eventually we will have to go back to our own lives… and this,” she placed a hand on his cheek and gave him a sad smile, “this will no longer a possible reality. That’s why I want to remember this time we shared, because…” her eyes started to water despite her best efforts, “this was so important to me, more than I realised it would be. It was a time when you made me really happy and that will always mean something.”  
Q frowned and was quiet for a moment, staring at her with complex and unreadable expression on his features. Then, to her surprise, he smiled and framed her face again with his hands.   
“You are possibly the most frustrating woman in the entire universe, do you know that?”  
“You are not listening Q..” She sighed, trying to pull away. To her surprise, however, Q stopped her.   
“No, I’m not.” He jumped in, a tinge of irritation in his voice. “Firstly, because you are talking absolute rubbish, and secondly because I know what you’re doing.”  
“Oh, what am I doing?” Kathryn snapped, folding her arms.   
“You are pushing me away because you no longer have control of this situation and that terrifies you.”  
The Captain had been ready to retort and yet found herself without a comeback. Q, of course, whether she liked it or not had hit the nail on the head. She opened her mouth to reply and then closed it, pursing her lips together silently.   
“And you are not used to being scared” Q continued, placing his hands on her shoulders and trying to meet her gaze despite her efforts to avoid his, “so you put up walls and you give me excuses as to why you won’t let me be with you but you forget Captain… I am a Q, I am omnipotent, I am one the oldest and most powerful beings in the universe and… I am completely, utterly and most humbly in love with you.” His expression was serious now and he was staring at her intensely, his eyes inches from her own. “So if I want to be with you, then I will be. You can tell me you don’t want to be with me, you can ask me to leave this ship and I will do that out of respect for you, but you can’t ask me to stop loving you or wanting to be with you. It’s not possible. Even the Continuum have tried and they couldn’t make me change my mind… Do you really that ‘fragile human mind’ of yours could?”  
Kathryn looked down at the ground for a moment, her cheeks blushing as red as her dress. Finally, with a deep inhale, she tilted her chin upward and met his gaze.   
“Maybe? I’ve changed your mind before.”   
Q let out a laugh and shook his head.   
“Yes, you have.” He conceded. “You are probably the only being who is able to, in fact. The Continuum has you to thank for turning me into a somewhat respectable Q after all, whether they realise it or not.” He grinned, “But you can’t stop me from adoring you, now and for however many more days I am lucky to have you for. Not even the great Captain Kathryn Janeway has that power, despite what she thinks.” He added with a wink. Kathryn felt a reluctant smile spread across her face before she could stop it.   
“What.. What do we do now then?”   
“Well,” Q stretched his arms around her and pulled her to his chest. “First I’m going to kiss you, and then you are going to stop being a pain and let me love you like I want to.”  
Kathryn grinned, and lay her head against him. “And then?”   
“Then we are going to go back to the party and I’m going to show your Commander how you should be danced with.”  
“And… then?”  
Q sighed and wrapped his arms tightly around her.  
“And then, for once,” He replied irritably, “you are going to stop worrying and just trust me to take care of you and keep you deliriously and unquestionably happy for the rest of your life, alright?”  
“Okay.” Q heard a little voice mumbled from against his shirt. “I think I might be able to do that.”  
He grinned.   
“You promise?”  
Now, a chuckle.   
“I promise.”  
“Good. Its about time.” He murmured into her hair. “Now speaking of promises, I do believe I promised you a kiss?”   
Kathryn lifted her head. “You did.” She grinned.   
Q pressed his lips to hers and this time Kathryn gave him no resistance. The kiss was delicious and it sang of such sweet promise that both participants found themselves stupidly beaming at one another as it concluded.   
“Come on,” Kathryn then said as they parted, nodding at the direction of the cargo bay door, “We better get back in, make sure our children haven’t turned this party into some cosmic rave in our absence.”   
“I left Junior in charge…” Q started before he saw the look on the Captain’s face at the suggestion that Junior might cause less havoc than their reckless mischief loving daughter, seeing as he was the original rave starter only a few years prior. “Oh, yeah right.” He added with a smirk. “Perhaps we should get back.”   
He offered her his arm, which she took, and together they walked through out of the room.  
“He’s actually developed into a mature and responsible Q,” Q continued as they made their way across the corridor and into the entrance of Tom’s holodeck. “A little too responsible if you ask me; he’s a favourite of the Continuum Council, does of work on their behalf. I, on the other hand, am rarely in their good books.”   
“I’m shocked.” Kathryn smirked.   
Q grinned wickedly at her, before his expression became more serious.   
“But I am proud of him though.” He said with a smile. “He’s come a long way from the bratty pre-teen with a superior complex and a penchant for trouble that you first met. I’m surprised you recognised him earlier actually, he really has grown up. Perhaps it was the good looks he inherited from me.”   
“I thought that was the superiority complex and penchant for trouble he inherited.” Kathryn teased.   
Q cast her a less than amused looking side-eye. “Hilarious.”  
“I’m glad he’s doing well Q, he’s a good boy… or man I should say.” Kathryn replied, “He really has grown up, but it was the funniest thing, as soon as I saw him I knew who he was straight away.” They walked down the large staircase and headed towards the double doors that led back into the party. “I saw him in a dream. A really strange… really confusing dream.”   
Q stopped and looked down at her.   
“What dream?”  
Kathryn hesitated, her cheeks flushing a little as her thoughts once again lingered of the imagined life that seemed to dominate much of her thoughts of late.   
“Oh… just another memory imprInt from Jade’s transference I guess. That’s how I knew who he was; I saw a photo of him as an adult.”   
“A photo of Junior,” Q frowned. “I don’t remember seeing one?”  
He seemed to realise she was uncomfortable by his probing of her unconscious thoughts and gave her a questioning smile.  
“What happened in this dream of yours?”  
“Yeah.. i can’t tell you, it’s embarrassing.”  
Noting the blush in her cheeks, Q looked surprised and broke into a devilish grin   
“That’s exactly why you should tell me.” He pulled her away from the doors and towards the wood panelled wall, leaning against it and putting his hands on her waist so she couldn’t run away. “Was I in this dream?” He asked, raising an eyebrow seductively.   
“Yes...” Kathryn replied carefully, glancing around for any wayward crew members that might leave the party and happen upon them.   
“Oooh were there restraints in this dream?” Q prompted, clearly not giving up on getting information out of her.   
“No.” She shook her head with a grin.   
“Come on, you’ve outed yourself now. You have to tell me.” Q folded his arms. “I’ve bared my soul to you, the least you can do is share some remnants of your subconscious.” Realising she would not be easily placated, he sighed. “It’s just a dream, what harm could a dream do?”  
“You do remember how we started this little adventure don’t you?” Kathryn retorted putting her hands on her hips.   
Q rolled his eyes and then stood, taking her by the arms and gently pressing her against the wall, leaning in with a mischievous expression on his face.   
“Fess up or I’m going to start undressing you again.”  
Kathryn held his stare stubbornly for a few seconds.   
“This is so embarrassing.” She then uttered to the ceiling. “Okay, okay…” she gently pushed him away, not trusting herself to be so close while she recanted the experience. “So I had this dream, the night we first.. you know.”   
“Made sweet passionate love?” Q offered with a grin.  
Kathryn rolled her eyes.  
“Yes, that night.” She said with a withering glare, “We were at the cabin. You were sleeping...”  
“Sleeping? Sounds more like a nightmare.” Q cut in with a dramatic groan.   
“Do you want me to tell you or not?”  
“Yes, yes continue.” He gestured for her to go on.   
“Well… you were sleeping next to me, I guess you were mortal maybe. Anyway, in this dream, we lived there; you, Jade and I. And we were...” She paused, feeling her face flushing red. I can’t do this, she thought, I can’t tell him…  
“Go on...” Q prompted.   
“Well, you were...”  
“I was what...”  
“My husband.” Kathryn finally spat the word out like she was choking on it. Q’s eyebrows shot up in surprise.   
“Husband?” A wide grin began to spread across his face, one that made Kathryn feel immediately regret her decision. “Why Captain, I…”  
“Don’t.” She pointed a finger at him. “If you dare say a word, I won’t tell you the rest.”  
Q made a motion as if he was zipping his lips closed and then leaned back against the wall, the expression on his face clearly indicating he was dying to hear what she had to say.  
“So… you were my husband. We were married.” A small smile then played across Kathryn’s lips and she crossed her arms across her chest, turning her back to the omnipotent being as if lost in her own memory. “We were living at the cabin; the room with the white blinds was our bedroom, except it was full of personal things, or memories that belonged to the both of us. It was.. nice. It felt like… home.”   
Suddenly, she felt hands on her shoulders. Q was behind her. She felt his breath on her neck and closed her eyes. This time, he didn’t interrupt and so she took a breath and continued. “And Jade... she had her own little room, the one next to the bathroom? It was a mess.”  
“I can imagine.” She heard Q chuckle gently in her ear.   
“But it was full of her things” Kathryn felt a glow in her chest and she reached to her shoulders and pulled Q’s arms around her. “and it was lovely. That’s where I saw the photo of Junior., and the picture of her siblings... she had picture frames on her bookcase.”  
“Right...”   
Kathryn wasn’t sure if she was feeling brave or if she just couldn’t stop the words from tumbling out of her mouth. Slowly, she turned and looked up at the omnipotent being whose face appeared lost in thought.   
“Umm… there’s more.”  
Q shook his head a little to refocus his attention and then smiled warmly at her.   
“Tell me.”  
“There was... a bump.”  
Q looked confused so she gestured to her stomach. “I was... you know...”  
“You were…”, he began and then his gaze drifted down to her stomach as a look of realisation crossed his face. “Ohhh…” His eyes darted up to meet hers and he raised an eyebrow questioningly, “You’re not...?”   
“No, God no...” Kathryn cut in with a laugh. Then a terrifying thought washed over her and she immediately dropped her gaze to her navel.   
“I better not be.” She looked up at Q with an accusatory glare. “You didn’t, did you?”  
“No, of course I didn’t.” Q shot back, and then a pensive expression crossed his features and he scratched his chin. “At least, I don’t think I did...”  
“What?!”  
Seeing her face turn as red as her dress, he grinned appeasingly at the Captain and raised his hands. “I’m joking. I’m joking.” Seeing she was not placated, he gave her a sincere and reassuring smile. “Trust me, you would know.”  
“Right... good. Keep it that way.” Kathryn retorted, the suspicion on her face subsiding.   
Q was quiet for a moment. He leaned back against the wall again, this time taking her with him.  
“I would want to though.” He then said, meeting her gaze with an earnest look. “If you wanted to, of course. You know... with me? One day?”   
Kathryn’s breath caught in her throat.   
“What are you saying.”  
“Nothing…” Q shrugged, “it’s just.. your dream; it sounds good. I’ve never had that life… Not properly. Its more of a mortal thing. The Q don’t really see value in it, I mean, we’ve never needed to… but the more I spend time with humans, and umm.. well, having Junior and Jade, having you help me parent them… I now know how good it is to be in a family.” He took her hands in his and smiled nervously. “I’d maybe like to explore that further one day… The house.. marriage.. the kids.. I think I would want that… with you. If you were up for it...”  
“I...”   
“Look,” Q could see her going red and immediately jumped in to stop her, “don’t get all Janeway on me ... this is not a proposal or anything. I’m not saying we have to or that is where we are going. I guess I just want you to know I wouldn’t be against the idea if that’s what you wanted… and that your dream sounded nice…" He pulled a face, "to me at least, as I seem to remember you woke up from it in a cold sweat like it was a nightmare.” He raised an eyebrow disapprovingly.  
Kathryn swallowed to clear her dry throat and after a moment granted him a grin.  
“Well I was married to you wasn’t I?”  
“Ha-ha, very funny.” He quipped. “Come on, we really should join the party I guess.”  
“Okay.” She nodded, noticing that her hands were trembling. “Ummm… say Q?”  
“Yes?”   
“Just so you know… when that ‘one day’ comes… and if you still wanted all of those things you talked about… If you wanted to ask me…” She slipped her hand into his, ignoring the pounding heart hammering in her chest, and gave him a small shy smile. “I might not necessarily be against the idea either.”   
For a good ten seconds, Q stared at her like he was trying to compute what she had just said. Then, finally, a wave of absolute delight crossed his face and he pressed the back of the hand enclosed in his own to his lips, his eyes closing tightly. He was aware the Captain had still not allowed herself to really give in to him, to fall for him the way he had fallen for her, but this was progress, this was a commitment to something more than just ‘like’, that she could potentially see more with him… and that alone made Q ecstatic.  
“You may live to regret saying that sweet Captain.” He eventually added, opening his eyes again and giving her an beaming smile, an expression of adoration on his features.   
“I don’t doubt it.” Kathryn giggled and quickly led Q through the double doors back into the party before he could get too carried away. “Besides, being married to you wasn’t so bad, what actually scared me was the ominous faceless spectre that appeared at the end the dream. Talk about a bad representation of looming reality.”  
“What?” Q stopped dead in his tracks. “What did you say?”  
Noticing the immediate change in demeanour, Kathryn stopped too and frowned. “Nothing… it was just this… man, I think. Well, maybe not a man. A figure in black robes.”  
Q grabbed her forearms and stared at her anxiously, a grey and unusually serious complexion crossing his features.   
“Kathryn, this is important, tell me exactly what you saw.”  
The full use of her name, and the expression in Q’s eyes startled Kathryn and she shifted uncomfortably in his grasp.   
“Um.. I don’t know, it was strange actually. You came to meet me in Jade’s room... but you weren’t you. You were this black apparition without a face.. and yet I could see you staring right through me with this gaze like ice, like you… or whoever it was, knew everything about me.” She shuddered, replaying the memory in her mind.”I’m not sure what it... Q what’s wrong?”  
“Nothing. I’m sure its nothing.” He muttered, releasing her from his grip.  
“Clearly it is not nothing.” Kathryn folded her arms and waited expectantly for a reply.   
Q didn’t respond; his expression was tight and his eyes quickly darted around the room as if searching for something.   
“Q?” Kathryn called in an exasperated tone. “What is it?”  
“I can’t see…” He began his gaze roaming the crowd, craning his neck to see over the throngs of revellers.   
“What?”  
Q finally met her gaze and Kathryn saw a new expression on his face that she had not seen in the omnipotent being before, one of complete panic.  
“Where’s Jade?”


	74. Blood in the water

"I think you succeeded in your plan", Junior said with an arched eyebrow as he watched his father leave the party with the Captain over Jade’s shoulder.  
The teenager followed his gaze and broke into a grin.  
"I don't know what you are talking about." She sang back, rocking backwards and forwards on her heels with her hands behind her back, the expression on her face indicating she was rather pleased with herself.  
"Hah!" He laughed and offered her his hand so they could join the other couples on the ballroom floor. "Sure you don't. Father and Aunt Kathy?” He continued as Jade accepted his offer and joined him in the waltz, “it’s only the plan you’ve been concocting since you were what... twelve?” He then gave her a knowing look. “I should say bravo. He, at least, is quite smitten I think.”  
“Yes, I'm beginning to think she is too actually.” Jade said with a smile, “Not that she would ever admit it.”  
“Really?” Junior looked surprised. “I thought reluctant tolerance was a more appropriate description of the Captain’s feelings.”  
“There is that,” Jade said, tilting her head in reflection, “but she I think she is finally seeing beyond the outspoken bravado and showy tricks.”  
“Maybe she can teach the rest of us how to.” Junior quipped sardonically. He then cast her a warm appraising smile.  
‘You look so much older since we last saw each other.”  
“Maybe you shouldn’t leave it so long between visits..." Jade retorted, raising her eyebrows.  
“I know, it’s been a while.” He conceded, “How have you been?”  
“Fine." The teenager shrugged noncommittally, her attention purposely drifting off over his shoulder into the crowd.  
"What's been happening?" Junior prompted.  
"Nothing."  
The younger Q sighed. True to form, his surrogate little sister was never short on words unless she was being asked something she didn’t want to answer.  
"Nothing?” He smirked, “Nothing has been happening at all… Is that right….”  
"Yep."  
"I'd hardly call kidnap and torture nothing Jade."  
Jade’s gaze snapped up to meet his, and Junior found it suddenly cold.  
"I don't want to talk about that."  
“Fine, fine.” He sighed, “Are you at least enjoying your time on Voyager?”  
“Yes.”  
“Jade,” He growled irritably, “Are you planning on answering every one of my questions with a one-word answer?”  
“I don’t know,” she replied, giving him a steely glare, “Are you planning on reporting back everything I say to the Continuum like a good little Q-scout?’  
Junior’s gaze narrowed. He stared at her silently for a moment in frustration, before the frown eventually relented and he shook his head with a smirk.  
"Do you know, you sound more and more like father every time I see you."  
"And you sound more and more like the Madam Council Head.”  
“Jade, come on, give me a break...”  
“I know why you’re here.” She cut in accusingly.  
“Oh?” Junior replied, raising an eyebrow.  
“You’re here to split them up, aren’t you?” She nodded in the direction Q and Kathryn had exited.  
“Now why would you say that?” The younger Q asked.  
Jade cast him a suspicious glare.  
“You’ve got that look on your face?”  
“What look?” The younger Q asked with a chuckle.  
“That ‘reluctantly following orders’ look.”  
Junior sighed.  
“The Continuum says..”  
“Every time you ever start a sentence with the Continuum says, you and I fall out.” Jade jumped in irritably.  
“That’s because you’re stubborn and you don’t listen to me.” Junior snapped.  
“I’m stubborn?” She scoffed with a incredulous expression.  
“Yes. You. The pain in the backside sister I inherited who always thinks she is right and always has to get the last word.” Junior growled back. “No-one is making you call yourself my brother, J.” Jade pulled herself from his grasp and put her hands on her hips in annoyance.  
“Yeah well unfortunately siblings are for life, not just for Christmas,” Junior retorted. He then cast her a reluctant smirk “and apparently you have to care about them no matter how annoying they are.”  
“Oh.. which idiot told you that.”  
“You did.” He said pointedly. Jade pursed her lips in annoyance. She remembered giving him that lecture many years ago and did not take kindly to being reacquainted with it. “And besides,” Junior continued, forcing the deliberately stiff teenager to start dancing with him again, “ego and stubbornness is a mandatory trait in this family. We wouldn’t be related if you weren’t.” He added, giving her a wink.  
“Hmmm.” Was the reply from the difficult little human before him. He could see the fight not to smile on her face. Every since the day Q had told him that Jade needed to be important to him, that he was bestowing the title of ‘big brother’ on the younger Q, Junior had spent most of his time either bickering or engaged in brilliant adventures with the teen. As long as it had taken for him to accept the mortal as ‘sister’, he now knew his relationship was the very definition of being a sibling. No one could wind him up more than Jade but also no one made him laugh as hard either. These last years and his work with the Continuum Council, however, had been a source of contention between them. He hadn’t been around that much and with Q and Jade in hiding, it had been nearly a year and half of Jade’s time since he’d seen her last. He knew that, like his father, she didn’t trust the Council and saw his duty to them as a betrayal. Junior had to do what was right by his people, however, no matter what his loyalties were to Jade and Q. Although, sometimes that was difficult. He had been the one who had pulled them from the Master’s shielding at Iogia and deposited them back on Voyager after all, despite the fact that the Council had told him to steer clear and let the others handle it. The renegades had almost overwhelmed them. Junior wondered if his father actually realised how close he had come to losing Jade that day.  
“Look.” He said gently. “I’m not trying to split them up Jade. I want Father to be happy as much as you do. He just needs to be careful, that’s all.”  
“I’m watching his back.”  
“I know, but this is different, this is... politics.” He stopped dancing and put his hands on her shoulders, giving her a hesitant look, aware perhaps that he was saying too much. “There are wolves circling jade, and I’m worried that father is too distracted to notice them biting at his heels. There are those in the Continuum who would take you from him if they could.”  
“The Master’s spies..”  
“No, the Continuum Council. They are concerned about your safety.”  
Jade raised an eyebrow.  
“You mean the spark’s safety.” She retorted.  
Junior did not correct her as he knew she was technically right.  
“All I’m saying is that the Continuum is watching. I tried to explain this to father but he is too enamoured with his feelings for the Captain and the life he thinks he is building here to take me seriously. They will be looking for any reason to take you from him.” He put a hand on her cheek and gave her a earnest look. “Just don’t give them one okay?”  
Jade was a quiet for a moment as she stared at him. She had been thinking of her disappearing act that morning, how close she had come to leaving Voyager. It had been reckless to be so short sighted, if B hadn’t stopped her, she could have been found by the Master... or worse, the Continuum Council. Junior was right, she had to be more careful. Sighing, she pulled a face.  
“Alright.” She then said, her features softening, “I’ll make sure we will be.”  
To Junior’s surprise, she put her arms around his waist and gave him a hug.  
“Good.” He said with a smile, placing his arms around her. “You know I’m not the enemy Jade.”  
“I know. Sorry.” She looked up at him and then grinned cheekily. “And by the way... yes I am alright, no I wasn’t fine after Fernand’s capture but I am getting there with the Captain’s help, yes lots has been happening and I would love to tell you all about it when you have the time, and yes i really love being on Voyager. Satisfied?”  
The younger Q broke into a smirk.  
“Placated.” He said, ruffling her hair causing Jade to pull away and cast him an annoyed look.  
“So, if you are not here to break up Q and Kathryn, why are you here?" She asked, smoothing her hair back down.  
Junior let out a laugh.  
"To see you, you little terror.” He put his hands on her shoulders and gave her a withering look. “Now if you have finished dragging me over the coals, will you please stop being a brat and dance with me?"

 

They danced another couple of songs before Junior got distracted by a couple of Ensigns watching him near the band.  
“Looks like you have found your next dance partners.” Jade grinned as she she shooed him off in their direction.  
“I hope they give much less of a hard time than my last one.” He called back with a wave as he made his way through the crowds towards the girls.  
Finding herself alone and no immediate dance partner, she took a moment to watch the band play for a few moments, enjoying the raucous Jazz tones they were now belting out, before a voice called to her from the crowd behind.  
“There you are!”  
Jade turned around to see Tom coming towards her with a big grin on his face. “I feel like I haven’t seen you all night.” He exclaimed, putting his arm over her shoulders. “Happy birthday!”  
“Thanks,” Jade giggled. “I know, it’s been crazy.” She continued, her voice attempting to elevate over the loud music next to them.  
“Come over here,” Tom then called, nodding away from the band. “I can barely hear you.”  
He led her passed the dancers and towards the end of the large wooden bar, where the music was a little quieter.  
“I like the haircut by the way, it suits you.”  
“Thanks,” The teenager grinned, “You front up pretty well yourself. Nice suit.”  
“Thank you ma’am.” Tom chuckled. “I thought you would like it, I got it especially for the occasion.”  
He seemed to spot the alcove that Kathryn and Q had hidden in from the crew in earlier and gestured that they should make their way inside. Jade took his outstretched arm and allowed the Lieutenant to guide her in.  
“That’s better.” He finally chuckled once they had entered, and rubbed his ear, pulling a face. “I dunno, they seemed like a good idea at the time.”  
“Oh they’re brilliant Tom,” Jade gushed, “I’ve danced all night.”  
“Not with me you haven’t.” Tom folded his arms teasingly.  
“True.” She grinned. “I had planned on continuing my dancing offensive on Tuvok but perhaps I can grant you the next one. You did plan all this for me after all.”  
“It was my pleasure.”  
“No really Tom,” She gave him a shy smile and then diverted her gaze to the floor, her fingers intertwined behind her back in a clear expression of awkwardness. “You’ve made me feel so welcome here from day one. I know I was a pain at first. At the risk of sounded too...gushy, I just wanted to say I, like, appreciate everything you've done for me.”  
Tom was quiet for a moment as he appraised her, and then he broke into a smile.  
“Of course.” He placed a hand on her cheek, causing Jade to immediately look up in surprise. “You are important to me Jade.”  
“Umm.. yeah, you too Tom.” She mumbled, her cheeks turning a little pink.  
“It’s your special day after all.” Tom continued, “I want you to feel very very special..”  
He suddenly leaned in and pressed his mouth to hers. Jade’s eyes widened and her breath caught in her thought with the shock. She was frozen for a short moment while her brain registered what had just transpired, before she was able to force her hands against his chest and shove him backwards.  
“What are you doing...” She uttered, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.  
Tom broke into a grin and put his hands in his pockets with a casual air, appearing un-phased by her reaction.  
“You wanted to thank me, didn’t you?” He said with a nonchalant shrug.  
Jade could barely get her words out. Her mind had gone blank. In an instant, she felt like every drop of blood had drained from her body. That was not what she had meant. How could he…?  
“Wh.. wha.. n.. no…” She finally managed. “Not like this.... no, stop!” She cried as he leaned for a second attempt. Her face felt burning hot and she could feel her eyes beginning to well.  
“Come now Jade...” Tom tried again to come towards her, a bemused smile on his face like it was all a joke.  
“Seriously Tom, stop it. What the hell is wrong with you? You’re supposed to be my friend.”  
“I thought we could be… what do they call it? Friends with benefits?”  
Jade’s mouth opened aghast but no words came out as the reality of his words finally sunk in. This wasn’t a joke. This wasn’t a misunderstanding. He was serious? How could he be serious?  
“Are you crazy? You’re going to be a dead friend if Q or Kathryn see you.” She replied angrily. “And what about B’Elanna?”  
Tom shrugged, a quizzical look on his face.  
“What about her?”  
Jade raised an eyebrow incredulously.  
“She’s your wife?”  
“Don’t worry about that.” Paris rolled his eyes like she was worrying about something silly. He then took another step towards her. Jade immediately moved backwards out of his reach, horrified to find her back against the wall.  
“Come on,” he continued, “You’ve thought about it haven’t you? Admit it.”  
Jade stared at him in disbelief.  
“I can’t believe you.” She cried angrily. “You’re like a brother to me. How could you possibly think that?”  
Tom tutted at her like a father putting up with the histrionics of a petulant child. Now, with nowhere to run, he pressed her back against the stone wall and placed a hand on the side of her rib cage, his thumb running across the under-curve of her chest.  
“Honestly Jade, you come down the stairs in that little number…” His gaze moved downwards suggestively. “How could I not?”  
The teenager shuddered at the contact and tried to duck under his arm but the Lieutenant pushed her firmly back against the wall, barring her escape.  
“Because I’m your friend and I trusted you. The Captain trusts you. I thought...” Jade’s face crumpled into an expression of hurt as tears began to slide down her cheeks. “I thought I knew you Tom, but I don’t know you at all. I can’t believe you thought I would want this…,” she shook her head in disgust. Her mind was desperately trying to digest, to rationalise what was happening, but instead it was spiralling into blind panic. She closed her eyes and she felt Tom’s breath against her cheek. This can’t be happening again. This can’t be… ”What were you thinking?” She whispered.  
“You’re the mind reader, you tell me?” Tom purred in her ear almost mockingly.  
Jade’s eyes shot open and, focusing on the centre knot of his bowtie which was locked in her immediate frame of sight, she pushed her mind outwards towards his. Despite her promise to the Captain not to use telepathy on the crew, she was desperate to find some reason, an acceptable explanation for what was happening. A expression of confusion then crossed her face however and she lifted her gaze to find Tom’s inches from her own. There was nothing. Absolutely nothing. She couldn’t sense anything at all. The darkness was disorientating and Jade felt her own head begin to swim.  
“No, I suppose you can’t, can you?” Tom continued with a grin, stretching an arm up over her head and leaning against it. “Read my mind that is… It’s probably a good thing to be honest, if a little kiss caused all this commotion, then you’d hate what’s going on in my head right now. As I said, that dress is awfully becoming Jade.” The fingers on his free hand danced across her throat.  
Jade’s bottom lip began to tremble.  
“I don’t.. I don’t understand.”  
“Don’t you? Such a pity.” Tom pouted teasingly. “I always thought you were smarter than that… and more polite too as it happens. Didn’t your dead daddy ever teach you that it is awfully bad manners to turn your nose up at a birthday present. Especially after all the lengths I went to pick this… suit out for you too.” He cast his gaze down at himself and flicked some dust from the lapel of his jacket. “As soon as I saw it, I thought tall, handsome, boyish charm, what a treat for the birthday girl. And oh, how he talked about you; the little sister he never had. But we know what men really want, don’t we?” He pressed himself against her causing Jade to close her eyes in disgust. “What lurks deep down in their hearts’ desires. That’s what I thought at least. Perhaps that’s my error though. I should have known this pale lanky looking thing wouldn’t really be your type, not after you’ve had a taste of the real thing.”  
Jade opened her eyes and stared at him for a moment with a questioning frown… before, finally, realisation...  
Oh my god…  
Her eyes widened and her mouth fell open in a expression of horror.  
Tom had been watching her intently and suddenly broke into a grin as he saw that she understood.  
“There it is...” he purred, “That’s my girl.”  
“No...” She whimpered, trying to back away against the wall as her legs began to give way.  
It wasn’t possible. It couldn’t be possible…  
“F..Fernand?”  
The imposter grinned in a way that, no matter what face he wore, was immediately recognisable.  
“Happy birthday baby bird. Give me a kiss.”


End file.
